Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)
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Sunnidays: ShetlandPony is right. But her wisdom applies to all of humankind, cancer/no cancer. Enjoy the everyday blessings of life - buds in spring, bird song, flowers in the height of summer, snow on bare trees. Be aware of wonder. The only major change I made was to divest myself of people who have been long time energy drains and soul suckers. Life is too short -- however "short" it may be.
I laugh that I might have Celtic Dementia. I forget everything except my grudges but I am letting go of those as well. The pandemic has deprived me of the simple joys of hugging friends and relations. But I let them know, often, how much I love them.
Let us know how tx is going, where your head is at.... we are all here for each other.
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I’ve been quietly reading and just wanted to say thank you to everyone - I’m a newly diagnosed stage IV. I am 10 years from my initial diagnosis of both breast and cervical - was relatively young at the time (39). Since my diagnosis - a few people have asked about my “bucket list”. I’m in Ontario where we are still at complete lockdown for a Covid - so there really is no place to go. 😂. This diagnosis has been a good reminder to enjoy each day - as corny as it sounds.
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Hi everyone
I had just retired and started a masters degree in museum studies so finding other pursuits that were both intellectual and were as creative as my working environment were the priority along with outdoor travel and camping were a must have..10 years on still doing diverse pursuits but now utilizing the internet to broaden my horizens as overseas travel is not happening due to covid
Have joined costume and sewing and re enactment sites . Have an interest in Steampunk and found events to make costumes for
18th century costume site allows me to plan and become more knowledgeable about textiles and garment construction
Family now receive extra desserts as this is another skill I taught
Always try to be busy is my motto
Cheers
Bright in hope
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rachel5738: I am sorry that you are joining our club but welcome. As I wrote in another post "Staying alive" is number one on my bucket list. After the first stay-at-home order was lifted I went to the local Michael's store and just walked up and down ALL the aisles, just because I could. I knew where the item I wanted was . I don't know when I will feel safe on public transit. You are right - try to enjoy each and every day, even stuck at home.
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Been reading along, thank you to all of you and for sharing your thoughts.
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This really cheered me up today. I am making more of an effort to live in the moment and doing little projects. I feel very blessed In many ways I have the most wonderful husband and my eldest daughter came for a visit today.
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I came across this Martin Luther quote while reading 'Anxious People" by Frederick Backman.
With love to each of us who struggle yet keep going with our disease.
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."
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Thanks for that quote, Sandi. I actually just got two fruit trees to plant!
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“How do you know if you are making the most of every day?"
Sunnidays, it's a great question! It can seem like a tall order, like: the pressure's on, now get to it! But you don't have to go big or be dramatic to live well, altho you can add a sprinkling of both to the mix from time to time.
I agree with all the great advice you received in answer to your question. I can share a few ideas, too.
Like moth says, prioritize. And then keep things simple. There's an expression, "Do less, better." I try to do more of what I want to be doing and less of what I don't. And let's face it, if I want to simplify housework so I have more time to binge watch “Halston" on Netfix, that is making the most out of that day for me!
I also do less multitasking.
Last year, I took a free 10-week online course from Yale, yes Yale University called “The Science of Well-Being". It's their most popular class ever. I've always been interested in the topic and turns out there are actions you can take to improve it.
One of them is do cool things for the sake of learning new things. Use your imagination and try doing something new once a week or every couple of weeks. Try a new food, visit someplace new, many things to try!
Invest in sleep and exercise. I have good sleep habits. I'm sometimes sidelined from exercising due to physical health, but walk a few times a week when I can.
Meditate. Meditation can take as little as 5 minutes a few days a week, and there's lots of how-to youtube videos. It's not my favorite thing but at times it's helped.
Practice random acts of kindness. Some people will give themselves a quota, like doing 3 a week.
Be grateful. - There are those who write down 3-5 things each night. I did that decades ago before I had mbc. I've just always been aware of the goodness in my life.
Savor moments in life. Focus on the experience. Talk to others about it. Giggling, laughing, jumping and squealing all help savor the good time. Stay in the present.
Some of these things you already do.
I also want to say that I still fight with my husband from time to time, get frustrated with stuff, and continue working on better boundaries with my siblings. I accept that parts of life must be grappled with.
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DivineMrsM, since I couldn't bookmark your comment, I copied and pasted it into a Word document. Wow, there's some "good stuff" in there. I can't thank you enough for sharing what you learned from your course. I think I'll look that up. I've been feeling a bit discouraged lately... Don't know why. Upcoming appointments, maybe and I've been having more pain.
It's sunny today for the second day in a row - a nice change from our "May Gray" and coming "June Gloom". Yesterday was my birthday. Had a good day. We drove to the end of Point Loma to the Cabrillo Monument. We get in free now, since we got my husband his Lifetime Senior (yikes) Pass. We call it his "Geezer Pass". You can be sure as soon as he turned 62 we got it for him. I turned 63 yesterday. How in the world did that happen? Will I make it to 64? Don't know. I hope so...
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🎂
Happy birthday!
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Sunshine- Happy belated Birthday.
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Divine, was the class taught by Dr. Laurie Santos?
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Sunshine: Happy Belated Birthday. Yeah --- I have the same thoughts about my birthdays. WTF? Yesterday I was 31 and now I am 70 SEVENTY? I hope your feeling down/discouraged gets lifted soon.
"How do you know if you are making the most of everyday"? I have a picture of a crow with "Be the crow you want to see in the world. Collect shiny things. Hop happily down the sidewalk for no apparent reason. Scream when you see you friends" Not very profound but I try to approach life that way.
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Elderberry, that's good. I'll try to be the crow today.
Carol
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Happy birthday, Sunshine! I have every reason to believe you'll be around to celebrate your next birthday! *Cue the Beatles tune “When I'm 64".
Elderberry, I totally love the crow's take on living your best life and plan to apply its principles to mine! I do love shiny jewelry!
ShetlandPony, yes, Dr. Laurie Santos taught the Science of Well Being class! Please tell how you also know of her!
Class instructions had us take each week to focus on practicing one aspect of well being. For the one on kindness themes, I bought a little plaque that said “Scatter kindness" and put it in the bathroom (where I'd always see it) and donated a small amount of money to a food pantry and an animal shelter. I also posted kindness memes on my Facebook page that week and of course found ways to be more kind to dh. I had to get creative during the pandemic,
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Divine, I discovered a podcast that Dr. Santos does. It is called The Happiness Lab, and it started in September 2019. I am listening to the episodes in order. In one of the podcasts she described how she created a class at Yale out of research on happiness, how so many students signed up they had to use a theater (?) and hire many teaching assistants, and how later she offered an online class. So I recognized it in your post. I would love to take this class. Such great homework!
Sunshine, happy birthday and I love the "Geezer Pass".
Elderberry, I love the crow poster!
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Happy birthday Sunshine!
Divine - had to laugh at your 'Halston' binge cause I did exactly that last week to take my mind off scans. I love a Ryan Murphy show but good lord he needs to quit with the everyone dies of AIDS at the end storyline (see also: Pose season 3). I know those years were bad and my parents lost many good friends to the disease, but I do wish it didn't have to be this heavy backdrop to all these time period shows. That being said, at least Ewan MacGregor makes smoking into an art form because it seemed to be 5 hours of him chain smoking
Sunnidays - its taken me a while to figure this out too. I've found so long as I can learn and grown and be creative, however that manifests on any given day, then thats great. I was feeling cranky this weekend about not being able to travel and work being a boring chore, but as soon as I started working on something new (a recipe, a sewing project), that gave me some get up and go and got my out of my rut.
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Sunshine, Divine, ShetlandPony: I missed the "loudly" :-)
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Happy birthday, sunshine! I have never minded aging and since my dx I am thrilled to age. What shocks me is that my children are in their 30’s! When did my children get so old?
Keep learning, yes! I am convinced that if you keep learning and live your life looking forward, not looking back, your body may age but your mind will be young and sharp. Too many people, when they reach a certain age, stop living life forward and spend time dwelling on their youth as the best time of their lives. They complain about the younger generation, their music, fashion, slang etc. They are sure we’re all going to hell in a hand basket now while believing that everything was perfect in their youth. Did someone promise them that life would never change? Does history not show them that all societies change over time? I don’t necessarily like the changes that are part of any growing, healthy, society but that is a natural part of how the world works! I have wonderful memories of my childhood and youth but my life is spent looking forward to what’s yet to come
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Sondra, I just started watching Halston and am jonesing for some down time to catch more episodes. It's been awhile since a show's caught my interest like that. I may check out Pose which I never heard of. Shows about the 1980s fascinate me; I'm not even sure why. But I loved GLOW, Stranger Things, Dallas Buyers Club. And a few others.
Shetland Pony, I've heard of the Happiness Lab; I think I get emails about it. I've not tuned in to it as I am more a reader than a listener. I know there has to be some great insights from it, though.
It can be kind of surprising when you're new to living with metastatic breast cancer that it's still worth your while to learn new things and do new things you've haven't tried before. After I was diagnosed I honestly didn't know exactly how to proceed. But you can probably guess where I found guidance, right here on this forum. It's where I met other women with mbc who were moving forward with their lives and I will always remember how inspiring that was. I took baby steps and learned to move forward, too.
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Devine - thank you for suggesting "the Science of Well-Being". Jut looked it up and a class starts today! I'm trying ti figure out if I can join/stop at anytime or if it is "live" and has a set time.
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BGRS, you should be good to join. None of it is live.There are videos to watch and suggested reading. It's a work at your own pace thing with lots of time to complete assignments.
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exbrnxgirl: I so agree. Always keep interested. Always keep learning, trying new things. I've taken classes in aromatherapy, silversmithing, lamp beads, Tarot, flash fiction..... I can't decide if I am a Renaissance Girl or just a dilettante.
Divine: I came in late to POSE, catching Season 2 a few episodes in. Now watching Season 3. I PVR it so I can watch it while my DH is in the basement practising trumpet. My cranky old lad stuff is bitching about a lot of the current female singers. I cannot tell them apart. Time was when you knew whether it was Janis, Joan Baez, Buffy St, Marie. My really old lady stuff is asking "Why do all the singers feel that have to grab their crotches when they sing?" Male and female. Twerking isn't sexy -- it is vulgar! Oh my, bring in the rocker with the dollies on the headrest.
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Not sure where to post, so I'll post it here. I just signed up for something that sounds fun, hopefully there is room for me. It seems to be offered in many states. A free 3-day fly fishing trip for BCers. https://castingforrecovery.org/
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This is my first time posting in this thread - I've been reading most of the stage IV threads since being diagnosed in 2018, and I've occasionally commented on some. I feel like I know most of you and I'm so thankful that you're all here, spreading hope and kindness for those just starting on this forced ride.
I think I'm still afraid I'm going to jinx everything by posting, but I remember getting so much hope from these posts when I was first diagnosed, that I thought I should add my little celebration of life with stage IV MBC. This ties in with all the suggestions made by Divine and Exbrnxgrl and others that one of the ways to "live it up" is to keep trying to learn and do new things every day. I think that's the main thing that keeps me going... I love learning new things, from how to fix a leaky dishwasher to how to set up a Squarespace website.
A month after my stage IV diagnosis, I got a phone call informing me I had been accepted into Harvard Law School. At age 42 that was an unlikely and near-miraculous outcome, the best ending to a dream I had been chasing for a few years... I had imagined that moment so many times in the years before the diagnosis, and in none of those imaginary scenarios did I ever put down the phone with silent tears of sorrow falling on my desk as an endless feeling of loss wrapped tightly around me, trying to squeeze out every drop of hope and happiness, trying to turn off every shimmer of a future. I didn't think there was any point. I didn't think I would be alive long enough to graduate. I didn't think I could justify the effort and the time I could have spent with the family...
Except that deep down, I still wanted to go. I still wanted to believe I could. I still wanted to give my brain one (maybe last) challenge. I still wanted to believe I wasn't dead yet...
Today, almost three and a half years from that phone call, I graduated from Harvard Law, Magna cum Laude. Am I bragging? Yes, I think I am. Is it inappropriate? Just for today, I don't really care. I'm a 46-year old mom with metastatic breast cancer, who worked through school and held her own against over 500 bright, healthy, driven 20-somethings. And I had so much fun doing it.
I realize I was lucky that my first line of treatment worked for as long as it did, and that not everyone gets so lucky. But when I signed that acceptance letter, I didn't know I was going to be lucky. I came so close to giving up, and I am so grateful for all your stories that convinced me not to. No matter what happens from now on, I will know I took my shot and squeezed every ounce of life, and learning and challenge out of the last three years, and I will have no regrets.
Thank you for being here!
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oh Piggy, this is so great! I love that you went for it and accomplished this !!! Honestly brought tears to my eyes. It is great for you, for yourchildren and for the contribution to the world you might make with your degree.
Congratulations, you are totally entitled to brag!
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Bluegirlredstate, that sounds amazing! Enjoy every moment.
Piggy,
I am crying tears of happiness for you. What a wonderful achievement. I know that not everyone with mbc is well enough to do what you’ve done but what is so inspiring is that you chose to carry on with your dreams despite your dx. My deepest respect ✊
Well, here’s my milestone. My retirement party was today! We did an outdoor picnic 🧺 style event. It was low key and my children and grandchildren were there as well as my colleagues (who planned and arranged the event). It was lovely 😊. It’s also hard to believe that in just about one week, I can say that I’m a retired teacher
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Piggy, huge congratulations, along with feelings of admiration, hope, happiness, awe, triumph, and inspiration. I am so glad you shared this with us.
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