Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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Alice, I'm sure there are worse things, but not very many. Good luck. Hope it's scheduled early so you can get it done and over with! Good luck!
HUGS!!
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Judy, so sorry for the loss of your brother. May his memory be for a blessing.
Poodles, as a career RN you well know that nurses and aides see patients as they really are—even the most stubborn patients, who try to hold it together for their doctors, let down their guard for those who are really and immediately responsible for their comfort and care. Get affidavits from them if you can. (Hospitals are squirrely about letting video depositions take place on-premises, but perhaps you can record the nurses on video and then have them sign statements as to their authenticity). I don’t know Georgia law, and I don’t really actively practice any more anyway. My housekeeper’s sister is an attorney for a hospital system in Atlanta (and is being transferred here), so maybe she knows some good GA lawyers who do elder law.
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Cindy, you have the most awesome housekeeper. Can you clone her?
HUGS!
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Thanks Caligirl... My nephew is taking care of all the details and everything, so although I miss him, I do know he is at peace
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Thanks, Sandy. My mother is actually in Alabama. I doubt I'd be able to get a staff member to agree to making any kind of sworn statement. It would probably be against policy (I know that has been the case at all the hospitals that I have worked in.) I think we're going to have to go on hard evidence--bills not being paid. Mother is with it enough to make healthcare decisions, with our gentle help. She's just not holding her financial act together and is making poor choices, like spending $140 on Christmas gifts for my nephews 3 kids but not paying her property taxes, rent, utilities, cable, and internet carrier. So, it will be easy to make a case for financial conservatorship, I think. When we talk to an attorney we'll ask for advice re: getting full guardianship.
And hallelujah! we finally worked through the Advance Directive--it only took two days. Got it signed and delivered to the nurse's desk, kept a copy for the Important-Papers-Random-Restaurant-Flyers-and-old- LL-Bean-Catalogs Box. Just kidding. We have made a new box just for the Will and other important papers.
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Moondust, I'm right behind you, so to speak. My colonoscopy is Monday. Now that we know about those pesky gene mutations I'll be having one every 3 years, instead of every 10 years. I have a strong, strong family history of colon cancer on both sides. Lucky me. I hope your prep and scope go uneventfully.
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Judy, I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose a loved one. Poodles, why not just get her to sign papers to allow you and your sis to do her financial stuff? We did that with my dad. Never had to do a conservatorship with him. We had to take him out of the SNF to go to the bank and the to get the paperwork done but then I wrote all his "checks" and we both could sign his financial papers at the SNF.
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Molly,She's going to fight us all the way, I'm afraid. So, we'll give it another week or so, then we'll have to figure this out. Her bills have been caught up for now, thanks to one sister, but next month there'll be more bills.
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Hello all you Newbies... Welcome to the Lounge. You will find lots of good advice here and the Main site is full of great information too.
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Judy, so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and your family.
Dimples, welcome! I agree with Peggy, consult with radiation oncologist first. It will help you make a decision if you understand all your options. Sending positive thoughts your way. I remember how confusing it all was.
Peppy, welcome! Wow, you had a lot of lymph nodes removed. No wonder your in so much pain. I only had 3, and I was sore, but pain was manageable. I would contact breast surgeon to make sure no issues and to get relief from your pain. Hugs!
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Thanks Molly and Tbalding... my nephew will be taking care of everything, so I don't have that to deal with and he'll be here tomorrow.. I have to remind myself not to call him every morning...
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Dear IHG Ann,
So sorry for your loss of your brother. My love to you and wish I was there to lend you my shoulder to cry on.
Peggy and Chi Sandy...I applaud you for all the help you give to all of us.
I would offer more to all of you except I am so new.
Positive
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Poodles, having just lost my mother from kidney failure, jump on stuff and get it done. We thought she was doing okay, but she had a fall and the doctors said because her kidneys were so fragile that the fall damaged them and they couldn't recover. So in a few days I went from talking to my mother to having to pull the ventilator, all because of a fall. I guess what I am saying is that when an older parent is in fragile condition, accidents can become catastrophes. And no way to let her going home on her own. My mom begged me to let her to home, and a few months later she was dead because she really couldn't take care of herself. I live in California and she lived in Illinois, so I had no real insight to how bad she had become with confusion. And one of my brothers had conned her out of her life savings, and nothing could be done. So I now struggle with the fact that her life savings went for him to remodel some dump he bought and put a $50,000 deck on it. And the feeling that if I had been more proactive, she might still be here. He blew through over $150,000 she had saved so she wouldn't ever have to live on cat food in a month, taking cruises and all kinds of stupid stuff.
Best to take control of the situation, even if she fights you, so that she gets a few more years. With all of her recent issues, it is pretty clear she can't take care of herself without assistance
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Positive, please do contribute your thoughts and experiences. Yours are no less valid than mine. You are closer to treatments than I am and may have ideas to suggest that I have forgotten. Don't be shy!
ItalyChick, what crap! I'm so sorry about your mother. I'm surprised your brother is still alive. I think I would have eliminated him. Certainly cut him out of my life. What a scumbag. It's beyond tragic.
HUGS!
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Peggy, the only thing that has saved him is 2,000 miles of distance. My internal struggle is I wish she had used her money to treat herself better instead of my scumbag brother having a party with her money when she died. Half of the money came from me so she wouldn't have to worry about old age and being uncared for. So I don't care about the money, just how he treated her. And you can bet if I ever see him face to face, something will happen. He screamed at me at the hospital when I wouldn't pull the ventilator immediately because I wanted to go through all of her test results and try dialysis, which didn't work. He just wanted her gone so he could press on and spend everything. And I found out his wife went out and immediately got a diamond ring from Tiffanys, which she always wanted. With my mothers old age money. How do people live with themselves I wonder sometimes.
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ItalyChick, that's totally devastating. I don't know how you coped. About a week before my mother died, my brother found out his wife (and mother of his 2 children) was sleeping with his best friend. I know how devastated he was and I can't imagine it was different for you. That's too many bad things all at the same time. (He divorced her). I don't know how people live with themselves. It's beyond my imagination.
HUGS!
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Happy New Year to Everyone! May 2017 be filled with health and happiness.
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I had a few pages to catch up with here. Goodness, things move quickly.
Judy, I'm so very sorry about your brother. Sending thoughts to you and all your family.
Sandy, I just love the raccoon story!
I've started to try to get back to the real world, now that treatment is done. Today went back to my pottery studio and had a great 3 hr session, but then had to come straight home and take a 2 hr nap! lol so much for being "normal."
Welcome to the new folks. Nice to see you 614! Happy New Year!
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Poodles, not sure whether the hearing would be in AL or GA, but you &/or your attys. need to find out whether, when it comes to the legality & admissibility of recordings, whether those states are “One-party-consent" or “both-parties-consent" states. In one-party-consent states, it also takes merely one party (even the one making the recording) to authenticate the recording—testifying under oath as to date, time, parties being recorded, and veracity (no editing or enhancement) of the recording.
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Judy my condolences on the loss of your brother.
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Thanks Everyone! and Positive.. you are never too new to offer advice and care to the rest of us and we are never too old to not need it sometime... My brother isn't suffering anymore and that is prayers answered.
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Italychick, I don't even have words. What a raw deal. It's bad enough yo lose your mother that way. But to find out your brother had conned her into giving him her money is unconscionable.
Well, here's the update on my sordid story...so, Motherbecame extremely confused about 10:30pm last night. She didn't know where she was and was very paranoid and agitated. She had been a little confused all day, but happy. She turned on me within 30 min and began accusing my of trying to kill her and take all her money. She hissed and barked some of the most viscious, hateful things I've ever heard in my life. Even called me in the middle of the night to tell me I had destroyed the family.
I opted not to see her today, because I didn't want to upset her further. She has gone on to tell the nursing staff and others that I'm no longer her daughter. DSis has told her that I went home, which made her happy. So, now I'm taking more of a supporting role for my sibs.
Thankfully, my sister was able to catch up the rent, utilities and taxes. We found several bank accts, two of which have my sisters as co-signers. So, I don't think we will need to go for conservancy after all. Whew.
It breaks my heart that her end days are so chaotic and fearful. I know that she does love me and would never have made those statements in her right mind. Kidney failure causes agitation, confusion, and anxiety as the toxins build up in the brain and organs. We have finally gotten an order for Seroquel, an anti-psychotic, to help her sleep--she is quite sleep deprived. I hope it helps.
Tomorrow, the NP is going to talk to her about palliative/hospice care. Well see how that goes. I leave on say to return home
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poodles, try not to take her words too hard. My mom did the same thing to me, but I know she loved me, and I am sure your mother loves you too. She has confusion, fear, etc., and needs somebody to lash out at and people seem to always pick the strong one. Hugs, I know it is hard. You sound like a great daughter, just do your best, with no regrets.
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Poodles, my heart breaks for what you’re going through. I can’t help but think from some of what she’s saying now that your mom does have dementia. Everyone I know who had Alzheimers expressed the same paranoid delusions of being persecuted by their kids.
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Poodles...so sorry...this has got to be rough after all you have done but that's not your healthy mom talking! Prayers & hugs!
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Poodles, sending you big hugs! I'm sure she doesn't mean it it. Hopefully the medicine will help.
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Poodles -- many hugs from me to keep you going. Life can really throw us some curve balls.
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Poodles, that is so heartbreaking. As others have said, this is not your mother talking - it is the dementia. My DH was crushed when his mother (who was in assisted living and not always with it) called him by his older (perfect, of course) brother's name and said DH never came to visit her. It opened old wounds and made him feel resentful and inadequate. He never really accepted that it was the Alzheimer's talking rather than his mother. I know it hurts terribly to hear these awful words from your mother, just try to not take them to heart. I am glad that you have access to Mom's money now. That's a relief. Please keep us posted. We're here to support you and send you love as you have done for us (and me especially).
HUGS!
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Poodles, I'm sorry you're going through this with your mom, glad you have sisters to help.. i went to see my dad once and he looked at me and said 'Who are you".. but he had some dementia from his strokes, and my middle brother has dementia and flipped.. they put him in a nursing home, but alway remember the 'before' times.. it does help.. (((Hugs)))
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Wow! Poodles that's a lot to take in one dose! As all the other ladies have said (and you know) that's not your mother talking its the illness. Sorry to hear that you are having to endure all this but thankful you have siblings to assist.
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