CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Oh??? She's pissed.... I can just tell.... just an observation here.... don't pay any attention to her when she says she hates Christmas....
She loves Christmas... or what it used to stand for! We just don't like the way things have changed, and not always for the better.... We were born in the 30's and we remember how simple things used to be.... and how most people were always our friends, and we just wanted to grow up. And Christmas, and what it meant was special! We loved being Santa-Clause to our little ones.... and hated when they didn't "believe" anymore.
It's not magical anymore....
And yes, you spelled that wrong.... I think it's Ebaneezer.... or maybe ebonyeezer...... like in Scrooge.... and that's wrong too, but we don't care... damnit !
I'm just going to hop on my Unicorn now, and go get a Starbucks.
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Decision! Your house belongs to who??? Who has your house.... I'm just glad you have your Mom.... that's a blessing....
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Chevy......you always understand me, and you always make me laugh....your a good friend........hugs to you.........and can you stop by and pick me up for a ride on your Unicorn............but forget the Starbucks, or we will be visiting ever damn toilet from my house to wherever you decide to journey too............hugs .
Your right......as the song says "Where Are You Christmas"...............I remember wrapping presents on Xmas eve after the kids went to bed....trying to be so quiet..........trimming the tree on Xmas eve, and not a day before.......outside decorations went up 1 week before Xmas and not one week after Thanksgiving, and inthe stores Xmas things did not show up the day after Halloween................
And yes as each one of my children said "Mommy is there really a Santa Claus", and we would finally say "it's us we're Santa Claus", but Please.....don't think tell the other kids"...............remember those days............and Xmas wasn't about how much you could buy......it was about finding that one special toy that each of your kids really wanted.......not "every toyin the store"............we had little, and I can remember what it was like to hope and pray that I could find enough boxes to make it look like Santa new they were the "good kids" on the naughty or nice list..............and low and behold my mother would come in with her gifts and the piles got bigger...........and she stayed to watch their eyes light up coming down the stairs.
There was no going to bed on Xmas eve, cause by the time we got done all the things we had to do....wrap, put up the tree, put toys together, trim the tree it was almost morning, so why go to bed.
We did that till the last child said "Mommy is there really a Santa Claus".........but then came the sadness in my heart when I realized "I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION AGAIN"................yes, that is why I hate Christmas..........
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Chevy, I was falling asleep while writing that post. Not drinking. I will fix it later.
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DF.............sure you weren't drinking first, and then was falling asleep from drinking..........Gee, I can't imagine why any of us would drink...................it's not like we have anything in life to "drive" us to drink..............
I didn't just say that did I.................
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Some Morning Love
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Hmm.. I think the trouble is all the emphasis is on shopping for Christmas now, and most people have forgotten that Jesus is the Reason for the Season.. and to me that's the real magic of Christmas.... I am enjoying Santa again now through the eyes of my Grand-babies..
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Lucy.......my grandkids are 34 down to 15........LOL...........great grandkids that I have 4 I hardly ever see even though they live 10 minutes away if there is no traffic, and the other 2 that I see more often are to young to either care or appreciate it......LOL
But they will be here on Xmas eve so will see them then............0 -
Ducky.. I hope you enjoy seeing them all Christmas Eve !!
Decision.. You are so lucky to still have your Mum.. My mum has been gone for so long now.. I guess because of Christmas coming I've been thinking of her and my Dad a lot lately.. you know "the good old days ", and it still makes me very sad they aren't here 😞
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LOL, hopping on my unicorn, too! I am dying for a Chick-fil-A salad--I've been salad-free since starting chemo, at my MOs direction. But it's been hard. I LOVE salads.
Well, this week my numbers are up and I'm going to just GO FOR IT!
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I noticed that I missed some posts. Will go back and read them.
Hey, ducky, how I wish I could have a vodka tonic! I don't drink alcohol unless I have an episode of intractable pain. Then, it is medicinal.
I was up all night having hot flashes. I had to tear off my pjs. I finally gave in and took a 1 mg xanax. I started taking effect while I was writing. I ended up with some gibberish in the post because I got too sleepy to go back and edit it.
For a while, I drank a few shots of vodka when I could not fall asleep. Then I read about the long-term effects of drinking on the body.
Despite being a nervous system depressant, alcohol can be an effective antidote for depression for some people. I don't judge anybody who drinks for any reason.
I am thinking that quality of life trumps everything. I knew there were risks from HRT. I had two years of significantly reduced pain and I enjoyed life more than I did before. The HRT did not cause DCIS. It fed a tumor that was growing for decades. The combination therapy protects against bone loss too. I don't regret those two years on HRT.
I will fix the post with additional edits and read the unread posts.
ducky, your candor and ability to say what is one your mind with great clarity is wonderful.
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Lucy55, yes, we are very fortunate to have our mom Anne (pron Ani). I am sure you must have read that she is fighting metastatic breast cancer with chemo. We don't know how long she will be with us. I wish that I could enjoy and help her more than I do, but I am dealing with bc and severe disability from fibromyalgia. Every day is precious even with Anne having chemo brain. I am sure she has had it longer than we know because she had her first bc diagnosis about 8 years ago, and she had treatment at that time.
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Chevy, it is a miracle that my mother is alive this XMAS. I explained why in a long probably tiresome post.
I am washing Anne's sheets and pillowcases. I hope her scan does not show any terrible progression of the mets.
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Decision.. I think it is wonderful that you look after your Mum, and I hope her scan goes well.
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So, I edited the post with gibberish about the house and I added some stuff.
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Oh, yes, she is my mum, and I have pulled her back from the edge a few times. Now, I understand why she didn't cope with life in her old familiar way. It has taken me five years and my own cancer diagnosis to understand what happened to her.
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I am sitting here......it is 4:08 pm.......another day has gone by, and I have done nothing.......it's getting a bit dark outside, which is about right, cause it matches my mood today...............I wake up thinking about emptying out the shore house, and it is the last thing I think about before falling asleep..........
As sick as it sounds I fell asleep last night holding onto the cross on the crucifix that hangs over the center post saying..."Dear God, please help me get through this, I can't do it alone".............I had been looking for the phone number of an Estate Shop near my shore house........I could not find it, and cried and go frustrated last week, and stopped looking..........
Today I tried again on my IPad..........and sure enough I found it ........did the good Lord really hear me last night in my sorrow.........I thing maybe he did.........he never gives us more then we can handle...........so I gave it up and gave it to God and he helped me today.
I am at the point where I don't care who wants what......or who wants nothing........I need to think about me and my sanity.........and I will be damned if I will let this part of my life cause enough stress to affect my health.......so far I have had a heart attack, cancer, and lost my memory........I refuse to let my minds thoughts take over my bodily health............
So I called the very nice man today, and after the holidays if the "shit" is not gone by whoever wants what they want.....(and sad it is all good shit)........it will be gone by me.........every bit of it......it's about me now..............0 -
Ducky... I think your approach to the 'stuff' in your shore house is very reasonable: give the kids or grandkids or whoever a deadline that YOU set to get it, and if they can't get it by then, well, as you say, it is your stuff, dispose of it as you wish. Give yourself permission to put yourself first! (hmm...sounds like something you might say to me..:-).)
Hugs!
Octogirl
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OCTO......BIG HUGS BACK......
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Decision.... I wasn't around my Mom, when she was getting older.... All of us dealing with my Dad and his drinking, was too hard to be around. But SHE did it, because she loved him.... They lived in a different State, which thank God, was best for us all.....
I wish I had been closer to her.... she was so consumed trying to fix Dad.... and us kids were sort of just in the road.... Then I grew up, and made my own life, without them being around.... Probably good in a way....
Yes Ducky.... and putting together that Barbie-Dream-House.... until almost Christmas morning!!!!!! Wasn't it FUN? We have the memories, don't we? Christmas was magical for all of us....! So we hold onto those memories.... it's okay.
We can't go back.... but we can reminisce about all the good times.... We didn't have much money either.... but it didn't matter.... Wasn't Christmas morning the best time ever? Trying to keep the girls in bed until we got up?
So you can just remember your Christmas's from years ago..... It's all okay...... We are just lucky we have those memories, and that we've reached our "golden years" without seriously hurting someone.... right?
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11 pm here, full speed ahead towards Barcelona where they throw us overboard at 7:45 am (just kidding...about the overboard part) and cram us into buses to the airport. Sitting here in my stateroom loo (TMI) typing this, about to strip down for one last bedtime--first w/o a bra since Aug.--because all our bags are in the hold now, I didn't want to walk around with dirty underwear in my tote bag for 12hrs, and I don't wannaxstink up what I'll have to wear all day tom'w. Just saw an ABBA revue onboard (corny but competent) and preparing to hit the sack one last time and head to breakfast at 6:30.
Today was Valencia--gorgeous, fun city. After a walking tour, DH & I strolled, had tapas and good cheap paella, and artisanal gelato (Ecuadorian chocolate) to die for, then caught the shuttle back to the ship. Restaurant staff on the Viking Staris earnest but somewhat bumbling, especially due to language barrier. Onboard meals had hits & misses, but by & large the hits prevailed. Due to int'l data bandwidth issues (and not much free time), I must apologize for not posting pix. When I get home, I'll upload and edit the best and post them here. Tomorrow will be brutal--three flights, four airports. Only the second & third flight are econo-comfort (BCN-AMS is steerage); and we will have to navigate the VAT refund desk. Schipol is vast, has layers of security for US-bound passengers, and we have only a little over an hour between flights there--so I will have to don my LE stuff practically as soon as we get there.
Adios, Espana. Hola, hometown
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Anne got home from the scan in one piece. Last time, when she was not doing well on the previous treatment, the techs could not give her the dye. This time, I gather she had good kidney function and was able to have the dye. She said they gave her a boatload of tests. I think she is afraid the MO is trying to find something wrong with her so he can throw her into hospice. She looks good, vitals are great, strength is good, acites from bc in her liver are gone. I am going to crawl all over the nurses because the doctor was supposed to prescribe calcium supplements while she is on Xgeva, and he failed to do so. She has symptoms of low blood calcium now. Nobody from the office called me back today when I left a message for the nurse about the symptoms.
The day has flown. I washed clothes, changed Anne's sheets and pillowcases. She sleeps on the couch with no bed since her medical bed was carted away.
It is dark and starting to rain. Only a few hours ago it was bright and sunny. I deadheaded the roses and pulled off a few limbs that couldn't stand up on their own. I am not going to trim the rose bushes yet. They are still blooming. It is nearly Christmas and we have not had a frost yet.
ducky, belongings are here to help us. When they become burdensome, it is time to let them go. Just think about the pleasure some one else may get from your good shit. If it were the old days, I would have volunteered to help you out but when I went through Savannah and then on into the deepest South, I knew then that I might not ever return to the Atlantic coastline.
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Ducky- I have been reading along and I send hugs to you. Somerhing you said reminded me of a greeting card I got while going through chemo.
Front of card:
God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle
Inside Card:
God Must Think You're Some Kind Of BADASS!!!!
I can't help it. It made me think of you. You are our badass and when you hurt, we hurt. But I'm so glad you were led to that phone number to relieve you of some of the stress. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
DF- you are a good daughter. I'm glad you all got through the scan today. Life isn't easy sometimes. Practically never, actually. But you are good to your mother.
Poppy- it's been good to "see" you again.
Iris? Lucy? Cubbie? 🙋🙋🙋🙋
Notagain? How feel today?
Slow, Tom, Sula, Octo, Rainny, Gogo, Shorfi, Rose, QMC, and all my other Crazies....love you and wish you the best possible week with all if the holiday rushing whether it's your holiday or not. Stay calm.
And stay badass. Hugs to all, and quiet crazies too.
🎪🎪🎪🎪🎪.
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Crazy Town Waiting Room...found you! Core biopsy tomorrow for possible recurrence or leftovers from the original party back in 2012. The year the Mayans said the world would end. Mine did. My dad died of a heart attack 10 days (not 11) after my double mastectomy. On the 11th day I was told I had clear margins and clear nodes. Then the dog died 5 weeks later...shoulda known something was amiss...so worried that the average recurrence is 3.5 yrs....and here I am...3 years and 7 months later. Thought I'd go in for a diagnostic ultrasound and be told lymphademe (however you spell it) pulled muscle from water skiing, hell fat deposit. ....anything!
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7.......Welcome if this is your first time......we are here for you...........it all sucks doesn't it........keep us in the loop, and the Mayor will be here shortly to officially welcome you......hugs
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7of9- ugh. Welcome to Crazytown. Pull up a chair and we will wait with you. So sorry about such a shitty year you had a couple of years ago. Sending good thoughts for fat deposits, or anything but what you fear.
We are here. Hugs.
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Jack...thanks sweetie......you always have a way of making me feel better...........hugs
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Well crazies......tomorrow is the day.....diagnostic mammo w/US to check on the abnormality they found 5 months ago......5 years ago this week I was diagnosed.......Not so Christmassy here......think I'll have a drink! It's been fun riding in the caboose all these months watching the scenery go by.....now I'm in the cab hoping not to crash the damn train.
Welcome 7of9 from 1 Clevelander to another.
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Sewingnut- hang on tight. And we will hang on tight to you. Check your pockets in the morning. We'll be there. Tomboy leaves crumbs!🍸🍸🍸
And up there are a coupla drinkies for you!
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7, Sewingnut: welcome. We really will be here for you. I'll bring the chocolate for the party in your pockets tomorrow.
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