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January 2014 Surgery Sisters

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Comments

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    Well hell...I simply can't load a photo, so just changed my avatar.

  • lindacam
    lindacam Member Posts: 97
    edited March 2014

    Very nice pic.  My avatar was during chemo with a wig on.

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    Thanks Linda.  Chemo selfie?  I recognize it wasn't a good day, but you look really good. SillyHeart

  • lindacam
    lindacam Member Posts: 97
    edited March 2014

    Yes chemo selfie!  Had good colour that day lol

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    Jeez...another night of crappy sleep...awake at 3 a.m. (it's 4:15 now).  Did some internet surfing and hope I can get another hour.  It's going to be a long day.  I should have taken something, but just really want to stop taking meds. Grrrrrrrrr 

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited March 2014

    Dtkd,

    I was up until after 3am. I had another fill yesterday and was uncomfortable and I noticed a lump on my neck yesterday so of course my mind was racing!!! Ugh if we could just flipping breathe and not be sore, uncomfortable and nervous about lumps and bumps!!!!

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    morning all,

    So sorry you all had a crappy night. What meds are you taking to help you sleep? 

     I was hoping to get something tomorrow to help me relax a bit but my BS cancelled the appointment. Not like her at all....so must have been really important. Oh well.

    Love the new pic Diane, The only way I can upload a picture is to save it to my desktop and the get it from there.

    I can't believe it, it is 45 degrees and windy ...are you kidding me...I have to out my sweats which I packed away last week....this is Florida' where is my warm temps?

    My step son is coming tonight..yay! we get him for 4 whole days. I can't wait, he and I always have fun together. We are going Geocaching.

    Have a good day everyone,

    ttyl

    Eve

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited March 2014

    Eve, 

    Have fun w your stepson. I took a 5mg Valium after my fill at 130pm and then a second at 11pm... Didn't help!!!

    Btw it's like 10 degrees in Connecticut!! Ugh where's the spring!!! There's like 45 mph gusts of wind. Cape cod mass is getting a blizzard wth!!

  • lighthouselady
    lighthouselady Member Posts: 248
    edited March 2014

    Hey sisters.  I'm sorry about the sleep issues.  I found something that KNOCKS ME OUT!  LOL   Mucinex.  wow.  Who knew?  I've had a bad cold and was just up coughing all night and that was the only thing we had in the house.  I honestly don't know where it came from because I've never bought Mucinex in my life!  But I took it two nights in a row, slept ALL NIGHT and could barely wake up with my alarm.  Good stuff in there I guess.

    Had my rads planning session yesterday.  Got sharpie markings and little "stickers" over them instead of tattoos. LOL Told me if I promise to leave them on (they'll replace them if they start to come off) I won't need to be marked permanently. I look like my daughter used my chest as a coloring book with a green sharpie.

    They will work on my plan and call me next week with a start date. 33 sessions.

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    Eve, My MO prescribed 1 mg of Ativan. It works pretty well.

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited March 2014

    Good luck Lighthouselady!!!

    Eve, I have also tried ambien and Benedryl... When I can't sleep nothing works!!!! I bet if I took that vicodin I had after BMx that'd work! Lol

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    yeah, Benadryl knocks me out also, but I am all groggy when I wake up, Percocet relaxes me and has a nice floaty feeling but I don't sleep.

    I took Xanax a few years ago..love that but it is addicting....guess I'll stick with my shot of whiskey. ;)

    I saw the weather report just now....My son lives in Rhode Island ...he is getting nailed AGAIN.....I know he and his GF are going stir crazy.

    Laurie you are really freezing. Don't know how you stand it. How is your daughter doing?

    Sounds like a blast, Michelle.....I remember when my husband had rads...he had a mask that was custom made and he was bolted down to the table....I don't know how he stood it. At least the sessions don't last very long. So you are able to have this done in Abilene? Hope So.

    Stay warm....at least the sun is out...pretty day

    Eve


  • girlstrong
    girlstrong Member Posts: 299
    edited March 2014


    Dtkd:  love your new pic.  Did you actually attend the Oscars?  How did you get to be so lucky?  Im intrigued :)

  • lindacam
    lindacam Member Posts: 97
    edited March 2014

    This is me now no wigs.  Have not had short hair since high school.

    image

  • girlstrong
    girlstrong Member Posts: 299
    edited March 2014


    You look beautiful and I LOVE the highlights.  You wear short hair well :)

  • anneb1149
    anneb1149 Member Posts: 821
    edited March 2014

    Thanks  to all of you for giving words to my feelings. Everyone I see and / or talk to says they are amazed at how well and strong I look/sound. I just want to pull my shirt up and show them the scars, pockets,and lumps, and pull off the wig and show them my bald head. I know there is no "good" time to get cancer. I understand that, but I lost my husband of 42years, after years of his health being our priority and almost exactly 13 months later was Dx with BC.He had many issues, including being on dialysis 3 days a week, so our lives really centered on his issues and appts. I was just coming out of the fog of his death and wham! My whole life changed. I relate to momaton when she says she is numb. I don't wake up till 10am at least, then lay in bed for at least half an hour, too overwhelmed to face the day - which includes being alone until 5, keeping the laundry going and emptying the dishwasher. To make my situation even harder, I am not home. For reasons too long to explain, I "ran away" last summer from my home of 37 years to have a lengthy visit (I thought a month or so) with my daughter and her family. I have been here since then with only 2 week long "visits" home. The guilt is overwhelming. Nancy and her husband are absolutely wonderful to me. They believe I am going to live here with them permanently. But I miss my life. I have family, especially grandchilden that I was involved with almost daily, friends to have lunch or dinner with and a church family that goes back 40 years, all back home - here, I have Nancy, Scott and the boys. My grandchilden here are wonderful, but teenagers who live in their bedrooms with their electronics. Nancy keeps reminding me how stressful life is at home, compared to how calm it is here. I agree- but I have had 43 years of stressful, and don't know who I am without it. Cancer is a whole different ball game of stress, and I have always been the caretaker of everyone- I don't even know how to ask for or accept help, and certainly don't want to burden them with emotional issues- not that they wouldn't listen, in fact, they would do everything possible to help, but they don't get that they can't help. I was particularly involved with 2of my grandchildren at home. Their home life with their parents is not a stable environment, so I was their safe place. Their mother(my daughter) has told them I am sick, but not that I have cancer, so my heart breaks at how abandoned they must feel by me. As much as I try, I have only talked to them by phone a handful of times since last summer. Jamie says they get too upset when they hear my voice.

    Thanks for listening. I am pretty new to this, but so thankful I found you all. For the first time in almost nine months I have friends. Especially ones who understand me in a way no one else can.

  • levassel
    levassel Member Posts: 254
    edited March 2014

    Hi girls.  Guess we're still mostly in the same boat (bed?)!   Another painful sleepless night for me too!  I take a quietine (another narc!) (sp) and a perc....worked for a few days.  Now with regular breast massage and physio I'm in pain again!

    I'm seeing a councillor.  She's good and doesn't seem to mind all my tears.  She's helping me to calm myself down when I have anxiety....have a mantra....visualize events and deal with them in advance....ok....I'll give it a try!

    I'm booking a vacation to Mexico today....leaving April 4.  I'm really nervous....but my doc thinks it will be good for my head to get outside in some warm weather.

    And that brings me to "my new body"....tried on a bikini top with my new bigger boobs.  TERRIBLE experience!  Didn't cover scars or the weird lumps and bumps.  Great....I thought... I'll have to wear a frigging sweater in Mexico.  Then my lovely daughter suggested a bando style.  Works perfectly.  Hers was a bit small....then she said....get ready for this...."well you won't have to worry about a nip slip". LMFAO!!!  Made me laugh out loud!

    Eve....My daughter seems to be much better....no headaches for 3 days.  She's back at school.  Keeping my fingers crossed!  Have a great time with your stepson.....he'll be a great reason to get moving.  :)

    Lindacam....your pic is great!  Is this your post chemo hair?  Super highlights!

    Michelle....you sound extremely busy!  With the sports organizing.  Not sure how you do it.  Good for you!  I'm glad you found something that gets you to sleep thru the night....makes a big difference facing the day with a good sleep.

    Lol....today is a nice day here....only minus 18 degrees celcius!  Man I hate this cold!

    Love you girls....we understand each other.  That's very comforting for me.

    Laurie

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    LOL girlstrong! No I didn't go to the actual Oscars...but love that you even enertained the idea that I could! It was my son's school auction "Oscar Gala".

    Linda- love your pic!

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    Linda...beeeutiful eyes...love your hair also. I am keeping mine short too.....love it!

    Laurie...Mexico wow I agree with your counselor...some sun shine can make a huge difference. The meditation thing and mantra is very effective also. It is all about stopping the bad thoughts and replacing them with the good. I am thinking about trying Thai Chi, I would think if you can get out there and play golf you would achieve the same Zen kinda thing. Nip slip...lol  must be fun to have a daughter or two....such a cool thing to have a girl in the house...sigh...all boys for me. I could never wear a tube top or bandeau....the nips would slip all the time. Glad to know your daughter is feeling better.

    Anne and mommy at home.... it is a safe place here isn't it? I feel kinda stupid even embarrassed sometimes for what I post, but you all have just been so accepting and lovely. Thank you all for your love.

    Today has been THE best day for me in months. I actually felt good...just plain good. I didn't do anything....just hung out on the couch reading all my political websites I visit and playing a game...watching HGTV ...

    I feel like I am bi-polar....freaked out one day and calm and ok the next.

     Today was different though...Because I am not taking AI's I have been researching supplements that are good for er+ BC. I am thinking some of the stuff I am taking is starting to kick in. Did you know that the majority of BC patients present with very low vitamin D3 levels? So I am taking that and magnesium, calcium, and zinc. Also taking probiotics...Again I haven't felt this good in forever.  can't hurt.

    Diane you said you gained weight....me too 15lbs....eeeek! all in my mid-section. I never had a belly...never. All of a sudden, well over a few months, pre dx, I gained all this weight. "they" say it is from hormones...aka menopause....I did the change 7 years ago...very short and non problematic so I don't get it. My theory is that I had this hormonal change going on all this time and it fueled the BC. After menopause our estrogen comes from our fat deposits and it is produced in our adrenal glands.......another thing that happened with me is I had a huge jump in my blood pressure a few years ago, so bad I ended up in the ER...the medicine I take for  BP works on my adrenal glands. I just think all this is related somehow.

    K Microsoft just updated my windows 8 too 8.1    not happy everything is fubared... hope this posts properly

    love you guys

    eve


  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited March 2014

    Eve,

    This is the safest place I know to speak about our experiences and ask questions!!! :)

  • lindacam
    lindacam Member Posts: 97
    edited March 2014

    So yes.it is an infection in the radiated breast.  Feel so yucky and in pain today.  Not good at resting.  I think have the last drain in for a month created this infection.

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    I forgot to say....Anne....Anne...you don't look anywhere near old enough to have a bunch of grandkids...how do you do it?

    might I add EVERYONE here ..you all are amazingly beautiful women.....I look at your avatar's and marvel at the energy and strength I see.

    Is it not how we want to represent ourselves to the world...and yet we know there is more to us than our beauty...a sadness, a connection, a common ground, not a pink ribbon, but an uncommon understanding, a melding of minds and hearts and souls. A place in each other that has no pride, no shame.....just a pure love to be there for one another.

    peace all

    eve


  • anneb1149
    anneb1149 Member Posts: 821
    edited March 2014

    thanks Eve for saying I look too young to have six grandchildren. I wish I felt that young. As much as I absolutely adore each one, I do not understand how I became the grandmother of a soon-to-be 15 year old, and five more behind him. The calendar assures me it's possible- I was 50 when Michael was born, but I clearly remember his mom grinning at me from her crib when she was 8-9 months old. Where did those years go? I can't wait for the day when my life revolves around traveling to spend time with each child and grandchild, as I choose, instead of having Dr appts dictate where I am.

  • lighthouselady
    lighthouselady Member Posts: 248
    edited March 2014

    Very well said Eve!  Beautiful words.

    Anne - I'm so sorry.  An infection at this point is just adding insult to injury!

  • Mommyathome
    Mommyathome Member Posts: 876
    edited March 2014

    Ugh the stress goes on!!! I met w my superintendent today to discuss my return to school. Both her and the principal feel it's best if I hold off on returning because I'm still doing fills ( it will be hard for them to cover my class), I'm sore, going to physical therapy twice a week etc etc etc. the superintendent is trying to find a way to help me financially like looking into disability, a sick bank or laying me off so I can collect. None of these options will give me enough to not have money issues but honestly, and I know some of you went back to work in a few weeks, I don't feel physically or emotionally ready to go back. I know it's a burden on my family but if I'm being honest I don't think I can do it and both my principal and superintendent are supportive of me. They assured me that my job will be there in the fall but I should consider taking the rest of the school year off. When I mentioned it to my husband, who has always been supportive of me, his response was I guess I'll get a second job. We need the money. I wanted to cry.!i feel like I'm letting my family  down. I'm not doing my part!!! Damn this flipping cancer!!! Damn it!!!i just want my life back! Right now I just need to recover, get stronger physically and emotionally and be ok with what and where I am right now.  But what about financially.... :(

    I have 3 things to worry about; my physical and emotional recovery and not putting us in debt! Unfortunately it seems the first two are going to lead to the last....

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    Anne ..lol

    totally get it. My oldest son turned 30 this January......OMG when did that happen.

    I feel all of 30 some days and 90 on other days...I think of myself as a young'in  but then I look in the mirror and wonder where the time went. Then again, a few months ago I said (in front of my step son who is 11yo) "I remember when I was pretty...just a passing comment....He said" I think you are still pretty" Oh my goodness...his face turned all red and he ran into his bedroom...completely embarrassed about his comment....It was the most wonderful thing that anyone has ever said to me. A pure and loving statement. Kids, aren't they awesome?

  • pinktiara
    pinktiara Member Posts: 716
    edited March 2014

    mommy at home

    I don't have an answer for you ....not yet anyway

    just want you to know I read your post and I am trying to figure out something to help you

    stay strong

    love

    Eve

  • lindacam
    lindacam Member Posts: 97
    edited March 2014

    Mommyathome.  I am so sorry you have financial issues when you should just be recovering.  I get 55% of my wages on disability so I keep adding debt as I am not even close to going back to work.

  • Dtkd
    Dtkd Member Posts: 422
    edited March 2014

    Beverly,

    I am so sorry.  Stress doesn't help you when you are trying to get better. 

    Yes, I went back to work at 6 weeks, but I SIT at a desk nearly all day.  Your surgery was 2 weeks after mine and you have to stand all day.  Maybe you should take the rest of the school year off, but I wouldn't give up trying because you need your strength, even if it isn't for work.  I did get exhausted and driving to pick up my son was really painful...but each day I got stronger and it hurt less.  If you can get moving, maybe walking from one end of the mall to the other (since it's too cold outside) to get your stamina up, it will help, even if it is only 10 minutes to start.  I started with walking to the mailbox and walking around the grocery store like a zombie.  You won't be able to do zero to 60 and just go back to work without building up to it, but you do have a few more weeks, right?

    Also, can't you have your fills done at the end of the day, after school gets out?  Maybe even on a Friday?  I would think you PS would work with you on the fill schedule.  I was only uncomfortable for that night and was okay the next day for my first fill, but I had only 2 really big fills 250 and 200, because I'm pushing towards a different goal.  I have to think that if you went 50-75 cc's or so, you would be okay (though granted, it's uncomfortable for sure).  Taking my Aleve on a schedule (morning and night) really helped.  My BS said to take it even if I don't think I'll need it, because it helps.

    Oh, and BTW, I hope you know you can always tell me to butt out.  :)

    Know that you have support and love here, no matter what you do!

    Love and hugs,

    Diane.


  • levassel
    levassel Member Posts: 254
    edited March 2014

    mommyarhime....I was supposed to go back to work Apr1....but if was freaking myself out everyday day thinking about it. I just don't feel ready yet either.  So I postponed it to mid May.   I can't go to work on no sleep and crying all the time.

    But I try to have a routine everyday....get me back to reality.  Normally that reality doesn't start until nearly 11am though.  Lol

    Laurie

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