Starting chemo August 2014
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I, too, look forward to being rid of anything I do not need. To keep her hand busy my mom made countless hats - knit, crocheted, sewn, you name it. I have two bags of hats to give away, plus a wig (never worn) and a halo (worn once) and some scarves I never used. A friend who's an ER nurse at the county hospital is connecting me with someone at the hospital who can get these things into needy hands. I've already given away one bag to my own infusion center.
I figured out my blues today I think. DH and DD both went back to work/school, and I was rattling around here alone. I'm trying not to do much to let the MX heal, and so I was just here, with too much time and too much quiet. Just naming the source of my disquiet helps me feel a little better about it.
I have Herceptin through August as far as I know. I started chemo on August 28th, so I assume Herceptin will go up until August 7th or so, to make it a full year. But I'm not really sure.
I ordered a a few bras to try out from amazon last night. I'm hoping for comfortable and room to put in a foob (love that term!) as I don't have reconstruction coming any time soon. Under certain clothes it won't be obvious that I'm flat on one side, but I'd like to be able to wear whatever I want without having to think too much about my boob(s). I'm still a little swollen and not completely flat yet, but the swelling is going down compared to right after surgery.
I'm rambling - see? I'm lonely today.
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Had my last chemo today. It hasn't really sunk in yet. Just herceptin / perjeta every 3 weeks now. My chemo doc said they are not chemo but vaccines and are giving great results for her2+ cancers. Also gearing up for ALND on February 12 f this stubborn cuticle infection on my finger doesnt stop it. Then God willing on to rads when surgery heals. Love, Jean
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Yahoo Jean!!! Last chemo!!! You made it.
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awesome Jean, hope the cuticle thingy heals too. Happy that your chemo is done!
Cassie, you nailed the issue, too much alone time is not good right after surgery. I love your donating the handmade with love items to newbies. I too had some scarves and things I never wore, and am donating those. I am waitin for my Genie bras, hope they work out.
Have labs and rads today so my day is full, hahahaha
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Hi ladyB, yes I have taxol #7 today. Scared sick about it. It's a long day and I get back home around 11pm.
My chin hairs were the first to return after AC. Stubborn b&$@Rds. I love hearing everyone's updates, Got an appointment w the hand clinic in three weeks for cortisone shots for carpal tunnel. Last time after preg they worked great, hope they work again. I feel like I have numb dough balls on each fingertip, and constant tingling. The pain has been getting a bit better, though.
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Just got back from my rads consult. I had that tiny hope that I wouldn't need it, but of course I do. Can't start for at least another two weeks at least, so that I can recover more from surgery. I'm a bit of a crying mess now. I just want to be done. I hate cancer.
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so sorry Cassie cat. I hate cancer too. I can't wait for these never ending treatments to be over. It must be a shock to have to withstand another type of treatment. How long will it be? I'm sorry. We will all make it to the other side, it's just a bit farther away now. You cry all you want. I'll be crying later in the chair with my cold cap on, shivering and lactating. Oh joy! I'm hugging you right now, through cyberspace
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Big hugs Cassie. Cancer is so cruel. We are here for you. Cry it out...we all need to at times.
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Hi everyone,
Kellogg - So excited yo hear about eyelashes. Still have very little eyelashes or eyebrows.
Ellenpg - I guess u have to wait for approval by Insur carrier before getting shots. Hope things move along quickly for you. I refused blood work last time even though week before counts were low. I am just so tired of them taking my blood. I told them next week instead.
My hair is growing slowly, the back is growing faster then front. Hoping the front fills in soon.
I did # 23 of 33 rads this morning. 10 more to go. Tech told me 3 more full breast and 7 boosts on surgery location. Going by pretty quickly, thank goodness. The techs are super nice people. Always chatty and friendly. Makes for a much better experience.
I start the day so early now that by early evening I'm done. I have been getting tired at work which is really tough since both offices are so busy and demanding. I wanted to quit on both bosses yesterday and today. I figured since I thought of quitting on both, it must be me that is frustrated. Nothing really changed in office except too tired to keep up. I am home tonight just resting and regrouping. I think retirement is in the near future. Just have to get hubby on board. Ha!
Wishing minimal SEs for those still doing treatments. We are so close now. Hang in there!
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cassie, I knew right off I had to do rads, so cannot imagine your shock and disappointment. But.....if you do them, no worries, it is not bad. It sucks but nothing like chemo. It sucks just cuz we aint finished yet! I have no SE yet. But, already I have 3 down. It goes fast, you will be okay. Key is nice techs and RO. My RO is kind, warm and gentle, very understanding. He made me ok with having it. I got my aloe at walmart, and use it nightly. I cried too, and now it is fine. Do not be afraid, really it does not hurt but just sucks as it prolongs our tx.
Catie, oh work! I will be back at it after rads....I know that feeling.
Well, my rads are each day at 1:30, so i sleep in and have a leisurely day.... My genie bras are too small, sending them back and ordered a larger size. They are so pretty!
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gatomal=You are always in my prayers. I hope you hand feels better.
Cassiecat=So great to read about your daughter. There is some one from where I live in the summer who is super involved in ballet. I know she went to NY this summer and did some sort of training with the Rockettes. Good luck to your daughter.
I have now lost 13 lbs and feel SO much better. All my clothes fit, My left foot is still a little puffy. Nothing to complain about. My pharmacy never got back to m. I go to my MO's office for the neupogen shot. Three days in a row then repeat blood work. Going in to office worked out better. Some company pays for the shot and it will probably cover my whole deductible. Yeah! My whole out of pocket may be met and I did not have to pay. I hope to start rads again on Monday. I have 18 left to go. So far it has been pretty easy. I love my RO and techs. I have bought one of my techs a couple of gifts. I just adore her.
I am SO TIRED of everyday being about cancer. When does this stop? I am now only tired in the afternoon. Since I only work on Sat and Sun i can push through. I also sit and answer the phone. Not real taxing. During the week I shop for Ebay. So,I can do that when I want.
I hope everyone is feeling better and staying positive. We can do this!!
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cassiecat : sorry about rads
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Cutest baby!!! Love the shirt
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best onesie ever! Love it! He looks so big and robust! Thriving! It's amazing how tired you can be and still drag yourself out of bed for them, huh?
Just finished six of 12 taxol ( onc thinks we are going to see shrinkage now post-partum..in fact, they are having a bit of trouble finding it now, so he is pretty sure we'll do all 12) which means I'll be done w chemo on March 4, w surgery end of March/ beginning of Apr. weird coincidence...my mom had her lumpectomy when my first twins were three months old. I'm getting my lumpectomy when my second set are three months old.
I also saw my favorite OB nurse in clinic today. I was shocked when she told me she just saw my surgeon and was diagnosed with BC. We didn't have time to talk much, but I just burst into tears with her. I said "what are they painting that building with? What are they piping through the AC ducts?"
I'm so sorry for her. I realized that tears or feeling very shocked and sorry is an appropriate response for someone you care about, not like my in laws saying " we know cancer is no fun, but we are stressed too". That is not an appropriate response. I've have pointed said nurse to all the great forums here, especially the newly diagnosed ones. I'm so sorry that our club has any new members at all.
Chemo went pretty smoothly today. Slept in 20 min increments for two hrs w the cold caps on. Need to drink more water though. Hugs
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Gatomal, I hate to hear about your nurse. It is everywhere. baby Levi says it all! Best wishes for the remainder of your tx and no SE.
Well, i am back to cooking again. Making semi homemade spaghetti sauce in crockpot, made stuffed pepper soup, and prepped veggies for chix and dumplings tomorrow. My skills have really improved from all my food network watching. We are walking and or bike riding alot and doing stretches for arms. Trying to be positive and all. Working on my book too, got a great title. Free copies for all my peeps! It will have a few laughs.
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Thanks for letting me vent here. I love having this group to come to. I knew all along that radiation was very likely. LOVE the onesie - way to go, Baby Levi!!
Gatomal, I'm so sorry to hear about your favorite nurse. BC is everywhere, it seems like. Your response was a human response. You're going through treatment yourself, and you know how scary it all is. It wasn't selfish or inappropriate or any of those things. I'm glad your treatments are moving along, and that there seems to be some shrinkage now of the tumor.
Bippy, can't wait to hear more about your book. I'd pay full retail for it.
Got the rest of my staples out this morning, so I'm another step closer to healing from surgery. I don't have any signs of lymphedema but am going to call the specialist and set up a consult, just to be proactive. Tomorrow I get my first Herceptin-only infusion. I haven't missed IVs or infusions, but I have missed the onc nurses there, so in a weird way it'll be nice to be back, if only to see them.
I think I'm going to try and talk to my boss next week and see what we can figure out as far as getting back to work. I'd like to figure out more of a part-time position for the remainder of the year, where I still teach my three classes but let go of the administrative job. We'll see. I'm antsy to get back and want to quit altogether, all at the same time. So far my doctors don't think I'm ready to go back, at least not full time, this soon after surgery. They want me as healthy and strong as I can be going into radiation and don't want me to push things too much.
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NurseShark, Levi is a cutie and love the onsie.
Gatomal, wow so sorry to hear about your nurse and it just seems BC is everywhere. Since my Dx I have had 3 friends Dx'd with BC and before my DX both my SILs went through this journey one with Stage 2A and one with Stage 3A like me. This disease sucks! The one dx'd most recently is a friend that I have known since Kindergarten and she is just wonderful. Agree wih Bippy baby Levi's onsie says it all -- f**k cancer!
My story for the week: On Saturday, eldest DD's best friend called. She is my daughter from another mother -- I have known her since she was 9. She has been so supportive and sweet during my journey -- she always brings me flowers, sends cards and just spends time with me. Well it was heartbreaking news as her mother has been diagnosed with Stage IV oral cancer.
Eileen, lot's of great news! weight loss, feeling better, shot covered, fitting into your close (check). Praying that your out-of-pocket is paid for and that you can restart Rads on Monday.
Bippy, always praying for you and your book.
Cassie, good news on the recovery front. Sorry you had the unexpected RADs treatment added to your journey. I knew from the beginning I would have RADs. I have my lymphedema consult next Wednesday. My RO referred me as she indicates anyone that has Radiation and had node removal (mine 18) should have a consult and follow-up as Radiation can bring on lymphedema. She also has getting fitted for a compression sleeve so that I can wear it during the course of the Rads treatments.
I have been a bit of a crying mess since treatment #11. I have a range of emotions from please hurry-up and get this over with, anticipation of the RADS and schedule -- how am I going to keep up, fatigue-fatigue-fatigue-fatigue, and then what is the after follow-up to ensure we stay on top of this crap! I am usually not a crier, so my DH is just at his wits end and looking back his reaction is so loving and funny. On Saturday after a few crying bouts and being very tired and sleeping all day, which worried him. He says, what can I do. I snapped at him and said just let me cry. He says but you usually don't cry so something must be really wrong. I said yes it is I am going through the battle of my life and am learning to let go when I should have done this more often earlier. He just stood there like a little kid wanting to help but not knowing how. So I had to get up and hug him. He is my rock.
I agree with you all about the Radiation teams. My Radiation team is just sweet and personable. I love my RO, her office has called me twice since our meeting last Monday to ensure I don't have any questions for her before my simulation on Monday. The techs that I met just came up to introduce themselves.
I have a question, how many of us are still working or worked through treatment? I have cut back to part-time 24 hours a week and thinking for this last haul to cut back completely -- mainly due to the fatigue and chemo brain. That was a strong suggestion from my RO. She was surprised I worked FT as long as I did and was still working PT and she would support me if I choose to go out FT. Any thoughts? I have to say the two days a week off are wonderful and I get to recuperate. And my manager is flexible enough to let me work from home as much as possible. Example today and tomorrow will be WAH days as I am fighting a cold which I told my manager and he said work from home the rest of the week and he doesn't put heavy demands on me during this time. I am an IT manager so it is an easy adjustment to WAH. I am not sure I want to go on full time disability due to the flexibility I have and being covered by FMLA. Any suggestions and/or, personal experiences from my peeps?
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Oh BTW Cassie, vent away! I have a few people in my circle that I want to strangle
! One is my SIL -- my youngest brother's wife, do you know she has not once called me, said BOO or anything. I had Thanksgiving over my house she was here and she didn't even ask how I was, etc. While everyone else gave me a hug, sat and talked with me (especially all the SILs). She is a strange bird, and is one that wants to be the center of attention all the time. For some reason and we (meaning my family) have not yet figured it out she thinks I don't like her. But my mother thinks it stems from me not agreeing to marry them -- because I had asked them to go to marriage counseling (which is a long story I will tell later) and that I am still very close to my youngest brothers ex-wife. Why shouldn't I be she us the mother of the nieces I adore and I have known her for over 20 yrs and we have always been close. My other SIL - my eldest brother's wife is just the sweetest and we get along fine (I only have two brothers). She sent me the sweetest text and a CHECK to mark the end of my chemo. She is feisty but not rude or arrogant. She and my DB also organized and paid for my house to be cleaned top to bottom! My husband's sister who had breast cancer and is 2 years cancer free set me a mug that I will take a picture of and post. She painted a woman doing a self examine and had it put on a mug. Touched my heart and sent me a few books to read. My sister sent me 25 long stem roses to mark the end of chemo. Each of them said we will really celebrate once Rads are over and you had time to recover. My SIL and BIL (my husbands brother), sent me home made smoked salmon. Love my family that is really reaching out to support! I have some great SIL's and we all get along but interesting must don't get along with my youngest brothers wife and she has him believing it is us..LoL. I pushed my way back into my brother's life anyway. Don't think she likes that.
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Nurseshark - I have a grown up t-shirt saying the same thing on back. Just love the pic and your sweet baby.
Jean - CONGRATS on lst chemo! So happy for you. Hoping SEs are at a minimum.
Gatamol - Have to ask! So cold caps are still working for you? I am sorry now that I didn't try them. Hair is taking forever to return.
Cassiecat - Rads are going by quickly and non eventful. I will do # 25 of 33 this morning. I am turning red but lotions help.
LadyB - Glad you are letting it all out. I love your DH response. He's a keeper.
Bipsy -so happy you are out and about and feeling stronger.
Hang in there, we are going to finish this journey soon. You are an awesome group of women and I am so appreciative to have this group. Didn't really feel connected to winter rads group unfortunately. Not even looking lately.
Cathie
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ladyb, just want to chime in about your experience with the one not so nice SIL. I think people just show their true colors is all. Two of my SILs kids, who I have known for over 25 years since children, have totally ignored me. Now, we were not close, as one is addicted to pills and the other is a status obsessed narcissist. Regardless, I was hurt neither one even phoned me. The other one however, comes to see me and brings me gifts. This illness peels back all the layers.
Another friend wants to grouse all about her self created drama, endlessly. Also, she sent me a pic of her new hairdo, which is fine but she is utterly self absorbed. I mean, I am still bald.
As for work, well, I was fired after dx, once it was clear my show dog abilities were slipping and that I would not be able to be at the beck and call. again, true colors showing. Going part time or no time is a good idea. After rads, I am going back into the workforce but not in the same shape as when I left.
Off soon for herceptin only....then rads, fun times! TGIF.
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bippy, I have Herceptin-only today too! You'll be done before I start though, I think. East coast, west coast...
I'm not looking forward to it, but I am happy to see my awesome nurses again after over a month.0 -
catie57...yes still using the caps and have had very good results. I chalk some lack of hair loss up to the pregnancy, but two taxolsin again, and no loss yet. I'm waiting for postpartum shedding, but being very gentle. I am very ombré now.
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Bippy I love your descriptions! I can't beleive sending you a photo of a new hairdo! Why don't you send a pic of your perky breasts while you are at it lady? I agree that there is something about cancer that serves as a great clarifier. Ive been doing a lot of editing re: relationships and people. Freeing myself from obligations that I don't enjoy, focusing on the good stuff. My emotions are still right at the surface though. I cry so much more easily.
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Gatomal= I too am looking at relationships. I told my BF I am not taking any more crap in life. He said" You never did". Oh well,guess I can check that off my list of things to do.
I am now back at radiation. Half way though. Skin a tiny bit pink. Had 2 neupogen shots and my WBC are crazy high. Can go to dentist and finally can Botox again. Yeah. I hate the line between my eyes. Frown line. Lost a total of 14 pounds. Crazy. It was like holding 2 gallons of water every where you went.
Bippy=Dump that friend. She is an idiot.
I am meeting someone for lunch from the other board. I frequent. Calling all triple negatives. . She is here for a month. Meeting her and her husband. Really looking forward to it.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!!
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Talking about relationships. Never really had one with one SIL, and after this journey it's confirmed "she is an ass".
My other SIL is lovely and of course my Sister stepped up big time. Definitely thin out the waste. Unfortunately have to see her on holidays.
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I agree with all of you and thanks for your support. We have to thin out the waste and this is a clarifying experience. For us and others.
Eileen, so exciting to meet one of the gals from the boards. Wish we could all meet up one day or some of us meet where there is not a huge distance between us. I hope that NurseShark and Kellogg get to cross paths soon!
Silverlining, I do believe I am getting my taste buds back. Not quite there yet but I can taste salt and sugar and know the difference i.e. everything doesn't taste like cardboard/metallic.
With Bippy TGIF, I have been working from home most of the week fatigued and fighting a cold.
Hugs Always,
Angie
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I am so very, very far behind on everyone's news. Angie, yay for you finishing chemo! So sorry you are having the "down" days but my onc says it is really typical for women to muscle through treatment - then the reality catches up. We need the good cries.
To answer your question, I kept working full-time throughout chemo, but I don't think I could have if I didn't work from home. No, I know I couldn't have. I only did Taxol so my only real problem was fatigue, but during the last few tx and for a week or so after, I was wiped out. I took my laptop to bed and worked from there for 3 weeks or so. Even still, my onc suggested I cut my schedule but I never did. Wish now that I had. I am emotionally so weary.
Oh, and speaking of idiots: I have been receiving physical therapy for cording and scar tissue adhesions. One day I had a substitute therapist who yaks constantly about herself. Literally as she is working on my surgery site, she starts whining about her saggy boobs. I said, Enjoy tem while you have them. She didn't take the hint and I was actually too flabbergasted to really get into it with her. I need to notify her manager. Dumba&&.
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Eileen, that is neat that you and other BCO member got to meet up! How fun.
I'm glad you're able to resume rads. Tabby, that PT does sound like an idiot. Wow.
Angie, I'm glad to hear your tastebuds are starting to return! That is a long time to have them be out of service. I've been out of work this whole time. I went for the first day of school, shared my news and have been on disability ever since. I'm meeting with my boss next week to explore options for returning at a somewhat lesser pace/workload, as what I was doing before just isn't feasible at this point.
Gatomal, I cry so easily these days too. I'm hitting an all-time low in some ways. I feel more tired and more emotionally weak now than through some of the worst of chemo. I read that it's normal, though, so I keep pushing through and trying to accept it rather than fight it too much. Everyone around me is encouraging me to let my body heal and not feel compelled to get back to all of my obligations too quickly. I have mixed feelings.
DH and I are heading out for more auditions this weekend with DD - one today and one tomorrow that is further away. I think she has her mind almost made up to attend one program that's already accepted her, but she's going to finish out these other auditions, just to see how they go. I'm glad to have things planned for the weekend.
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My picture with my TNBC sister is on the board for Calling all Triple negatives. I do not know how to post a picture. I am the one with the scarf.
I ate something with salt yesterday and now my left foot and ankle are swollen again. Back to clothes that are compression wear from Sports Authority. UGH. I may never be able to eat my most favotire food again. Potato chips.
Cassiecat=Good luck to your daughter.
Angie=I know all about funky tastebuds. Mine returned after 5 weeks, Still anything with a lot of sugar taste off. Yeah for finishing chemo
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Here I am in the scarf. UGh!! This is my first picture with a scarf. I need to try out for "Fiddler on the Roof". That is Kay. She is 1 1/2years out from DX. Yeah Kay!!!
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