STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Alice, that's so typical of a narcissist to say! I get it. I, too, have a sister who is a full blown narcissist. She, thankfully, didn't come to my mom's memorial service. We had a wonderful celebration of my mom without her (the sister's) theatrics and drama. She told me before my mom went into a care facility that she "wanted no further contact" with me. Works for me. I only saw her one time after that - at my mom's burial.
I don't even know if she knows that I'm Stage IV. I don't really care. I don't choose to spend my energy on that.
Carol
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Family is complicated! I have brothers and sisters. They are a mixed bag. I know I could count on several for help if needed, but the problem is they only want to see themselves in the role of SuperSibling saving their pitiful weak sibling and they are blind to the fact that I'm a very capable adult who brings much to the table. They want their roles to be that of Saviors. Our parents both passed almost 25 years ago. Two sister now act like they're parents to the rest of us. They don’t seem to realize I don't have to answer to them. When either of them go through troubles, they keep it hidden between them so they never appear weak. They must always present themselves as dominant, in control, unfazed by things that topple their siblings. I'm done being double teamed by them and will only be around them when others are present so I don't take the brunt of their behaviors.
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I don’t post here often because I’m naturally pretty mellow and happy but since we’re talking about family and I just received news that has me boiling, I’ll vent.
My only sibling (older brother aged 52) has been arrested. Apparently, he was drunk, high and upset that our parents would drive him somewhere (still lives with them and his own teen boys), so he basically beat them up (our mom and dad), they’re in their 70’s! Our parents are toxic and shouldn’t have had kids but no one deserves that. What a POS! I go through so much for extra time and he shits all over his. He’s got serious charges, which he deserves. He’s an addict and we grew up in the same environment but my sympathy is limited. I may very well be dead by the time he gets out. I’m never this angry, not even sure what to do with myself. Arrrg!
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illimae....That is bloody horrifying! My parents are also toxic but never in a million years would they deserve beating up. What your brother did was disgusting and I do hope he pays for it. I'm glad you vented here. I can't imagine how upsetting it is to you for a number of reasons (in part as you said you are fighting for more time here and he is just p*ssing his away). I'm very sorry.
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While I completely hate that so many of us deal with toxic siblings and parents and may of us (raising my hand) didn't share with them our cancer dx, I am very grateful to all that shared. It can feel like a really lonely club that no one else belongs to. This has made me far less alone. I so wish I lived near at least someone on here.
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He deserves everything the law can get him for. I’m sorry. Hugs❤️❤️❤️
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illimae - Sorry about your family news. No one deserves to be beaten. Hope your parents can recover.
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Illimae, that is so awful, I'm so sorry! I hope he gets what he deserves. Your brother sounds an awful lot like my sister, except she is verbally abusive rather than physical. My mom can lash it back though. She's a saint, but my sister can really get under ones skin. Sister is 50 years old with addiction problems and is about to become a grandmother herself. I’m sorry so many of us have shit relatives and no contact relationships. I always thought I was quite alone in this.
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I haven't seen my father in at least 15 years. I prefer to keep several metal detectors between us. He's lucky my older brother has great restraint.
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illimae - that terrible I hope your folks are ok and set some "or else" rules in place.
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They’re recovering ok, getting punched at their age is just harder. I have no tolerance for anyone who hurts animals, children or elderly, brother or not. I’ve been urging him for years to get out as they do instigate like pros but this is just unacceptable. Mom has always bailed out her little boy but I think this was the final straw. My poor nephews have a screaming nut of a mom too, it’s a shitshow all around. I’m glad DH and I recognized the physical and mental genetic problems on both sides and turned our family trees into stumps, lol
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illimae, sorry this happened to your family. I have had a similar experience with a family member we had to cut out. It was for safety and while tough, it was the right call. Violence, drugs, manic depression are never acceptable around our son. Sorry I put up with it as long as I did. Prayers for your family and those kids.
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Illimae, that's just awful. It's especially a crap situation for your nephews to be around so many horrible people raising them. And I'm sorry you have to even think about it.
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illimae: that's awful! We have a nephew who is a (recovering) addict. In the past he has stolen etc but was never violent. When high he would go on and on about the finding the "meaning" of life. I said your 30 years old...start putting one foot in front of the other and get on with it.
On to other bad news: My SIL who has chronic leukemia is back in hospital with pneumonia following covid. Now in the ICU. She tested positive at Halloween, was in hospital for a week, came home for about 2 weeks and now is back in. Admitted tonight. My brother cannot see her because hospitals are locking down again here. She is still testing positive but nurse said sometimes that happens for a few weeks even if you don't "really" still have it. I'm sad and worried but also kinda mad at her. She is a very social person and being immune compromised has cramped her style. SO even tho she could work from home she went in and was exposed to 2 sick people (they later tested positive) which started the whole thing. Then she went to a Halloween party even tho she felt like shit. I went over this am and checked her pulse oxygen level and it was 78. Not good. Txted my DIL who is a nurse and my niece who is a physician assistant and they said send her via ambulance. So at least she got a bed as the news is saying hospital beds are in short supply.
This covid business. I know we are all sick of it but I do wish people would take it seriously.
Thanks BC family for listening.
My last U/S and mammo showed BI-Rads 3. I had to look it up... probably negative. How reassuring.
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Illimae what a horrendous situation. Addiction and mental health issues are no picnic to manage. I hope your nephews can find a soft place to land along with some intensive counseling. They will need tools to understand and cope with what they have experienced. Glad your Mom will continue to press charges.
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Holidays seem to bring out the best and the worst of our families. So sorry for all these situations I'm reading. Had an addict cousin (opiates after a head injury), dead at 50. It was a few years of hell trying to help her until I finally had enough and cut her off. The hardest part for me was also cutting off her kids. If I reached out to them she would try to manipulate her way back into my life. They're adults now, and we're not as close as we were.
My good friends husband passed last week from covid. It's so sad. Adding a funeral to the things to do this week.
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Wow, I'm just so sorry for all of the drama some of you are facing. Just. So. Sorry! I get it - I wish I didn't, but I do.
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illimae, I'm sorry for what your brother is putting your whole family through. I hope he doesn't get lawyer who's able to cop a plea deal to lesser charges.
KID, it's frustrating when people with health issues don't take precautions around Covid.
ctmb, sorry that you have a funeral to attend.
Right after Halloween, TV commercials pour on the “happy families gathered around the Christmas tree" advertisements. Makes you think everyone has nothing but Hallmark holidays.
My Thanksgiving went pretty well this year because I stopped having the extended family coming for dinner after 30 years. It was nice with just dh, my son, stepson and his family. I thought, “this is better.” I don't do drama my more.
I'm not sure who came up with two big holidays a month apart that center around extended family.
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DivineMrsM, I think the Canadians are smart to do their Thanksgiving in October so they get a breather between holidays! If I had my way, to divorce the holiday from its stupid offensive roots and just make it a generic harvest feast to thank the Earth for its bounty, it would make more sense to move it to an earlier date. And then we could celebrate that with just our immediate families, or friends, or invite a farm family to thank them. Or, in non-covid years, have community gatherings.
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Thank God for this thread. I just received news that makes me so angry … and so sad.
My long-time gynecologist is one of the most amazing women I've ever known. She has been a source of information and strength during my entire time with cancer. When she received the results of my biopsy in 2017, she stayed late at her office to call me. She arranged an almost-immediate appointment with a wonderful BS (a personal friend whose office is across the hall from hers) and then spent hours answering all my questions and calming (most of) my fears. She even shared her own story of having had breast cancer a few years before. When her cancer returned a few years later, I was devastated. But she was so calm and so certain that she would again prevail that I believed she would be okay. And, for awhile, it appeared she would be.
Today I received a call from her, letting me know that she was retiring, as of today. Her cancer has returned and her prognosis is not good. I am so angry that this horrible thing is happening to such a good person. I am angry that there is nothing I can do to change what is happening. I want to scream but all I can do is cry. Cancer just continues to cause misery and pain - F@&K Cancer!
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AliceB: Yes, our Thanksgiving is still a Harvest Festival. We aren't weighted down with the image of Pilgrims, turkeys and First Nations who would have sooner not had those other guys around. . I feel sorry for American too for not having Boxing Day off. You don't get a day to digest the previous night's gluttony and maybe too much booze.
JKL2017: I am sorry to hear about your doctor. This disease just keeps on taking.
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mae: If hope your brother goes away for a long long time. My "nice side" he has dual diagnosis and needs help (mental and addiction issues) but the rest of me says "Lock him up" What this world doesn't need is another piece of shit walking the streets. Harsh but fair?
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so many "good" reasons to rant, im sorry. I am sending good thoughts to all of you.
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JKL2017 - I'm so sorry to hear this. You were very lucky to have her in your life.
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elderberry, definitely fair and he’s does need help. I hate to think what long term jail will do to him but he earned it and hopefully will help or at least sober him up. He’s the only one in the family I have semi regular contact with though, he’s annoying but not dangerous on his own but the home environment is a nightmare. I wish he’d gotten out and stayed out sooner.
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I have another good friend possibly dying of lung cancer. She is still in the beginning. One round chemo done. Problems since. No bio marker results yet. She’s been in/out of hospital. Just texted to check in and she said not good news received today. Could only say I’m sorry and that I’m here if she needs me. I’m so sick of this. She offered no details and if I learned anything about disease one shouldn’t push like a know it all when not also terminal. That’s not proper. While I feel I maybe able to help, laying low. Unbelievable. Never saw this one coming. She has been instrumental to me thru half my life. To think it maybe ending is just shit. God dammit.
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I'm so sorry for all of you who have gotten recent bad news about family or good friends with cancer. It seems like when we're maybe finally able to not think about our own experience, we have to re-live it with someone else.
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I had progression, I had major surgery, I was hanging on. Then today BAM! High fever. Back to cancer center. Now I am on IV antibiotics. But I bet the blood cultures come back negative in two days. This is just a load of crap. How can we make things worse for ShetlandPony? Send her to the hospital which she HATES.
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Ugh Shetland sorry for the trip to the hospital. Hope they get the fever under control and spring you out of there quickly . ((Hugs))
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