STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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CM I hear ya. I have my critters to talk to. , some days I don’t even get out of my jammies. I get a spurt, go in his room, fill a few trash bags. Either for trash can, or thrift store. I’d love to wave a magic wand and it’s all gone.
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Just popping in to say that I'm sorry for those who are just going through sh-*/#y times. Insomnia is no fun, pain is no fun, and watching your mom suffer is no fun! My sweet mom used to say that she just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I got it. She got her wish on her 85th birthday. It will be 4 years ago this year.
My heart hurts and I hate what my disease is doing to my husband. Sometimes, I think (not really) that I should turn into a nasty person now so that he won't miss me so much later. Couldn't do that to him, but we have joked about it. I'm just sad today.
Carol
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My husband (we are in theory separated but have to live in the same house due to finances and health insurance) informed me that the company he works for is laying 35 people off. He finds out Wednesday if he is one of them. He claims he won't be.....but if he is talking, he is lying, so I don't believe him. They are also only giving people a 3 week notice before they are let go. I want to vomit. We are NOT financially stable and this would sink us. Please please pray he isn't laid off.
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Oh, cm, I pray that he is not laid off and that if he is, something better happens for you that keeps you financially safe and sound.
(((hugs)))
Carol
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ctmbsikia, I haven't been to a GYN in years. My old PCP was nagging me about it after my breast and kidney surgeries in 2018. I told her it's the last thing on my mind since there's nothing there, and I get scanned anyway so any abnormality would show up. Then she started going on and on about how cute the current onco GYN guy is, so I went home and sent her a scathing email firing her for her unprofessionalism.
cm2020, sending you positive vibes.
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jumpship I have a form of early onset dementia called primary progressive aphasia that has happened to me and it affects my sleep as well. My neuro doc suggested OTC melatonin to start with and it does work for me. I get the Nature Made kind which is berry flavored and a gummy and even though it says 2 is a dose I take one and can usually get 8 hours with it and fall asleep in an hour after aferwards. If not I get up at night and wander the halls.
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Thank you for the good thoughts and wishes for my husband's job. I so appreciate it.
Jumpship......I have a horrible time sleeping and have since menopause started. I take Melatonin every night and it works very well. I take OTC as well (like bcincolorado). One thing I have found is that a lower dose does seem to work better. I take 10mg a night. It takes about 30-45 min to really kick in. If I wake during the night I will take another 5mg if it is early and I don't think I will be able to go back to sleep. But that is rare. The 10mg will typically easily get me through the night (except of course when I have to get up to use the bathroom).
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Jumpship that is unbelievable that you are not getting support from your Mother's doctor. Time to fire that individual. I hope the suggestion of melatonin works until you can get the medical support your Mother (and you) deserve. My MIL battled dementia and in her later stages she had what we call "happy pills" that eased her anxiety. It was very common usage for people with her condition so hopefully another doc will prescribe her something.
cm2020 hope things go ok and hubs isn't laid off.
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Thanks, Alice.
Hoping for the best outcome for you, cm2020.
Jumpship, I would definitely try the melatonin first and if that doesn't help I would ask (or demand) a script. My mother in-law suffered from delusions. She thought her husband was cheating when he left the house 3x's a week for dialysis. Her doctor is now my primary doctor. He and his wife (an NP) have a local practice and they really worked with us in trying to find a good med that would help. We had her on busparin (a mild anti-depressant as needed) and Abilify. The family didn't really like that this did sort of zone her out, but my feeling was we don't want her harming herself, and her poor husband needs his rest, so I went down every night and gave her the meds. Her daughter was really against this after a couple of months, so she weaned her off and it was only a matter time before the delusions began to come back. Sister in-law was better prepared to handle and distract her, so I don't think she ever went back on Abilify. This was all done under the docs guidance. I've read where they use some of these medications "off label" It takes some trial and error. It is my feeling to help the symptom (like constant crying) since there is no cure. Best wishes to you.
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Spoke to a friend last night. She was having some health issues and her doctors were trying to figure it out. Congestive heart failure? The first ER trip they thought it was a heart attack. No, maybe lungs. During this follow up time from 1st trip to the hospital she was getting worse with coughing and wheezing. Chest and back pain. Went back to her regular doctor after feeling a lump on the side of her neck. He sent her back to the ER and she was admitted for a few days. I am assuming from scans they told her it is cancer. She did not mention a lung biopsy. They biopsied the lymph node swollen in her neck so she's waiting for the results to see what kind of cancer it is. I feel terrible She and her hubs and best friend (they are like sisters) all live together. Best friends ex is living with their son and is on hospice care. He will gone soon. That was a lot to take in. I did tell my friend that the beginning is the hardest part waiting for the diagnosis and getting set up with a team and a plan. I told her she may get a nurse navigator. She is already set up with a patient portal.
If she reaches out to me I will surely help her. I will reach out to her best friend today and offer any assistance she needs. She and her ex have been more friendly with each other over the years. I just can't imagine caring for your ex husband on hospice while your best friend is also getting ready to get a cancer diagnosis. Good grief. The Big C can go suck it!
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All cancer is terrible and hard all around. ICK. Best wishes to your friends.
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So, there is this guy who used to attend our church - until we asked him to leave. He always sat on the second row and would comment/correct the pastor as he preached. He would take copious notes so that he could corner and correct the pastor after the sermon. He was arrogant and had all the answers. The church board asked him to stop his disruptive behavior and when he wouldn't, we had a church business meeting, after which we asked him to find another church to worship.
Apparently, he found out that I have cancer again and has left 5 messages to call him because he has a "healing ministry" and a "cure for any cancer". His messages go something like this: "Hello, are you there? Pick up. This is _____. Hello? Carol? Call me. I have cure for your cancer."
I have the ability to block his number and he'll get a disconnected number recording. It just makes me angry because he's so arrogant and when I die of this disease he's going to accuse my husband of not allowing me to be cured. He's overweight and can't drive due to a seizure disorder. Has God healed him of that??? Where is his cure for that??? (I'm not mocking him for that and don't wish a seizure disorder on anyone, just for the record.)
I'm torn between blocking him, laughing in his face, or telling him to STOP CALLING ME!!!
Signed,
Still not cured Carol (sorry, I couldn't help myself)
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What an annoying know-it-all he is. I doubt engaging with him in any way will do any good. Shake the dust from your feet. Block him.
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That's just terrible. I think he is probably mentally ill and no, that doesn't excuse him.
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Sunshine, I agree with Shetland, do not engage with this nutcase. Any kind of acknowledgement of him on your part, even if you just tell him to leave you alone, could potentially make him even more aggressive towards you. The best thing to do is block him. He believes as a man he can dominate you. This seems especially so with his religious bent, because many religions elevate men to power positions and expect women to submit. He is looking for someone to control, especially since the church asked him to leave. He deludes himself into thinking he has greater understanding of breast cancer than you do. His calls are demanding: “Pick up." “Call me." He thinks you are weak. He thinks he has some kind of power and he hopes you are desperate enough to believe he has a cure for bc.
Don't fall prey to him. Don't worry about what he might accuse your husband of, your husband can take care of himself and besides, you could be around for years.
I had a falling out with my sister in law about 20 years ago. There was a truce but things were never the same. She recently mentioned how an employer who did her wrong ended up falling on hard times. She said, “I never seek revenge, I just let karma take care of things for me". I believe she was also alluding to our fall out and that me being diagnosed with mbc years later was karma catching up to me for standing up to her all those years ago. Fuck her. No matter what, that's how she's going to frame it to herself. I can't do anything about it. She's always been off kilter anyway. I'm not spending any energy engaging with her to try to make her see the error of her thinking. I feel she was intentionally trying to bait me. She'd like the drama. I walked away without saying a thing.0 -
Great advice. I would agree. Block him. You don't need any further engagement with this person. Who gets kicked out of a church? Honestly, you know something is not right when that happens.
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Oh Divine - how awful that someone would think your MBC is karma. That kind of 💩 hurts so much. Good thing you can walk away. That kind of relationship can be kicked to the curb! HUG
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This guy used to give bear hugs to EVERYONE! Including frail old women. When he opened his arms to me, I'd just put my hand up. He physically hurt people with his hugs.
You'll get a laugh out of this story. A friend visited another church in the area one day. He said he met this guy and when he (our friend) held out his hand for a hand-shake, this other guy, said "Brothers hug" and gave him a big ole bear hug. When my husband and I heard this story, we started laughing, because we knew exactly who he was talking about.
I do agree that engaging him would be pointless. He did show up at our church a couple of years ago with "a message from God". Anyway, my husband and the pastor heard him out, thanked him and just let him go on his way. I'm a firm believer in Christianity and my faith is strong, but I'd rather live it than preach it, if you know what I mean. And if someone tells me that they have "a message from God", my hackles go up. Really??? Makes me want to say, "God just told me to tell you to SHUT UP!" But that would be engaging them and what would be the point?
Man, I love this thread!
Carol
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Sunshine - I hope you can block him. Even though he may think he knows it all and is being helpful, it seems like he is hurting those around him. engaging him , even if you are clear about how you feel, will probably only encourage him.
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Oh Sunshine you know that guy is not doing what is right no matter what. It is his own intentions only. Block him. Avoiding people who are annoying is the best way to deal with people for your own mental health.
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Goldens, that is very kind of you to address the comments my sister in law made. It makes me feel so good to know someone else understands. I spend very little time with her. She used to send my husband (her brother) bizarre PM's via Facebook. He wanted to give her snarky replies but I instructed him not to engage.
Sunshine, your Mr. Church guy matter reminds me of a reason I get steamed which I'm sure is discussed here from time to time. And that is people with zero medical background who claim they have the cure for cancer. I guarantee church guy has no clue even about the many types of breast cancer, knows nothing of hormone positive, triple negative, Her2, invasive lobular or invasive ductal carcinoma. Without ever asking you a single question about the cancer you are dealing with, he miraculously has a cure. Some would call him an idiot. I call him a liar. Your Christian values are better spent helping those truly in need, helping others succeed, feeding the hungry, however you want to express that.
My above mentioned sister in law sent me a link to a cancer “cure", the baking soda and cottage cheese diet. This is without ever asking me one single question about what I was dealing with. She has no clue. Her sister sent me a link to a series consisting of 7 one-hour seminars on how to beat cancer (by some guy, not a doctor, who when I googled him, it said he believed cancer was caused by the sin of the person who has it.) She, too, never asked me one question about my particular case. I politely told her no thanks.
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Oh Divine, I laughed out loud at that last paragraph. May not seem to Christian, but with the way things are going in the world we are finding out how mentally challenged some of our citizens are. Is it lack of intelligence? A disability? I would never entertain a non medical persons claim to a cure.
Baking soda and cottage cheese? You just can't make this ish up!
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DivineMrsM: I had to laugh at the baking soda and cottage cheese diet for BC cure. WTH? Wish I knew their rationale for recommending this diet and what they expected to achieve. ANother case of the lunatics running the asylum or at least the dietary department.
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I thought I posted this, but I don't see it. I'm pretty sure my Stage IV sin was buying a lottery ticket (I didn't win).
Now excuse me while I run to the store for some cottage cheese and baking soda. That actually sounds really nasty!
Carol
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LOL! Baking soda and cottage cheese? ICK! Why would anyone think that would make someone better from cancer? Might make them sick from eating it together.
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Not that I put any faith into it as a bc cure but there is a thread in the alt forum regarding this. We have had some members interested in it, though not many. I believe it's called the Budwig Protocol .
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Sunshine - its just like the "faith healers" on TV - claiming to lengthen shortened legs while wearing eyeglasses themselves. I don't know makes me think of "Physician heal thy self". Anywho, have had similar instances. Someone had claimed I hadn't had enough faith and that's why I got cancer and why I ended up Stage IV. I tell you what, I believe it takes more faith to walk unhealed than it does to be healed. Especially when it seems like everyone in their brother seems to get in your face about the faith they say you lack because your not well or won't try their "miracle spring water" or whatever - while they themselves aren't well. I do believe healing can and does happen. But what counts as 'healing' these days seems like showmanship and self elevation rather than truly making anyone well. I'm sorry your dealing with a self appointed 'apostle' - I agree with the others. Block. Dust off your feet. I like you am a firm believer in Christianity, but anyone in my opinion who claims to have a word from God while talking and behaving exactly contrary to God is a big giant red flag to me. And like you I can't blurt out what I want to say to these people. "God told me you have hemorrhoids for having your head so far up your butt, you might want to take care of that"....so I just zip it, think it and let it go.
Divine, to me people who think how anyone treats them somehow translates to revenge manifesting itself in terrible illnesses and diseases on those they feeled wronged by while taking some kind of glee of satisfaction in it, chills my bones, sincerely. Cottage cheese and baking soda...now that's one I haven't heard of, wow.
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My mother was in a nursing home and not doing well. One of my brothers, who I’ve always had a rocky relationship with, came to see her. He rarely called her. Anyway, we were in the room with her, and he said something that pissed me off enough. I had had enough of his toxicity. We had a fight in front of my mother. I was so mad about that. Anyway, I told my sister when she went to visit my mother the next day to tell my mom we had made up. I did not want her passing with this crap. She passed soon after. I haven’t spoken to my brother since. It’s been 12 years. I am not one to end a family relationship lightly, but his toxicity was not good for me. I have no regrets.
Divine, I’m sorry your SIL said something so cruel. I don’t understand people like that at all.
I would also block the so-called cure expert.
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My husbands sister was always getting messages from "God". She convinced my MIL to move to an apt, while she moved into MIL house while she was getting a divorice. Got her to pay her bills, buy her a car etc. By the time she was done and moved out of state MIL was 30,000 in debt. MIL would not hear a word against her. Even worse SIL had a "spiritual adviser" who was abusing her son. He was never arrested...a case of he said/ he said. ( that's what MIL said anyway). There is no shortage of terrible people. Our family will never speak to her again
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KBL I am so sorry about your mom and do understand. I do not really communicate with my brother either and wonder how we were even raised in the same household sometimes because we are so different and he is kind of a jerk.
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