The Hermit Club
Comments
-
congrats, Jazzy!
0 -
Jazzy I'm glad u'r home and settled and take u'r own advice and Pace u'rself--u srill are healing.
0 -
Jazzy, yay for you finishing your rads and being home and sleeping in your own bed!
Curevball, If you were to decide to fill out the FMLA p/w your privacy is protected by law. HIPAA confidentiality laws. You can reinforce it be telling HR or supervisor you want your confidentiality respected and for it to remain untold.
http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/administrative/privacyrule/index.htmlBurr it is cold here this weekend. I had to get my BIG coat out yesterday! This is NOT typical Florida March weather!
Hi everybody! Hope your are having a good Sunday!
0 -
checking in HAPPY SUNDAY!!
0 -
Nice Sunday here - planning on heading out to my sister's house this afternoon to visit with her family and my mother who lives there too.
I'm glad to hear you're done with the rads. I was really happy that they didn't recommend them for me although the rad doctor they sent me to for a consultation was pretty cute. Heheh
0 -
Thank you everybody! Having a good day today. I hope you are too!
0 -
I think I have figured out why I feel so secretive. It's because I'm an introvert. Giving out information always seems to result in questions and having to explain things to people etc etc. The common factor is, it increases the amount of interaction with other people. Interaction with others is depleting for introverts--it runs down our batteries, so to speak. I want to conserve my energy for dealing with treatments and recovering from them. I think this urge not to tell anyone my new address is my sub-conscious trying to conserve my energy for that purpose.
I suspect that once I get through active treatment (if I ever do
), I will be more willing to tell people where I went. Or maybe not. I am still an introvert after all!0 -
Yay Jazzy!!
0 -
Hi ladies:
Curveball- I think you are honoring your needs as an introvert, and as a cancer patient. I am an extrovert, but very private when it comes to certain things (especially health issues). I get totally depleted by managing other people's feelings about my situation, dealing with too many questions (that I often don't have the answers for), hearing unsolicited advice, and the worst of all, hearing about other people who are dying from cancer. Often people are well meaning, but there are some out there that are not thinking through what they are saying and whether it might be helpful to you.
It has taken me a good six months to figure out who can be present with what is going on my way. I have taken some of my conversations "up a level" with a few folks to just let them know I am getting through what I need to do, and taking good care of myself. I just made an adjustment to what I am willing to share very recently after something that happened that made me realize, I am beholden to no one.
We are all here on this thread as Hermits who need some level of keeping to ourselves to be able to get through what we need to do to get well, and with the support of other women doing the same. You keep honoring your needs and like Bobo says, you are just not willing to be an open book!
Wishing you all a good day!0 -
@Jazzygirl, Yes, it is people's questions, and +1 to your insight that it's worse when we ourselves don't know the answers. It took me so long to really absorb the fact that sometimes when our doctors don't give us a specific answer it's because they just don't know. There is so much about cancer that NOBODY knows. And having to explain the same thing or that one doesn't know yet, over and over to different bunches of people, and then come back and explain it again when you have made a decision--it's just exhausting. I think I had (again subconsciously) come to the same conclusion as you, because I decided earlier today not to tell any of my local friends or acquaintances about the mets until after I get the PET scan results and talk to my onc about treatment options. And if all that takes as long as I think it will, I'll probably wait until after Easter to say anything. That's what I did last year when I got dx. That was about the 3rd week in March but I didn't tell anyone at church until the middle of April (Easter was the 8th last year).
0 -
Hi all, know I sort of dropped off for a few days. Had to move my oldest, who had been living at home while on a work placement, to a town in the north. 1000 mile round trip. Kind of exhausted ... don't find driving for 8 hours at a time so easy anymore. House quiet this morning ... all my babies are away at university.
Jazzy, glad you are done ... remember to take it easy ... rads continue to work on your body for a couple of weeks post treatment.
Curvy ... yep ... come from a large family and I still get so tired of all the questions, except from a few people who are more than casually interested. No real answers at this point. Done, but not done. Still dealing will SEs and as for the other treatment .. well its has/is working or not ... but how do be know ... when we die of something else? People don't really get it. They think we are dying of cancer or we are cured ... don't understand all the grey in between. I hope you have a least one person who gets it and can support you.
Cami ... hope new week finds you well.
0 -
Good morning ladies:
Made it through my recovery weekend. Still going to deal with some fatigue this week, comes with the rads, but at least now I know what to expect. I probably will be to bed at 7 p.m. a lot this week!
Bobo- I hear you on the big drives. Even before bc, that kind of drive is not something I can do easily anymore either. I hope you can get some rest. Despite all this stuff we go through, we still have the responsibilities of family, work, home and life. It ain't easy!
And I agree about the you are cured or you are dying perceptions. I keep hearing the comment "soon you can put this all behind you." I don't see it as that simple. I am done with radiation therapy, but next move to getting on the AI treatment for the longer term. And of course, all the ongoing check ups we go through these next few years. I just see it as going through the next phase of this, but perhaps getting a bit more normalcy back in my life now. We all live in that grey zone.
Wishing you a good week everyone. Back to my client site today but will be pacing myself to get plenty of rest along the way. Just need to show up for awhile today since I have been remote for the past 9 days.
Wishing everyone a positive week. Daylight savings coming on sunday!
0 -
Curveball I think we are all on the same thouht on this...I'l talk like crazy but not about cancer unless it's my very close people around me--but like was said who the hell know that much about what we go thru, unless u;ve been thru it and srill we all go thru it differently--different chemo, meds-rads so we just pray our Drs. know what they're doing cuz we really have no control once eerything is in place and planned. See what gets me when other people have given me so much GOOD advice on what to do--they know as much as I do about this but someone's sister best friend's cousins stepsister had all this done and they died right away. Don't want to hear all that. but they seem to think they are on a research team. So that's why we all tend to keep alot to ourselves. Here I don't cuz we get it, but outside of this computer I'm fine and thst's it. After all which i have heard it's been a few years now soI should be fine. OK, then I'm just dramatic. that's all. LOL
And Jazzy u know this stays in u'r body so just let u'r body guide u in how much u do.
0 -
Hi hermits:
Made it through my busy work day today but am tired tonight and going to go to bed shortly.
Something interesting I thought I would share on the subject of other people's comments. I picked up a publication at the radiation treatment center last week and it had an article called "Four Things People Will Never Tell You About a Cancer Diagnosis." Number 1 was- you will be bombarded with other people's cancer stories. The woman in the story said how her hairdresser made a comment to her that "I knew someone just like you who was feeling good too, and then she died." The woman said she was speechless. I often find myself in the same sitution when I hear people talk about others cancer stories, especially those who have died from it or are not long for this world. This article said you have to be straightforward with people and let them know "this is not helpful to me. If you have any success stories to share, I would love to here them."
Will share some more on the other topics if you are interested. Hope everyone made it through madness monday.
0 -
Jazzy I knew u'd be tired so rest up---but I want to hear the other things too cuz the first one was so true. The first woman who gave me advice told me not to listen to the drx and just do what I thought I shoul or want to do. (she had cancer) like she did. well she died so it lwft me very confused, she was about my age too. but I want to hear all of them.
0 -
Me too
Congratulations Jazzy!
Hi and hugs everyone!0 -
Hi markat I know u've really been busy--I hope all is going well.
0 -
Good morning ladies! Another day begins.
#2-You may be the one comforting friends and family. The woman in section said "alot of the time, I was the one doing the reassurring. I wanted people to understand the gravity of the situation, but to also see the bright side."
The article then says most people who have not been on either side of cancer simply do not know how to help. This calls for a clear communication of needs. Call me if you need something from others does just not cut it. It does not add up to bringing over a meal, running an errand for you, etc.
I like what this section had to say. We don't need to spend our time making other people understand this. We just need to say "hey, can you give me a ride, come visit, get me out for lunch?" I have friends that are great with just offering things up that do help. Sometimes I am not sure what I want or need help with too, and let folks know that sort of opens up another conversation of ideas of how they can help. I find asking for help difficult, always have, but bc is teaching me I need to be okay with asking as many really do want to find a way to help you.
Heading in to the client site for awhile, and leaving to come home early today. Taking care of Jazzy.
0 -
Thanks Jazzy--that is interesting and agreeable too. Funny how we find things after the fact--it kind of attracts us.
0 -
del
0 -
Hi Camille! Even before cancer I wasn't exactly the best at organizing and time management. Now I'm 10x more scattered. As soon as I think my chemo brain is gone forever, something stupid happens. I could not remember my debit card pin the other day. Grrr. So I'm around, just walking in circles forgetting what I'm doing
Jazzy, that is the truth about comforting. That's reason number #10 for me being a hermit.
I guess the new rumor going around our friends is that I quit drinking and that's why I never go out anymore. Lol! I haven't technically quit anything (I don't drink because I'm too tired and get a hangover from the smell of it now) . But not drinking wouldn't keep me from socializing if I wanted to. I just think they're all kind of jerky lol! So now I'm cured from cancer and on the wagon. Where have these people been for the last year and a half?0 -
Welcome CC! I love your signature line about the trade offs. I hope you feel comfortable here with us. Nice group of women and we all try to be present with one another, good days and not so good days.
I like your comment about tapping into the people who have either gone through cancer or helped someone through it. I guess it is like everything else in life, the people who really get it have been there before.
How to open the social gates, good question! I do think people are fearful of the whole thing. I am a planner/organizer so everyone always expects me to initiate things no matter what. Today someone mentioned in passing about a get together after work next wed for birthday stuff (his and mine). I said "can I come?" and his response was "I hoped you might like to." This friend does not know I have bc, but does know I have had some health issues so he treads lightly. Sometimes good to just say "hey, I am going for coffee at such and such time, this place" and then see who shows up.
Good to have you here with us!
Cami- thanks for your continued insightful comments.
Bobo, Markat, Skittle, Curveball, Teka, Fl Warrior, Jinkala, Shambles and everyone else, hope you are doing well.
0 -
Jazzy, you are so sweet. I wish I could go for coffee with you! CC will you come too?
0 -
When I was going through chemo, a few people at work remarked about what a good attitude I had. My usual response was that they are only seeing me during my good days and not the bad ones. Heheh
I don't feel like I am comforting people but I do try to only give as much info as they seem able to handle. When I'm visiting with family, I only talk about the health stuff if they ask me about it. I try to balance the seriousness of what I'm dealing with with the fact that I have a good prognosis and doing well. While there are a lot of bumps and hassles to deal with, staying focused on the big picture and long term seems to help me keep a calm attitude - which in turn seems to keep those around me from worrying too much.
0 -
This is funny in a way because this is true so often. We are cheering people up more than we know---I even remember the first time my Dr. called me about my mammo--I had to tell hime not to whorry-he was a wreck And when my surgeon told me to bring my family--I brought no one telling hime he didn't want a bunch of cryers hanging around and with all my Drs/ and nurses I was called the Joan Rivers of cancer, my friend wanted to come for the laughs and I just kept it up for some reason. The biggest reason was me actually I just didn't want to think about all of this or know about it so I joked about it and it really didn't stress me out or make me cry or feel sorry for myself- When my sister got it I was hurting the whole time but she took my attitude more and we would compare stories and laugh about it, we still do. This is all I know because of my personality so i just continued with it. Most people think my cancer is in the past and I'm fine just lazy and I don't care, cuz I' am lazy too. So I am crazy but I'm really not funny.
0 -
Jazzy... glad to hear your shared insights. So true.
Feeling beyond hermity lately.
DH has colonoscopy tomorrow, so tonight will not be fun.
Hugs to all.
0 -
Haha...ya'll will laugh at me. I was cancer dumb 2 years ago.... It was me saying the "dumb" things! When I was first dx my mom immediately decided she was coming to stay with me. (She lives in a different state.) She wanted to help me and be there for me. Bless her heart, she spent 5 years taking care of my dear, dear Grannie before she passed. Then my dad's health deteriorated and mom was his care taker for another 5 years before he passed. I felt bad for her she had been through so much care taking and it was happening to her again, but this time she was coming to my house to take care of me! One of the "dumb cancer things" I said to her in the very beginning was that I wouldn't die on her and that I would be strong and fight-it and beat-it. When she first arrived I also told her, not knowing what she knew about cancer, was that cancer isn't contagious. I can think about these things now and laugh about them... back then I was cancer dumb. Laughs on me...
0 -
del
0 -
Getting in my car right now! I want to be the black checkers, I am never the red.
XXX0 -
FL I'm loling at u---cuz if u remember or people remind u of when all this started it is funny cuz most don't know a thing and say the goffiest things that we can all laugh about now or someone will remind us how silly it was.
0
