STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Such a relief to know people here understand. Can y'all do anything about the gas prices? Good grief! Was over $50. today! Ugh
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Back again. Just got off the phone with the GI doc. She called regarding my labs which I thought were great! Everything in range except for the ALK Phos. I'll be seeing her after the holiday, I agreed to repeat labs and 1 month, and she also referring me to the endo group. WTF? I did not agree to a liver biopsy that she also mentions would tell us. Jesus. What about my endoscopy? Should I find it strange she seems fixated on this number and not fixing my esophagus? That's how we met in the first place.
I challenged her on the bone theory I have that this is why it is elevated.
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oh ctm. Doing any of it is bad. DH had a liver transplant and has had biopsy after that as well. Know both of those well and all those numbers well. Bone issues can raise and so can other things as well.
I feel badly for your friend as well. I know you can relate and provide support to her. It is hard whenever this happens but holidays are harder since it will always remind them on the holidays always.
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ctm, I’m sorry for your friend. You can be there for her but it is also okay to have boundaries and still be her friend. It’s not your entire burden to carry her sadness.
Here’s what’s fuming me. My two sisters do stuff I don’t even think they see as wrong. They, along with one sister’s husband, are flying to the Domincan Republic the Sunday after Thanksgiving meeting the other sister’s daughter, her husband and their small child for a week of fun in the sun.
A few days ago, one of the sisters texted me telling me the three of us should meet up to get a pedicure “to catch up” and the treat would be on her. I told her I could not since the medicine I currently take gives me hand and foot syndrome (red and cracked) side effects so a pedicure was out.
But I just think it’s shitty that they would be getting a pedicure because they’re taking a tropical vacation but I guess the treat of a pedicure would be my consolation prize since I wasn’t asked to go. Were they going to sit there and plan their vacation itinerary while we got our toenails painted? They seem to get off treating me this way, acting like they’re doing something nice with the ulterior motive of enjoying the thrill of excluding me and hurting my feelings. Very passive aggressive.
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Wow Divine, that's just rotten behavior on the part of your sisters. Stinks.
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Divine, I think flat-out rudeness would be preferable to that token treat crap.
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I'm so FUCKING angry I got cancer, had my boobs chopped off and the reconstruction was/is painful. My boobs don't look right. I HATE trying on bras, it makes me sad. I wish I had the desire to exercise, but I just want to go home and sit after working all day. I'm angry and sad and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because I feel like I have to say everything is ok so they all feel better. My body betrayed me. One big positive, I did not have to have chemo.
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lalbo, you have every right to feel anger and you can let rip here .You are in a situation no one wants to be. I wish I could say it will all go away, but all I can say is here we understand and send you best wishes.
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You need to feel what YOU feel, and this is the place to explode. We get it
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Lalbo, allow yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you need to. It is really so recent that you got a bc diagnosis. Don’t worry that you haven’t “gotten past it” by now. A mastectomy and reconstruction is a hell of a lot to adjust to. Give yourself the time you need to work through all of your feelings. Don’t worry about not wanting to exercise. Instead, give yourself permission to go home after work and take care of yourself, find ways to get comfortable and treat yourself to some loving kindness every. single. day. and don’t feel guilt about it. I remember the year I was diagnosed. After having chemo in the spring, a lumpectomy in the summer and starting radiation in the fall, I went out and bought a big screen tv because I knew my body was going to need months to recover and recuperate and I figured I might as well have fun resting and watching tv, which I did all winter. Also, it’s okay to not want to socialize when you feel like you have to make others feel better. That’s on them to deal with their own feelings. Best wishes to you!
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WOW Have one brother who I barely speak to and lives in another state. I always wonder how we were brought up in the same house sometimes.DH was only boy and middle between 2 sisters who argued all the time. Youngest died a few years ago and it is just oldest and 'DH now. His folks picked him to handle things when they died and oldest sister got mad and thought she should be in charge since she lived there and we did not. But she could not mentally handle it anyway which is why they had picked him to start with. She fell apart trying to clean out one closet.
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Hope all of you have a peaceful, safe, delicious and enjoyable Thanksgiving. I woke up to a crash in the kitchen while my husband was making coffee. Something fell to the floor and shattered. All I could think was I hope it wasn't a measuring cup which will be needed today. Then, I got up and went into the bathroom where I noticed a dark smear on the hand towel by the sink. Turned on the light, BLOOD!! Wandered into the kitchen - still don't know what fell, but whatever slipped through a hole in our new dishrack/drain board. Will discover when I vacuum shards husband missed. He was as confused as I was when I told him about the blood, but he may have had had a bloody nose in the night - though that would be a first. Not how we wanted to start Thanksgiving when hosting a gathering of 12. Hope all weird bad stuff is out of the way and this wasn't an omen.......
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Oh Jetson how scary though to wake up to that and have to figure it out. Hope is ok.
May everyone have a peaceful day and not too much drama going on.
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bcincolorado, we do a small Friendsgiving. No family = no drama, lol
May you all have a lovely day and stretchy pants.
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LOL! We are doggie sitting for niece right now. Her two get along ok with ours but one is a huge lab who clears everything off tables so you have to get him to sit and lie down. He does mind but he gets too excited when they get up in the morning out of the kennels. Where they live is a newer subdivision with no real trees yet a not squirrels yet. We live in an older house and have one that lives in the tree out our window. They run along the fence on what we call "the squirrel highway" (the rail posts). The dog area is far away from that but he was howling at the squirrels out there this morning (early). We knew the neighbors were not happy about that one. We'll have them until Sunday when they come back. They decided to go away for Thanksgiving because of COVID and we can't all really socialize right now because of immune issues in our house. Same reason we decided to forego going to son's house with the grandkids and DIL parents. Too many people and too much noise. Even if I was not cooking I did not want to deal with it. I would rather cook and clean up in small batches and be quiet in my house.
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Too funny with the lab. My 2 dogs and 1 cats are currently chasing each other around the house, barking and meowing. No quiet here now.
DD , the grands 16 and 14 and I went out. 14 ate the soup, and that was it. I wanted to bop him.
The year of firsts can be hard after your spouse passes. I’ve made it through all mostly ok. Today was different. I guess I was just missing all who are gone. I’m ok now, tomorrow will be back to whatever normal is
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Second year for me. A few tears when spoke to my sister in law (her 1st yr). Daughter has taken over breakfast duty. We also have mimosas on holidays and share with hubs sister and any friends that pop in. Made my grandmother's homemade holiday/wedding soup and it was a good batch according to my family. Went to my brothers home. Not too many of us but enough. My cousin took over trimming the turkey (hubs used to do it). Missed my sister. It was a pretty good day.
Now the house is a wreck. Got to clean up and take down the fall decor and get the Xmas stuff out.
Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and a good weekend.
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Had 2 dear friends email me their plans did not go well yesterday. One was a lot of family drama. They have the grandson living with them right now because mom is bi polar and went off her meds and he wanted to live at grandma's. He is in high school. Her husband has a lot of health issues as well so not sure who had the issue yet and she just said she'd email me later and wanted to wish me a happy Thanksgiving. Makes my day seem not so bad.
Other friend planed on going to DIL and son's who are living with her mom a few miles from their house. Got a call that morning that they pneumonia!! So no one was cooking dinner!!! Of course meanwhile my friend was planning on fixing a side to take so she and her DH at that and whatever else they found the fridge for their Thanksgiving dinner alone.
Normally I would be hauling out Christmas stuff right now as well. Did take down the fall table cloth to put away. Decided will not attempt it until next week after visiting dogs are gone. Of course by then there are medical appointments for ether me or DH to deal with at that point too......I guess the tree will get up at some point.
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I'm steamed at my sister again. She texts me on and on and on about every single thing she eats. She used to be a vegetarian for years, then decided not to be after all the meals where we accommodated her, then she decided no gluten (not diagnosed with any intolerance), so more years of screwy holiday menus, then she'd intermittently be no dairy, but not tell us ahead of time, so she'd bitch about not being able to eat certain things once she got there. So today when she nattered on about some squashes she bought, I mentioned that I didn't care for winter squash but liked summer varieties. She sent me a nasty text about how my picky eating has made life miserable for everybody for years. OMG, I don't like beets or some squashes and that's it but she complains about ME?? Talk about projecting! I sent her a text comparing her immature insults to a certain out-of-work politician's way of communicating. I may block her as a holiday gift to myself. We don't communicate except by text anyway.
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Lalbo - your post resonated with me. I am angry. I had a lumpectomy, along with a "reduction and lift" to even me out and improve the appearance of my breasts. 3 months later, I'm still in pain. I was not expecting that my boobs would hurt this much for this long. If I don't wear a bra, the "bouncing" is painful.. Every bra I have, the band irritates the incisions. I know I should exercise, but it just seems like too much. The letrozole seems to be making everything worse.
Overall, I really just want to not be reminded every day that I have/had cancer. I want to be back to normal.
I have been watching a show - Holiday baking contest - which is oddly comforting to me. Nice people who like to bake cakes and cookies and stuff, being creative and having fun competing. I recommend it to anyone who needs a distraction.
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props to mail order pharmacy...my ambien is running out again before refill that was supposed to be here Monday. If you call to complain they basically call you a junkie.
And my husband forgets as time goes by why I take so many pills...arimidex, vitamin d, colitis medicine ( it works, has kept me in remission for as many years as BC). Add vitamin c to ward off covid and colds, tums when I forget and take vitamins on empty stomach...lets take some claritin or benadryl if Ive got a runny nose and the shit show lack of respect ( oh your a warrior. Your so amazing, in such great shape but you take too many pills). Grrrrr.
How quickly they all forget what chemo was like. No hair. No guarantees. No choices. Fighting for my life then vs now....they only difference is time. It would be so convenient for them to forget ...thats all I can think is they don't mean it. They just want to forget. But not forgetting is what keeps me diligent...I will never forget and never let my guard down and never take life for granted.
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Alice, I have been “no-contact” with my sister for many many years, except the rare occasion when I see her whenever she decides to live at my mom’s. It’s just too toxic.
I was “no contact” with my other sister until she died tragically earlier this year. Our last “conversation” she called and wanted me to explain how I thought I could live with stage IV bc, as she understood it was a death sentence. I hung up very shortly after. Meanwhile I had neighbors bringing me soup and friends letting me cry and wail on their shoulders. I don’t believe blood is always thicker than water. I mourn that we could not have a nice relationship.
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Kikomoon, ugh, that's so rough about your sisters. I keep trying to think of any time my sister and I have been close, and I don't come up with much. Even as kids, we were just two people who shared a room for several years. Most pictures of both of us back then, she's rolling her eyes or frowning at me or looking pissed in general. So now it just seems like so much work to stay in touch with someone I don't feel much of a connection with. People are hard.
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Friends or family can be either fountains or drains. The fountains lift you up, keep them. The drains drag you down, lose those them or at least keep them at a distance. We need to try and find contentment every day, who knows what tomorrow may bring.
I hope you can enjoy today whatever you are doing.
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Always envied those with sisters because I only had 3 brothers and a mother who preferred boys. So I guess I wanted someone that would identify with me. After reading what others have posted about their sister relationships, perhaps I lucked out. It was hard enough dealing with a mother who didn't care. I always blamed it on my GM's rejection of her but why perpetuate something that was so painful and do so on your daughter? Never understood it and now that she is gone, never will.
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Betrayal...I always envied those with brothers. I have one sister. We have been no contact for many years. We have never been close or even semi-close. She is so much like our narcissistic mother. She always made me feel "less than", even as a small child. She is 16 months younger than me but has always thought she was older, wiser, and I was just a loser. My parents treated me the same way (probably where she got it from. Also, I am no contact with my parents). It is lonely not having family love and support. My aunt and I are in contact but I think strongly she stays in contact just for getting info for gossip. I don't tell her anything (including my cancer dx and my estrangement from my husband). Being rejected by my family and now my husband has me really starting to believe I am just not worthy of love or compassion. I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my adult son and teen daughter.
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As an adopted only child, sometimes I’d wonder what it was like to have siblings. I had 2 male cousins close in age, but if the 3 of us were together, I was left out. Girl cooties you know. When I married, I got 4 younger brothers in law. And for a while, that was fun. Then they started to get married, and there was friction. Then we moved here. A world wide vacation destination. And they wouldn’t visit. Was great if we went back there. Pissed me off. Two brothers got into a huge argument, still aren’t speaking. DH as oldest said if he was there, he could fix it. Doubt that. So a few more major things happened, turns out they don’t love my dogs. That did it for me. One bro had 3 kids, DH went north for their weddings when my DD got married bro says well he came to my kid’s wedding so I guess I have to go to his
DH died earlier this year. DD took his ashes back for burial. I had no desire to see any of them. I’m not expecting any contact during Christmas. And that’s ok. I’m accustomed to being alone, and from what I’ve seen of siblings, I’m glad I don’t have any. Less stress on me.
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cm2020: I would not take it to heart that both your parents and estranged husband did not appreciate you. I would assign the blame on them for not being compassionate humans. I will not accept responsibility for the rift with my mother because I had a great relationship with my Dad and she would always remind me how jealous she was of that realtionship by saying things like "it's your daughter on the phone when I called (after not even saying hello)" and telling him that "she has better things to do then drive you to the doctor (when I would volunteer to take him since he no longer drove)". It's hard to accept that your mother is just plain evil and to explain it to others when she was just so sneaky about hiding it when there was an audience. I finally decided that I had to place myself first and not listen to her pointed criticism "too fat", "too old", and realizing I was never going to please her. Never told my mother or siblings (only told one of 3) when I was dx with BC because I knew she would spin it that "I deserved this" for some imagined shortcoming or weaponize it. It was hard enought to deal with without compounding the problem. Told my BF and she has never once asked about how I am doing so that too was a bust.
When my mother died, I lost 2 brothers and have no regrets there either. One has never been very close (politics and religion were sources of conflict) and the other has a bitch for a wife who is poisonous. She helped care for my mother but my mother even had a target on her that she "was a lousy cook" and "never shut her mouth". Made sure she never heard it but told everyone else about her.
So my advice is to be thankful for your children, as I am for mine, and know that they will be your best support system based on not only compassion, but love. Your friends on here will also be the ones to recognize your worth. I do.
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My sister and I may have problems that keep us at long arm's length, but I do have three sisters-in-law I get along with, and also the brothers-in-law. We don't hang out, but when there are the two or three family gatherings per year, I enjoy their company and we have a good time, plus we stay in touch via FB. And I have my friends I worked with, haven't seen most of them in almost ten years, but there are a handful of us who talk almost daily on FB, still joking around and sharing good and bad life moments, hobbies, and staying (virtually) close It's good enough.
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