STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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wrenn, does narcissistic sister know that you having BC makes it more likely that SHE will have BC. I wonder if she wants that much attention? It would be mean to mention it but so satisfying.
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And the “other” posters need to add a comment or something to the diagnosis and treatment section that the information is not their own diagnosis. It is really hard to figure out sometimes if the poster has BC too, or they are posting AS someone else. I was really offended recently by the poster wanting to force her 80-something mother to submit to AIs (with a pretty favorable diagnosis, no less.
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Beesie. You wrote the exact post I was going to write. It bugs the daylights out of me. It's like when someone says "We're pregnant!" Nooooo. You're expecting, but only she is pregnant. Unless, of course, you're a lesbian couple and you're both pregnant at the same time. Then my sincere apologies. 😁😁
The other thing that bugs me is when people get our screen name wrong. Like Bessie instead of Beesie. 😉😉. Or Trash instead of Trish. (Yes, that has happened more than once).
Trish
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My sister did the 23 and Me Genetic test and becuse she doesn't have the BRCA genes she thinks she can't get cancer. She's narcissistic too. Same for her daughter, no BRCA no cancer. Simple minds.
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wrenn, this is just close to me. My oldest sister was dx at 43, died at 48. My next older sister was dx at 57. I was dx at 65. I'm the youngest. All genetic testing of me and the younger one was negative. It can happen. Yup, marijen, they are so wrong.
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Trishyla,
Yup, a bee, not a cow. A few weeks ago I even changed my avatar to make it clearer. jo, hard to believe that the gentleman would defend his use of the word "we" when women with breast cancer told him it was inappropriate. I'm sure that he was experiencing pain, but he was not experiencing her pain. He didn't have his body cut into or experience any of the other pains and indignities that we go through as patients.
I'm fine with family members posting, but to Melissa's point, they should make it clear that the diagnosis they list is for their spouse/mother/sister/daughter and they should never say or suggest or imply that they are the patient. Supporting a cancer patient isn't easy but there is a big difference between the person with cancer and the person who is supporting them. It's kind of like the role of the chicken and the pig when preparing a bacon and eggs breakfast. One is involved, and the other is committed.
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wrenn, I was looking for something to back up my statement and found this right here at BCO:
https://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/20080513
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Thanks, Janet, I just sent that to my sisters.
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Sometimes I wish my husband would take an interest beyond what I tell him or the doctor says.
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Everyone has to worry,one out of two will get some kind of cancer in their lifetime. Could it be the contaminated food, water and air?
I told my sister she was wrong about the genetic testing and I got crickets. As usual.
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wrenn~I am simply speechless. I am Humbled simply being in your cyber presence. No parent should ever have to go through that. We just had that happen here last yearto a young woman my son dated in his junior year... two years later. Some idiot on drugs beat her to death. I am disgusted to hear you ever had to go through anything like that. Good lord. No.
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never for one second ever feel you shouldn't talk about something deep inside your heart. I was upset for you, for your family. What kind of people are in this world? That would harm others family members. Why can't others Just mind your own business?. I am deeply deeply sorry. Words could never do it justice.
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Runor, your last line made me laugh out loud
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I'm reading Beesie's post, people confuse her with a cow?? What?? Ahh.. Bessie. Get it. I get called Rumor often, at least that's what I heard.
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Oh my. First, Wrenn. What an absolutely horrid thing to have to hear. I'm afraid I've have reacted physically to something that hateful.
Beesie, as usual, you are right on target! When I see posts from husbands/children/parents that use "we" and talk about the patient like they are in a guardian situation, I'll usually sort-of-sweetly ask if the patient has diminished mental capacity or other disability. Or just imply it if I'm feeling nasty. When they reply "no," I'll explain, "Oh, well, the way your post was worded..." There should be a limit on the "we" users. Three times and you go through radiation. Fourth you get chemo. Fifth is a mastectomy.
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Wrenn, I am so sorry.
No offence, but your sisters are idjuts.
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wrenn, I am So sorry! Losing a child is huge! Please share whatever you need to. And death is one thing we don't discuss as a society and a violent death is harder. But your sisters, I guess denial works for them.
Further evidence, My mother and myself have had breast cancer, my aunt ovarian, yet my genetic tests were great.
Beesie, Trish, just wondering if the screen name issue is autocorrect? When I put in Wrenn, it wanted wren, wrench.... arghh!
I spent last week with close friends that lost my friend to cancer. The processing is so hard, they are blaming themselves and wondering why. My heart was broken when her daughter said I wasn’t enough to keep her here. I told her she was more than enough but her mom just couldn’t stay any longer, damn cancer! Such tough decisions. Hugs all.
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bennybear, if I'm on my iPad and am looking for an old post of mine, when I type my 'Beesie' username into the search line, it autocorrects to "Besieged". I wonder if my iPad is trying to tell me something or warn me about something.
I also have a lot of cancer in my family but tested negative on the 23-gene panel. That doesn't mean that there is no genetic connection, just that it hasn't been identified yet. I'm particpating in a clinical trial that might answer some of these questions.
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wrenn, I am so sorry about your son AND the cruelty of someone suggesting you caused your own cancer by not grieving enough.
That is one of the most cruel statements I have heard about in recent history. \Not only are you dealing with his loss, you are now dealing with an unkind person telling you it is your fault. I don't blame you for not wanting to dredge that up and not posting about it.
I thought certain members of my own family were cruel and cut them out of my life BUT they never said anything that could equate with the cruelty shown by your family. Again I am so sorry.
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wrenn, all your ways of grieving are right for you and not out of the ordinary for people suffering such a loss. Blocked it out and dissociated, PTSD, tried to protect your daughter: normal, normal, normal, if that word can be used in that horrendous situation. Some of us don't howl in public. I know I don't. Most of us fall apart in private as you did. That is normal, too. Coward? Nope. And you DID NOT cause your cancer. That's insane.
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Wrenn, what Janet said! 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
We all grieve differently and holding things in can cause stress-related ills. You did not do this.
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Wrenn, sometimes I'm stoic around others when grieving and other times I bawl like a baby. Both are appropriate. Sometimes clamping down to keep from falling apart is how we get through those times, like it's something else to concentrate on.
I get you on the age thing, and "what's gonna get me?" I read posts from people totally freaking out when they're diagnosed, but my reaction was, "Oh, okay. Well, shit. What do I do about it?". Then I realize that I did freak out a little in 2008 when I had endometrial cancer. So I don't know if my calmness last year was due to experience or age. Then when they told me I had kidney cancer right around the time of my lumpectomy, I was sitting with Hubby in the oncologist's office, I said "Alrighty, then" but Hubby started moaning and crying, and I elbowed him really hard in the gut right in front of the doctor and snapped "You're not being helpful!" I'm sure the onc thinks I'm a horrible person all around. 😁 But sometimes, late at night, I ask myself which cancer will come back to get me someday. I bet on the kidney since it was a grade 4. But it could be a new one since I collect them. Or maybe my watch-and-wait aneurysm will blow ahead of schedule. Turning it into a game keeps me from going to the crazy places in my head.
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That totally sucks Alice. I don’t blame you for poking your husband even though I know he was upset. Sometimes we just get tired of being the cheerleader. After all it is happening to us and we need all the support preferably positive that we can get.
My husband is the quiet type. Good thing because I’m not. He’s an engineer so he’s very analytical which is helpful sometimes. I don’t expect him to be emotional because that’s the way he is about everything so I’m way past expecting him to shed a tear. I know he cares but there are times I wish he would take the lead instead of just being by my side. I guess that’s what I get for being fiercely independent.
Diane
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If I learned anything in life- it sure as hell doesn't get any easier! People grieve and respond differently to trauma, all of which should never be judged because it's neither right or wrong. Some people need help to get through it, and that is a good thing!!! Thank goodness for that!
From reading back just wanted to say my sister was diagnosed @ 50 and me @ 56. Only 1 maternal aunt @ age 70. My genetic tests were negative. Only the 3 of us in a whole big family with BC.
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Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 84. He passed in 2014 and it's amazing how much I still miss him (Mom too)!!! Then, I quickly change my thoughts to knowing they are both at peace now, and also knowing they did not have to deal with both of their daughters getting a cancer diagnosis.
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JCS Librarian--NO children should be in an infusion center due to germs/contagious disease. You should ask the center also if their liability insurance covers anything that could happen to anyone from the children being in there. My guess coming from an insurance background is that it does not.
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So todays price is right had an audience full of bc peeps. This week is honoring a group, like yesterday was veterans and there will be a first responders audience. A sea full of pink. Wtf?? How about other cancers?? Why not have a mixed group?? That's why I hate this pink crap and bc being the only one with this much awareness. All cancers matter!
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Rosabella, what a shame I missed The Price is Right. A sea full of pink... What Fun! Makes it seem as though Breast Cancer is the sorority that everyone wants to join. All the fun and frivolity!! Aren't we the lucky ones?
Honestly, what I don't understand are all the women who participate in these events. I found this pic from last year's big Price is Right event (and I blocked out the face so as to be respectful of the woman in the picture). I understand wanting to get together with other women who've had BC and who understand what you've been through. I understand wanting to have fun. I'm all for gallows humor, finding humor in serious things. I can poke fun at breast cancer and some of what I've gone through.
What I can't tolerate are events that present breast cancer in a way that makes it seem easy and fun and just a bit of pink inconvenience. I too don't like the way that breast cancer is singled out. Maybe if breast cancer was grouped in with other cancers, people would take it more seriously and realize that it's not all pink fun and games that everyone survives.
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You know, cancer sucks and its horrible to go through, but my friend was just diagnosed with ALS, and what I am reading on it is a whole lot worse to handle. I feel heavy with such despair that she is going through this, and going through cancer doesn't help me to know how she is feeling.
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I feel like so much of this is tied up in fundraising for whatever illness the group represents. And if not money, it is how much can you “care” about those that happen to have cancer. While I do not think it is a good thing to hide sick people, I really do not like parading them around to invoke sympathy.
ALS is awful. A friend’s husband had that and it was so very difficult. He was always aware of the fact his body was shutting down while his mind stayed fine.
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