STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I don't know what is available in your neck of the woods but so many grocery stores/restaurants and other venues offer Thanksgiving meals that you can have delivered or pickup. We used Maggiano's one year and it was probably about the same cost as doing all the purchasing and cooking ourselves. You can customize the meal to what your family likes and then if you have family favorites, each family provides one dish to the meal. Less stress on everyone. Plus you do have leftovers, too.
The best meal came from Boston Market but we no longer have any in this area. Just a suggestion to make it less stressful and perhaps still inclusive of family.
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Now my mom is crabbing that hubby and I are going to spend Thanksgiving with my Daddy’s side of the family. I am not driving a day and a half just to eat dinner with her and the family there to turn around and make the same trip back. I almost said “ well gee, you had me at Thanks giving for most of my life since Daddy died. It’s time for his side to get my time with them since they haven’t since Daddy died.” My Daddy’s nearly 90 year old sister is hosting. I think it’s time that I spend as many holidays with her as we can. She’s still in good health but you never know.
Am I wrong to feel this way?
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My family is tiny, just my sister and me. She and I text (rather, she texts everything that flits through her mind, several times a day, and I occasionally do the text version of saying "Umph, uh-huh." We don't have actual conversations. I stay in light touch with her two adult children on Facebook, but I haven't seen them in about 4 or 5 years, except my nephew very briefly once or twice. We all live in the same city but never get together now. My husband's family is large, and once the nieces and nephews got married and had their own families, holidays got pretty crowded and logistically difficult because they all had in-laws. Once hubby's parents were gone, we all decided to do our own holidays, but the brothers and sisters and spouses/partners get together for a holiday meal between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it's always a lot of fun. And his whole family has a gathering every Labor Day weekend when it's nice enough to spend time outside so the walls don't burst. They've been doing it for decades and never missed a year. So I see my in-laws more than my own family, but it's cool because they're fun to be with. I do miss being around more people on Thanksgiving and Christmas days; it's just hubby and me and our adult son. But I enjoy having less work to do.
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It was so much easier when DH was active duty and we lived further away from any family and it was a non issue. We did our thing and they did theirs. We may see them other times in the year but we did not have to deal with the holiday stuff at all. DH does not understand my OCD brain and the need to organize and keep things straight and need all the details down because there is no way to remember anything anymore. I need a plan and to stick to it at this point and get it set. Then have to write it down so do not forget it at this point. Can we skip all the holidays have it be summer now again?
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The past couple of weeks, I've been anxious and a bit down since all my follow-ups are scheduled for this month and next, plus a mammogram and ultrasound on top of that. I am terrified about the mammogram (I hate using this word: "triggered" but…). But then I started reading some of your histories and what you are going through right now. I should not be so selfish sometimes, considering other people are going through a lot more than I am. I am so ashamed!!! To all you out there going through a rough time, I pray that you beat this! Many blessings to everyone! 💗
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bcfighter - you are entitled to feel whatever you feel. Please allow yourself some grace as you are still early in your BC journey. Your body has been through a lot in the past year and you are still healing and adjusting to medication. It’s normal to be anxious about upcoming appointments and particularly scans. My only advice would be to stay busy and distract yourself which is much easier said than done. Wishing you the best.
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@bcfighter One thing that helped me immensely six years ago when I had lots of appointments, scans, surgeries, and radiation was to deliberately schedule as many fun things as possible. My husband and I did day trips on the weekends, and he'd take time off so we could go on 4 or 5 day breaks before surgeries and radiation. After appointments, including the daily radiation, we'd go to local parks and walk around a bit, or I'd get a favorite treat. Looking back, I remember those fun times more than the crappy medical stuff. I still do the fun scheduling when I have scans or other medical appointments besides the ordinary primary care visits. The first year can be just as rough mentally as physically, so it helps to make an effort to go out of your way to balance the good and bad.
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I was recently (September) dx'd with Stage 4 after 14 years since original dx. My kids and grandkids want to come in case this is my last. At least 16 people coming. We are going to have dinner on Friday because some of them will be traveling on Thursday. We'll cook Thursday and hopefully they will do the clean-up.
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Grandma bubba,
Sorry to hear of your recurrence. I don’t know you circumstances (you have no signature line) but many stage IV patients are living for years beyond their diagnosis. Our stage IV threads have many members whose lives have been prolonged by newer treatments. There are good chances that this won’t be your last! Me? I just hit the 13 year mark of living with stage IV mbc and although I am not typical, I have seen more and more survive for extended periods of time. Take care
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@grandmabubba, love the name - my family had the same feeling last Christmas. I am 15 months out from a de novo stage iv dx. We are looking forward to this Christmas and I can say that I am feeling so much better than I did back then. The treatments and drugs have improved hugely over the past few years, with more in the pipeline. Take care and have an awesome holiday and family get together.
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may everyone have a wonderful and relaxing day and try to forget things for a bit.
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now a rant have to say. My dad who was older passed away on Sunday. He lived in another place with my son who had some medical training and he became his caregiver after his wife had passed away. They had talked him from moving to live with them from Florida where he had been living so he could be by family. Well get call on Sunday morning after church ended that he had passed an hour ago. Apparently he had been in home hospice in September they did not seem fit to notify me of that fact at all!!!
I was not happy since never got a chance to say good by to my dad at all.
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BCinColorado - I am so sorry to hear that and that you didn't get to say goodbye to your father. I can't imagine! Here's a hug, and take care.
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It was cold here are spitting snow and we had to go out and get a form printed since in Tx does not matter my dad had pre-paid his cremation or not all the kids have to sign and get a form notarized and sent back with our ID to prove it is me. Our bank is close to the house at least and they were nice and printed it and gave us a copy and then emailed it to me so could get it off. You would think if someone makes plans whatever they are it should make a difference but guess not there. We were just thankful it was not the week before when it had snowed so much and people were told to stay off the roads.
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@bcincolorado I'm so sorry about your father, and that you weren't told about what was going on in the last few months, and that you couldn't say goodbye to him. Would it help to look at a picture of him to say goodbye the way you wanted?
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I am slowly going through the photos have of him so can send at least and have some of him even a kid somewhere. Know there was one when he was in the service when I was born and holding me as a baby somewhere want to find as well. Did find one with him with my kids when my son played football in college and he was here visiting and he was playing here and we all went to the game and took a picture with his grandkids here. Know they would both love to have a copy of that one.
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Bc, sorry about your Dad.
Mom keeps calling me every day. I set boundaries last night when I knew my hubby was going to be calling soon as he was getting ready to leave work. She called just as I was waiting for his call, I refused the call and texted that I was on the phone with him. She never called back. At this point I really don’t care if she got upset over it, I’m tired of the drama and attempted guilt trips.0 -
bcincolorado - so very sorry about losing your dad, and that you weren’t kept up to date with his medical status. Don’t beat yourself up about not being able to say goodbye. It was beyond your control. Just talk to him in heaven and he’ll know💙
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@bcincolorado My deepest and heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your family.
@harley07 and @alicebastable Thank you both for your suggestions. I will consider doing those things the next time I have an appointment.
I got my results from the mammogram and ultrasound and everything was negative! I am so relieved. I will have to go back in another six months.
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Thank you everyone for your condolences. Still have tears but finally pulled out some photos and found a nice one of him with us probably our last visit and last time saw him.
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Vent about being upset and not being able to control things for my Dad at all. Brother had the nerve to email me yesterday that apparently they could not figure out a way to stream t he service now and was told it was going to be done. Now his idea was to get someone to put it on a flash drive and mail it to me to view later!!! Told him not acceptable and if they need help know my son-in-law who is really techie and does streaming services since he is a pastor can help them find a way to do it. Guess my daughter in Wyoming is really upset too since they can't be there either since she is a teacher as well. My son is also who lives here in Colorado. My daughter called and is mad and guess she talked to him and heard this plan and guess my niece will put on Facebook now. I do not Facebook at all. My son-in-law said he can find a way to get it on onto a You Tube thing for me for me watch and send that me. At least have him doing things for us here.
I am trying so hard to not be angry at my brother right now and know the stress of everything is not good for own health. To just email me like that make those decisions without even talking to me is not acceptable. I emailed I am his oldest child and these are his grandkids too. Let him know at least he is being dumb little brother.
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Had huge melt down over the weekend. So stressful with 3 people staying over and it like trying to herd cats or something. Then they wanted to watch a movie so we were sitting to watch the movie that was recorded and then kept having it pause because people were having conversations over the movie. My mom who is almost 88 now has almost no filter now and does not even notice when she is talking over someone who is talking and not done yet. One she went home and daughter and son-in-law went out shopping had a big melt down. Could not spend time alone and wanted quiet and not done being sad over my dad dying yet. Coud not even talk about it with my daughter and how she is feeling about losing her grandpa in front her grandma. It is nice and quiet now and we can be our boring selves for a few days at least before medical stuff starts on Tuesday again.
Hope you enjoyed your weekend.
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