STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Dodger, it does for me. I still get yeast while on antibiotics but not always. I use one every other day all the time to prevent them. If I keep up with that, the yeast from antibiotics is less likely. The other problem with my ordeal at Walgreen's was that the price of these has been $30 for 30 for a few years. Today, they were $50. Amazon's are cheaper but it's hard to tell what they really are. Labels are vague and misleading. What I use now is a script from my gyn so I know it is boric acid and boric acid only. If you are prone to yeast, these things are a Godsend.
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jaycee49-- thanks so much. I hate to be scribed antibiotics cause I never know if yeast will be a factor. I will mention this to my oncology gynecologist. Thanks!!!
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This is a wonderful site. I hate having cancer it has screwed up my love life. I have almost all of the side effects of chemo. Neuropathy, lymphedema and so on. 1 week after being diagnosed I fell and broke my right wrist had surgery on that, that was surgery #1 few months after that had my gallbladder removed. I'm sick of it, it has taken away my sex drive and BF of 3 years is leaving. He has been through everything with me chemo, surgeries. And then and then after a couple of weeks into radiation I was diagnosed with AFIB. I'm tired I'm very depressed. Some of the meds cause me to gain wait. I can not have reconstruction surgery due the heart problems to much of a risk of not making it off the table. So now every morning I have to look at my chest with a missing boob and scars. This is hell. I'm one of this women that on the surface everything is fine, but on the inside I want to punch anyone who comes near me. I'm so miserable and lonely I can't believe that my BF can't be a little bit more understanding and we can try and get through this. If he does leave I'm not going through this again. So I guess I will be alone the rest of my life. People say go make friends, they can't come cuddle up to you when you go to bed at night. They can't give you a hug and tell you they love you. I can't stand it. I hate it I didn't know how much cancer would turn my life upside down. And at the moment I hate my BF for not being here with me right now, hope he rots in hell.
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mlz1956, sounds like you've been hit by a mac truck recently. I really feel for you. But let me tell you this: you don't need a boyfriend who leaves with any adversity. You could actually see more in the future (I hope not) and he would not be good support. And I hate going this direction but for you, I will. I have lymphedema, neuropathy, one boob, no gall bladder (never broke my wrist), and no sex drive, which means no "regular" sex, as DH calls it. (Yes, I have a husband who I left for three years when he was acting like your boyfriend.) I don't have AFIB. This is not a contest. We all have out trials. You didn't post your diagnosis or treatments so I don't now where you are cancer-wise. I'm stage IV and plugging along, trying to live each day to the fullest and enjoy what I have. I don't know how old you are but I bet you are younger than me. Another more supportive boyfriend is possible and likely if you open yourself up to moving forward. I hope I didn't use way too many platitudes. You should use this place to rant away. It sure makes me feel better.
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Dodger, one more piece of advice. If you cut down on sugar, it makes a huge difference. When I had a chronic yeast infection for eight months, I totally gave up all sugar and carbs when nothing else worked. That did it. Yeast gone. Took a few months. Almost gave up many times. When it got chronic again, it worked in only one month. It's good to know I have that in my back pocket if all drugs fail.
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miz1956, rant away ! It is too much. My sister taught me a technique that I should use more often. She gets in the car, closes the windows and yells the F bomb 3 times. It does help.
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jaycee49-- thanks. I used to eat low carb/no sugar and felt sooo good. I need to return to that way of satin
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mlz~ where do I even begin? Your post broke my heart. I want to punch your bf of three years. Then I'd like to gut punch him a few more times and end with a few knee strikes to the head. I have cancer too my sweet woman, my man luckily isn't a selfish weak person, because that is what I believe the BOYfriend of yours is. (Emphasis on the boy) I share those same self esteem issues. I know them like the air I breathe. let him go, just let him go. I promise Karma is a bitch and it's real. If you are going through this and he is making things worse for you, you can't put all your needed energy you need in getting healthy,in to a little boy who needs his lunch made. I know it's sad and I know you're mad. Hell!!! I am mad for you. But just listen. The wind blows away the plastic bags because they are empty, if there was something inside of the bag worth its weight, it would not blow away! You're better than him, you're best course is to find some support groups locally, someone will notice the wonderful you. Even if it is just a cuddle buddy for a while! You're better than he ever will be. And he will be the one who ends up alone, not you my dear. Take a deep breath, take one hour at a time if you must, but when I say karma does come around for someone. It does. I've seen it up close and personal. I am wrapping you in a warm hug of support. Much love ~M~
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Miz, what Micmel said! She did a beautiful job saying it. I just want to say I hear you and I understand. The sexual side effects are horrible. I have them from chemo and Tamoxifen. The doctors NEVER give the full details.
I had to go off of Tamoxifen because of a health condition likely caused by chemo. Will be interested to see what comes back and what doesn't regarding what it did to me. Psychologically and mood-wise,I feel better. Guess I made it two years? I am not recommending you quit! I am just sharing that I am relieved that the universe decided for me I had to quit Tamoxifen. I've already decided if they offer me anything else, I'm refusing it. My decision. Quality of life means more.
I do have a friend who had some issues with it and she took Effexor to try to relieve it. Effexor helped at first but then started causing different side effects. She went off of it and has stayed on Tamoxifen and she said she has zero side effects. So things can get better. I was premenopausal prior to treatment but I am older than her. Wonder if that has anything to do with it?
This disease truly sucks. Keep ranting.
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Thank you. Yes we all have our trials, and sounds like you have had and or having now. I wish you the best. I didn't think to put my age down I'm 61 yrs old he is 56. I did chemo first then a mastectomy on the left breast and all of the lymph nodes to. The doctor said they got all of the cancer. I'm in remission. Also am taking a hormone pill. There are times I would like to find him and walk up and slap the shit out of him. I want to stand in my apartment a scream bloody murder ( would probably scare the neighbors on that on ) I am so mad an yet so heartbroken at the same time.I know this is no contest don't think that. I realize that a lot of women probably have a lot of the same problems. I hate it. It sucks. I miss cooking for him and doing things together. We would sit and watch NFL football on Sunday. I know I will have to move on. I miss all the things we used to do. I guess I will be a little kind. I hope if he ever gets sick like this with cancer or any other type illness that his GF doesn't walk out on him. Now I think I'm going to scream my head off.
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Sometimes I think that they think we enjoy having this horrible disease. Well let me tell you.
OH HELL NO. Chemo and other drugs have torn up my stomach, given me neuropathy in my feet. And when I go and get pedicure they have to be extra careful. Having your hair fall out was a lot of fun, had to sleep with cap so my head wouldn't get cold. Lets talk about the lack of energy, I used to have a lot of it we would get up have coffee and start our day. During chemo I did well to walk across the room would have to stop a take a second to catch my breath. Now lets talk about hormone pills. I took Tamoxifin probably didn't spell that right, anyway gave me horrible hot flashes. Ask the doctor to give me something else also cause me to gain weight. When I started radiation my left arm would hurt so bad cause I had to raise it up over my head, I would lay there and cry. YES I'M MAD, I'M ANGRY THAT HE IS INSENITVE , BUT I'M ALSO VERY HEARTBROKEN. For the others ladies that have suffered through BC as well I guess we are having a lot of fun , we like having BC and feeling like shit 24/7. Now every time I get up in the morning and have a new ache or pain I wonder has my cancer come back. And when I go for my 3 month check up and lab work I wonder my OC will find something new. Yes men who have left your wives or gf it's been fun. You jerks, assholes. idiots, bastards. Like one lady said, karma is a bitch and yours is coming. Good that felt better.
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Thank you.
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Read last few pages, I missed some days.
Miz - you are living through one of my greatest fears. I don't have to deal w it but I was afraid. And more often than not every single day with this lack of any energy or well bring at all I am afraid that something will happen to Hubby and I will be the one needing to take the lead, or that he could even be gone and me alone w this. My heart breaks for you. It would be hard to let go and to rebuild. I hope you have others in your life, family and friends who have been there and will be.
What you all said - I know I need to get my power of attorney and living will done. I know I do.
Since we last visited - I had the liver biopsy to see wht the Xeloda allowed liver lesions to blossom and flourish while taming all the lymph node cancer to no evidence of active disease. This is my take on it.
WELL IT IS OFFICIAL - I had the liver biopsy and THEY TRIED TO KILL ME, it was like being harpooned to a table and unable to breathe. The pathologist had to go in just under breast next to the compromised bronchial tube w the cancer scarring so maybe that made it worse. Tried to go in at R side of breast but I coughed and he got another doctor in there and they changed course. Of course, I went through it with only lidocaine injected in the site. That was my choice but couldn't SOMETHING FREAKING HAVE BEEN FIGURED OUT JUST FOR ME????!!!!!!!!!!! Too many drug sensitivities and I did not want to be put under due to COPD that gets worse each time. So no narcotics, no valium-types and NO pain killers at all. But if they had told me that this was not going to be a needle inserted and fine biopsy removed, repeat, etc. like I had of an axillary lymph node and hilar node while awake then I would not have done it at all. If I would have coughed I think it would have killed my liver and maybe me???? I warned them I cough at every turn and have coughing seizures. But I suppose they did not believe me. And the only reason I think that maybe I was not coughing while the needle was stuck in my liver lesion is that I was screaming in the most controlled effort. Posted in part on insomniacs thread for other BCO friends. I will not post this on liver mets like I am here and there, it will freak them out. But on that thread I had the impression there would be pressure and the pain would stop when the needle entered the liver capsule and be over. The snips would not hurt - well at least the snips did not hurt but being harpooned to the table in effect did while they were being done. Twenty minutes of agony. This pain experience was the worst of my life, more so than childbirth, C-section, tubal ligation surgeries, broken ankle, broken arms and migraines. I am quite pissed.
Today in the vehicle I stated that I am so angry about everything medical that someday when I have any strength and luxury to be really angry I am going to rip something apart and beat it to smithereens. I was envisioning tearing the stuffing out of an entire building! And my god I felt then and there that I would have a stroke and heart attack. So much anger having to be held inward. Cannot laugh, cry, really scream, hit anything, take a walk, sing, do yoga breathing since I cough then too, nothing - not even be cuddled by Hubby because the touching makes me cough - no sex but he can rub my toes and if I had a fetish this could work? right? or would I cough? probably - he cannot even kiss the top of my hair bcz my body responds w coughing, - no swinging on the glider, no gardening as too weak and I cough, no extracurricular eating or even eating what I need to be eating, makes me cough, no painting my pictures even due to right arm makes me cough. It is all held inside.
Reality rant for the day over. Thank you for listening.
This is a huge painting I did of my dream barn residence. I want to do one of autumn and one of winter. I WANT TO PAINT AGAIN! At least I can type, but I cough so not much relaxing going on. Bitch bitch bitch. Anyway thanks for being here.
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I feel your pain, Bluebird.
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Thanks Lita - I feel yours too. How goes it today? Have to get offline, but will check back tomorrow. Hugs.
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.Bluebird that biopsy sounds like a nightmare. Beyond a nightmare. I would have completely freaked out on them. You are so brave!!!!!
Miz losing a boyfriend is a sad thing. As my daughter has said when I.get upset when she loses a boyfriend. "He's not a total jerk. I did love h and we had a good relationship." Which true about most people I guess... So feel sad and wistful. We'll get angry for you. He may not be a jerk. But, he's a jerk for leaving you.
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I love this topic where honesty prevails. Personally I think cancer is a good bullshit meter and weeds out the people in your life that you really shouldn’t be wasting your energy on. I don’t hold much hope that I’ll ever find someone anytime soon and I’m ok with that. I’m having a tough run at the moment and it would be great to have some support but that’s not real life and it’s not at rantworthy tough. I’m still hopeful everything will work out ok in the long run. 🤞0
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Anyone sick of the pink crap everywhere? I actually had someone "thank me" for being a "survivor"!! Really??? I'm alive. Disfigured. Gained 60 pounds and achy because of meds. I sure do not feel "lucky" by any means. Hate October now too.
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Don't need to be nosey. But, what is her problem. Don't like rude people.
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NO....I AM NOT A SURVIVOR!
I am st 4 from the get go, and a mere 14 mos after Dx, I get the whammy of whammies, 20+ brain mets.
MO says the brain mets will probably do me in if my liver and pancreas mets don't first.
I don't get a pink ribbon, I get the torn, ragged back ribbon of impending death.
Can't wait til this month is over!
L
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I know Lita, I always say. No colorful ribbons for me. I have received the black ribbon. Didn't even have any choice. It was just handed to me and on my way I went into perpetual HELL, that we are forced to just walk the paces through what used to be a life! Except now it's become a horror story daily. I respect each and every one of you greatly. I woke up this morning, like every morning, creaky, some soreness, then the mental piece comes crashing into my consciousness. They'll be no pink ribbon for you today or ever! I don't like the surivior word either. I wasn't in an airplane crash. I was in a cancer crash, obviouslly no seatbelt was offered!
Much love ~M~
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Oh Micmel, what perfect words! "I wasn't in a plane crash. I was in a cancer crash, obviously no seatbelt was offered."
Utterly and absolutely EXACTLY how it is.
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Yep. Not in the crash yet.....just lots of turbulence and waiting for the crash to come some day which I know it will.
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I agree: I don't like the word "survivor" either. My dad says it a lot and I always tell him to please stop saying that!!! My mom commented on how I'm lucky it was just in my breast and "not in any vital organs". Well - for now - maybe - but - with Stage 3 and Grade 3 - it probably will spread someday
BCIncolorado - I feel the SAME way. Like I am on a bad plane trip. And, the turbulence never ends. I just want to feel safe again. But, deep down, I know I never will.
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You're only a breast cancer survivor if something else kills you first.
Some days I feel like life is a roulette wheel. Spiiiinnnnn. Let's see where Runor's marble is going to land. Is it a good long life with fabulous health and then a merciful sudden death while eating caviar with a distant relative of Russian nobility? Will she divorce her husband, marry a sexy cowboy and die being bucked off his resentful and jealous horse? Perhaps Runor's marble will land in the slot marked 'piano falls on head out of 6th story window of apartment building'. It could be that the roulette wheel of life has me die of boredom watching reruns.
It feels to me now that I've been diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 53, I have more opportunities for that bouncing marble to land in a slot marked Death By Bad Boobies. Because while other deaths are possible, I have to ask what is most probable. Piano on head is NOT on the probable list.
I do feel like a reluctant participant in a gruesome roulette game where the Grim Reaper is the guy spinning the wheel and dropping the marble. I picture myself standing there, horrified, watching as the marble bounces around, looking for the slot that spells my demise. Suddenly the marble flies out, hitting me in the mouth, breaking my front tooth. Just my luck! This game sucks! Survivor? Pffft!
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Like that anaology runor. I was only 49 when I was diagnosed. Had to do bone scan yesterday because onco thought meds were zapping bones because of meds. Found out I've shrunk 2" in last 2 years on meds now. almost 10% of a major fracture now because of meds. You can't win and sooner or later it is going to come get you and that piano is going to hit you in the head!
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runor, thank you for pointing out the difference between possible and probable. I was talking with a friend the other day about a new project and I said I just hope I'm here to enjoy it. She said the typical "we could all die tomorrow. I could get hit by a bus" and I didn't even respond because sometimes I'm just speechless at people's thoughtlessness. I'm going to try to remember this
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Exactly, yes, we all carry the same risk of being hit by a bus tomorrow.
BUT, we have a higher risk of not being alive due to cancer!!!!
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We've already been hit by a bus named cancer.
Yes, we could all die tomorrow, but cancer has pulled us out into heavy traffic, and there's no crosswalk in sight. We're dodging cars on the freeway every day...bone mets, liver mets, lung mets, brain mets, gastroenteritis, mind numbing fatigue, pain.
I've lost over 2 inches of height, too. It sucks.
L
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Damn- I am too chubby to lose any height!
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