STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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I smoked heavily for years. When I had endometrial cancer, the doctor said there's no real connection between smoking and that type. When I had breast cancer, my surgeon said the same thing. When I had kidney cancer, the urological surgeon said my smoking was a major contributing factor and I had to quit before surgery or he'd slap patches all over my body in the operating room. I did quit, and without a problem, but I do wonder about my Dad's kidney cancer since he never smoked (a few cigars a half century before), and most of the nephrectomy patients I've connected with weren't smokers. So it's hard to tell. But at least as a non-smoker now, the cold (or Omicron) I've had for the last few weeks never got deep into my lungs like previous colds always did. So that alone makes me happy I quit.
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The GI doc that tested my liver referred me to an endocrinologist. When I see my primary in a few weeks, if they also refer me, then I guess I'll go. I suppose they could up my statin from 10mg to 20. Maybe that would help.
I hope you and hubby are doing well. I don't know how you do it, and listen to me whine about things too. Thanks bc!
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Oh Alice I hope you're feeling better now? I was sick with bronchitis last month and it was easy to not smoke. Afraid I've stumbled a bit after the New Year. I signed up for a healthy lungs program to try and gain some more incentive. Everyday I just keep trying. A couple of days I'm good, and some days I find myself at the store. A pack will last me almost a week as I still try to stay away even though I have them. It's a merry-go-round.
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ctm, I commend you for making the effort. At some point, though, I think we all say to ourselves, "Who cares???" Know what I mean?
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I had absolutely no incentive to quit until I had the big health threat. I used the patch system, and Hubby put them on my back (my idea) so I couldn't peel them off. I hadn't even tried to quit or even cut down in decades, and smoked about two packs a day, so maybe I had hit nicotine saturation.
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Sunshine, I kind of have to agree with you. If you take away all the things you enjoy in life, are you really living? Just so you can have an unspecified amount of time? But a few more years of what? Endless dr appts? LOL. I sure don't have any answers and I sure as hell can't speak for others.
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I smoked when I was young and when I first got pregnant and had to go to a class (DH was in the military and military system) we heard about how it could kill our babies if smoked when we were pregnant so I quit cold turkey right then and there. I had been a 3 pack a day smoker back then. I am glad I did it too myself. My SIL smoked and could not be around my FIL when he went on oxygen a lot of time and we could be there with him.
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Wow, I admire those of you who are quitting smoking. I have never smoked, but I can imagine that if I smoked it would be a major effort to stop. Interestingly, my first MO always asked me if I smoked, My red cell counts were always high. I guess that can happen when you smoke and your body has to work harder to get oxygen. Turned out, I was diagnosed with polycythemia and had about a year of therapeutic phlebotomy sessions. It resolved itself, so now I just get stuck with needles for regular blood work and infusions.
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I so appreciate this thread. While I feel I might lose my mind from the loneliness and trying not to get into bad habits too much. You guys understand. Some of it is seasonal for sure. I want to reach out to my non cyber friends but I wrote about this before and I have to take care of me. Some of my friends have losses going on too. It’s too much for me sometimes to reach out but I know they need my support. I received a thank you card today. My daughter calls every night. We face time too. Haven’t seen anyone except co workers. It’s too early to just go to bed. My kids got me a new mattress for Christmas and I am actually sleeping in the bedroom now and it’s very nice. I retailed therapied a new comforter set. Haven’t used melatonin in 2 weeks. These new things are comforting to me. I still have work to do to finish some unfinished business. Like getting this sad window replaced. Tomorrow morning it will be covered in ice. And finishing the beach cottage. I hope to start a project next month making a headboard for the cottage. It might fail but I can at least try and it will keep me busy through the rest of my winter blues.
Thanks again for listening when I just want to scream and go to bed and never get up. You all inspire me to keep going. Here’s my new rug and sad window.
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What a beautiful rug, ctmbsikia!
I can only imagine what a difficult time this is for you but it's clear that you have some wonderful people in your life. Let them lift you up when you are feeling down. And always know that you can come here for support and comfort. Wishing you a peaceful night …
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Wow, beautiful rug!
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Ctmbsikia - your "old" window looks to cozy and I agree with Alice that rug is very pretty. Hope you will post pics as you work on your headboard for the beach house. I am jealous of those with artistic aptitude.
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Agree. I have no talent for that at all at all. My mother in law was so creative as well and made so many pretty things out of nothing really. She made these neat little window shade coverings that were made out of little little scraps of lumber and some tree branches and nailed them in them there in the frames.Put in hinges and set on the window shades. She did not like blinds and thought they looked pretty and rustic in that room and it worked well in the room she had it in. Made a headboard by using an old sheet and some batting and staPeling the fabric to the back of board with heavy duty staples. She sheet matched her comforter of course. She also recovered my own dining room chairs which I still have today and I have a painting she did and a picture she drew as well. I am very jealous of creative people. I draw stick people and can barely color in the lines.
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When I was in the Air Force decades ago, I worked for a WAF captain who was from an almost frighteningly talented family. She had a nice apartment and her brothers had built all of her furniture, all with gorgeous woodwork. She did the upholstering. She sewed or knit or crocheted everything except her uniforms - she had one crocheted suit that looked like a Chanel, and when she got engaged, she crocheted her full-length dress, train, and mantilla, using white yarn with subtle silver bits for a winter wedding. Plus she played the organ and piano and some other instruments, and sang beautifully. And cooked great meals, of course. If she hadn't been so nice, I'd have hated her.
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Alice, I thought you were going to say that she played the organ at her own wedding! Wouldn't that have been something?
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It wouldn't have surprised me, because she was the church's regular organist! But she took the day off.
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That's funny. This is a passage in Proverbs 31 about the woman who does everything. I read a comment about her being the woman we all love to hate. I knit scarves - does that count?
My apologies if I offend anyone. I'll delete the post.
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.0 -
Hello all - I'm a newbie, diagnosed with DCIS eighteen days ago. I am alternately furious and despondent. I imagine the anger will subside with time, but the despair is another issue. I have been dealing with depression for a long time, on meds for nearly 40 years, and was maintaining myself adequately until this cancer happened. I went to donate blood today. It was to be the last good thing I could do before the shit hits the fan. But I was turned away. I sat in the car and sobbed.
Looking forward, everything I read seems to list fatigue as a side effect (rads, meds) and for me, depression plus fatigue equals darkness visible. I can't imagine what this is going to be like.
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Sunshine -
That verse is beautiful. My best friend can’t sing nor is she artistic, but her home is always welcome and wonderful food is plentiful. She works at her church in the food pantry and kitchen and her husband is president of the mens club and although retired, is busier now than when he was employed. That verse fits her beautifully. I am blessed to have her in my life
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I was blessed with having an amazing breast surgeon who hand made cards for all her patients and was and amazing person. She was ranked as a number one doctor in our area. She said it was her own therapy.
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Vandercat, I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Cancer is such a scary, ugly word! We all get that. I'm sorry you couldn't donate blood. That must have been so upsetting to you - like you're trying to something good, and you get shut down because of the stupid cancer.
I hope you find comfort in the coming days as your treatment plan gets underway. Do check out the other threads on this forum. I think you'll find them very helpful.
(((hugs))) to you,
Carol
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Vandercat I just reread your post again about not being able to donate blood. I'm sure it is for your protection right now as well. I know they are trying to do the best for everyone involved even though donation is needed so much and saves so many lives. I never was able to donate even prior to cancer but because my blood pressure was low and I did not weight much at that time. They thought I could not physically handle it. After cancer and the hormonal therapy added a lot of weight and everything now I have another issue of cancer to deal with.
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Vandercat, like every unwanted change in our life anger and depression are normal emotions. I too have been treated for depression for many years and it's a struggle sometimes. I recently lost someone dear, dear,dear to me and once again I'm in a pit of darkness. There is hope tho... try to stay busy, concentrate on the good things in your life. There is a lot of support to be found on this forum and that certainly helps. You don't have to go it alone.
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I do have a bitch tonight which I'm going to unload on here since the one person who would understand me is gone. My husband almost EVERYTIME my phone dings says, "ding dong!" My sister txted me a picture of our 2020 girl camping trip. The white-haired lady is my SIL who just passed away in Dec. So, I'm sad, ok? Earlier this am there was a group message from my sisters, after every ping he said ding/dong. What was that all about he wants to know? I said when your phone goes off I don't say anything. ( cause I don't give a fuck.) I did not say that but I did say ERRR can you not do that!!! So now he's mad but I don't give a f about that either. He's very nosey. As I'm writing this I'm thinking how stupid it all sounds. So it's not world hunger but it is my bitch for the day. My son makes the t shirts every year for our trip and we are known as the shrews.
we meaning my sisters were named shrews by my sisters x husband.
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Hello sas,
GOOD FOR YOU! I felt that I had to do other people's jobs for which they were getting paid! Constantly on the phone wondering why the Oncotype test results hadn't come back after I would show up at my appts & still NO RESULT. It took 7 WEEKS! Surgeon verbally assaulted me over this after I called his office 3 TIMES for advice. It was a nightmare dealing with each of the 3 facilities. The stress level was incredible because of the people & what I consider to be mental abuse of someone over the age of 65. I could do anything a 20 or 21 year old could do ( I was in that good of shape physically in everyway). I gave it back to them! Tied my hands at the place you referred me to then beat me up for something THEY DID or DIDN'T do. Worse human beings I've ever met in my life! I could continue but I gotta go right now.
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Vanercat- so sorry that you have cancer, but glad that you found your way here. This is a good place to vent and share any feelings. You are talking with people who know how you feel. When I first was diagnosed I did not look too far ahead, I was in shock and felt numb for a while and just did treatment one day at a time. Post whenever you need to.
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bcincolorado, KID 1919, mistyeyes - Thank you for your welcoming words. I feel like I was hit by a truck. I am having a consultation with a top surgeon at a major cancer center tomorrow. The appointment isn't until mid-afternoon, I can't imagine what I will do all morning (other than biting my nails and thinking about throwing up). Tonight I'm all anxiety.
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Vandercat keep us posted. I remember feeling like I just wanted to drive in my car far away and go somewhere but of course then logic would kick in and I realized it would not solve anything. We are here. The larger hospital based systems often have good integrated care to coordinate things and good nurse navigators as well who can help explain things in patient friendly terms when doctors might speak medical stuff you may not understand at first either. Mine gave me a huge book all about breast cancer and showed me where mine was and walked me through it all. They also usually have good patient portals for accessing your results which is helpful as well. Keep us posted!
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Hi Vandercat. Sorry you find yourself here. Hope you have a good visit without any vomiting today.
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Covid19 can go suck the big one!! I think all of us have pandemic fatigue. I haven't done much of anything for 3 weeks now besides work. Sunday, the only time I opened my mouth to speak was at the grocery store. The cashier there has a young wife (46) whose bc has come back (or was never all gotten the 1st time), she went for a 2nd opinion, changed centers, and is awaiting further treatment. Just the conversation I wanted to have with the only person I had contact with! He was very well versed in this disease. A great guy, played softball with my husband years ago. My son and girlfriend had covid19, and they are fine now. My sister in law just texted that she is positive. She and her hubs are dong OK with it. Good friend's husband has it but she is negative. He's upstairs, she's downstairs! Reached out to another friend whose hubs died from this horrid virus to see how she's been faring.
I hope you all are doing well. My sinuses hurt a little but I think it's just the cold/dry weather. There's a possibility of a storm Friday night into Saturday, if that happens, it will make weekend #4 of doing nothing!! At least I can get a work out shoveling though! Staying sane for now. Did you order your free tests? Do you think they are accurate?
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