STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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It seems the idiots seem to fall into these camps:
1. cancer can be prevented by doing the "right" things (eating well, exercising, taking certain supplements, etc.),
2. cancer can be cured by doing the "right" things (similar),
3. the care for cancer is being withheld by (big Pharma, doctors, etc.) to make money
4. Boo-hoo, my loved one has cancer, but it's really all about ME!
No one wants to get cancer. It is scary.
I have observed that some people think by doing the "right" things (eating well, exercising, taking certain supplements, etc.), that they can prevent cancer in their lives. It is an extreme form of control. Similar to preventing other terrible things from happening by doing the "right" things: don't walk alone in bad parts of town will prevent you from becoming a victim of rape or robbery.
While certain precautions can reduce the risk of some things, bad things can still happen to anyone at anytime. A woman can be cautious but still be raped by a friend or a acquaintance or her date. A person may not be robbed in a bad part of town, but the trustworthy financial consultant can later embezzle the entire retirement fund. I know women who had very little of the known risks, but still got breast cancer (and many died).
Sorry for the idiots out there.
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I think ShetlanPony had it right, people are afraid and want to have a reason to believe they won't get it.
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Grace, I don't see why it is relevant that the ignorant woman home schools her children. There are also examples of ignorance being passed down among school families. Let's avoid stereotyping.
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Very good idiot categories, Mominator. Here are two related ones, from my stage iv perspective:
5. You can't have cancer because you don't look sick. You can't be on chemo because you are not bald. Your difficulties are not treatment side effects; I have that too, we're all getting older.
6. You are a liability and are likely to fail (in this group, this job, etc.) because you have cancer. You will probably keel over at any moment. And you remind me of my own mortality. Therefore you must be excluded or denied this opportunity. Leave it to the rest of us who are in no danger at all of getting sidelined by an illness or accident. (Or even cancer, because we are doing the right things. So I won't even consider that it could happen to me and how would I want people to treat me.)
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Well, please allow me to add my rant for a bit.
In random order,
I got so sad at the church last night observing this healthy 20 month old baby boy who was perfect in every way. Not a single fuss every mass. I still mourn the loss of my baby I never had who was taken away from me via total hysterectomy.
I try not to be a cry baby but there is always some pain which makes me nervous re what if...
My 91 yr old father had two strokes in one month.. He is at a nursing home with feeding tube and wearing diapers 24/7. He has been a royal ass all his life to his family. Wicked me thinks his karma came and bit him in his behind. He wants to come home so bad but he can't. Mom is 86 and just diagnosed with mild to moderate dementia. She cannot even take meds which may be able to delay progression. Mom rearranges everything hides little money she has and don't remember where.. Her current home care is on remission from brain cancer and mom refuses to find a new one bc mom sees me in the lady.. The attendant uses mom's sympathy to her advantage. She cannot work anywhere else. The lady does not cook or clean even though she spends 6 hrs a day in mom's tiny apartment. she only does errands and little bit of laundry. I know my parents days on this region are numbered but the current situation is horrible. I even felt sympathy for pops when I picked his soiled pants.
And there are my sister-in-laws who reminds my hubby why mother in law cannot be near her children. Hubby repeatedly told them MIL needs at least $700 more every month in order to do that. One SIL ignores it and tells him the same back while the other told him she will come up with $50 per month. I had to remind hubby he should not co-sign apt lease for MIL since she cannot get a lease on her own based on her social security. MIL recently got a dog despite opposition from hubby.. Now MIL cannot even pick up dog's poop and asks my hubby to come over to clean her place.
Me and my hubby really want to do bleep it to daily grind so bad in light of all this but cannot do it yet.
p.s. I would even want to go rob a bank if I could.
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I think (oh those are such dangerous words) that extreme reactions and life changes are a form of begging. Sacrifice. Look, God Of Cancer, what I am willing to give up. I give up butter on my popcorn, I give up suntanning with baby oil , I give up staying up late and go to bed early. I give up stress and fun and everything that gave me one iota of pleasure. I have changed, oh God Of Cancer, I have been smited (smote? Smitten? No, that's wrong) for my badness once. I have had the cancer and it seems to be gone and if I grovel before you with all the things in my life that I enjoyed and took for granted, if I lay them on the altar before you and light them on fire and live a life of austere misery and self control and superior deprivation and diligence, more strict and adherent than the rest of those casual cancer clowns, will you please, please, please keep me free of cancer forevermore? See, I recognize my evil ways. I am willing to live so much less of a life than before. It will all be worth it if this sacrifice will KEEP ME SAFE! Will it, GOC? Will it?
NO
I will not accept blame. I did not EARN this, I did not DESERVE this and no, it does not 'serve me right'. And as such, there is no penance, no atonement, no soul sucking sacrifice that I need to make to ANY god of ANY sort. Since no god has stepped up to claim responsibility, then no god will benefit from the burnt ashes of my former pleasures.
Do I want to die? Hell no! But I'm going to anyway. True story. I've just got the memo that my best before date has come and gone. But that was always going to happen. Only I didn't think about it. Now I do. Can't un-think about it. That's the bitch.
A friend told me that she has cancer in her lungs. She should have quit smoking. What did I tell her? I said, do you like smoking? Yes, she does. THEN SMOKE!!! Like stopping now is going to do one lick of good? I know a woman who never smoked a day in her life and died of lung cancer anyway! She ate lean, never drank, never smoked, never swore, never gambled, never drove fast or wore slutty jeans. She lived a life that looked pretty perfect and self controlled and healthy and wise and like no flucking fun at all and she was dead before she was 65!! What's the frigging point in that?
I have no problem with those who get religion when they get cancer. Converted to the Right way of living and Right way of eating and exercising. If you have a solid reason to change something detrimental, go for it. But when your preachy sacrificial anxiety, your pleading with the absent gods and throwing pleasure on the altar gets in my face .... we're going to have a problem. If one more person tells me to cut out sugar, I am going to put down my can of Coke and punch them right in the throat.
If my life is about to be shorter than planned, I am going to eat all the chocolate bars and non diet Coke that I can. Because nothing, not even giving it all up so the God Of Cancer passes you by, will guarantee you one, bloody thing. Eat the damn cake.
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Oh runor, I am waiting for the God of cancer to get after me for falling off the treadmill wagon. It has been over 2 months since I stopped, please forgive me. I will try to get back on. But God of cancer, look at my garden I worked so hard. Will I be given another chance? I hope I get a good report card on my blood numbers, I studied so hard but I have been eating cupcakes, I promise to quit.
I feel like confessing my lifestyle sins because after all I got cancer I must be doing something wrong.
Or I can go on vacation.
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Go on vacation. And eat those little cupcakes with the sprinkles on top that are more icing than cupcake. Oh my god. Now I want one!
edited to add, LIE, I want at least 6, not one. Who am I kidding?!
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kindle .....kindle is shit
Runor yay. Great statement. German chocolate
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runor- lol! I actually normally eat healthy, but I have to admit, after my diagnosis, I was like, “what's the point? I already Have Cancer!" So I kind of went on a junk food binge. And then the holidays came and there was food and sweets galore...
Now I'm back to normal eating, mostly healthy, seems to help with my SE. But my husband went and bought apple pie and cool whip And beer for me last night, because what's more American than beer and apple pie?
And I will enjoy them, and I will Not feel guilty. Because it’s not just about staying alive, it’s about Living!
( I know beer isn't an American thing ) lol
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Grace - I agree with your post...
Also, on the subject of eating "healthier". I just eat - whatever I'm in the mood for. If it's a doughnut - I have one, maybe 2.
The only thing I do right - is workout. But, I don't do it for my physical health. Only for my mind. Because, the endorphins give me a joy that I can't get from anything else...
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saw this in my FB feed today and thought it went well with the topic of how others tell us to cure our cancer:
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Just found you. I Love all your posts...you have made my day. I'm laughing like crazy and no one knows why. I just had guests for dinner who brought a cake and then declared they shouldn't eat it because they needed to lose weight, brought a bottle of wine and asked for diet coke ( it will never darken my fridge),asked me if I lost weight ( I said no thank God) and then sent a thank you telling me how great I looked (other than being clean who the hell cares?)
Maire
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Lula - thank you from the bottom of my heart...don't know which is my fav, but #3 runs a close first!!! Permission to repost this on another thread?
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runor, you said what I've been thinking about. Six months ago at dx, I was so ill I was mostly "out of it". Now I am feeling human again but not nearly "normal" and I want to continue and maybe improve. I'm torn between two philosophies:
1. I should lose weight, exercise more, no carbs, no alcohol, hurry and buy all the "right" supplements, atone for every physical sin in nearly sixty years of life to propitiate the god of cancer....even though cancer is going to kill me, and
2. Cancer is going to kill me, statistically in a short span of time , and is already hurting me so much, so I should eat what I want now that I can taste again for how long is that going to last, drink what I want, read ALL the books, etc.
I am trying to stop gaining because it's hard on me to carry it around and I can't afford new clothes but I'm pissed about eating rabbit food, exercising more than in a year and still gaining. Why bother?, I think then I recall that the I and L are keeping me alive. Seriously of two minds.
If we could bribe the god of cancer, let's lobby for The Cure.
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runor and Lula, y'all are hilarious. I have been on the receiving end of much cancer advice myself. I stay out of the sun, don't smoke or gamble, rarely drink alcohol. My only vice is Diet Coke and donuts. I'm overweight (duh: see donuts). I live a pretty upright life. So, i want to tell all the smarties out there, don't come after me with your calorie-laden smoothies. Don't try to get me to drink your vile Green Drink. I don't need your meditation or yoga poses.
I know what caused my cancer. It wasn't anything i had control over. I have two gene mutations which cause breast and many other cancers. Gene mutations which probably killed several of my extended family. So, pardon me if I choose to live my life to the fullest while i still have life in me. Do i look like i care if my hamburger gives me cancer? I'm almost 62, amd if i live to be 72 i will be happy. I dont really want to live into my 80s or 90s--i saw what kind of life my mother and MIL had, living in a nursing home, wearing diapers, etc. No thanks. Let me have my donuts, sleep late, and watch mindless reality TV. I'm not hurting anyone but myself, and i don't think I'm hurting myself all that much.
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The god of cancer came and smote me the second time whilst I was ON the treadmill. Oh, I'd lost 25 pounds, was in the best shape of my life, oh well.
I'm a believer in all things in moderation, but that includes the four basic food groups: sugar, caffeine, alcohol and chocolate.
I'm happy for you ladies who have found purpose in life by eliminating those food groups and a few more and who have found the correct supplement to detox the liver. I really am. But that's not me. To each their own.
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I feel better when I eat better, exercise and fit in my clothes (I seriously hate clothes shopping). But...... don't tell me to cut out wine, ain't going to happen. I do what I can to be healthy, it makes my spouse and kids feel better but a life without wine is not life.
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As I was told in Rome. . . "no wine, no party".
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B4 my Stage IV de novo Dx, I hardly ever ate bacon or sausage - maybe once a year?. Now, I eat it whenever I feel like it. What's the worse thing that could happen now? The nitrates/nitrites give me cancer? Hah!
I don't drink diet soda b'cuz I really don't care for the after taste, and if I do have a soda anymore, it's the REAL thing. I try to get the Mexican stuff b'cuz they actually use real sugar and not all that corn syrup, and you can get Mexican Coke out here in California, thank God.
I'm havin' pork spare ribs tonight, slow cooked with a tasty spice dry rub - you wouldn't believe how my kitchen smells
.Going to a party for the 4th, and I'm bringing a healthy Quinoa/Israeli Cous Cous salad - because everybody attending the party needs something healthy besides all that BBQ'd meat - AND a homemade cheesecake. (I'll be eating most of the cheesecake...)
L
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Mexican Coke? That's a thing?
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Worsening fatigue has been a constant problem since my initial 2011 diagnosis. The less I do, the less I do.... I nap between my naps then I wake often during the night. My family says I can't die before them. I use a walker at home, I have a wheelchair I use for my various doctor appts (I say "I use", but it's DD or DH who actually push me around), I have a scooter for outings - I can't even remember when I used it last - it sits behind the couch gathering dust. I feel so sorry for myself it's sickening. I don't have pain, thank goodness, been there, done that, but I've been pain-free for quite awhile. This doesn't count for the last 4 months of 2017 when I was in and out of the hospital 3 times (I think). Kidney stones, blood clots to the lungs, blood clots in my bladder caused by too much blood-thinner (I was over 10 when they were aiming for between 2 and 3). I got out Christmas afternoon after scaring DH, DD, and DS (visiting for the holidays). Now I get out every two weeks or so for various doctors, I have frequent UTIs and it seems like I'm on antibiotics constantly. I have been losing weight - I'm down about 75 lbs in the last 7 years. I wish I could instill humor into my post like you guys do - but....
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Yes! There is such a thing as Mexican Coca Cola. It is made with pure cane sugar as a sweetener, no high fructose corn syrup. Coca Cola states that the sweetener is the only variation in the drink regardless of where it’s sold
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yep! Mexican coke. Way cheaper than buying the coke sweetened with cane sugar they're marketing in the US now. You can find Mexican coke in most Hispanic food markets/tiendas. I dorecommend using a straw to drink it though as the sugar does coat your teeth. Actually, the US is just about the only country where coke is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup...the other countries outlawed it, hence the sugar!
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@ every day. It’s the smelliest foul looking stuff ever. I can’t wait until scientists see my wisdom & tell people not to bother with the disgusting stuff! Real men drink Coke! I had completely forgotten how good Mexican Coke tastes. It’s not easy to get in Wisconsin but worth the drive to a specialty market. I had one of those BIG 4th of July cupcakes today. You know the kind - they give you red, white & blue lips! Will finish that six pack off & get another before the 4th I’m sure! It only comes once per year! I know I will never be “normal”. Normal is nothing more than a setting on the washer. I just do the best I can & actually manage to eat somewhat healthy. The change I do want to make is to quit feeling guilty when I don’t live up to other people’s expectations. Life is too short I’ve learned. Hugs to all
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I know Costco (in the SF bay area) sold Mexican coke. Not sure if they still do.
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How does one identify Mexican Coke? Do you check the ingredients for sugar or does the label say it’s Mexican? Thanks
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They are in the refillable glass bottles and the writing on them is in Spanish. They usually say bottled in Mexico. And they really are better.
Trish
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I'm in the steam room. Why? Two words: insurance company 😤
Also I've called MO's office three times in two days related to insurance. First time they said the lady I needed would call me back. Nope. Both calls today, was on hold for nearly ten min then they hung up and I got an earful of dialtone. Oh yes, I'm steamed. Surprised too since they are usually pretty good about calls etc.
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I only crave a Coke once or twice a year. I will certainly try to find the Mexican brand Thanks
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