Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients
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In an email from my ex-husband's partner, with respect to our children... I'll paraphrase, but essentially she wrote: you told us the average is 2 years after diagnosis and it's been a year already, so how much longer? We need to plan for our future, you know.
And this is the "kind soul" who expects to raise my children after I'm gone.
I don't know whether to curl into a ball and cry, or fly up there and remove her throat with my bare hands...0 -
My vote is for ripping her throat out. She sounds like a real charmer. I am so sorry that she said something so awful to you. What is wrong with people?
I think at the very least, I'd have to write her back saying something like, "I'm sorry I'm not dying fast enough for you." UGH. With any luck, she and your ex-husband will break up!
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Dear Kebab, I logged on tonight, specifically to virtually hug you. Hope you get 10-20+ years so that not only you get to spend all the time with your kids, but also that "?&%+^??" lady has never has to make further plans. Sorry for your ex, btw, he's the one to deal with her full-time
.Hugs, Ebru
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Caryn - yes, mine is a tracer, plus I get the IV. Double whammy - I have to drink two pts. of berry smoothie mixture - it is quite thick and way too filling.
Sherry
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Oh, Latte, thanks so much. The big D hit me on the way home from the CT scan. You can bet that I will only drink 1/2 pts. if possible next time. They watch everyone in the waiting room like hawks. i am going to sit by the garbage can with my back to them next time. OMG, I am reduced to childish deceptions, just to avoid any additional suffering . lol
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kebab - I would have to go for the throat. Definitely the throat - so sorry you had to endure that.
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my daughter got on my case about being a downer for her because i am stage iv. apparently i was supposed to be positive JUST FOR HER. (she was 21 at the time, and i am NOT a positive person at the best of times)
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Kebab, that seriously is about the worst thing I have ever heard!! "It's been a year . . . we have to make plans." Kind soul, my foot!! She will be getting that in her life review! And email lives forever--it could and should haunt her.
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Thanks for the virtual hugs Ebru! I can sure use them today!
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kebab,
gobbsmacked! And yes, she will get a virtual smack sometime...
*susan*
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Rengeko - I just logged in to post a similar note! A couple of months ago, my adult daughter asked me not to mention my stage, but to just be positive and think about living and overcoming my disease. I know that she does not want to accept that I cannot "overcome" it. I can try my best to deal with it and prolong my life as long as I can. She has done a 360 degree turn as of today - I was really surprised. She is a CNA - I believe she must have spoken with an RN or doctor she works with - they must have advised her of the reality of my disease. She texted me from work today and told me she left a book for me on my neighbors porch (we are housesitting for neighbor). The book is entitled, "Dying Well, Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life". I must say that I was caught off-guard. A part of me is glad to see that she is accepting my situation, but to see those words in print, "Dying Well", it all really hit me hard.
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kebab, I have been thinking about your post all afternoon. My onc advised me, almost a year ago, that I most likely had about two years left. He also advised me that he "doesn't like to hang his hat on numbers", but that, based on my aggressive, chemo-resistant disease, two years is a reasonable estimate. I have advised my son of the seriousness of my disease, but could not bear to give him the 2 year estimate. I did, however, tell my dil, as we coordinate the care of my three grandchildren on a continuous basis. I live one block from her and care for the children M-F from 3 to 8, and sometimes on Sats. I absolutely love seeing them every day. We are on a great routine, so it is not a job to care for them - it is an important part of my life. I am also a very important part of their lives, and to be realistic, my dil needs me as reliable childcare is scarce and expensive in our area.
Almost a year has passed since my Onc. gave me the estimate - my dil and I never talk about it. I am sure she wonders about my remaining time and that she has a back-up plan, but I am glad we do not talk about it. Two years sounded like a short time, but I am so surprised at how quickly the first year has gone by, and how much my disease has progressed....
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Kebab, sending you hugs after that awful email, but I do like lizlemons suggested reply!
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How completely self-absorbed one must be to make such an unkind remark. So sorry you were the recipient of her insensitive and harsh words.
Cry and rant as much as you need to to purge yourself of her poison, and then remember that she must be a very unhappy person. And don't open any more of her emails!
sending you hugs and every best wish.
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Kebab,
Ugh, what a horrid thing to say! Though not a violent person, I vote for ripping her throat out. Maybe we all need to start making voodoo dolls...
Caryn0 -
Kebab, I had a vision when I read your post of you digging an old broom out of the closet, sitting astride, you cackle as you enter her bedroom, and let her have it. She trembled in fear of your strength and fury. Oh, I like! Fly up there, and let her have it!
In reality, I think I would reply to her email that her need to plan is not my concern and right now MY children are secure and happy in the loving presence of THEIR mother. And if she has issues with this perhaps she should get some intense counseling before becoming a step mother as narcissism does not make for a good family environment!0 -
Kebab, that has to be one of the worst comments I've seen on this thread. Wow. Just wow. For some people, everything is just about THEM.
My reply to this evil woman would be "I don't know when I'm going to die and neither do you."
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Or on the other hand, why not send a calendar with numerous dates on it? I'd put something like, "How's this date, May 9? Or if that interfers with your plans, is July 23rd okay? But that might interfere with vacations. I'd like to stick around for Thanksgiving, but hate to up and leave at Christmastime and upset everyone else's holidays. Gee, maybe you want to pick the date."
Oh the absolute utter nerve of some people
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Aw, you are all so great. Your comments made me smile and even laugh today (DivineMrsM -- your suggestion is brilliant!). Thanks so much for helping me pick myself up after that knock down.
I love you ladies!
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Kebab, You know the proverbial "You never know....I could get hit by a bus" comment we all hate?
May this situation be visited upon your ex's new wife!
Unbelievable!0 -
Are you referring to Janis' deadly, homicidal bus? Oh yes, second wife should be in proximity.
Kebab, I will personally give you a bright, shiny quarter if you send Mrs. 2 a marked up calendar. Pretty please with sugar on top.
Jennifer
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personally I would send an e-mail to exhusband saying "can you ask your new wife to kindly refrain from sending me any e-mails in the future. I will only speak to you from now regarding our children....
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Love, Love Love DivineMrsM's suggestion!
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Kebab I could not believe the insensitivity of that comment. Sending you big virtual hugs. How sick a person must she be to actually think like that. Agree with all the previous ladies. Keep smiling and ignore the ignoramus!!
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In all seriousness, I like BlondieX's suggestion. (Though the little devil in me LOVES The Divine Ms. M's suggestion.). Perhaps something like Blondie suggested could help you take control of this situation, and at the same time, cut out this evil person from the equation. You should not have to subject yourself to that.
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I still vote for voodoo dolls!
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So I am getting my blood pressure checked before monthly zometa. It is a bit high. The nurse says "what are you worried about?". And I say metastastic cancer. Lol. She felt bad. I was making a joke ! NOT. Lol
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My anesthesia tech was starting my IV in pre-op on Thursday before my hysterectomy. Through all the med questions told him I had Stage IV breast cancer. He immediately goes into this:
"Oh - you will BEAT it. I can tell, you're tough."
I wanted to punch him in the face. A) No, beating it is not an option and
What if I'm not tough...it's my fault then when I die?
Then nurse in my room post op, mistakenly identifies my Singulair (for asthma and allergies) saying, "This must be your chemo." Uh, no. No it is not, and the bottle actually says it's for asthma. So, not only does she not have a clue on chemo, but has zero clue on one of the most commonly prescribed drugs for asthma/allergies, and cannot even apparently READ, because it said what it was for right on the frickin' label.
Then she goes, "So...what the plan? How long will you have to be on chemo." Me - for the rest of my life, however long that life turns out to be.
I just cannot believe that people in the medical field are so completely IGNORANT on this.0 -
A true story which happened last week: Cancer Sucks
Cancer is sucking my eyes out of my sockets out of my skull, replacing my 20/20 corrective vision with good for nothing mutated lobular breast cancer cells lined up like mercenery soldiers employed by the other side. "Would you like a lid lift? he asked. Never having heard of a lid lift, in all honesty, a long second passed. This young man just examined my eyes, the third time in as many weeks, and asked me for my medical history as he typed it into the electronic medical record. He heard me say I was here to see the opthalmologist for a consult for an eye biopsy for the cancer in my eyes (mets to the orbit, lids, muscles, optic nerve - both eyes). In this long second, I centered myself in this boutique doctor's office in the middle of tony Edmond, OK, briefly wondering if I was in the right place. Wondering what it would be like to hold up as my main concern today becoming an exquisite corpse. Would I have prepurchased a cremation if I was going to get a lid lift. His question still hung in the air and I finally said, "we'll see how things go."
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diana - good response. I know that people just do not think or that "we" make them uncomfortable in our situations, but geez - they really can come up with some good ones. My NP is great, but she often does not think when she speaks. When my last chemo did not work, she told me not to give up as there are plenty of others to try. I know she meant well and that it was a busy clinic day, but, my onc had just told me Xeloda is my last resort as I am triple negative with chemo resistant disease. He had even given me the choice of not doing Xeloda as he does not hold much hope for it working. My onc and I have a great relationship - he knows I want it straight - no matter how bad the news is. I did not say anything, and just thanked her for her time.
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