January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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ok...
I'll have a straight shot of the best tequila with a local brew beer chaser...with the restaurant's special of the day...a huge salad and yes....hmmmm a dessert...your choice Laurie..
ALSO, walk onto that beach in your new bandeau bikini (you go girl) knowing you have the best foobs EVER! HA!...you can't touch this
tee hee.love you
Eve
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Okay..Vodka Martini, shaken, not stirred, and enjoy the soft breezes and the sunshine. Anything is possible!
Bon Voyage!
Diane.
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Too funny! I went and got a spray tan today! I can't believe how natural it looks.
That drink request is bound to get me drunk.
My friend sent me this today. Hope you can enlarge it to read.
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Levassel: wow that news article about sums everything up. I was just speaking to the social worker and the radiation center yesterday and told her that Cancer has forever changed me and that although I am progressing in my treatment, i still get "nervous" or "anxious" about the "what ifs". The physiological manifestation of anxiety is never good. However, the counselor did say, that time will heal. Also it is important to focus on what gives you strength and peace. I believe this to be true. Thanks for listening, i know your girls understand.P.S. A nice big goblet of the best Pinot Noir for me!!!
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Strawberry daquiri for me!
Got the call today - rads start Tuesday. 33 sessions, so I'll be going until the end of May. Crapola.
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33 sessions...6weeks....sigh...then you are done...sorta....but then you are done. Michelle....bravo! you can do it. You are such an amazing inspiration to me.
Laurie, love the article. I don't feel alone ...guess I am lucky. My kids are moving back home, my brother has taken me to all my appointments, my best friend is always there for a consult by phone and Dh is the hottest, bestest, most supportive man ever.
I do get the anxiety thing... lived with that for years....took Ativan the last two nights....well alrighty then....slept like a baby and woke up this morning with an abundance of energy...whoo hoo.
hope everyone had a good day
Laurie ...have a good flight.....see you on the beach
Eve
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Michelle....I'll have two strawberry daqaris for you. I love those! I'm glad you have your last treatment regime scheduled....and you'll be done to enjoy summer! Not that I'd EVER minimize rads....but you've been they so much already....you will kick ass!
Laurie
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Eve....just wanted to say....regarding the article.....to me it's not the loneliness really. But more that others get on with their lives and don't always understand that we are still dealing with stuff....in our bodies....and our minds....
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Totally agree Laurie.....I can't blame them...especially you guys with your younger friends. And of course none of us wants to scream!!!! HEY THIS STILL SUCKS...!!! but I wish I could, sometimes.
My best friend has 4 kids she is still dealing with....dance, football, home schooling one of them....so I don't want to lay too much on her....so yes it can be isolating.
oh well,
go to Cozumel and have a ball.... does the hotel have a spa? can you get a massage if you want one......hot tub......floating in the ocean or pool....ahhhhhh see I am already living vicariously through you. lol
Be at peace, my friend
Eve
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Laurie, wine of any kind will work for me while you are in Cozumel. I'm easy. Lol! Have a wonderful time. M
I loved the article, too. Very similar to how I feel these days even with all the support I have and it's only been 3 months.
Eve, I am Luvin the Florida weather! One more day before I head back to grey and cold. My spontaneous decision was well worth it, though. The vitamin d and warm breeze has been restorative. I am staying with my parents in Lakeland. How far is that from you?
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Michelle - that's great you're finally starting rads. You must be so anxious to get going. If you don't mind my asking, why is it that you had to wait so long?
I am going in for a 2nd opinion on radiation on Tuesday due to the recent study that says women with just one positive node can benefit. It is very concerning to me that this study may change the current standard, but it may be too late for me.
We had another snowstorm yesterday, but hopefully this will be the LAST one! It's supposed to warm up to the 50's next week.
Laurie, that article really hit home for me. My experience has been very lonely and feel like I've basically been fighting this on my own. Sure hubby is here, but he isn't exactly the most nurturing person. He wants to see me well vs. struggling with depression and doesn't know how to deal with my sadness. Ditto with my brothers. What can I say - they're men :0. My youngest brother is a very caring individual, but he's taking care of my mom and is already shouldered with so much. I sooo miss the support of my mom - she used to be my biggest fan before Alzheimer's. She's still very caring and loving and I enjoy spending time with her, but at the same time it's very hard for me to see her deteriorating. As for friends, they seem to have disappeared. Sorry to be so depressing! I know there will be better days and I just need more time to heal. Maybe I should book a trip to someplace warm!
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Ann - I don't know if this helps, but my bs told me before surgery that if ANY nodes were positive I would have to have radiation. Since she knew I did BMX to avoid rads I think she feels stongly, for what it is worth.
My copy of Silver Linings should be here today! Trying to stay positive.
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Let's see.... my delay in starting rads has been due to several things.
My breast surgeon had to remove a lot of skin on the cancer side, so my incision ended up as a "T" instead of just a straight line. The intersecting part of the "T" took a long time to heal, and my PS wouldn't start expanding until he was sure it wasn't going to open up. Then I had to have all of my expansions because PS wanted me fully expanded before rads. I did 6 weekly expansions. Finally finished that and went in to see the radiation oncologist, only to be told that it'll be another week before they can do the CT scan to start my planning because the physicist was going to be out for a week. <Sigh> So I had the scan done last Tuesday, and now they finally called me yesterday to say I'll start Tuesday. Why I couldn't start today or Monday I don't know. It's crazy. They were all in a rush to have me finish with my PS, and then after I did, nobody here would DO anything to get me started! Frustrating.
So I lifted up my sticker and drew the lines on my skin with eyeliner until I can get in to get it fixed. LOL I have five stickers and only this one is coming off. Not sure why.
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Oh shoot...that's crappy - I HATE it when doctor's vacations interfere with my treatment! Boo! Hiss! Ditto on the stickers....so it sounds like they don't use tatoos, huh?
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They normally do tattoos...they gave me the choice since some of mine will be in "visible" areas.
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TGIF girls....wont be going anywhere for Spring Break, have daily rads but I am glad because today is nuber 18. Yeah!! Over half way done and doing good. Just a little skin redness and freckle looking marks that have popped up. I guess this is all normal. I was told I was getting rads to due my tumor being high grade and HER2, at time of surgery I had 0 positive nodes. They are radiating my chest wall and supraclavicular nodes. I think a lot of the time, if you fall into a grey area, radiation is based on the clinical expertise of the RO, pathology reports etc.Dtkd: I think you mentioned the Silver Linings. I started reading that the other night and couldn't put it down. Wonderful read. So relatable and helpful. Like the author, I am a mom with kids (8 and 11 years) and a healthcare worker. Being in the "bed" versus beside the "bed" has been eye opening to say the least. Sometimes it makes things easier and sometimes harder. Where I currently work, we case conference on patients and some of them need hospice care etc. Of course the word "cancer" always comes up. When that happens I just take a deep breath and realize that is NOT me.
Love to all.....
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Hi all. I year ago today I was told I had breast cancer. All my treatment is done except for an infection in the radiated breast. I cant believe how fast this year went!
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That's great, Linda! Congrats on getting through it! It'll be a year for me in June.
Sending healing thoughts....
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Linda - they told me when I was diagnosed that I should plan to spend a year fighting and recovering from all this. It's already been 5 months and it has gone by in a flash. Congrats for being nearly done with treatment. Of course we all recognize that actual recovery is a misnomer of sorts, but you have gone through so much. You should be proud of your strength and tenacity.
Michelle - every time I read your posts I'm inspired by your spirit. In taekwondo, one of our tenants is to have something called "indomitable spirit". Our master says that people with indomitable spirit keep getting up, even when they are beaten down, believing that the next time, they will make it, and use failure to create success. I see this in you, and so many of us each day.
I saw my PS for my exchange pre-op yesterday. It was a good appointment, in that we talked about the implants and were both on the same page. I'm getting 600 cc high profile cohesive silicone implants. He doesn't like or use the teardrop gummies, so it's good I had already ruled them out. My right BC side is really tight, so he's decided that he wants to wait on the fat grafting until he does the nipple reconstruction, so I'm just having the exchange on 4/11. I'm slightly bummed because now I have another general anesthesia surgery, instead of just the local for the nip recon, but I'm sure he's right about waiting to see how the implants settle, and I'll get a better result this way. I'll have the last surgery 6-8 weeks out, so maybe end of May/early June.
Marissa - I can't wait to start reading The Silver Lining.
Eve - I'm so glad you have such a good support system, and love the way that even when you are down, you are able to see the humor in all oft this. Sometimes you pick me up with it, so thank you!
My joints STILL hurt from the Femara, even though I stopped taking it in 2/18, so I am literally dragging myself to class this a.m. I'm not at sure I'll be ready for testing in August, but I'm not giving up!
Hope everyone has a fantastic day!
Diane.
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Sisters, it is Silver Lining Sunday!
Wow, what a difference a week can make. This time last week I was at my all time low since dx. Three full days of 85 deg, sunshine and being outdoors as much as possible helped my disposition greatly. Home last night and today it was almost 60 deg, snow is almost gone in my back yard, took a nap on my back deck under the sun, and walked five miles. Daughter is due home in an hour. DH and I had a great day together. A silver lining day!
I hope Laurie experiences the same in Cozumel. Makes me contemplate early retirement and joining you southern sisters full time! I must have SAD. I adore the warmth and sunshine. Could care less if I see snow again.
Determined to keep my optimism through the week.
Way to go Diane on getting exchange surgery scheduled! Keep us posted.
Linda, congratulations on being done with treatment and through the first year. Celebrate!
bC101, you are almost there! You both are an inspiration for the rest of us.
Wishing All of you a great week!
Ann
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Diane - that's so sweet.....thank you.
My daughter had 6 softball games this weekend and her team hosted the tournament, so we were at the fields ALL weekend. I was there from 5-10pm Friday, 8:15am - 11pm yesterday and 8:30am - 2pm today. Most of the time when she wasn't playing I sat at the t-shirt table selling shirts, but I was on my feet a lot and even emptied trash and helped clean the bathrooms. Needless to say, I'm exhausted! And Friday it was in the 90s and today 46 and rain.... crazy Texas weather! Then I had to try to figure out the financial aspects since two different teams hosted the tourney with the league, so the money gets split between the three (plus the concession money gets split with the people who run that)..... my chemo brain could hardly figure this all out, and I was an accounting major! LOL
Thank God I'm off tomorrow and the only thing I have scheduled is lunch with a friend.
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Wow Michelle! That was a full weekend. You are a powerhouse! I feel tired just reading your post!
I'm excited about Friday...can't wait to get rid of these rocks, but had a bit of a freak out last night, when I realized that because my PS is doing the fat grafting with the nipple recon later, I'll have to be off work AGAIN in June! Of course I forgot to ask how long I'll be out for the next phase, but it's very likely I will run out of vacation and have to take leave without pay if it is more than 2 or 3 days, which really sucks. So, of course I didn't sleep well last night....
....and then my silver lining arrived. I had such a fantastic day. My mom was here last night so we went for Mexican food and she and my son and I went to see Captain America, which was fun. She stayed over so I went shopping and ran errands today in the sunny 85 degree weather (it's been cold and rainy for weeks). I came home and picked up my son, and you will never guess what we did...BOWLING! Yes, I had bought ticket to "Mother and Son Bowling Night" at the school auction, not stopping to think about swinging an actual bowling ball. I had no idea if I could do it (or if I should even try). I picked the lightest ball that I could get my fingers into, which was 11 lbs and went for it. Sure, I never bowled over 64, and had to switch from my right to my left hand, but it did it, and even managed to throw 2 strikes with my left hand amidst the gutter balls! I may be really sore tomorrow, but feel okay now, and no pain, just fatigue and the same sore elbow I left the house with. It was awesome! and I feel like I can handle anything now!
I'm with you Ann, what a difference a little sunshine makes. I just know it will help Laurie...if she is able to remember anything after all those drinks!
Have a great week ladies!
Diane.
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Hi ladies. Getting closer to scheduling my exchange surgery. For those that have already gone through the exchange surgery, what was your experience after the surgery? Specifically, did u need to revisions, fat grafting etc? What can I expect? I know that everyone's experiences are different but I'm just trying to be realistic with this next step in the reconstruction process.
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Yay! for silver linings. Wow you ladies are all such an inspiration. Thank you all for sharing your tribulations and( triumph ants )lol lol that was google's spelling I just had to leave it. Anywho, congrats on getting exchange dates.
Michelle, once again you totally AMAZE me. I take a page from your book and just keep moving...Like Diane , pick up the dang ball and throw it! It doesn't have to be perfect just the process of LIVING is enough.
Sooo with that in mind....I took my bike down off its rack and inflated the tires....I did it not DH! he he! So tomorrow I am going riding. I used to do at 20miles a weekend......so here we go!.
Yesterday DH smoked a brisket......14 hours of perfection! After dinner I wanted to go for a walk...after lifting my very small weights for 20 minutes...so off we went..ha ha ha I was power walking and my border collie couldn't keep up with me. Too cool!
It is remarkable because 3 weeks ago I was litterly sitting on the floor of a Walgreens , feeling so absolutely awful, I wanted to die. So some major probiotics and an attitude change......I am not cancer and all the cancer is gone...so I am getting it together and doing something about feeling better. HA!
Spent all day cleaning the front porch..... Cleaning the smoker (yuk) and enjoying this
My DH went to 5 different stores to find this particular color bougainvillea a few years ago. it looks amazingly beautiful this year.
Pic 3 if you look closely...there is a frog living in one of the bird houses I have made
pic4 and 5 those are the bird baths I make from recycled thrift store stuff
pic 6 my lovely jasmine about to explode in flowers and heady fragrance
pic7 are some of my artwork...trees
hope you enjoy and YES! spring and sun and hope and warmth and the peace of newness is on its way!
for all of us. Love you guys,hope you don't mind my sharing
There
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Hi ladies! Just wanted to share a funny story from this weekend. My son had a baseball tournament and me and my 3 daughters and parents were in the stands watching the game. My daughters went off to play with rocks and build a fire pit. My youngest daughter, who is 4 couldn't carry all the rocks (they were quite large) so she tucked them under her shirt. When I saw her do this I just giggled, because that's how I feel w these tissue expanders in. Like I have rocks in place of my breasts. Of course I couldn't say anything to anyone because, well they just wouldn't understand. I just giggled....and then prayed that my little girl will never have to go through anything like this.
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Mommyat home,
I'll let you know...having my exchange Friday morning and will have a revision with fat grafting 6-8 weeks later at the same time as nipple reconstruction. I will be off work 10 days and the another 7 for the second one. After that, hopefully I'm done except for tattoos. I had a minor breakdown discussing my time off with our firm administrator, but she was awesome and said I can borrow time from next year if I need to. Whew!
Eve- love the photos. They are beautiful.
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Dtkd,
How do u already know u need a revision w fat graphting? Do they usually know ahead of time?
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Hi Beverly - My PS was originally going to do the fat grafting at the same time with my exchange, but the right side is quite a bit tighter than the left and the muscle is different. Because of this, he wants to wait 6-8 weeks and then do the fat grafting with the nipple reconstruction. I have the impression that it goes both ways (as in same time and after). You should check out the "Exchange City". There a lot of ladies all getting exchanges, some as recently as last week. One of the ladies told me that her PS was planning to do the FG later, but that unless something changes, she doesn't think she'll need it....so like everything else, it varies by person and by you doctor.
I'm totally stressed out and broke down a couple of times today...lack of sleep, too much to do and not enough time or energy to do it. I told my TKD master about the 2-step surgery after class tonight. He was really nice and said he see if he could schedule the testing around my surgery or even do a separate testing for me. I don't want him to do anything special or hold up anyone else. They are all training hard.. I may ask my PS to put off the fat grafting/nip recon until after my testing if the date is set in July or early Auguest, unless he thinks it's a bad idea. My best TKD girlfriend and her kids were so nice. Everyone keeps telling me that they know I can do it. I drove home with tears coming down my face because I'm no longer sure I can...there are too many variable I can't control. I know I'll regroup and feel better tomorrow, but it was a rough day, and I could use a hug.
Diane.0 -
Dtkd,
Thanks for your response. Sorry you had a tough day. Sending you gentle hugs!!!
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Thank you Beverly. Taking a Ativan and heading for bed. That should help.
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