Time for hospice and Im really scared
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Today is a very happy day for me!! I had an appointment with my MO to review the results of my quarterly scans... "No new activity seen anywhere! There is even a 20% reduction in the size of the new area of activity found on the last set of scans!!" My dear MO was all smiles as was my husband. You all know how I felt! So the switch back to the name-brand Arimidex seems to have done the trick for now.
Thank you so much, sisters! I felt your support all day. It was so special to know that when I came home and posted this message you would celebrate with me!!
{{{{hugs}}}} Virginia
PS I apologize that this is going to be repeated on several feeds. You may end up reading it a couple of times...but it will still be good news. 😃
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virginia,
Such great news! I am indeed celebrating with you. I am so looking forward to the weekend. It feels this week is going so slowly...yet packed with so much to do at work. Linda I am thinking of you. It has been cooler here lately which makes me more comfortable...and I hope you too.
Janet
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So happy for you Virginia.
Donna
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Vadre. I could read this news on every thread every day. Great news go celebrate with your husband. Heck lets all celebrate this wonderful news !!!!!!
Maureen
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Congratulations Virginia! Such good news! I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping for the best. I am so pleased for you. It must be such a relief.
Linda, I hope you are comfortable at home with your family and that Hospice care is working out for you, and that you have had no more visits to the ER. May you be at ease enough that you can enjoy your days with those you love and who love you.
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Just checking in ladies - thanks so much for all your support. And sending special thoughts to Cynthia and others who are possibly facing these decisions sooner rather than later. When I talked to my PCP/palliative care doc and my MO, we all agreed it was time to stop active treatment, someone commented "I am surprised you didn't opt for hospice sooner because of all the SEs etc" and in some ways, I probably would have opted a couple months sooner, but I got greedy and wanted just a little more time with DH. Turns out it was not going to be quality time, so the decision was very easy to make, and I am so at peace with it. Teri and another woman here (Cindy Rose) were excellent models in how and when to make this decision, and how to live fully and completely once that decision has been made. And this is the most important thing: How to live fully and completely NOW, today, and not worry about next week or next month. Each day brings love and laughter. I have a hard time saying "no" to visitors because they wear me out, but short visits are so great. I am reminded every day of what an adventure my life has been - I will share that with you some day if you want to read a tome - and how many people's lives have crossed with mine, filling my life with love. How lucky can one woman be????
I am settling in with the hospice providers, learning as needed. Mostly I plan to be home, the nurse comes once a week or more often if needed, they bring my meds, and if symptoms cannot be controlled at home, they will arrange for admission. I don't know what the future weeks will bring, but am hopeful that I will gain a little strength to do fun stuff, but if not, know that it is someone else's problem and they will take care of me. Seeing attorney next week, getting abdominal PleurX catheter placed to drain belly fluid daily, which hopefully will make me more comfortable.
Hugs and much love, more later.
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Linda-n3 so happy to see your post and to hear you have super supports in place! I agree Cindy Rose and Teri were super role models for sure. I hope you have a chair near that big window to see your garden, critters and be with friends and family. Glad they are getting the fluid off. I wish you peace and laughter with your DH and family. post when you are able!
lots of love cindi
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Linda! So good to see your post. I am glad that you sound settled and as if you are managing everything well. I thank you for your clear eyed advice. I will keep it in mind. Such a momentous decision is not an easy one to make. I think most of us would put it off as long as possible.
You were not at all "greedy" to want a bit of extra time with your DH. I am just sorry that it became stressful for you. I hope that you will find that rest and giving up your cares to others will give you the strength to do some of the things that you enjoy. It's nice to hear that your friends are dropping by, nice for them as well as for you.
I, for one, would love to hear about your life, if you are up to sharing it with us. I am certain others on here would be interested too. I also think that there are a number of quiet visitors who come by, drawn by the thread's title, who are struggling with their own fears and misgivings as they deal with their disease. Reading about you, your life and your decision to enter Hospice might be reassuring to them. I know that reading about Teri's thoughts and decisions helped me to clarify my own thinking. Only do what you feel up to doing. You have enough to deal with at this time, to say the least.
I was delighted when I first spotted your quote, "Oh, what fresh new hell is this???" - Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory. It still makes me smile each time I see it. I love Sheldon.
Best wishes to you and your family. Sarah
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Linda, was very glad that you checked in here since entering hospice care. I was frequently on the Cindy Rose thread although did not post that much so I know that this has been on your mind for a long time (palliative/hospice) and that you rallied to spend a little more time with your hubby. Sorry that you have been in pain and that you have to be drained daily. My mother in law had stage IV colon cancer and needed to have ascites drained and it was not too pleasant but once she had the catheter put in, it definitely eased some of this so hoping it works that way for you too. Wishing you nothing but pleasant thoughts and sweet times with your loved ones.
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Hi Linda, I would love to read your story. Teri and you are such an inspiration to me and others. The Grace you show to us is heart warming. I just hope when I get to this point in my journey that I have half of the strenght that you have. I am not very good expressing myself in words, but my heart knows what I want to say. Peace and Love to You Dear Lady, Cynthia.
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Linda - so glad you checked in!! So proud of you being so strong also. I'm glad you found strength and peace to make your decision. You have been in my thoughts since I read your post. I wanted to thank you for your support when I was facing my LVA decision (everything is going pretty well so far). You have a beautiful, gently spirit that I really admire.
I wish you many days of laughter and smiles with those you love!!! Know that you have much love here too!!!! (((((HUGS))))) to you and your caregivers and your DH
Mary Jane
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Hi Linda,
It was wonderful to hear from you. You are indeed a strong person with a courageous and warm, loving heart. I hope you have those days with family and friends. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Michele
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Linda,
Good to hear from you. Enjoy the lazy days of summer in peace and pain free.
Caryn
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Linda,
Happy to see your post. Probably most eloquent thing I can say is me too. I would love to read your stories. It is the day to day thoughts and tales that bring me close to all my friends on this thread and I don't know if anyone else does this but I also will go back to retread and enjoy again previous posts that touch me, inspire me, amuse me etc. I hope you continue to have peaceful days and that your hospice people continue to fill all your needs so that you are always comfortable.
May we all have balance in our lives and in the words of one of my heroes Pete Seeger, "when our fingers can strum no longer, (know that) it is time to hand the old banjo to someone younger" so that we may relax and enjoy our time together with those we love.
Janet
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"And this is the most important thing: How to live fully and completely NOW, today, and not worry about next week or next month. Each day brings love and laughter."
Linda,
This is my new motto. So beautifully said and only made more powerful that you said it at this time in your life. I think that the desire to live this way is one of the things we share as sisters. We are not afraid to say that we have cancer, or that we might or will die from it,some day. We are afraid of loosing the ability to live, to share love & laughter. Even when it's simply joking about the whereabouts of a little lost goat we refuse to let anything squeeze the life out of our lives!
I am so glad that you are at peace with you decision and that you are enjoying being surrounded by those who love you. Never forget that we stand around you and yours, holding hands, in a circle of love, support & sisterhood that can not be broken.
Sending gentle hugs & sweet dreams,
Virginia
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Janet. I really like that saying. How true
Gm Linda. Sending gentle hugs your way
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Good Morning Linda and all, I Love the new motto Virginia!!! I wish for all of us peace and Love. This is not a easy journey we are on but in some weird way it has given me a new perspective on Life and Death. When I was dx at Stage 4 I felt such overwhelming grief that the life I had was coming to an abrupt end. I never thought that I would be able to handle it and started planning my demise. I was so wrong, I have a new appreciation for everything and am loving and living every minute of the time I have left on this earth. I enjoy coming here everyday and getting my fix of the Love everyone has for each other here. It is part of my daily ritual. I want to thank Teri, and now Linda for helping me and others on this bc merry-go-round. I know I'm just rambling and I am not very good at expressing myself in words, but I think y'all will understand me. Hugs and Love to You Linda, I am so looking forward to reading your story. And Thank You!!!, Cynthia
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I agree with Cynthia. This thread had given me a new perspective too. It can be light hearted, but there is a deeper understanding of life and its ending that everyone on here shares. I have found it comforting and reassuring. I think of us every day and hope that everyone is free of pain and able to enjoy the little things that make life so lovely.
My contribution for the day is the story of the three fawns my husband saw today behind our house. We knew we had a set of twins on the property as we see them regularly, and we have also seen a doe with a single fawn who seems to visit occasionally. Today was delightfully different. All three fawns were with one doe, and all three were nursing from her, one at a time. We have never seen a doe allow a fawn that was not her's to nurse from her. While I did not get to see it, my husband said it was as if her own baby had invited other kids home for lunch. They'd play, then eat, then play again.
Over the years we have seen deer families join together as the summer goes along and we have seen their little ones playing together. We have seen two does babysit up to five fawns at times, while the other does go off. We have come to suspect that the mothers may be related, either twins or siblings from other years as we have noticed that young deer stay together in their first and sometimes second years. A doe with a fawn might also have a smaller young female deer hanging around her that seems to be her offspring from the year before. They appear to us to have quite organized family structures.
Maybe I will get lucky and get to see it myself
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Linda. Wonderful to see your post and so glad you can be at home for the moment with DH and everything you love around you - especially your paint and brushes !!!
I would love to hear more of your life - when you get the time and feel inclined to share.
Thinking of you always and sending you loving prayers and hopes for your comfort.
Cynthia: love your posts too and I remember with love and affection Cindy and Teri too.
Sarah: you describe nature so beautifully I can feel I'm almost there. Where you live sounds like paradise to me, surrounded by all that wildlife. I have sometimes imagined up a place I would like to have if I get to Heaven - if there is a Heaven! and it sounds very much like the descriptions of nature and animals in your posts. Keep it up! You give me great ideas to add a pasture here, a lake there, a little wooded area here........
Hugs to all the sisters who read and post on these boards.
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Good morning Linda, It's a lovely sunny day with blue skies and fluffy white clouds on the West coast. I hope you are next to your garden window so you can enjoy it. I'm so glad things are going well with hospice and you are at peace. Enjoy your family and friends. You are in my prayers.
lots of love cindi
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Gm Linda. Beautiful morning in western New York sunny low humidity and nice breeze. Watching the dog play with his ball and not a care in the world. Hope your day is just as wonderful or even better.
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Good Morning Linda and all! Today is a happy day for me, my dh is coming home after being in Los Angeles for a week. I stayed home with our fur babies by myself and enjoyed it, but now I need my hubby. Linda I hope your day is a peaceful, pain free and Love filled day. As always Hugs and Love to You and everyone, Cynthia
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Good Morning everyone, it's been rather quiet here lately so I thought I'd post and hope that everyone is alright. Linda I hope you are pain and worry free. Hugs and Love to You all, Cynthia
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Blessings Linda. I'm thinking of you. Enjoy these warm summer days.
love, cindi
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I know that many of you care for Linda and wish to offer her your support. Perhaps you will be interested in posting on this topic that I just started, one that is devoted to Linda and all those who choose to stop active treatment: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/823195?page=1#idx_1
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I appreciate the thought of having a separate thread devoid of a "past" link to another person such as Teri. Still I see why Linda would want to continue on here since the "karma" and "spirit" of this thread is unique and especially warm and supportive. There really is not another thread that I have seen that beats this one!. Maybe that is truly Teri's legacy to support and bring folks together here on her thread to be nurtured and supported until they pass on. I can't think of a better living-dying legacy then folks wanting to be where "you once stood," following in your footsteps. Learning from those that forged the trail, reducing their fear because of how you approached your death with grace.
So I am thinking of you Linda and wishing you pain free peaceful days with those you love. In the spirit of Teri, we all wish you lovingkindness and joy. Hugs cindi
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I haven't been on the computer for a few days, but I am back to send my best to all of you. I hope Linda has been resting without stress and pain and enjoying having her friends and family around her. Cynthia, I think of you with your "fur babies" and hope you are doing as well as possible. I am glad your DH has returned as it is always nicer to have company.
I think I agree with Cindi, it is nice to have a group of people who understand each other without the need for a lot of words. There really isn't any other place I can hear honest discussions about death and dying because most people shy away from them. I like the end of life discussions that have occurred on here. It is a reality we need to think about. It's also helped me think more about appreciating every day.
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Oh Rosevalley and Hortense I agree with you. I am comfortable posting here. I also appreciate the thread made just for Linda but I Love coming here. This is where I find kindred spirits that have a deep understanding of each other. If I must post to the other thread I will, but this is my favorite route. Linda I hope for you Peace and understanding that we are here for you Day or Night. When my time comes and I say no more here is where I will be. I Love You all, and wish you peace joy and Love wherever you are in your bc journey. Special Hugs and Love to You Linda, Cynthia
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agree macyhen. I will post on both for Linda. I love this thread and all the wonderful women who contribute.
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I have been on vacation for a while but have read up on you all. Linda and Cynthia--sending warm hugs (I think I just quoted the movie frozen) and lots of love. I hope that you are staying comfortable and surrounded with loved ones. This is also my favorite thread.
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