STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
Kikomoon, thanks for the advice! I'm close to just shouting that I have cancer at them haha!
So last week I was eating some Halloween candy at my desk and my boss, who is a very nice lady and is usually super great, looked at me and said "You know sugar feeds cancer right?". I just stared....
0 -
Katyblu -oh no she DIDN'T. I told DH once about a random article about cheese not being good and guess who gets hassled every time she wants a little cheese on her burger. Ridiculous.
I actually did yell “I have cancer - Like real bad" Through the window screen, as someone was on the front porch selling water or something, wanted me to come out to talk without masks. DH thought it was funny. What can you do sometimes but laugh. They said hope you get better soon. Me too
0 -
Hahaha! We had to put up a No Soliciting sign so we'd stop getting random window and pesticide sellers.
Man, I don't think I could live without cheese.... or a little sugar.
I hope everyone is feeling better after getting out some anger
0 -
Katyblu, was the sugar preacher wearing a mask? Because you could have showed her how much candy would fit up her nose...
0 -
ooooooo Alice❤️❤️❤️
0 -
I'm kinda mad, or maybe just fed up. All year I worked on a project with a woman, the head of a small publishing company. She asked me to write a book on a particular kind of quilt, for which I am an expert. In many ways our working relationship was very good, but there were things I needed resolved so I could complete the project, and I couldn't get resolution. One of many issues was getting an actual contract, which she promised many times, but which never got delivered to me. (She is a law professor, so it isn't like she doesn't have resources for that.) There were other points of contention, and a fair amount of chaos. Not how I like to work.
About 5 weeks ago I withdrew from the project. Not having a contract yet, no harm, no foul, right? She sulked for a while, then things had smoothed out some.
A couple of days ago she told me she needed books back that she had sent me, and that she said I could keep. (Examples/models for the type of book mine would become.) Again, she had said I could keep them.
What it boils down to is that I can't trust her to tell the truth or to be consistent. Many times while working together we agreed on something, only for her to say something completely different next time we talked. So this is not the only time, by any stretch.
I had thought that we had also built a friendship over the months, rather tenuous, but I do actually like her. But I don't trust her. I don't believe her. And I can't be friends with someone like that. So I told her that.
And I said, send me a prepaid mailer and I'll send the books back, and then we're done.
I tried hard not to be "mean," just clear. She had hit my limit, and that was it. Life is short. I don't have time or space in my life to doubt the people in it. If I can't trust you, we are not friends.
UGH
0 -
We put up one of those signs on our front door because of the random people trying to sell us stuff from roofing to solar systems to voting issues. It is like people are ignorant and do not read at all even. If we do not know them do not open the door at all now.
0 -
Alice, haha that was great! Maybe next time
0 -
MountainMia, I’m sorry about your situation. I do remember you having issues a while back. I am sorry it continued on for this long. Knowing how she sounds and the way you describe her, I don’t see her sending the mailer to you, so maybe you’ll get to keep the books after all. Good for you for being up front and calling her out
0 -
KBL, that's what I think. I'm expecting she might ask for my address AGAIN. Which of course I gave her. For the contract, among other things.... ha. Anyway, thanks for your support. It felt better just to say it to someone besides my husband, so thanks for listening!
I think one of the main things here is, over the last few years I've learned much better how to define my limits or boundaries, both for myself and to convey them to other people. If you don't tell them what the limit is, they keep pushing. I'm also trying very hard to do that without being mean to people, just to be clear and say, look, you do this and I find that disrespectful, or whatever. And I don't want you to do it again. And when they do, just say, look, I told you how I feel about it when you do this, and you did it again. And I'm not going to put up with it.
It's really weird to get to be into my 50s and now about to hit 61, and feel like I'm finally developing the emotional maturity to do this.
0 -
MountainMia, wouldn't it be nice if all the things we think come with age, like wisdom, would show up automatically instead of having to work for them? Nope, just health issues show up as scheduled or earlier. I don't know about you, but I want a do-over.
0 -
MountainMia, I'm glad you cans find more support here. My husband is the only one who truly knows how I feel daily. I remember I started reading a book once. I think it was called “Boundaries." I didn't finish it, but it washow to put them in place. Most women have a tendency to want to please, so it's hard to try and change that mindset
0 -
MountainMia: you are so right to cut the ties of that relationship! How true, life is too short to put up with what we do not have to tolerate! Society tries to condition women to use a lot of their energy to make relationships work and tries to make us feel guilty or “mean" for putting our needs first. We can evolve from that limited way of thinking.
Your learning boundary placement is soo similar to mine that if I were writing a book, “Boundaries" would be the title of the chapter about my current life. It's astounding how angry others can get when I place value on myself, my time, my talents. I created a “Boundaries" folder on Pinterest and fill it with helpful reminders to stand my ground. Pinterest has many inspiring tips and articles on creating boundaries. Here are a few:
0 -
Divine, "Me and myself: We are till death do us part."
I *LOVED* that. Such a great way to sum it all up.
0 -
DivineMrsM, THANK YOU! I needed to see exactly that this morning. Going through a divorce in addition to cancer; trying to be as decent as I can about it, and ... I needed to see exactly what you posted.
Now for my beef. This is so petty and stupid in the grand scheme of things, but I LOVE coffee. I would routinely drink a pot of it over the course of the day, just have it with me, sip away at it all day long, love it. Stupid #$%#$$ing chemo has $^^<$>ing ruined it. No amount of sugar, no amount of milk can make it palatable. It's 8:30 in the morning on what is otherwise a beautiful Saturday, and I'm just so mad that my coffee that would ordinarily perfect the morning tastes so bitter and horrid.
0 -
AMG2 - I lost my taste for coffee during chemo. It was awful! It's temporary at least. In the meantime, have all the milkshakes.
0 -
During chemo nothing had taste. But I was gonna have my coffee anyway, taste buds be damned. I was determined to be NORMAL. So I left the cup on the table, went to pee. Came around corner to see my poodle on the table, coffee dripping from his whiskers. I lost it.The guilty boy, and his BFF.
0 -
Serenity, thanks, I am so glad to hear it's temporary. It tastes like a big cup of penicillin right now. I'm really looking forward to having my sense of taste restored and not rearranged every week.
0 -
Spookiesmom!!
You and the pup and the kitty have made me smile, thank you!
My own dogs are often wanting whatever it is I'm trying to get into me. I think they may be disappointed once I finish chemo. They're not going to get nearly as many leftovers or "sneak" so many snacks off my plate.
0 -
Katyblu: So last week I was eating some Halloween candy at my desk and my boss, who is a very nice lady and is usually super great, looked at me and said "You know sugar feeds cancer right?". I just stared....
The best response I can think of is "You know stress feeds cancer, right? Stop stressing me out!"
I'm so sorry for anyone losing their taste for coffee. Can you still be ok with smelling coffee? I LOVE the smell of freshly brewed coffee even more than I love drinking it.
0 -
Spookiesmom - Ha! My dog takes cream and sugar with her coffee. If I have black coffee, she doesn't touch it.
AMG2 - I don't remember how long it took to drink coffee again after Taxol, but it's back. During chemo I liked the broth from pho. We have a Vietnamese restaurant that put all the ingredients in different containers for takeout. 👍
0 -
Tinkerbell, just checked, and yes! It does still smell great! Maybe that's part of what makes me so mad: it smells like it's going to be exquisite, and then it's the nastiest thing ever. I'll try to just stick with smelling it until this is over.
I like your suggestion on what to say to the folks trying to police our diets so we don't get cancer.
Now I want to go try to eat some candy.Serenity, Vietnamese sounds really good, and I'll give that a try, thanks!
0 -
Tinkerbell, that would be a great response! I think at this point, I’m allowed everything in moderation. I’m not really a coffee person, but I too LOVE the smell of it
0 -
How about a coffee candle? I haven't tried it, but might when I'm low on candles.
https://onehoney.ca/products/coffee-beeswax-candle...
0 -
Alice, I'm wiping up the coffee I snorted out my nose when I read your comment regarding the candy. That made my day!
Katyblu, WHO DOES THAT??? Good gawd!!!
MountainMia, I don't think you were mean at all. You were clear in your expectations, unlike this other person.
We have a camera at our front door. If the bell rings, I look to see who's there before I answer it. It's like my phone. If I don't recognize the number (or if it's the guy with his "healing ministry") I don't pick up. LEAVE A MESSAGE!!!
AMG2, I'm so sorry about the coffee. That would really suck big time.
Tinkerbell, hahaha1 I love that one. ""Stress feeds cancer and YOU are stressing me out, so STOP IT and go away!!!" I'll have to keep that one in my bag of replies to pull out when I need one.
BTW, I discovered that if I pull up side by side windows of this forum, I can scroll down through the posts and reply. Otherwise, i respond to one comment and then I'm trying to remember who said what. Whatever... It works for me.
Happy Saturday everyone.
0 -
mmm coffee, pho, candy, the small joys of life. No one understands how frustrating and upsetting it is when you lose your taste for things you loved. During that time in my treatment, I broke down crying outside a restaurant, I just couldn't go in and "eat". friend had to bring me right back home and deal with me.
Divine that "passive" list is good. Still working on the apologizing for everything one.
0 -
spookiesmom love the pic! Made me smile today.
0 -
Saw this today at a small bookstore. Do we need it in bulk?
0 -
SerenitySTAT....Yes please.
0 -
Spookiesmom...Your story made me laugh! The picture is fabulous and not one bit of remorse on the cute little guy's face! In fact, he looks quite proud of himself.
0
