STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Yndorian, to have a heart attack while dancing the polka - with Antonio Banderas - you forgot the most important part. Maybe Jason Momoa if Antonio is busy.
Beesie, I have never called myself a survivor either. It seems we cannot know what we've survived until we know what finally kills us. Then, and only then, can we claim what we survived something else. It could get awkward and cumbersome. Cancer survivor, but peanut allergy dier. Cancer survivor but parachute did not open dier. Cancer survivor but eating blowfish sushi dier. I think the only ones who can really say what we survived or died from is the person writing our obituary. I call myself a person who had/has cancer. I am never clear what tense to use. Did I have it and is it gone for good? Did I have it but it's likely to reappear? In which case have I survived it or postponed it? See? This isn't clear to me.
I think we need to come up with a better t-shirt. I do not go all pink ribbon or t-shirty or public fund raising for breast cancer. But I think the slogan needs a revamp. Maybe it already exists somewhere and I haven't seen it but I think we need something like, "Breast cancer, an issue close to my heart." I'd buy that button. (Do any of you remember in the 80s you could get buttons for any current political topic? I have one tucked away from my youth. It says " Nuke the unborn gay whales." Covered nuclear threat, abortion rights, sexual discrimination and the slaughter of whales, all in 5 words. Awesome! It made me laugh back then, makes me laugh now.)
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I say I HAD cancer, and this is true unless and until it returns. Or I get another one, which is certainly possible.
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Thank you everyone. It helps to have people to talk to, I really did feel better after. I will keep plugging away.
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Mara, what you need is a friend. Me, too. I have none except on BCO. Too bad jo and company don't live near you. Wouldn't that be great? I've been thinking I need to stop skipping my local BC support group where I could meet people with cancer in common. Maybe I could make some friends. They usually have speakers I have no interest in but then they just talk and sometimes a group will go out to lunch. Is there a local support group you could go to? And what about neighbors? Maybe someone lives in your apartment complex (do you live in a complex?) that you could cultivate a friendship with. Just some ideas that I have had for myself. I have not been successful yet but I'm pledging to go to the next support group meeting. I found that it is really hard to make friends when you are older. People already have their routines with their routine people. Just gotta try.
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jaycee you are right! It is very hard to make friends at certanly age, but it is still worse if you have bc. I recognize that I am in a difficult stage and I just can't enjoy things like before bc so I'm not interested in being with people either. I know this is unhealthy but right now this is the situation. This is the reason why I spend so much time in this site. I feel comforted here.
Runor: could it be Sean Bean? Maybe the heart attack would happen before the dance began. I think we have different risk factors...
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Mara. So sorry to read of your struggles. I am especially close to my Mom as well, and know that her passing will be devastating. Is there perhaps an interest of your youth that you could now pursue, like learning to knit/crochet, taking a painting class or something like astronomy? There would likely be group classes available and maybe you would find some like minded folks. I still hope to learn cello and get back to painting which I enjoyed through high school.
All the best.
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Yndorain, yes, Sean Bean is acceptable. If you wanted to say, perform some rigorous adult activity with Mr. S. Bean and THEN have a heart attack, I think that would be approved.
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Runor: that sounds like heaven to me. But, not to lose the spirit of this thread ... That will never happen!
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Thanks for the good ideas movingsoccermom. Some of those sound intriguing.
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Mara - I'm sorry that you've lost your mom as a friend and confidante. I used to be able to talk to my mom about all things but with her dementia it's pretty much impossible. I'm lucky to have a sister close by that I can talk to and do things with. My husband has been a rock during all this BC stuff. But, like you I really don't have any other good friends.
Jaycee and Yndorian are right - I am also a woman of a certain age and while I do have some wonderful coworkers, it's hard to develop close friendships. I like jaycee's idea of getting involved with the local BC support group.
Take care of yourself Mara.
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Thank you dogmomrunner. I am doing better.
I will be yelling at someone in my real life who is violating the sanctity of these pages. It will all be caps for my younger brother.
ANDREW, STAY OFF THIS BREAST CANCER SITE. I KNOW IT IS PUBLIC BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE READING WHAT I POST LET ALONE ANYONE ELSE.
i HAVE NOT NOR EVER BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE BY ANYONE AND YOU NEED TO STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS.
YOU AND JENN BOTH MADE IT CLEAR IN JANUARY THAT YOU WANTED NOTHING MORE TO DO FROM ME, DON'T TRY TO INSERT YOURSELF IN MY LIFE NOW TO STEAL MONEY.
i AM FULLY AWARE OF YOUR MOTIVES AND WILL NOT EVER LOOK AFTER YOU. YOUR FAMILY HAS BEEN CUT OFF BECAUSE OF YOU.
IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE, I WILL TELL YOU I AM FINE AND THAT IS ALL I WILL TELL YOU.
For the people of this site, I had to use a couple of first names as my younger brother has still been reading my posts. That is all I will say.
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Well from me to him, quit being a prying jerk. You're violating ALL our privacies.
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mara- your brother is very presumptuous to go on these sites to obtain information about you. I have never told my friends about this site. Even though it is a public forum. I would feel as if my privacy was violated. How did you find out? Maybe your brother wanted to learn more about you and what you are going through. Even with that, he still doesn't have the right to go on these sites seeking information about you without your permission. Legally yes. Ethically no. Good login seeking a resolution to this issue.
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Mara51516, maybe switch your user name on here?
Andrew, if you're reading this: you are cyber-stalking every person on this site. You should be ashamed.
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I thought about it but I don't know what I would change to.
He found my username because before my mother died, he decided it was OK to go through my tablet which chrome kept all passwords open. He took banking info to show debt etc because he thought older brother would help him have me declared incompetent to take money from my house sale. It backfired and actually set my older brother against him.
He can't post as me and I refuse to change my username. I changed all my passwords and blocked him off social media, deactivated my mothers facebook. Nothing was ever said on facebook about selling house etc or that. This is the only place the money I gave my older brother for all the work they did over many months was talked about. Those people broke their backs helping me get out of old place, into new, getting condo ready for sale. They deserved every penny. They do still stay involved and actually CARE about me. Younger brother never did, always thought I was an idiot and deserving of emotional and verbal abuse. I put up with it in the past but I am a completely different person now. That crap would not work on me.
Even if I change username, if I talk about myself he would still know it was me so hiding is not going to help. He should just leave my niece and nephews out of it and enjoy his life, son and grandson who I had to give up because of him.
My own life is much happier without someone in it who thought I deserved emotional and verbal abuse. His sole joy was to poke, poke and poke at me more to either explode or start crying out of frustration. That ended in January when I said he would not hear from me. He will not ever know where I live and I don't post anything on facebook. He deserves nothing from me and he's lucky I did not choose to vent my anger on him. I am better than that and a hell of a lot stronger than I was.
I hate that my mother suffered so much while she was around but having to deal with life on my own has been good for me. I have emotional support here, with a few friends as well as professionals and family who care. I am blessed. He would not recognize the person I am now. If I see him, I will not speak to him or his family ever again.
I am sorry again to you guys because this is not something a person should do so lightly. I will not lose this place, I will continue to receive help when needed and give help where I am able. You sisters and brothers understand all I am going through and it is helpful more than you can imagine. Thanks again my sisters.
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Change your username will not work anyway. Your old posts are still here and your nickname will be change in it too. Your brother should show a little respect to your privacy rights!
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I agree yndorian. He does not have any compassion or empathy, at least not for me. He and his wife think I am faking my illness. Not sure why a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, then brain surgery, more radiation has not convinced them. My MO laughed hard when I told her about. She offered to call him and tell him. I told her not to bother, he has no right to know. When I reach hospice, he will not be notified and I put legal provisions to prevent him from showing up. I already made my will to prevent him or his family from getting anything. They did not bother with me, why should I look after any of them.
Like I said above, he is no longer in my life and if he somehow did find out where I live, I will not welcome him. I will also call police if he or his wife showed up. I haven't got time for any shenanigans. My life is finally peaceful and quite happy most often. I do get sad sometimes but that is grief and you cannot get out of that. I just keep going forward with my life.
I am sure that when the younger brother was reading my post about being really sad, he was probably laughing at it
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What csn I say? Sadistic psychopath who needs to get a REAL life...
L
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Have you asked the mods if access to this site can be blocked, even for read-only non-members? I know there are some health site forums that do not allow people to see posts if they haven't joined. I have mixed feelings about that - I like to get a feel for a group before jumping in - but it also protects the members' privacy.
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Lita, I agree totally.
Alice, I can see your point but he would probably just join up. Hopefully he will move beyond this behavior and go back to his own life and leave me alone. Leave our group alone too.
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Alice, restricting access has been a request/discussion many times over the years. Not ever going to happen. The discussion board very intentionally is left open to the public, and the discussions threads often pop up first on search lists - also very intentional. Back when I joined even our profiles were public; at least this has been changed and now only members can see other member's profiles.
It's simple. Our posts/discussion board content drives hits ----> Hits drive usage ----> Usage is considered a measure of value ----> The greater the perceived value of BCO, the more money the big donors (corporations & foundations) are willing to give.
From the "About Us" page: "Since 2000, we have reached 134 million people worldwide. Breastcancer.org receives more than 20 million visits each year, and we host and manage the world's largest online breast cancer peer community, with over 219,000 registered members." How many of those 20 million visits each year are hits on the discussion board by non-members?
Mara, I'm only 2 hours down the 401 from you. If you'd like, I can gather a posse and head over and we can find your brother and 'clarify the situation'. Just kidding, of course. Well, maybe just kidding.
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Go Beesie!
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I'll probably be home with my Savior by the time any of these "double checks" happen, but I can certainly see the day where they might have to start VERIFYING that members who contribute to these forums are ACTUALLY cancer patients by contacting their MO's and PCP's and RO's.
It's getting ridiculous how one "anal orifice" can ruin it for everyone.
I've just received some disturbing news that I'm seriously reluctant to share here now.
So, I am cursing you in Sicilian slang, you POS - Ti maledico in gergo siciliano, tu shangadda, puzzo, scustumad scooch...ma aspetta, c'è di più (but wait, there's more...). Sei disgustoso e disgraziado, tu strunz (jerk).
And there's more where that came from
.(I'm trying to teach myself Italian so I can speak to my grandparents and great-grandparents when I see them in Heaven...of course, I won't be using any of the words above.)
L
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rule 1 on message boards. Never use you're real name. I'm far from a rosabella..
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Never did use my real name. He got hold of my tablet while visiting and decided to snoop unbeknownst to me. Nothing I could do to stop it.
Beesie, I love that idea
Lita, I am sorry he has made you feel uncomfortable sharing something. I hate that it makes us feel like we cannot share. I plan to keep sharing what's happening in my life and I encourage all of us to do so. None of us include any major information past a first name. I myself will keep posting how I am feeling and be more selective about stuff he may be aware of. In other words, sticking to my symptoms, how I'm feeling etc. His phishing expedition here was aimed at me and I refuse to let him take this place away.
In short, we should keep sharing our stories of our experiences with this beast and Lita, please don't stop posting. I enjoy your travels and advice and salty posts from time to time. I don't wish to lose that.
As long as we are not sharing our personal information, there is really nothing he could do. If he actually posted something really bad, mods could remove or block. I doubt he would go that far but if so, they could take care of it.
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Your brother doesn't scare me. I'm an Army veteran. So I don't care if he figures out who I am in real life. But he sure annoys me.
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Mara: you do not have to apologize to us for your brother's actions. Keep accompanying us in this forum and let your brother read everything he wants until he gets bored. Just ignore it. But if he shows up at your house to bother you, you request a perimeter measure from a judge, that is a crime
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I will do that. He does not know where I am and I have controlled entry so obviously won't let him in. Thanks guys, I just did not want anyone feeling like they can't talk about what they need to here. As long as I do not hear from him here or anywhere else, I can go about my business. I can't apologize for him antway, don't understand him at all. I am going to stop mentioning him going forward, he has stolen enough time from me as it is. It really is not worth going over again and again.
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I will have news after PET SCAN on Monday nd will post results on new disturbing finding then,
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Oh, Lita, I am sending you a hug and my warmest thoughts for you to hang onto.
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