STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
Comments
-
Since cancer when I was a healthy weight I gained 58 pounds so far. Onco laughs when I tell them what I eat and can't lose. Meds I am told and no matter what I do I won't lose it with meds. Of course weight adds to joint issues and pains from meds. Sleep issues. Depression on how icky I feel sometimes and feel like I look. Gone totally gray now from stress. Still not even 57 and I look like an old fat person who is lop-sided and can't walk right. At least my dog loves me unconditionally.
0 -
bcincolorado I am convinced treatment for BC ages you ten years. I hear you.
Ok ranting again. I have a one month break from Ibrance since my numbers are so low. A week off Ibrance and I am on day 7 of a fever. Fever with UTI and the most painful body aches in the world.
Adult self is saying it's OK honey. In October your mom died and you had SBRT radiation for 10 days. You have a compromised immune system and you probably hugged 100 people at Moms wake. It will take a little longer to fight this virus off. It's OK
Regular self is screaming ! Cancer is growing I will never feel well again. I wonder if I'm dying. I could pop a big fever overnight and die in my bed. Regular self is in pain and has slept or sat on the sofa for 7 days. I've only managed 3 out of 6 months on Ibrance. I feel defeated and I am so weak I can't distract myself. Arrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!
0 -
I swear to god the next person who tells me we could all 'get hit by a bus' is going to get hit by me! My GOD that pisses me off! And what is it that we're reacting to when we get mad at that statement? Are we mad at the truth? Because the truth is that, in actual fact, anyone CAN get hit by a bus at any time. No, what I find callous and insulting about that remark is that it is actually saying, " Your illness and your pain and your treatments and your fear do not exist. There is nothing real about what you are going through, it is no different than what any of us go through any day of the week. We are all equal in our risk of death by bus. Cancer changes nothing."
Yes! We are all at equal risk of death by bus. But I was not hit by a bus. I was hit by cancer. And that means of the two of us having this conversation ONE of us has been hit by something, ONE of us has sustained collateral damage to our body and a statistical probability of death. ONE of us has joined the ranks of knowing we will not live forever and the other ONE of us is flapping her lips like some half baked asshat! So buses DO NOT ENTER the conversation and that analogy is only relevant in that it is a polite way of telling you to shut up and get over it. It levels the playing field so you have nothing that the other person has to acknowledge or deal with. It lets THEM off the hook of having to bear witness to your pain and fear. It is an ASSHOLE thoughtless thing to say! My god I need some wine! Quick! Bring me wine!
0 -
I just had a glass myself. People are idiots.
0 -
True dat, Meow! True dat!
0 -
I was given the bus story by a clinical psychologist of all people, I didn't book any more appointments after that! I am always incredibly careful crossing the road, it's something I have control over, unlike being diagnosed with cancer. So really it's a totally crappy analogy.
0 -
Runor, that is so true! Oddly, I mainly see that bus statement here, usually from people who are trying to justify forgoing traditional treatment. Just saying.
0 -
Ugh !! Why do the people in my house expect a meal every single day. Can’t they just double up lol.
0 -
The difference is we have a bus following behind us/outright stalking us ALL THE TIME with a driver behind the wheel who has a twitchy foot. This bus is IN ADDITION to the bus with the driver who has a lead foot that everyone has the possibility of getting hit by. Unfortunately the twitchy foot guy has a MUCH higher hit rate. And he likes to taunt you at every turn - whether he decides to hit you or not he is constantly working to terrify and paralyze you with close calls and outright nudges with his bumper. He causes constant pain, worry, depression and completely changes relationships and life as we know it. When was the last time your lead foot bus driver did all that for months/years at a time? Do you really want to talk about buses anymore?!?
0 -
fared quite well w DMX, 8 DD chemo , 6wks of rads. Found all my doctors. DH has not seen a single medical bill bc I used HSA and majority is on payment plans. I even got reimbursed for treatment travels YTD $1400.00 yes insurance company paid me on top of actual $250,000. YTD payment to all medical providers.
Mother in law practically demanded two trips from my DH within a wk from us telling her about BC. She got a brand new dishwasher installed 100% paid by DH. She was treated w few Benjamins and dinner for her bday. And few more "I am old poor and frail so my good son should help me even though I have two daughters and grand sons nearby" The latest is take me to hospital DH could not bc I was for a surgery. She called again DH had to shut her down. She called again to ask to discharge her from hospital. DH reminded her we are travelling to tell my parents about my BC. She got upset. Now she is in rehab not wanting to do anything but going home and hoping 5 days a wk homecare. She came up w excuses for DH to go see her Sunday Monday and Tuesday. We have to go see her again on Sunday bc we need to clear her bills. Hope not paying. Yea shd told DH she cannot ding her savings for golf cart battery replacement, she has been singing I need my golf cart fixed for about 5 mos non stop, Coincidently DH shorted our living expense by similar amount, my long term disavility is 30 % reduction in pay. i told him " mortgage is on hold till early Dec so you need to give me the shortage by then" DH made it up right away.
I know DH has stressful job, sick wife and hypochondriac and extremely needy mom. But I am hurt to hear what for when I asked him I need a ride on certain date 2 wk total hyst post op. Fact is I drove all over the town on my own since late june. I oftentimes had 3 drs appt on one day, He drove MIL to MRI the same wk I had MRI for tumor I had for 14 yrs even though MRI was clear. I wanted to remind that I cannot take care of dog all by myself on day 8 thru 10. He kept saying " we will see how you feel" after trying for 5 times he said he told SIL already.
Sometimes being married is too much especially w MIL who is needy.
0 -
I tell people who use the bus comment. But, I know the color of the bus.
0 -
How about 250,000 people don’t get hit by a bus every year
0 -
jvf sorry about your mom. Dealing with cancer is sucky enough but to lose a parent is hard as well and drains you physically as well as emotionally.
0 -
Thanks BC. This is not a good year for me. We also lost our MIL in April. I'm sort of falling apart physically. I have spent the last 8 days in bed with a fever, insane body aches and a UTI. This the second one since April. @&#%€-ing cancer has taken over my life !!!!! I hate it !!!
0 -
JFV~there are no words! I am with you hating everything about cancer. But I am sorry for your losses. I sincerely hope you're feeling better with out that nagging fever and body aches really soon. ~M~ Drinks lots of water.
0 -
Lita - exactly. Exactly! We are all in heavy traffic.
Sidenote: my thought for the day......
I am just waiting for someone to tell me how great I look since I lost about 35 pounds in the last 6 months. Before that it was 8 pounds in 9 months. And during those 9 months I ate even less than I can eat now.
When they say that (if they know I have cancer, only if they know) then I am going to say, "I know. I feel so much better too. Stage IV cancer is really grand."
That's the bitch in me.
Tomorrow night I have to have a babysitter. My DH's DNephew's wife will stay w me while they go to the funeral of their friend. I was going to go but the cold air, cannot breathe in it, and so tired I can barely walk. So they offered. And DH said yes, and so she is coming w roast beef for us and their son who will rake the front yard and move the heavy chair off the deck to sunporch. I am very grateful for this offer. Though I am more one to stay home alone just fine. But never thought at age 60 I would have a babysitter so to speak.
0 -
JFV, the tricks to avoiding UTIs are many-fold. I've had literally hundreds. The area down there needs to be kept from drying out. The drugs we take do that and we are not allowed to use estrogen, obviously. I have used Luvena, Expensive but it works. I also use boric acid vaginal suppositories every other day to balance PH. That helps, too, and also avoids yeast, especially when on antibiotics. Another product which I have bought but never used (yet) is called Aloe Cadabra. Someone on the autoimmune disease thread told me about it and she said it works great, not for sex but for moisture. The problem is when you are in crisis mode, as you must be right now, it is really hard to deal with getting and taking yet more drugs. I know the drill. It's just too much work.
I did some Googling on the risk of being hit by a bus. It is actually riskier to DRIVE a bus, especially in China. You'd think it would be easy to find such a statistic, but no. It is also quite risky to RIDE on a bus, especially in China.
0 -
Then we definitely should not go to China and ride a bus or let anyone of us drive it.
0 -
I started a thread called "About getting hit by a bus".
0 -
Bluebird, my DH is going to China next summer for a conference! I doubt he'll be on any buses though, at least I hope not!
0 -
The people that say “ I could get hit by a bus tomorrow” are among the most insensitive of all people. They only think of themselves. If I had a choice,I would choose the bus death over MBC! The bus death is fast and final also relatively pain free. We have to deal with pain everyday! Add the fevers and UTI’s. Hair loss,boob loss, loss of hormones,sex drive,financial crisis,Not to mention the fear of having stage IV and the scanxiety we feel. Yep! I’ll take the bus in China any day!
If anyone says that to me,I will take my grandmothers advise and “get the shit out of my life”. She was a smart little lady!
Love and prayers going out to everyone
Chelle
0 -
One of my beloved dad's favorite phrases was: "None of us get out of here alive." Food for thought.
0 -
I - too - would rather die by bus...
To me having this disease is a long form of mental torture. I'm happy when my MO says I'm doing well. But, that feeling is always fleeting.
Every tiny ache or pain and I'm back to being frightened again..
0 -
So - my friend just texted me that I need to make a bucket list. WTF.
Gee - thanks.
0 -
BUCKET LIST::::
1). Get new friend
Unreal what people will say. Sorry you had to go through something like that.
Hugs ~M~
0 -
Hate to say it, but it is true, my son-in-law's aunt (who I knew pretty well) was hit by a car one day out jogging one morning. Car came over a hill and sun in eyes did not see her crossing the road. Dead on scene.
0 -
Thanks M....
0 -
jaycee49- Thanks for the good advice ! I didn't realize moisture was the key.
Scared 67 I agree with Micmel get a new friend.
I've been trying to be truthful when people ask how I am doing. Not a good idea. Truth seems to make people give me advice. Do yoga, meditate, drink smoothies, change oncologists, change drugs, get a service dog, take a pill..... The advice is endless, mind numbing, and pointless. How dare they think they know what is best for me. This is why I spend time on BCO I am sick and tired of everyone telling me what to do. How do they know my body ? How do they know more than my Oncologist? I just want to scream!!!!
0 -
I think I want a quick death. I don't want any suffering or thinking about the agony I may have to endure. I wish we could choose the way we go. My Mom is 82 and wants it quick too.
0 -
I plan to do VSED when it gets really bad. It stands for "Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking." It's NOT suicide, as in blowing one's brains out. One just STOPS doing Yanything that will prolong the body's eventual demise...feeding tubes, hydration, etc.
I have researched his extensively. The first 2-3 days may be rough, but if you're already on the way out, your body won't want food anyway. I've read that it's BAD to force a dying patient to eat because it's too painful for the body to digest the food, form stools, pass them, etc.
With VSED, you will usually expire within about a week. It's rare for a person to go 2 wks (I suppose if you were OBESE, it might take you longer to go). I also plan on being sedated thru most of it...."palliative sedation" is an option, too.
Hope this helps.
L
0
