STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Ah well the route to KS was interesting--I served in the Army (was at Fort Monmouth NJ, near Red Bank and Long Branch) then Germany. My exhusband wanted to go to Ohio State for a specific degree so we moved there after our military service was up and lived in Columbus for five years. He never did finish that degree but got a job in sales that required a move to the Midwest. We chose Lawrence KS as it was nearly at the center of his huge territory, and also KU is there and I wanted to get my degree. I stayed in the area after the marriage failed, at first for my kids and then well it's easy to live here.
But I get back to Bryn Mawr, I have an elderly stepmother there, a brother, and a sister in York. I was in York for her younger son's wedding a couple of years ago, that's beautiful country out there.
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Generalized life bitching.
I have friends who I am really pissed off with. This sort of hit me as a surprise but I think it has been brewing for some time. I would catch a glimpse of my pissed offedness but then I'd brush it aside and get over myself and things would be fine. Things ARE fine. Except for my internal grumbling. And it's due to the following:
When I call a friend, or we meet to visit, I always ask them about their kids and listen. Because let's face it, our kids, good or bad, are almost the biggest things in our lives and we like to brag about them or complain about them. But they matter. My kid matters to me. My friend's kids matter to them. So I ask. And I listen. Because that is what civilized, conscientious, caring adults do. You say the right things and do the right things to let people know that you see them, acknowledge them, respect them and care about them. You ask about their goddamned kids. (and by extension, Grandkids).
Only ONE of my regular friends ever asks about my daughter. One. In a conversation in which I ask a friend how they are doing (and listen) and how their kids are doing (and listen) that person does not return the favour. There is no reciprocity of acknowledged life values. And it's starting to really pick my ass. A friend who has been out of town for some time called when she was home visiting her mom. We chatted and caught up and I heard all about her divorce, her job, her son, her dog, her parents, her travels and other plans. Not once, not ONCE did she ask about my health, my husband or my kid. I may as well have not been on the phone. It was not a conversation, which implies exchange between two equals, it was her barfing out her own story and leaving no space for mine. I hung up the phone and thought, fuck you. Which is not very charitable of me. But I am having less and less space in my life or people who can only see their own reflection in the pool.
This whole covid shit show has divided people in a very damaging way. I do not think we have handled it right, I think leaders need to be put in jail, I think that we bent over and took it up the ass speaks poorly of us as a people and if we find ourselves owned like farm animals by people who are sick, twisted and power hungry, we absolutely deserve it. Most of my friends do NOT hold this view. Most of my friends think govts are made up of geniuses of the most extreme ethical conduct and whatever they tell us to do is for our own good. (I get to decide what is for my own good, thank you very much. This isn't North fucking Korea and I NEVER voted in any govt to be my Daddy!). I make posts on my FB stating my views. And friends who have followed me and liked me forever are dropping like flies. Ghosted. Disappeared. When my friends write posts supporting the measures taken, I like their posts. Not because I share that point of view, but because I like THEM. I like that they have an opinion. I like that they would write about it, whether I agree or not. I like and support the presence of free, unedited speech. So even if I read something I do not agree with, I like it anyway! It's important that it be there! That is a basic life value I think everyone is entitled to. Free speech. But do my friends have any sort of ethical tendency that is remotely like this? No! They are friends when it's easy and we all hold hands and sing songs and trade lipsticks. They are fair weather friends. And I just don't have the stomach for people of such weak and questionable moral fiber. I think their absence and silence says more about them than anything they could post. I think they are weak links and I have zero respect for that.
I am really not liking people today.0 -
I wish I knew you in real life. I think we'd be really good friends.
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Yep, me too. I'm just about over ppl in general. I take my dogs to dog park most every night. They like it, gets me out of the house for a while. For the most part everything is ok. This is petty, but a pet peve of mine. There is a kiddie pool there for the dogs. Some like to splash around in it, or lay down to cool off. One of mine stands in it to cool his feet. Both are white.
So the water gets dirty, somebody dumps it, fills it, dogs come, rinse repeat. 3 nights in a row, my 9# girl came home black. I blew.
It’s sort of unwritten not to discuss political stuff there Got pretty heated last election, may again.
So a person I thought was a good friend, saw my temper tantrum. We are on opposite ends of the political stuff going on now, but I thought we could get past it. She hasn't spoken to me in a week, no contact, text, nothing. I don't know what I've done, besides blow at the park. We haven't mentioned politics for ages. I think I've been ghosted
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Spookie, I was recently dumped by a friend. I loved her. My heart broke and is still breaking months later. I roll it over and over in my mind. She hurt me so bad. I have fantasies of her contacting me and apologizing but then I am glad that has never happened because I could never trust her again. What was broken will be forever broken, there's no fixing that. So I'm glad she's never contacted me because I don't know how I would handle it. However...to her immense credit she didn't just walk out and ghost me. She said, straight up, that she was pissed off with me and that I would never hear from her again. She called her actions and laid them on the table and at least I can deal with HONESTY, despite how much it rips my guts out. But the act of cowardice that is ghosting - especially if the relationship is current, involved and close. That is a no no. I think ghosting isn't so bad with friends who are distant, occassional, peripheral and removed. But differing levels of friend intimacy require different ethics in ending. It was hard to hear that friend was slamming the door on me. But I admire her honesty so that I'm not left wondering what the hell happened. It is a horrible position to be in, not knowing, questionning, going over shit in your mind. We have that bullshit with cancer and tests and waiting on doctors, we DO NOT need it from friends!
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Edj. Oh yeah. We'd be friends. We'd probably be mean girls! HA HA! (Spookie can join too with her white dogs!)
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Both of you are good people. It would be my honor
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❤️❤️
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Totally agree with you, people are just all about themselves these days - what happened to empathy
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Indigo 👍🏻
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Morning
Thanks for your service edj3!
I had dinner at a friends house Sat, and then spent all day yesterday at home, alone. Me and Netflix. While I'm the type to try and find a positive and not be upset about EVERTHING! I did OK. No tears, I can make the coffee when I want, I can clean when I want, I can do laundry when I want, I can go to the grocery store when I want. I can sleep in on the weekend if I want. I can do absolutely nothing if I want. I call it widow practice! Of course the more practice, the better I'll get at this.
I went to the bank on Friday to close an account my husband had there. I hate when they give their condolences, I'm here on business, can we just get it done and cut out the small talk? I don't know you. You didn't know my husband, so just shut it! I do know one or two people that I heard ZERO from after his death. Shocking, a little, but I'm over it.
We have a group of 6 gals that stayed together after high school. One just moved away, but the 5 of us get together every 3 months. I know exactly what runor is saying. I do care about my friends and their families, but so many visits you do get the feeling that the conversation is all about them. If there's a disagreement on politics, I am the one the just changes the subject as I know they just won't see another's point of view so why bother? Being alone now, I find myself a bit more guarded. I'm listening more than I'm talking at these get togethers. Oh, the one friend that moved away sends a group text every now and then. There's two people that never ever answer a group text from her-maybe they do just to her-but to me that seems rude.
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I SO WISH I was going back to school this September. Stupid cancer stopping me from finishing pisses me off and all the back to school ads are grating and picking at the wound.
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Oh moth, I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. 2020 has been a very bad year!!!! Wishing you well through all the suck!
Kids birthdays are coming up. Daughter will be 34 and son 27. Seven years and 6 days apart. Likely both of them were conceived around Thanksgiving. Surely they are missing their Dad. I am already dreading the holidays. Such a mixed bag of emotions. Tried working through waking up alone-again!! I did purchase that rowing machine so I rowed for a good 10-15 minutes. It's a start. It's a chore finding things to do to keep from being consumed with negative energy and remaining positive as much as possible. Part of me believes our emotions and mental status has an effect on our health. I will make it through this day even though at the moment I am not capable enough to decide where or what I'm going to do for lunch! LOL Thankfully, I have 3-4 hours to go...…….hope everyone has as a wonderful day!
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Both my kids are teachers. Both had to go teach in school. Son keeping grandkids home to start year online though and not letting them in the classroom.
He said 1/2 of the students are there and it is strange. He coaches too so lost all that extra money in the household. Little one was to start kindergarten and is so sad to not get to go in person and was so excited.
Daughter lives in a small town at least in another state and has her kids in there but they are spaced apart in the room at least when she teaching. She is still terrified in small town Wyoming to get something.
So tired of medical stuff and COVID and not being able to feel safe going to appointments we need to have.
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I just posted this in the pain forum but since it's anger and rant related I am posting it here as well.
I am so sick of waiting for doctors to communicate with each other and with me!! I have been dealing with pain from radiation fibrosis and lat flap reconstruction for over 4 years now! I have been shuffled from one doc/department to another looking for answers, Last winter I was scheduled for an intercostal nerve block which turned out to be a huge cluster of an experience. I brought pictures that my PT had marked so that they would know where to do the injection. They didn't use them and went in to T10 which was not correct! When I was discharged they sent me home with instructions to care for the site of a bone biopsy! The paperwork had my name on it with and entirely different procedure. When I went back to the doc that ordered it he suggested doing a nerve resection. However, despite knowing he is highly qualified in peripheral nerve surgeries, we still have not identified which nerve(s) are involved. Since I already have issues with scar tissue and adhesions I am not comfortable having a surgery without knowing exactly where the problem is located. I requested having a MR Neurography which he agreed to. Covid hit a week later and everything has been delayed. I finally got him to answer my email (4th time) and he told his scheduler that he talked to the radiologist and to schedule me for an MRI that was nerve specific. To my understanding this is NOT the same as a Neurography! This is a big teaching hospital and yet this surgeon told me previously that it does not have this particular technology as of last March. I don't see anything of their website to indicate that has changed. Of course no one has called yet to schedule anything. I know he is a great surgeon with fantastic bedside manner but I just don't want to take a chance going in blind without having as full a picture as possible. I'm going to ask specifically what type of resolution that this nerve specificentails. If it is not high enough and or the radiologist doesn't have the special training to read neurographies, I will be right back to the beginning!
Has anyone else had this type of experience? It is so exhausting dealing with pain every day. Sorry for the long rant, I'm just feeling very frustrated today!!
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I am so sorry you are going through this! I know it is frustrating. Do you have ability to communicate with them in other methods other than hanging on the phone and waiting on a call? I know I am with a group affiliated with a teaching hospital that has a portal I can send messages directly to my doctors and most will get back you within a certain time period.
Best wishes to you.
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Hotter than hell here with fires. Not in fire zone but bay area covered in soot odor.
Gavin Newsom@GavinNewsomCA has experienced 10,849 lightening strikes in the last 72 hours and WORLD RECORD heat temperatures. We're currently battling 367 known fires. Grateful for our firefighters, first responders, and everyone on the frontlines protecting Californians during this time.
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Artista, we used to live in southern San Luis Obispo County and had ashes from fires in Santa Barbara. The last couple of years the California fires have been absolutely frightening! Stay safe as you can.
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We have like 4 fires here in Colorado. Smoke on both sides of the mountains. No way to go on a walk. They are telling people to stay inside.
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bcincolorado,
I do communicate with them through a portal. I love using it to communicate as well as for reading all my reports and test results. I have a huge file of all my "stuff" over the years. I could seriously wallpaper my whole house with all of it! Honestly right now I think so many docs and hospitals are trying to catch up on all the stuff that was cancelled or delayed because of the virus. Unfortunately our pain doesn't get put on hold!
Take care
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CTLMom-wishing you well on your venture to get your nerve block and get out of pain!!
Hope all you CA, CO and western US ladies get through all of these dangerous brush fires. I can't imagine the magnitude as the only fires I've been witness to near me is hay bales used for manure to grow mushrooms. If it's too dry they can combust but it is contained to just the area of the field the bales are in. It will burn/smoke for a few days. Stay safe all!
Feeling as good as I can today. I really hate trying to get used to being alone. I think this is the worst and most pressing dread I've ever felt. My hope is that as each day goes by it may get a little easier? A friend that saw me recently said I looked like I lost weight. I got on the scale and I don't think so. 3 or 4 lbs. maybe. I'm eating but mainly during the day since once I get home what's the point? There's no one there and I find it difficult to cook. I may grab a snack or make half a sandwich or a salad when I have fresh lettuce. Thursday was always spaghetti night so yes I will be having that later! I love pasta and hubs used to tell everyone that I could eat it everyday. It's only once or twice per week though.
I've gathered a quote on a double headstone for the cemetery. Another $3K almost 4K!! Sleeping on it a few more days before I commit. had my daughter look at my choices as well and she approves. I know I don't have to do this right now, but I think he would like it if I get it up before winter so I should order it soon.
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I finally got around to ordering my parents grave marker. I’d gotten prices here for brass, to have shipped north and placed. Nothing fancy, just names and dates. Was going to be about 4K. I couldn’t afford that.
Got in touch with a monument co there. For what I wanted, just grey granite, flush in ground, placed, less than $700. Done. I’m pleased. Can pm you a pic if you’d like to see. Otherwise, keep shopping around. The whole funeral business is a rip off.
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I'm thankful my husband served in the military and we were both able to get our eligibility certificates. They will take care of everything but our cremation costs. They will bury our ashes and put a stone on it at no cost and we could even chose a symbol to put on it from a variety of choices. If anyone is married to a vet it is worth checking out. You are probably eligible too if you have a local military cemetery. It can help cut costs. Just an idea.
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Good to know.
I went with a smaller size stone and the total will be $2730. I'll try not to freak out when I see it finished and my name is on it as well. Rather hope I can think of it as being next to him in case he misses me. I do have a will, so my kids should be pretty much set in having of few of these final arrangements almost done. When I die they just need to call the priest, the funeral home, pick out my casket, and hopefully it won't be too overwhelming for them. Should I still be working here I have a benefit of 1 yrs. salary, and I just recently bought a policy for $25K after I cashed in my husbands. They are my beneficiaries. No one knows what will happen, but if it happens as it should then I trust there will be enough to pay for my funeral and they can split what's left. All this, and I'm not even 60 yet!!
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It is hard to handle all of the things that need to be done when someone dies and all you want to do is crawl into bed and hideaway to grieve. I was 58 when my husband died and felt kind of numb going through all of this stuff. My husband was a vet, so he is buried in the national cemetery here, and he is a retired Funeral Director, so the funeral home he worked at did everything and did not charge me.
ctmbsikia - When this happens you do find yourself getting things in order to make it easier for the children. I even started going through things and throwing out stuff that really has no value and its only sentimental value is to me. Most of those things were packed away and I was not looking at them either. I don't know if you are going through this, but I had a hard time knowing who I was on my own without my husband. I was married at 18 and then boom! I am on my own. I never even had my own bedroom before now. I went from sharing a room with my sister to sharing with my husband. I find I am ok on my own and I am gaining confidence. I pray for you, it is hard with each new thing that comes up on your own.
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Oh misty. I also feel awful about being a widow so young! It is very difficult losing the identity of being someone's spouse. My overall identity remains in tact I think --mostly as I am from a small town, lived and worked here my whole life, a good portion of my friends are life long as well. That part is a blessing.
I spent some more money today. I just can't imagine how hard the holidays are going to be on a lot of us (kids, my in laws)-so I rented a house in Cape May NJ for the week between X-Mas and New Years. We'll be bringing in a New Year in another state and not near our home that holds so many holiday memories/traditions. Next year we can start anew, possibly make new traditions as well, we'll see. Earlier this summer my family cancelled a vacation home in VA (due to virus concerns). Just paying that money forward to the next vacation rental. I will have to work a few days, but I can do that remotely and won't have to drive back and forth. It's a notoriously slow week that week anyway, so no bother. It sleeps 9 which leaves room to invite family, or friends, or kids friends for a visit on different nights. At least now, we have something to look forward to. Also purchased the insurance since it is 4 months away. To me, it's worth the $150. should someone get sick, or if there's a blizzard!!
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I'm having one of THOSE weeks and came to this board that I haven't read in a while. Just read comments from 8/14 from Runor, Spookiesmom & Edj3. Like your attitude, ladies. So I'll do my rant here.
My DH is having a 3rd heart procedure next week as nothing has worked so far. We wonder all the time which one will be left to pick up the pieces when the other is gone. I'm on a text thread with friends from TX who talked about escaping to CO for cooler temps and "because they are restless" but that things weren't open like they are at home. I said I could relate, NM is mostly closed & discouraging travelers due to COVID and has a 14 day quarantine for out of state visitors. I got ghosted! Guess they won't cross the TX/NM line for a while. Several of them use the namaste/prayer hands/high five emoji (take your pick, they only think of it as praying) in every text and were so glad God answered their prayers that Houston wasn't trashed by hurricane Laura. I reminded them that Lake Charles LA wasn't so fortunate. Guess they didn't care about THOSE OTHER people. Arrrgh! Ghosted on that comment too! I'm going to only mention 'happy thoughts" to them and send smiley face emojis from now on. Whew, now that that is off my chest, I'm going to walk the dog and enjoy the views.
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Living 2 blocks in from the Gulf of Mexico, I keep a close eye on any potential storms. They were saying a 15 foot storm surge, that could go 30 miles inland. My county isn’t that wide, would wash Tampa away too. I feel bad for those affected, it’s a long hard effort to recover. Sorry you got ghosted, might be for the best
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Oh I'm starting to stir things up by very nicely (for real) saying I don't agree with some of the political nonsense getting posted. Literally I say "this veteran respectfully disagrees with that position." You'd think I'd drop-kicked a hornet's nest.
Guess I did.
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This year -2020- has been awful for so many people. I was pondering 20-20 also stands for perfect vision. In the wake of yet another natural disaster, what are we really seeing? This year in particular is so far off the perfect mark, no? Maybe to have perfect vision one must be at peace in knowing that while we have control of our own free will, there is something bigger at play here?
Just a pondering.
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