Mothers with school aged children
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kjones. That sounds like an sneed one time fir your 11 year kids bday. I so wish I had the energy to do that. Very happy you got to enjoy it. As far as being a but - my ds1 is 13. Wow hormone overload !!!! He's like a girl on her period all the time. Trying hard to overlook the small things so not to always be in his case but I swear he has forgotten every manner we have taught him. Can't imagine what a girl would be like
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My kids were 11 and 15 when I was first diagnosed. Now 14 and almost 18. Happy to see my son off to college. Hoping to see my daughter graduate high school...and then some, of course. I have come to the conclusion that they will be alright. Sure, they might miss having a mom for certain life events, especially my daughter, but young people are so resilient and life does go on, just as it always has, with or without me. I am prematurely sad at the things I wont see my kids do. But knowing they will do them and have a good life really does make it better.
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I am so proud of how my little one has coped with the upheaval my diagnosis & treatment has brought to her life!
Her school had an outreach programme today with our local government school for underprivileged kids & I volunteered to help. Two good reasons - the feel good factor of feeding & playing with the visiting kids & getting to spend some time in class with my daughter. My work hours can be made up another time.
Being only 5 & not understanding cancer, me losing my hair was a very big deal for my princess, so I've been very careful about always wearing my wig to school, especially since I was diagnosed just before she started at a new school & had to go through getting used to a new place & make new friends. Today, one of her little friends said she liked my hair (my wig does get so many compliments!) & Katy happily told her it was a wig because my hair fell out & she told me to show her friends how I can lift it up. They were amazed & she was happily laughing.
Sad that this is something that is part of her life, but very happy to be her show-&-tell for the day :-)
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Karz72, that is such a cute story about your daughter and your wig! So sweet
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stefajoy are those your kids in your profile pic? They are beautiful. My feelings appear to be similar to yours. I know my 16-year-old will be fine without me.
I feel for you moms of middle school age kids. It IS a trying time. They DO remember their manners eventually.
Summer plans: I asked my son what he wanted to do. He wants a car, but I want us to have the experiences. Costs a lot to do both. We are going to NYC at his request. We used to live there. I got us a hotel room close to where our apt was. And I'm taking him and his friends to beach when school is out. His stepbrother visits for a month in the summer, and with his job, that's about all we have time for.
I'm on new pain meds and we are still trying to get my body to tolerate Afinitor, so I have refundable hotels.
What's everybody else doing?
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Heat broken this morning. Yesterday I found out that I have single met in my liver. So my cancer has recurred. NO firm plan yet. But my heart breakes everytime I see my chilren. Trying to hold onto the fact that my littlest one will begin kindergarten in the fall and that my eldest just graduated from elementary school. But just heart broken. I know I wll fight again and have no doubt I will reach NED again or at least a very stable state but I hate this. hate this. hate this. It is so hard I can barely look at my family. I konw I will be better in a while but right now, its is just so sad and hard.
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Leftfootforward, I too recieve bad scan results today. My little one is 8 and the eldest is 13. Today I cry and tomorrow....tomorrow will be better day. At least I hope so.0 -
hugs Kiss.
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Hugs to you, too!0 -
Leftfootforward and Kiss, I am sorry to hear about the progression. Thinking about one's kids is one of the hardest (if not the hardest) parts of this disease. Here's to your next treatment kicking some booty!
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left and kiss--I'm so sorry to hear your news. That sucks! And it is very sad and incredibly hard to comprehend. Cry, scream, punch, kick, whatever you need to do. We will be here for you. Looking at the family is hard, but they are why you are going to fight like a crazy woman! You can do this...again! Many hugs and much love to you two
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3rd time is the charm right? Thanks everyone for being there
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left and kiss, so sorry to hear about your progression. Hugs coming your way. Hopefully the next treatment will get things under control for you.
My kids are out of school and heading to Canada to visit grandparents and their father for the summer. This is the 3rd summer in a row they've gone, and all 3 summers I have had mets, and I'm stable and have been so for the last 11 months... but I'm a wreck for some reason this time. Their flight is tomorrow and I'm doing my best to keep on my smiley mom face til they go but I know that after their flight leaves I will be having a good ole crying jag. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I hate to even consider that it's my intuition telling me that this is my last summer... Not even going there.
Just need to find a good hobby to get me through the next 7 weeks until my babies are back home with me. :-/
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kebab, left foot, and kiss- sorry about your rough start to summer.I'm having a weird summer. I have had to skip two treatments because my liver started throwing a tantrum about Kadcyla. I was mm away from NED. So while I am enjoying feeling awesome, in the back of my head I keep wondering about how much is stuff growing. Of course I refuse to live my life as if I'm already dead so here is my new 10 year comment. Her name is Goodie.
So she's going to help keep me positive while I wait for my liver study to finish and I get to try the next HER2 drug. She's an Arab. She's only 14.1. I'm only 5'. My kids love her already.
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hi haven't posted on this thread before but my cancer came back last summer and although I have just had sixonths of NED it's back again . I have a son of 24 who is a great support and also two girls of 15 and 11. The 15 year old is autistic and doesn't understand and the 11 year old knows I have cancer. Every time she says anything about the future it breaks my heart . Since the last appointment I am struggling with the despair and could do with some encouragement
Barbara
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Sorry Barb! You're in the right place. I'll admit that I am kind of a go for the gusto plan for the future anyway person. When my cancer came back in my back I was devastated. That was three years ago. Now it's in my lungs. But I don't focus on that. I'm focused on building memories with my kids. Some days it means just watching a good movie.
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thanks. People at the hospital don't understand. They wanted to talk about palliative care todayike I am going to be gone soon I said no I want to concentrate on fighting. Then they went on about we can't tell how long anybody will last . Why shouldn't I be one of those who has years . I want to see them grow up Barbar
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Hi ladies!! Have any of you had a problem with clingy kids. My dd is 12, and is joined to my hip. She won't spend the night anywhere and won't go anywhere unless I'm there. I'm trying to push her out of the nest gradually to go do things with her friends or at church, but she refuses to go unless I am there. I've been NED for 5 years and October will be my 6 year cancerversary.
Barb, good luck to you! I hate this roller coaster and waiting for the other shoe to drop!
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cafelovr- my DD has been the same way. She was sleeping on my floor every night. She was 3 when we started this mess. She's 7 and I think this was the first time she realized that I am a cancer patient. The school counselor had us take a picture of us doing something memorable together. We did and then we made copies that she could take with her. Costco and Walgreens have wallet sizes. I also sat down with her and explained that cancer happens in stages. We will know when the end is near and she'll have time to say Goodbye. It's not easy having that conversation but they need to feel free to ask anything.
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Yes, I have the pictures too. She carries one in her back pack and has one she leaves at school. I put little love letters in her lunch bag. I just don't want her to sit and worry about me. I don't want her to miss out on her life...(weep)...
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Hi ladies!
Fujimama-i haven't had a conversation like that with my children yet. I guess I kind of feel like whenever I feel like that is needed I will know. So far I keep trying to keep a normal life, but have told them all that I am changing medications and I'm not feeling so great. I think they are kind of used to that
And I am having radiation done to a lesion on my spine in the near future, so we have talked about that. It is sad to me that these kinds of things (medications, scans, radiation) is all becoming "normal" to them. Cafelovr-one of my dd was 8 when I was diagnosed, she is is now 12. She was really like that for a while, and even slept on our floor off and on for months. The social worker at the cancer center kept telling me that wasn't good and I was worried so we made an apt with a counselor. DD was not receptive to the idea and refused to speak to any of us during the apt. So I just went with my intuition and gave her lots of hugs and let her spend time with me. She got over it and now spends time alone in her room with the door closed
So I think different kids process things in different ways and just being open to them is the most important thing.We are having a great summer here. I recently changed from Femara (it was failing, my tumor markers were rising and I had a spot on my PET scan show up on my spine). So I started Aromisin/Afinitor last week and I am even more fatigued than usual. But I am determined to enjoy the summer. I guess I will try to fit in time for some radiation, but I am just waiting for the RO to call me. I don't have 2 weeks in a row that I was planning on being here in town, we have a couple of vacations coming up and I really don't want cancer to interfere with my vacations anymore than it is already.
Barb-I try never to look at statistics. There is no reason to think we can't be the ones who have successful treatments ahead of us, and I remind myself that medicine is coming up with things quickly. it is so important for me not to sink into depression or anxiety. I hope you are feeling better.
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Hello Everyone,
I saw this thread and thought I would drop in. My daughter is only two but is already getting perceptive and repeating a lot. I was wondering at what age you started talking to your child about cancer if they were very young when you were diagnosed.
Diane was just under 1 when I was diagnosed which may actually be a very good thing because she'll never know the difference of her mom with or without cancer. I had heard that 5 was a good age to start. I know I have time to really think about this but it was something on my mind.
Renee
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RSEman- I started talking with my kids from the start (except my 3 month old). My husband and I taylored what we told each of our kids and continue to do so with each new treatment/procedure I have. As the kids grow up with you and your cancer journey they will naturally start asking you more questions or not. When I was first diagnosed my kids were ( 3months, 2 1/2, 5, and almost 8). They are now amost 5, 7, 10 and almost 13. Their questions change as they age so we are continually adapting what they know. for you you might start with simple stuff like I am taking medicine or receiving treatment to make a bad thing better. I am not making light of the situation but I think that is about as much as 2 year old understands. I explained to my 2 year old that i would lose my boobs but that it was ok I would just look different. Not sure what your treatment plans involove so not sure what you need to talk to her about. I always answered honestly but some people choose not to do that. You will find your right path. do what feels right. My cancer center had coloring books they gave the kids that basically explained all the little ones needed to know. Try asking your doctor about that. They might have something similar.
I wish you all the best
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Rseman and leftfootforward, these are great questions and responses. This is definitely an area where we each need to figure out what works for ourselves, which may be different than what works for others. I have always felt the best way for me would be to be honest from the beginning so it is never a secret, shocking or awkward when my son gets older. However, I still don't know exactly how to get the ball rolling once he is old enough to start discussing this (6 months now). Great discussion to start thinking about different options and perspectives.
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I agree with you all, talking about it from the beginning and just field the questions as they come. I think when my son was 5 he asked about dying, and I just told him we were all going to die someday and so we talked about it more from a point of life fro everyone than from my illness. I have found with time that each child kind of deals with it in their own way and it is important to be open and receptive when they ask a question or voice a concern, or even just when I notice a change in behavior. I automatically think that the cancer is at the center of whatever it is, but often when I ask questions and talk to them I find out it is completely something different....a problem in school, mad about something etc. And that is such a relief!
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hey mamma's! What are y'all up to with the kiddos these days? My son had a baseball camp. We (my dad's while side of the family--40+ people) went to the beach. We have gone camping and hiking. We are planning a trail ride next week. We have played a ton of games and cards. Taught my 11year old how to play cribbage! We implemented no technology Tuesday's. No tv, no internet, no iPad, ps4 for anybody! It's been great! The kids have really bonded. Hubby has been coaching a couple football camps and will leave me tomorrow...until November. I'm hoping my energy holds out. I still struggle in the mornings. Would love to hear from you guy's! Here is a pic of my family, mom and dad, my bro and his girl.
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Beautiful!!!
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Fuji--how are you tolerating your new treatment? I am so very sorry. I hope you are still able to ale some precious memories with the kiddos. I also hope you have a good support system. We are here for you. Wish I lived closer to help with physical stuff...keep on keepin on. Much love to you
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Feeling pretty good now. Rads are going I only have 4 left. My head's actually feeling better. Still making memories. We currently have a two week Japanese exchange student. She's only here until next Monday, but it has been a nice way for my 1/4 Japanese kids to experience more of that culture. I will be starting Tykerb and xeloda next.
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thanks so much for the inspiration. Just diagnosed with HER2 brain mets to cerebellum last week after a PCR to TCHP last year. Totally shocking and overlooked by healthcare providers. Happy to not be throwing up anymore.
I sent my boys away for a few days so I could heal, we planned this week away before I got sick and my parents came cross country to help me out which was amazing. My younger son is almost 5 and he cried so much to leave me, this is the longest he's been away from me. It was good that he let it out and he was smiles and happy on FaceTime later on. My older son is 8-1/2 and I've always talked to them about what was going on with my disease before -- being an accurate, consistent and reliable source of info, which always seemed to help.
I thought I had left cancer behind me though, was ready to switch my care out of the cancer center and instead I got caught once more. I don't want this to be their experience of me, short curly hair, fatigued, etc. I'll bounce back quite a lot but I guess some of this is our lot in life now.
I love reading your stories, they are so inspiring to me. Live each day as it comes hasn't changed, and our life expectancies are unknowable by anyone. Targeted therapies worked really well against my cancer before. Might have to push the envelope but maybe this HER2 mother can beat the odds again.
Ann
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