STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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hormones can also go wacky and mess with our emotions as well so some things that did not bother people before cancer become upsetting sometimes and set us off. Try to take a break and think before speaking as well sometimes. DH is usually very kind but at times it can just set me off for some reason by something and he looks at me and then I have a feeling he thinks it is me that is crazy.
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My feelings are really delicate right now when it comes to my family drama. My dad is in the hospital again. Another bladder infection (and probably undiagnosed prostatitis) because he isn’t drinking enough water and he has an enlarged prostate even after radiation and hormone treatments. My sister and BIL are there and she has her usual attitude. Last night I tried for over 1.5 hours to reach mom and dad on their cell phones and eventually directly to the hospital room phone. No answer on any of them. Then on 2 calls to the room phone it was obvious that someone picked up and hung up. By this point I’m thinking my sister has their cell phones and is not letting them answer the room phone. The nurse said she would call me back in 10 minutes. Last time (2 months ago) when I was told that, the return call said I wasn’t allowed to speak with him.
So by this point I’m fuming. I called the nurse after 30 minutes had passed and she went into the room with her phone and put me on speaker….turns out the phone in that room doesn’t even work! 🤬Really?!?
Doesn’t explain why they aren’t answering their cell phones. Sister could have them in her purse “for safe keeping”, but I don’t know. Neither one of my parents are really capable of managing a smartphone anymore. I’m thinking of getting them phones for seniors.0 -
My mom has a flip phone and can't do a smart phone at all and personally for me it is hard to even answer a call on the call if it rings. We have one and usually DH carries it when he is out of the house but he needs a smart one for his diabetes monitor which goes to his doctor so she can adjust his meds when he needs it and he can also decide if he needs an insulin or not. Our son got a lot of them on his plan for the family and is paying for it so we are not paying the bill right now but not like we use it. At home we are still on real phones in the house. /that is where people usually call us.
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@bcincolorado my parents also have a traditional phone line at home. I often have to call them on that line because they don’t answer their cell phones.
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The son sometimes will text us and since we are not attached to the cell phone like the younger generation worries if no one answers him and then calls the house phone instead. He is our youngest. The daughter understands though and just calls our house always.
I have enough trouble with tv sets in the house and going from over the air channels to our satellite dish. We have some tv sets that are older and not smart tv sets as well which is different as well. It is confusing. Then all the web stuff to keep track of as well.
It was a nightmare trying to deal with my mom's computer as well who messes hers up all the time and then DH has to try to debug whatever she did to it. She just clicks on whatever she wants in there sometimes and tries to do stuff and then mess it up more of course.
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Feeling less than inspired to work on the things I should. Namely my professional job, selecting a Medicare plan, drafting a will and selecting an attorney to represent me against my sisters when the time comes.
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Finding an attorney is not always easy and one you are comfortable with and trust as well.
Doing wills is not always easy as well. i know there are online things you can do that are legal and have to get them signed by notary which banks sometimes will do for you. Mine kind of did when my dad passed and needed some stuff notarized had to sign for my brother who was there and the executor. Depends on the bank and notary though.
Also happy Mother's Day to all who are mothers.
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My parents are moving to an assisted living facility near one of my sisters and I this weekend. I don’t speak to either of my sisters so I went to visit my parents and pick up the things they wanted me to take before the big move. We ended up agreeing that I should also have furniture and things I wouldn’t be able to move right away. We discussed going to the bank to close the safety deposit boxes which would save my sister that task while overseeing the packing and moving operations and I could go ahead take the jewelry that’s promised to me and read the will. Saves me the frustration of dealing with my sister.
A few minutes later my sister calls my dad and is hysterical mad. How dare we close the boxes. Um…how does she know this? She has the house bugged and my parents didn’t know. She has hidden microphones in their house! Guess what isn’t in the safety deposit boxes? The jewelry and my parents’ copy of the will. They aren’t in the safe at the house either. And she has the nerve to be mad that she might not be trusted with his POA and all their finances?Unbelievable!!!
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A frustrated daughter here! Not my mom or stepdad's fault this time. Mad at the health care field in general over this issue!
Been helping my mom and stepdad and kid brother long distance to figure out what the meds my mom has because her old P.A. basically dropped her over wanting to get the ball rolling on getting the cataract surgery and he kept putting up stumbling blocks with wanting her to have numerous ekgs and other nonsense just so she could have the surgery! She never saw any doctor that was over the P.A. In my experience when I had a P.A., at some point I would have seen the doctor over them too.
My stepdad has a list of her meds and because mom has cataracts and is still waiting to see when surgery will happen, we have been trying to sort out the mess. Thry've been going through the med list and her meds she has on hand and we have discovered that some of the meds she has on hand were not on the list or were never explained to my brother, mom or stepdad what the fricken h-e-double toothpicks they were for. My mom is in her early 80s and doesn't need this stress! This has been frustrating and stressful for all of us who only want her to be able to finally have the procedure. She met with her new cardiologist who is totally mystified over the care and bedside manner my mom got from the old P.A. Mom also has a new doctor who told my stepdad and brother to bring the med list and all the meds she has so they can go through them together to see just what is going on and see if they can finally untangle the problem and get mom on the path to the procedure finally!Right now that former P.A. of hers better thank his lucky stars that I never had the chance to meet him or I would have given him Holy Hades for this mess! This whole issue has made us all verry ticked off and even my hubby has been shocked over the crap. He's mad that my mom has been treated this way.
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Kathryn hope your parents can get settled in without too much drama. Sure it hard on them with the drama going out with the kids as well right now. Too bug the house is odd as well. Unless one of them mentioned it to her or something for some reason but if they know you are not speaking right now it makes no sense.
It became drama between DH and his surviving sister after their dad passed since mom died first and he made DH the executor and she is the oldest sibling and lived there and we did not. He wanted him since he figured he could handle it better than she could. She could not even clean out one room of the house without breaking down. She kept having to leave and go somewhere and come back later. DH wanted to get it done and get all the paperwork done and focus on things that had to be done before he had to time to sit and grieve.
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I will be having a double mastectomy soon. I don't know if this makes sense but I'm a little scared and mostly annoyed. I'm mad about the recovery time. I know I am ridiculous but I think 10 days with tubes is excessive. I'm angry with my body, especially the left boob [the trouble maker]. I feel betrayed. And if one more person sends me a cancer self help book, I will have a book barbecue. Seriously, why doesn't anyone send gift certificates for pedicures? That would actually help me relax. I know everything is sent with love and I appreciate the sentiment behind it. I think my loved ones are as lost as I am with dealing with this. I hate not being in control of my health, my body, my life.
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@roslynvaz it makes total sense. I think most if not all of us felt that way. Angry and scared is pretty much how I felt for the first few weeks. If you haven’t joined the virtual meetings for the “In treatment” group, I highly recommend it. It may not be your thing, but it was a great resource for me and better than all but one book I found very helpful. In fact I just had lunch on Saturday with one of the friends I made from group. She was in town from Vegas visiting a local friend of hers. It’s the 3rd time we’ve connected in person since meeting in group and it’s a bond that’s very special. Having fought the same battle bonds you in ways our friends and family can’t share with us in the same way. Group is the safe place where you can say the things you can’t say to other people and it’s the place where you can give as well as receive support. Group can also be the safe place to cry…or laugh at cancer humor that other people will not find funny. Some days are all dark clouds and tears, some days group is hysterically funny, but every session is informative and somehow uplifting.
DoorDash gift cards are a great help too. Friend taking turns providing a healthy meal every day for the first couple of weeks is a great help too. Creating a group chat or assigning one friend or family member to organize the meal train is a great idea in my opinion. I found it essential to my recovery from my lumpectomy and axillary node dissection…and those drain are truly annoying. There’s just no candy coating that subject.
I hope your surgery goes well and your recovery goes even better. Keep us updated.4 -
Ugh! Here we go again. More mom drama!
Mom called me yesterday and basically dropped on me that she and my stepdad will be here next week sometime and demanded that when they get here, that I cannot go with my hubby to his doctor's appointment! We both always go to each others appointments, so we know what is going on health wise with each other! I am flipping furious! My hubby isnt happy they demanded this and said he doesn't care what my parents want, I am going. I also have to hide a ton of yarn a cousin gave me that she was given and some new craft patterns I got recently as should my mom see them, she's going to want the physical copies and I get stuck with duplicated ones. A couple of the patterns were ones she had and kept promising I would get copies, she never sent them, so i got them from ebay. I am fed up with her bossiness and assuming that my life runs on her say so.
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Hi Kathryn,
Thank you for the great suggestions and wise words. To be honest, I am terrified of joining an "in treatment group". I am desperately trying to stay positive. I feel like I'm standing on a 1000 foot high teeter-totter and just barely maintaining my balance. I need to believe that my surgery is going to be okay at least for the moment. I loved your idea of gift cards for food. I know my family/friends just want to do something for me to show love and this is perfect.
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I agree on the cancer books and had someone who was a co-worker and thought she was being helpful give me one and she did not read what it was about because the lady dies at the end of the book!!! It was terrible. Not helpful at all. Thought it was something that might be something to encourage me especially since she had lost her own mom to BC. Think she went to a store and found this and grabbed it without even looking at it. When realized what was happening put it in the recycle bin. They shred them at least. Then maybe it can become compost which is what is,.
Food is helpful as well and did have a friend bring actually meals already cooked over as well we could just warm up a plate in the microwave.
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I'm a 2008 dx, no clue why I'm still here, My twin is gone. We were both Bc hr + many years apart Hers 1996, mine 2008. Exteneded family on paternal>maternal side 13 of 21 women have had BC premenopausal and post menopausal. BC. Couldn't get anyone interested that this was a cluster. How does a doc or a research community ignore a greater than a 50% in a family group of 19 cousins and 3 aunts. Plus, lung, and colon cancer, and kidney. We should be reportable/investigated.
My take after establishing the cancer tree. It was pestisides. All the elders were from farm families in the early 1920's -1930's . Pestisides applications weren't regulated
A full second cousin geneology (sic). traced one side back to Ireland—nothing but cardiovascular disease. But the family on the Canadian maternal side many cancers
Why the difference? Since the genetic screening at my dx. .in 2008. Six or so have been dx'd DUH1
