Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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Honestly? LiwoG, I think you medical professionals were assholes!!! I can not believe what was said to you!!!
Honey, there is so much hope with Stage IV, that kind of talk is so 1970s!
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Liwo, I notice you also have ILC and had stents put in. I was diagnosed in November with mets to the ovaries, tubes, peritoneum, etc. I had a tumor in the posterior cul de sac that was closing off both ureters. I am really curious to hear your story. I haven't met anyone else with mets to the pelvis.
And, by the way, I too am sorry that you have such idiots on your medical team. I don't know how I would react if something like that was said to me!
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The best was from the surgery scheduler, Lois, when trying to explain how difficult it was for her to schedule my mastectomy in a timely manner...I wanted to know why there was so much of a delay----
Lois said, "You are NOT the only person in the world with cancer, you know!"
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Jillian -
Wow. No words.
LL
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"What do you expect to gain from having this tumor removed? You do know your prognosis, don't you?" - Surgeon's medical intern.
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Liz,
The first 2 times she said it I had no words, either. The 3rd time must have been the charm because I found many, many words. Can't repeat them here...
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Jillian, Of course you can repeat those words here! I hope some of them were, "And you're NOT the only incompetent soon-to-be unemployed scheduler in the world, you know!"
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I don't know if this one is on here but here goes: My dad said to me after my double mastectomy (had 36 DD), Man, I bet you've lost 20 pounds getting those off...hahahahaha
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RangerMom, that is so hurtful. I wouldn't know how to respond. But I hope you had a good comeback.
I just remembered something my husband told me. The wife of a friend of his had breast cancer, and he told a man at his church about it. His response to the news was: "Oh, in which one?"
WTF?! Did this guy need to imagine the affected body part and want to be sure he didn't picture the left breast if it were in fact the right breast. Or maybe he wanted to keep an eye on them so he could see if he could tell if she had a mastectomy or reconstruction. So creepy.
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who knows what lurks in the minds of men. No I didn't have a comeback, I was too doped up still on drugs. I just looked at him and didn't laugh. I don't think anyone laughed in the room but him. Definitely no funny
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Oh Blossoms, I so get you.
I have had a number of alien invasions surgically removed, and I'm sure in the scheme of things for the medicos it makes no difference, by golly it does to me. If I can get ANY of that rubbish out of me I will do so. Do they really only measure "success" as complete cure?
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LiwoG - I'm shocked that you were spoken to in such an insensitive and cruel way by so-called professionals. Wow! Keep on keeping on. Wishing you many good years. So much is possible in spite of those cold-hearted words. I am 4.5 years at Stage IV and still doing well.
Caryn, How generous of you to respond to such arrogance and stupidity directly and without anger. Good bye and good riddance!
I agree that a healthy diet and one that includes what these days are called super foods while not a cure can strenghten the immune system to do what it naturally does to keep us healthy. Maybe for those of us with a knife to our throats, it is one thing we do have some control over.
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These are great. I am the daughter of a Stage IV breast cancer mother who was just diagnosed two weeks ago. She had it 13 years ago, and it's back. In just two weeks since receiving the shock of our lives, I've had:
'You know, she's almost 70 anyway". Said twice, separately, by both husband and MIL. Oh, right, I guess I love her less now than I did when she was a younger woman. Silly me. Since she's almost 70, I guess her cancer and my heartbreak are so much less acceptable. GRRRR!
"Snap out of it." Said by my "friend" regarding my depression since hearing the news two weeks ago. I wouldn't mind so much except the friend is 27 and has had such a charmed life that she's about five years old in terms of life experience. She's never had to work, never had an illness or a family member be ill, never paid a bill, always supported by Daddy and now hubby. I wonder how she will feel when something disastrous finally happens to her and someone tells her to snap out of it.
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Homebody, that's terrible to hear the comment about your mom. It's sad to think that people have such little regard for the life of a senior citizen that a life threatening illness doesn't seem to be too important. Very sad.
And that friend is maybe trying to jump start you back into your old self, when in reality, you'll be changed by what your mom is going through and have a different perpective.
I'm very sorry to learn about your mom's diagnosis. Will keep you in my prayers. Hope you find support and understanding on these boards.
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I am so grateful for your nice comments, MrsM. That's made a difference to me tonight. Thank you so much xxx P.S. I pray for you too.
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LizLemon (LOVE the screen name! LOL), I honestly DO believe MY cancer stems from emotional trauma. There really is a great deal of work written about how our emotions affect our organs and bodies. I could write on this for a long, long time but I don't have the energy. Just suffice it to say, some of us really DO get cancer from unforgiveness, anger, fighting for needs to be met. In fact there is a whole school of medical thought in Europe called Hamer's German New Medicine. It is all about the emotional cause for each cancer. L breast = Mommy issues, while R breast = Daddy issues. I immediatley discarded this because I had distinct Daddy issues and my cancer was first in my L breast. Well, came to find out my mother starved me in utero, so before my little body was even fullly formed, I was learning that I was not going to be nourished, nurtured, or given what I need in a loving manner. No, I would have to take it ... so I was born with my fist in the air. Definite Mommy issues afterall. So, just my opinion ... she really wasn't all that wacked out afterall, even if she did not win the award for sensitivity!
xxo
Melissa
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Jejik said, "Yeah, except in my case, the bus is gonna drag me around for 5 years before I die!" OMG I am rolling off the bed! This is my very biggest stupid shit thing someone could say ... any of us could die any day. I usually tell them it's a damn sight different to be staring down the barrel of a loaded gun every minute of every day, and having a random thought that a bus could jump the curb and kill them ... and then forget about that thought for the rest of their lives. Damn sight different. But, if you don't mind, I might just use yours instead! It's AWESOME!!!!
xxoo
Melissa
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I called the Social Security office to get estimates for disability versus survivor benefits, complicated by the fact that I have money in two different states' retirement systems, and there is a windfall exclusion provision affecting any potential benefits my survivors and/or I might get.
So I am trying to explain the situation to the woman on the phone, and she cuts me off and says to me, "Well, if it were me, I would want to be home with my family."
I was too stunned to answer for a second. Then I said, "My kids are in school all day, so I am not sure how me sitting at home would help. I am trying to figure out what is the most financially advantageous thing I can do for my family before I die. Can you help me with that?" grrr0 -
MaryGLA - that woman had a lot of nerve. Sheesh.
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From the ER physician after I was admitted with chest pain: "you have tumors in your lungs, go home; you should expect the pain"
As it turns out I had esophagitis.
The ER nurse was so stunned she apologized for him. He was fired eventually.0 -
"What will happen to your parrot after you die?" (Said by a friend on a beautiful morning during a walk on the beach when I was enjoying myself watching the waves and blue sky).
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A family member said to me, "Nobody knows how much time we'll have. Just the other day I was walking through a parking lot and a car backed out in front of me and almost hit me!"
As if almost getting hit by a car in a parking lot is the same as dealing with a terminal illness every single day.
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When is your last infusion?
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"How many chemos do you have?"
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"We'll, you just have like a chronic little problem."
Yesterday...My pulmonologist, in reference to my Stage IV dx (lungs and bones). I wanted to scream at him, "Yeah, if chronic means eventually dead, I guess you could call that a little problem."
A chronic condition is asthma, diabetes, restless leg syndrome, arthritis, etc. It really rankles me when doctors call this chronic as if to minimize/sugar coat the end result. He also said my 3.8 lung tumor 'wasn't that big'. Really? Well, it's not the size of a grapefruit, I'll give you that, but 3.8 cm isn't tiny.0 -
My sister told me, " I found a cyst in my breast. I caught your cancer!" She is find, she didn't "catch" it. Lol
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The FIRST thing my dad said to me when I was diagnosed, "I had a cousin who had that. They told her if she made it five years she'd be fine. Just before her five years were up, she got it again and died. It was so awful and sad."
Thank you DAD, I have no idea how he thought that would be remotely helpful.
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Limping into a local department store, (mets in my back and hip FYI... ) choose to use handicapped auto "door open button"... a "sensitive, caring" man shouts with a booming voice " you are so lazy!" Ahhhhhhh, really?
Family member states " I just saw some photos of you, cancer looks good on you " (how about YOU "try it on" )
Friend who has not seen me for six months, first words "oh don't worry you will gain all that weight back, it's just the medicine"
Physical therapist, first day...new patient...I limp in with my cane and now 5 month post chemo hair( gray, curly, short...you all can relate to this). I introduce myself to my new therapist and she sighs with relief, " oh I am so glad it's "you" all I could see was your gray hair and cane when you entered, I thought, oh know another old lady" ( I assume my 44 year old face pleased her lol) stupid people....0 -
In regards to above post "Brandall" I think our fathers may be related! It is amazing what our family members come up with, you do realize each of us has our own journey, there is no expiration date...we just keep fighting and pushing on ....fathers, yikes!
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I haven't had any whoppers of my own, but a friend in my cancer survivor exercise class had a couple of good ones.
She had organized the fund-raising for Komen's 3-day walk and her department came in first in the company. Then a month later, she was dx with bc. When she came back to work after her mx, a co-worker said to her, "Oh, did you work so hard raising money because you knew you had breast cancer?" Then her boss seemed puzzled staring at her chest - she'd gone from an A cup to a B cup - and said, "Gee, I thought you'd be bigger."
Janet
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