CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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After my laparoscopic cholecystectomy in ’94, I had elevated liver enzymes. Turns out I had a loose stone in the common duct that popped out when my gallbladder was being excised and removed--and I was warned I might eventually need an ERCP to get it out. Every few years I’d get some spasms that would pass. Eventually, it got really bad and scheduled an ERCP. The next morning I went in for the procedure, but I no longer hurt, the ultrasound was negative and my liver enzymes were normal. The gastroenterologist concluded that I’d passed the stone. It’s been over 10 years since then, and my liver enzymes have been normal. You might want to get an ultrasound of your gallbladder.
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Well, it starts again this week. I see the MO on Wednesday to find out my Oncotype and see what his recommendation is. I am scared to hear the results. And it seems like getting results on tests feels like getting diagnosed all over again.
I think I have my coping plans lined up. Tonight I have my first local support group meeting, and Wednesday evening I have an appointment with my counselor. Thursday I think I will call my Mexican restaurant friend if I'm struggling. I checked out some books from the library to give me something else to think about, baseball books and Big Nate (I enjoy middle grade fiction). I have my colored pencils and a book to color.
Yep, time to get a condo in Crazy Town.
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Good Morning Crazies:
Cubbie, I like coloring books as a stress relief also.....in your pocket for Wednesday. I was sure my test score would be low (yeah, I tend to be the planning type also, but for some reason, I just thought the score would be the one thing that went my way). When the MO told me I was high risk for reoccurrence and chemo was recommended, I burst into tears, even though I had barely even cried up to that point. But now that I am three quarters done, I can tell you that it hasn't been nearly as bad as I expected. Support from these boards helped so much. That said, the biggest help for me: walking! My MO encouraged me to exercise, as did women on these boards, and it has helped tremendously. If you don't already exercise regularly, I recommend starting now, just with walking...keep walking and exercising as long as you feel up to it (and try to at least walk around the block a time or two even if you don't). That is the best advice I got, and I pass it along with love and hugs! And of course, we will keep our fingers crossed for a low oncotype score, but the great thing about exercise: it makes everything better!
Unless one overdoes it, of course. I think the surrey riding and peddling on my vacay may have been a bit much on my knee. Back feels all better but knee is still swollen and stiff. I have osteoarthritis in both knees (mostly controlled via exercise. yep, walking is good for that too), and have had surgery on both, but this is my worst knee. Sadly, MO has banned my favorite cure-all (swimming at the gym, followed by a soak in a hot tub) at least until chemo is done. Too many germs, supposedly. This will be longest I've gone without immersion in water in years. Not sure how much longer I can continue to follow doc's orders on this one...
Sula: yep, that was a pretty great bakery. I was just sorry I didn't find it till last day! My waistline may be grateful, however. The good news is that we visit the area often.....
Katy: hope you are feeling a bit less sloggy (is that a word? :-)) today!
ducky: sorry there are no answers, but hope you continue to feel better...you are a strong woman.
SDB: I hope your time away is helping and that you are back soon. We miss our mayor!
Thinking of you all: Tomboy, Mommy, Poppy, Rain, Chevy nd all the quiet crazies. All of you are strong women. Hugs to all!
Octogirl
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Chi..............I can really connect with all you said...........I have been called a "crepe hanger"..........Debbie Downer...............a pessimist..........because I do not look at everything as "Oh I'm sure its nothing".......
When I got a mammogramand was much younger, I never thought about it much.......always skidded through each one clean as a whistle......I was told I was dense (by more then the Mammogram) LOL...........had shown signs of calcifications, but still was confident after having a heart attach (mild) in 2007 that I had dodged the bullet......I had my one "big thing", and no more.
Well that changed the day of the mammogram (routine) and they said "we need an US"......my thought......hmmmm, oh don't panic they have done that before and it was fine, yet still thinking........hmmm............but when the tech came in the room and said "the Nurse Navigator will be in to see you shortly".....................I thought 'Holy Shit".....I have cancer............
Same with my husband..a healthy man turns yellow.....ER, blood work, and I said to my Dr. could he have Hep A, or B..........then while in the hospital the tech says after he finished drawing blood........."what actually are they looking for"...............I said "Hepititis"....................he said ""funny they didn't ask for a test for that".............
Big RED FLAG............said to my daughter........this is not good......how did the Dr. forget to check for Hep............she said "OK, MOM WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, AS USUAL YOUR ALWAYS THE CREPE HANGER"...................I answered "A tumor".................she said "how come that doesn't shock me"..
Chi...............final result.........Pancreatic cancer......he was dead in 2 1/2 years and went through 7 hours of surgery, Rads, Chemo, then died.........
Me.....I always hope for the best.......prepare for the worst..........
You don't think after this memory crap I wasn't thinking "brain tumor"......"Stroke"........"Mini stroke"........"brain mets"..........It was f/n scary, and still is because no one has told me "what it was"...............they have told me "what it was not"......
Still feel goofy in the head............but then again...."Shit happens".....
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busy day here in CT and once again, hard for this poor old memory of mine to remember all, guess I do need to write stuff down.
I guess I do not think of it as positive or negative, I am of the it is reasonable to be prepared, sorry came from a family of scouts, boy and girl. My dad died suddenly of a heart when I was only about 4, I still remember seeing the EMTs carry him down from upstairs on a stretcher. I was too young to understand and do not mean to be morbid. But I am dang sure my mom did not have a plan B as in how to raise 3 kids from 18 mo to 8 but she just did. She called on family when needed and got jobs to supplement the whatever the life insurance and such paid out. I learned how to "pull poverty" from her. Dang but she managed to help my brother and me get through college although funds did run out for my younger sister education,
I say all the above as when I was diagnosed I just pulled poverty so that although my treatment was less than many here, I got through it with no bills outstanding. But I did through that time start to plan how to get out of work and into a retirement, I did it by pulling poverty and because I just knew the company was close to folding (dang but it was the printing and mailing industry~~need I say more?). Some pals said I did not have enough savings to retire, but my response was watch me. Will I run out at some point? beats me but I live lean and mean.
So far I have beat this crap like all here and sure do not plan on giving up now.
Now why did all this spill out of my head this morning? dang if I know. Off to vote now, later all and hope that the above is viewed as a positive story and not negative or sad
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Proud.........great story.....and my whining probably made you think of it..........i don't mean to......that is so not me........I take things as they come, you don't or can't be weak when you raised 6 babies.............took care of your grandchildren........buried you mother after a year of taking care of her (cancer), and watch a handsome, healthy, strong construction worker die before your eyes, and you can't stop it..................I had a daughter with a epilepsy that ended up with a brain tumor, and experimental surgery to try to stop the 8/9 seizures she was having a day........not knowing when they closed those operating room doors if that was the last time I would see her alive..............a disabled great-grandaughter (Grayson)....................so you do have to be strong and I try to be.....but eventually it catches up to you........and suddenly you say "I am tired of being strong, positive, upbeat, and all the crap that people shove down your throat..........
I want say "enough already"....this last incident has hit me hard and I have been told there is nothing wrong............I handled BC and the HA like a champ.....this has turned me into a blubbering idiot................
But this too shall pass, and I hope and pray to come out on the other side better then I went into it.............love you all, and all the support you have given to me....long after this is over, and just a memory....(if I can remember.....LOL).....you will still be part of my life..........something I will forever be grateful for.....love you all..........0 -
Morning Crazies
It almost felt like full moon energy last night, but that was last week! Think that accounted for a lot of deep stuff coming to the surface! For me anyway. So thankful for CT
Chi I didn't read the article yet, but like Katy and Sula and a few others, I am totally on board for preparing. In fact I think I knew that BC was brewing for a while and started research and creating a game plan before anything was ever confirmed. Especially in Western Med where they want to whisk you through things, it's so important to have a handle on options.
Like with the liver enzymes, now of course I'm no doctor, but why push for more 'tests' when everything else is normal and the elevations are only slightly high. If it were me I would say NO and execute the lessening of meds (that are options to lessen), lemon water and DANDELION root tincture and adding dandelion to your diet. The liver LOVES dandelion.
Re Milk thistle, I think it's real benefit is as a protector when faced with dealing with liver taxing things like chemo etc. So it's to take PRIOR to things that tax the liver. Once the liver is taxed the ally is dandelion.
Noddy great news for your clear results!
Sula I've been good with H. Nothing really to report. some days I feel a little queasy and easily filled up , but that could also be tamox. it's nothing, thankfully compromising my QOL. The biggest thing effecting that is the hip crap that has drastically altered my level of activity. That's my super duper bummer.... But I'm working on turning that perception around and finding new ways to feel fulfilled with movement.
Slow thinking of you!
Octo yay for walking and good luck with RO appointment and I hope you can get cleared for the 3 week option.
Speaking of rads, for octo and rain and anyone else ( maybe me one day) cooked pears are excellent for dispelling heat that builds up in the system from rads and SEAweed is a great ally for energy and supporting minerals.
Rain any headway with the insurance?
Katy i'll be with you on your walk today. walks in the rain can be divine!
Cubbie, I can't believe you have never been to the ocean, where are you from?
PTS i think the 'pulling poverty' story is amazing- and it's so great to have the confidence to retire and focus on QOL.
Tom are you creating more magical totems for the medicine bag?
I will check back more later. Thinking of you!
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Chi...love your post, it speaks to me as a planner/organizer; Expect the best, prepare for the worst. Either way you are covered
roserx - good to hear you have similar anomalies and are past a CT with positive results! After this I think my MO and PCP will be less reactive to those moderate results and having the scan will alleviate my fears and confirm that I know my body best but will need to work with Docs with an "abundance of caution" for my well being.
Cubbie...waiting on insurance approvals and will schedule CT after that; will definitely keep you posted as I need some support getting through the days prior to and following with as little anxiety as possible. Getting support from BCO sisters is the best medicine in my world right now. Hugs to you from WA state and sending positive vibes for your test and test results. This can be so overwhelming in the beginning, one step, one breath at a time and you'll get there.
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I think this has been around the internet but came across today and thought it was a good share. Though I believe many wise ladies in CT already live/ think this way.
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1.. Life isn't fair, but it's still good..
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13.. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words :'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life..
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do..
35. Don't audit life.. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
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love that,
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Christine- nice.
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Gaia....thanks for posting that.
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Thanks Gogo....! I put it on my FB page, and sent it by email to my friends!
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Hi crazies--
I'm utterly immersed in insurance shopping/getting ready for rads and lymphedema treatment/a couple of volunteer obligations that are going head to head for just these two weeks/oh yeah, work and so am doing a bit of a drive by tonight. Wish I could pull up a chair and sit down.
ChiSandy: I am one with your philosophy. Thanks for articulating it so well.
Octo, I want that entire bakery stuffed into the pneumatic tubes. And the beach. Congrats on being nearly done with chemo.
Proud, I absolutely love your story. Very moving.
And Ducky, yours, too. Hope things are a little better. Glad you're getting some time with your little guy.
Beautiful posts, Gaia. Your latest reminds me of something that's buried deep in a file, will try to find.
Insurance: making headway but holy cow this is not a job for the faint of heart. Or the impatient with telephone hold. I will say that the head of the insurance dept. at the hospital is my new best friend and gave me her private line. Part of the problem is that we also need to choose a new plan for DH and DS and be signed up by Nov. 15. Which almost certainly will be different from mine. Enough. More to come.
Had the CT radiation simulation today and it looks like the setup is on Friday the 13th. And the first day of rads is on my birthday. I ask you.
Point of braggery: DS got his SAT results and came pretty darn close to acing them. So no more SATs for him, and he can concentrate on his school work instead of test prep. (What's that you say, honey? Concentrate on Facebook and Youtube? Hush.) The big college search commences early next year.
In the ongoing food and nostalgia conversation: Last week a lovely little brisket called out to me from the meat aisle at Trader Joes. Cooked it up last night with the recipe of the wife of the butcher where my mom bought all of our meat back in the day. It's honest, mid-century American cooking, flavored with lots of onion, horseradish, mustard, cider vinegar, and catsup. Delicious. More honest food to go with it: boiled potatoes and broccoli swimming in butter and biscuits. Just in case anyone around here is feeling too slender.
Later, my dears....
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Rain, well guess it is progress to have found a soul mat at the insurance place.
brisket sounds awesome and maybe a great meal will occupy your mind and soul for the evening
me, decided to crash today so glad to have done that, back is happier with some down time
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Wanted to share the view from my front door. Love the cooler weather.... and hopefully some rain!
My liver enzymes have always been a bit high. After chemo, they were the same as someone who drinks a bottle of hard liquor a day. They are better now, but not perfect. My docs are just watching it; tell me not to worry. LOL
Gaia, Love your post!
Ducky, My DH is an optimist.... all rainbows and unicorns. I'm more like grumpy cat, but I consider myself a realist. I like to know my options and prepare! I know a person who had a similar experience to yours. Just like with you, they eliminated many things that it could have been. She hasn't had another episode, thankfully.
Octo, Hang in there and please don't swim at the club. Your immune system will be hit especially hard with the final round of chemo and will leave you so vulnerable. Soon you will be in water again!
Cubbie, Waiting patiently is not my strong suit! I hope you hear good news with your Oncotype score!
I've been in crazy town for days. My hair is shedding... a lot. Similar to during chemo right before it fell out. Is it the Letrozole? Crap. My chemo brain stinks. My house is all torn up and a mess. I have no energy to clean it up, sand, paint and so on. Even books aren't making me feel better! I have, however, started coloring my nature coloring book. So much that my carpal tunnel is acting up. Oh, and the hot flashes are back all day and all night long!
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I love all of you women so much!
Rain I feel for you re the insurance. I hope it gets sorted as quickly as possible. and starting on your b'day- oy. Good old fashioned food. I've never made brisket but that recipe sounds delish. looks like it may be in the winter repertoire. we will discuss.
Poppy that is a beautiful view- and I am so sorry to hear about the shedding hair.
I love everyone mentioning the coloring books-I recently purchased a few myself. Katy do you have any?
Chevey and Ducky when I read the 45 lessons I thought you two could have probably authored it. Glad you reposted Chevy; I thought it would be nice for a pass along.
Saying an early g'night. want to do some writing and meditating. Just found out last night a young man who came through my life for a split magical fun and wild second, over three years ago, died over the weekend. CANCER. everywhere in his body. been two years dealing with it. passed on Halloween night. Life is funny and cruel and so weird. Weird because there is really no reason for me to have had access to this information. Except FB ,and even that is random because after our crazy and wild and fleeting connection, over three years ago, I have had ZERO relation or connection to him. did I mention he was maybe 33?
It just floated across my FB feed last night. ( a friend of a friend type of thing)
I guess he wanted me to know.
So life is a gift and definitely not neat, and I'm learning to be ok with that. even though it's deeply sad at times.
Ok crazies sleep well.
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Rain- dinner sounds great. The insurance thing sux. I know you're the woman for the job though.
Poppy great pic. So sorry about the hair. Have you asked your MO?
Christine- sorry about that sad news.
I spent the better part of the day on getting the dual cataracts evaluated and it has been recommended I go ahead now. I am ridiculously frightened. More than my bmx. Why? I know it's an easy surgery. I almost couldn't get out of bed to go to the appt.
so right one will be done on 12/18, anniversary of the bmx😢😢😢, and the other in January. It has to be done. I am very limited already as to what I can see. Can't drive at night at all, and don't do well during the day even with corrective lenses. The doc saidthey had progressed quite seriously since mid chemo evaluation. She said likely they will continue to deteriorate at a rapid rate. So sick of being poked and prodded. Ugh. I know it's an easy surgery. But I'm having an unreasonable reaction.
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Jackie.....I had it done, both eyes.........it really is not bad........I am a coward............honestly.......and I can tell you it was a walk in the park.............no problems, qui'ck....just s few anno;ying things ;you have to do at home before surgery........drops and stuff, and also after............
They will do one eye and then 2 weeks later the other......at least here they do i;t that way..........I had no problems...you will get instructions about bending over......lifting heavy thing............and this is a good one..........you can't strain to poop........LMAO..........no kidding....you can't.......
Other then that it is really nothing....so relax (and it is easy for me to say ...been there)............you won't feel a thing..........they numb you, I had no problems.........so relax girlfriend.....I had both cararact surgery and glaucoma laser surgery....both were without incident..............and as I said'............I am a coward.........hug
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hang in there Katy. I am right behind you, figuratively speaking, on the cataract thing....
Octogirl
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Ladies............would not lie to you just to ease your mind......I swear.....even my daughters mother-in-law had it done last year.........not one problem...............
Wait till you see how much brighter things are once its done........after doing my first eye and I cam outside to go home (with sunglasses) I was shocked to see what little light came through them........how bright everything was........it is truly amazing............you will be shoc'ked what a haze and gray world you are living in.........
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Thanks, Octogirl. It helps to hear that the chemotherapy has not been as bad as you expected. I'm really glad to hear that your MO encouraged you to exercise, as that is something I was hoping I wouldn't have to give up. I walk four evenings a week on the track at the Y, and I was going to yoga class once a week before my surgery. I do my best thinking walking around the track. I tell people that I think better when my feet are moving. Walking is a huge stress relief for me.
Gaia, I'm in the midwest. I've never been farther west than Colorado, or farther east than Chicago. The biggest body of water I've seen is Lake Winnipeg in Manitoba. Immense, but doesn't look like the ocean. Love the list. That's so sad about your friend. This stuff just shouldn't happen.
Mary, people keep saying to take this one step at a time, and I've found I sometimes have to take it one hour at a time. Particularly the day of my surgery, I was taking it about 15 minutes at time!
Rainny, what a way to spend your birthday. I think a special cake is in order for this birthday. Congrats to your son on his test scores!
Poppy, that's a gorgeous view. You California folks are convincing me I have to make it further west someday!
I've heard some women say that AI's seem to make their hair thin. Another thing I am not looking forward to. I remember my Mom complaining that when she went through menopause her hair shed a lot, so maybe it is all connected?
My house is also a mess. I cleaned it up a lot before my surgery, but it seems like for everything I got rid of, I got tons of stuff from the doctor's offices and the hospital to take up just as much room, if not more. Everything from paperwork to paper tape. I gave away a bunch of clothes, then had to go out and buy different ones (button shirts) for post-surgery. I feel like I didn't make any progress.
Katy, I've had Lasik eye surgery, and although it was a weird, sci fi like experience, it was far less scary than my BMX. My co-worker and cousin have had cataract surgery, and it sounds like the patient experience is similar to mine. Wait until you see how colors look afterward. My co-worker said she had no idea how blue our carpet was.
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thanks Cubbie- I've had LASIK twice, but I was a different person then. Everyone has been saying what Ducky said. I know intellectually I'll be ok. I think I just have had enough. And the only surgery date she had left was exactly one year from my BMX. I am just a bit worn out.
Thanks for the encouragement.
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Katy, I'm sick and tired of being poked and prodded, too! I think it's normal to just want our bodies to be left alone! It took me months to finally make appointments for my injured knee and the nodes on my thyroid. So tired of doctor's offices.
On Thursday, I have my follow up with the endocrinologist to find out the results of my thyroid ultrasound. Those thyroid nodes have better be nothing! Just saying....
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My husband said the day after his cataract surgery that when he went to see a musical I was in that it was like watching it in IMAX 3D. And my mom marveled that she had no idea how blue the color blue was!
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Mornin hugs to all
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Hi guys! That is too funny! The part about coloring books, and how we use them to calm ourselves. I did something similar, I have always been interested in miniature things, so my childhood return after treatment found me buying these little toys called shopkins. They are all like food items, and things you can buy at the store, from shoes to cell phones. They all have smiles on their faces, except for a few frowny ones, and they really make me smile! I never really played with dolls, unless someone really insisted, altho I was more than entranced the first time i saw a doll house. Another miniature, and plus houses are always cool, like a series of boxes with different themes.
Ducky, I am exactly like you: I want to know what it is, too, then it's like as long as I know, I can deal with it. That would scare me. I had some chest pains a couple weeks ago, but it didn't scare me. Well, maybe a little, I waited it out, was probably just gas cancer. But, this lump on my head and on my neck? I don't know & they don't know, so I am quietly freaking out about them. If I knew what they were, then I could look it up, and find out about it, it just makes me feel better to know what's gong on, too. You are the matriarch! You may Rant with a capitol R. My mom said she was shocked and amazed at what a difference having the cataract surgery improved what she could see! Just exactly like you described it!
Poppy, the clouds were so much fun today! Great view!
Started writing this post at about 4:00? 5:00? It is now 3:30 am, my feet woke me up, posting now not to lose it, be back at a decent hour!
Love to all! You know I am thrilled we all belong in c-town!
shopkins....
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I am mentally tired today....saw my pain doc yesterday and he is trying something different. I told him that the pain pills he prescribed make me constipated. I already suffer enough with this condition, so I told him I didn't take them. So now we are going to try a patch that I will wear on my arm, but my insurance carrier has to approve it first. Just so tired of having no good quality of life. Also have appointment with BS on the 19th, but prior to seeing him I have to get another ultrasound to make sure there is no change in this lump....which they say is fat necrosis. I want it out. I am tired of feeling lumps and bumps...they scare me. But my BS as well as the PS do not want to cut me anymore...they never asked me what I wanted. I am tired of all the follow-ups.
Proud...my pain doc told me under no circumstances to have surgery and especially at the Laser Spine Institute. He wants to try other things and did order an MRI of the lumbar spine. So sick of doctors.
Just feeling a bit low today. You ladies are the only ones who get it and understand. Just feel like crying, but I'm at work. Ok...talk with you all later.....
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Shorfi........................I have been weepy off and on since the incident on Thursday, and ................who am I kdding...well before that............and I am depressed...................I could be the poster girl for depression.....................I refuse to take anymore medicine........regardless of what the hell it is for..............
I want my QOL, and fun back.................tired of sitting and crying for no f/n reason.....Oh I"m sure there is a reason but it could be anything...Like my damn kids not being able to get alone, and agreeing on nothi;ng.....and always wanting giving advice, being critical, such bullshit.......
The other day I told a very sweet Dr. in the hospital.............I am tired of being sick and tired..............
Everyday is the same............and 90% of them suck...................
Hope your day gets better........hugs, and yes...this is my go to place.......no one judges me here......
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Hi all:
I have a LONG day of meetings, apts., work, doc apt with RO, etc etc ahead of me and just realized I am running late....so more later, but in the meantime: cubbie: check out this thread on exercise during chemo and radiation:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topics...
I don't post on it as often as I should, but it inspires me and keeps me walking.
Hugs to all
Octogirl
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