Starting chemo August 2014
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So you made me cry nottoday! Happy tears though.
Isn't life strange. The only thing I ever wanted to be, from the very first time I learned my ABC's, was a writer. I had a chaotic childhood to say the least. And lots of inner feelings I had no ability to express. Until I learned how to read and write.
Somehow real life interfered. Not so long ago, no one even had a personal computer, much less a blog. You had to write a novel and it was a big ordeal. So, I just gave up and started working full time. Now I realize I really did not have anything to say of importance.
Now everything is different. I have absolutely no fear of sharing my most personal details with the world. I've been through chemo, nothing scares me.
I think that maybe, through my stories, someone may find solace, help or peace.
And, it's selfish. It helps me most of all. I cannot stop posting. It's easy and natural feeling.
Gatomal, how you doin babygirl? Catie, how went the big proposal?!!!! So exciting.
Eileen and Windgirl, pics from trips please!
Hugs, Candy0 -
So today I officially had the dumbest comments ever made to me since the start of this whole thing. I was checking out at Walmart and the checker asked me what my chemo was for (what Cancer). I told her and she proceeded to tell me how her GMA had had breast cancer and it spread all over to her spine, liver, and brain and that she just wasn't her gma anymore when she finally died from Cancer. I have heard of stories where people have gotten similar comments but never had gotten one myself... I mean what happened to the days when they said "have a nice day?"
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Dear JustAmy,
I am sorry you had to put up with that thoughtless comment. I had something similar happen, from a closer source. Just when I returned to work after BMX and chemo, my boss described how he as a kid had watched his grandmother die a horrible death from cancer. All he remembered of her was her lying in bed, very sick. Now my boss is super smart and kind. Why he felt he needed to inform me of this is beyond me. I have this mantra that I say to myself whenever people say things to me that are bizarre or unnerving: "Cancer is scary to everyone. But at bottom, people are trying to be kind." I don't know if it's true - I think it is - but at any rate, it helps me let a lot of odd comments roll off my back.
And I'm not sure, but I really hope that bc has taught me how to respond more appropriately to others who are going through a difficult illness.
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Yes Amy, that is my favorite one. I have heard it from many. I agree with nottoday, and admit to doing it myself in the past, just saying stuff before thinking. It has made me a much more thoughtful person, this BC.
Of course it still makes me mad every time it happens, but I do not take it as personally nowadays. Well, maybe only every other time....
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Bippy, love the blog. I agree you are a born writer. You had me laughing and crying! Love it. I always say I can' wait for the book to come out! I can then say I knew Bippy when...and she brought me comfort, happiness, peace and supported us all!
Catie, how did the big surprise go! I hope DD was really surprised. Can't wait to hear the update from a proud Mamma!
JustAmy, those type of comments are the ones I tell people immediately to keep to themselves! I agree sometimes they are trying to be kind and just don't know what to say so they go to the story they believe most relates..NOT!
Gatomal, how are you doing? How is the recovery. I hope you are resting. Yes i did look into Osher Center. I choose to go with an ND instead of an MD with integrative training. The driving point in my decision is my ONC s really good an will work in conjunction with my ND (Integrative Oncologist). I have to say the yoga, accupuncture and supplements are doing wonders. And yes of course the exercise. I feel a lot better as the SEs from Chemo and Tamoxifen were kicking my behind.
I hope all had a wonderful weeekend. I did!
Hugs All,
-Angie
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angie! My fear was offending you with language. I know you, like Amy, are women of faith. So thank you for allowing me and still reading the blog! Even with the nasty words, we can all relate. I will be striving to NOT use curse words. I wish to be more creative than to resort to them always.
As you all know, my West Virginia hillbilly/Austrian farmer genetics run strong. We are a Klassy folk
catie! We are all dying. What happened?
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She said YES! DD is engaged.... Had company here all wknd and worked long day today, so I'm in bed at 9:15 and exhausted. Just wanted to share the good news. Hope to read and catch up on thing soon.
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Hello to all my lovelies, Home from Cancun and my sons wedding. It was a beautiful setting on the beach. I've read and caught up now on what has been going on while I was off line.
We were at a lovely resort with dress code, mainly for men. I wore a very pretty straw hat with a jeweled band. The seater came to our table and told me there was a no hat rule and that I had to take it off. I stewed for a few minutes then went up and said to send the manager to me. When he came to our table, I got my finger out and shook it in his face...told him I had on a hat because I obviously had no hair due to stage 4 cancer, etcetera, etc. He picked up my hat and put it on my head and apologized graciously....and then backed away in fear! As my kids say ,I had my mad walk on. After getting over my mad, we cracked up and had champagne! People are stupid
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Catie- congrats!! Sounds like a busy but awesome weekend!
Beatmon- I'm so sorry you had thy encounter. People can be so stupid.
My husband and I went to a fundraising event for the cancer center last night. They honored 100 people who were nominated but the public, who are doing gear things for cancer treatment. They were doctors, nurses, volunteers, researchers.... My bosses wife was treated at the same place so they are very involved and donate, they invited us to attend. There were tears after watching some heartbreaking videos but it was a good time. Ironically we left an outside were 2 honorees standing outside smoking.
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Catie=CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
Beatmom=You tell them. Love you and congratulations.
Justamy= People say the dumbest things. I honestly think they have no idea how painful thses stories are and they serve no purpose to the people they are telling it to. Again I do as Bippy taught me. Back off, Will I like the ending to this story.
Gatomal=Hope all went well.
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Justamy - Now that I am going to work w short hair, every so often the questions come. Always followed by a story of someone they know with cancer. Unfortunately cancer is way to common and everyone has been effected by either having it themselves or knowing someone. I really can do without the stories, but then again I can do without people in general. LolHaving trouble with typing on laptop keyboard today. Had to save 2x and edit to continue.
Hope everyone is doing well and hope to hear from all soon. I still don't really have eye brows and eyelashes to speak of. This is me with no makeup while laying on couch typing to u all
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aAlmost forgot to show off my daughters ring. She was so surprised and happy. We are very happy too! Something good to look forward to
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Bippy, I know good writing when I see it and yours is awesome -- I love to read. I say write your feelings and we as readers than absorb it the way that works best for us. how it fells most comfortable to you I support you fully!
Catie=Congrats, Congrats, Congrats to your DD, you and your DH.
Beatmom=You go girl! Tell 'em like it is and you let them know without wavering one size (policy) does not fit all! I am sorry you (we) have to encounter such stupidity at times. I need to start living it up and traveling -- you inspire me to get up and get going! Congrats on your DS and DDIL's wedding! Can't wait to see some pics.
Kellogg, sounds like a wonderful event! I am attempting to get my stepfather to stop smoking, especially after my dx. He has yet to "give-in". He has been smoking for at least the last 35 yrs since I have known him.
I still wear a wig (bu short) to work. My DH wants me to stop wearing it as he says my hear is fine. I told him I would but I don't think I want to hear the "questions" or get the looks at work. I don't wear the wig outside of work -- so I just need to get the courage to wear my short hair, which is coming in really straight and wavey and not a nice kinky texture -- Go figure. I talked to my Onc and guess this is common with African Americans -- so I am not sure how to "manage" my hair either..LoL.
Hugs too all and have a great day,
-Angie
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BTW, I ran into a 20yr survivor here at work yesterday. She really encouraged me! She asked where I had been since she hadn't seen me in a while. For some reason I felt comfortable in telling her my story (this is very unusually for me -- especially at work). She really really did encourage me and she has a friend who is 40 yrs out and did the entire treatment chemo, radiation, etc. Those who have been through this know that it is important to encourage and not "discourage"!
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Catie= the ring is just gorgeous.Here is a picture of me and my BF in London. Ok, My hair is the same color as my beloved Haley Jean(Boxer) who passed away 2 years ago. It also is the same texture. I had dark brown hair before BC. I have dyed it twice yet, the last time was over 8 weeks ago. So, I am now a pixie cut dark blond. She is channeling through me. I have not started barking yet. That will come later. Maybe if someone makes a stupid comment I will just bark. My boyfriend is super cute. Much cuter in person. I just realized that is Haley Jean where my name is. I think we do look alike now.
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I love seeing everyone's pictures.
Gorgeous ladies, gorgeous rings, gorgeous all around. 0 -
hey all. So exciting catie about your daughter! She is so beautiful. Love that Eileen is in London town w her handsome man, and lady b--so glad you've found encouragement. With some people it just clicks and comes out, right?
Went to the Breast surgeon yesterday. She was actually kinda proud! She went deep again, took out another 2.5cm x 1.5 cm piece of tissue, down to the chest wall. The margins are clear, but there are some diffuse foci in the sample with some Cancer cells. It's possible, that she may have encircled some Cancer cells, but missed some others int he Breast. She doesn't want to do a mastectomy, and I don't either, so she brought in the rad onc to get her opinion. The consensus is to just irradiate the heck out of that area. I'll be presented again at tumor board on my birthday, and will have my sim appt the next day. I decided to start supression early, next week, and start taking my AIs. Maybe getting my hand stitches out today. Feeling this sore throat that hasn't been going away for weeks, on and off. Not feeling great, looks like I'll be going back to reno in late August now, hope that rads goes okay. Still hoping to achieve my goal of walking home each day. Hugs to all..
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gatomal=I want you to be finshed with all this stuff. Come on!!! Radiation is ok and I found really easy. Thinking of you!!
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Thinking of you gatomal! Radiation was very tolerable for me as well.
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hi ladies! I am back from vacation, as always it felt too short. I caught up on the messages and happy to hear everyone is doing well. My time in France was very nice. I ate a lot, walked a lot, drank some wine, shopped a bit and took a bunch of photos. I was in Paris for 3 full days and then headed to Nice for 4 days. While in Nice, we visited Eze, Monaco/Monte Carlo, Cannes, and St. Tropez. I kind of wish it was lavender season to go see the purple fields but apparently it was too early for that. Maybe I will get to photograph that when I have better skills. Here are some photos I took during the trip and a photo of me and my best buddies from college. I did not wear the wig and kind of got used to the pixie look, as you can guess I am then one with the super short hair.
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Gatomol - Hope soar throat was just a temporary allergy symptom and your feeling better. I was lucky and found rads to be pretty much uneventful myself. Use the lotions they prescribe often. It will be finished before you know it. I know everyone is different, but I am hoping for the best for you.
Eileenpg - Love your short hair and cutie boyfriend. Enjoy your vacation! Heard lots of good things about London
Wind girl - Great photos of Paris. Looks like u had a wonderful time. Your pixie hair style looks great. I wish my hair was as thick as yours and Cassiecat's. I can see my scalp and thinking of getting extensions eventually to make it look thicker. Beautiful
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Windgirl= You look fantastic. So glad you had fun. I had a super time.
Gatomal= When I was in radiation I would yell "RUN" and then everyone would leave the room. They tell you it is safe yet, you are the only one in the room. I would say 'Hey what about me." The sound at the place I would go sounded like the metro doors closing in Paris. So everyday I would tell them where we were going to in Paris. My tech was great. He would talk to me about our daily trip. I tried to make radiation as FUN(LOL) as possible. It went by quickly.
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Gatomal radiation was easy for me too, it passed surprisingly quick and the marks are almost disappeared. I loved my rad techs and they made it almost fun for me. I hope you will have a similar experience.
Thanks for comments Catie and Eileen. I've been trying to learn how to style it like Halle berry but looking more like Miley Cyrus with the spikes. The top back part is actually pretty thin and shorter than the rest but I put more product there and fluff it up with a round brush.
I've watched some videos on YouTube and Cassie this may interest you too the key is to apparently do a foam mold wrap and it is supposed to keep the hair down. I will try to get a wrap today and see how it works0 -
Windgir, you look awesome love the hair. So glad you had fun with your girlfriends.
Gatomal, Rads went by quickly. Loved the team that I say every day for 5 weeks.
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hi my chickies!I love, love, love the pics. Eileen and windgirl you are beautiful and radiant.
Gatomal, good news! Rads will be no issue for ya. Heal fast my sister!
Catie, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, when is the date?!
Here are a few pics from today, from Sarasota VA Cemetery, where my daddy is.
It is hot hot hot out. Anyone comin to Sarasota? I volunteer as tour guide! Wait till October.
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Bippy thanks, it's amazing that your father was a ww2 veteran, may he rest in peace. Also checked out your blog, really enjoyed the style, and the catchy titles. Think I prefer port wine as well
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Me and my girl after one of her performances today...
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Casiecat=You guys are TOO PRETTY!!!! Love the picture.
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Cassie awesome picture both of you look beautiful!
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Cassie what a great photo! You look wonderful!
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