CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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Ducky, sometimes my mind goes to a place that I just could not really stand. It's like, mortality has been on my mind much of my life, because I have had some very close calls from a very young age! And it's kind of like, now I am 55, so my end is probably nearer than my beginning. And I think: I don't want my man to die before me. I just don't think I could take it. I really don't. But it makes me sad to think if I went first, how sad he would be. And I don't like that one bit, either. Although if it came down to it, I think our friends would carry him through, at least the very beginning... I don't really like to think about it, but my mind does go there. And so you see I have a tremendous respect for you, for having gone through the early loss of your husband, and all that that entails... right up to the fact of having to sell the shore house, something that you've told us he really loved. That would be so hard for me! A small solace that you carry your memories with you... the reality is, many of your happiest memories with him would be there... So I also think to myself, would I be able to stay alone in a house without my man? Would it just be too awful without him? I don't know! I think I would just die! Of a broken heart. So you completely have my respect for all that you have made it through. You are one strong woman, Ducky, and I am wishing you the very best. And, I hope there is a bidding war over your house, so that at least you get a handsome sum!
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Love!
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Not sure what I would do without you ladies.......the beauty part of our friendship is we can talk from the heart, and we always listen to each other.........comfort, and care about each other without judging............
I have said from day one on BCO.....but more so now that my Beppy has started a thread of wonderful caring and loving ladies......lets never leave each other, and always feel free to share our deepest thoughts, sorrows, joys, and celebrations.............you all are the best........my dear friends that I have yet to meet..............(and may never meet), yet I I feel like I have known most of you my whole life........thanks for always being there, and no matter how happy, sad, or boring the story is......you always make me feel welcome..........this is the one good thing that has come out of this journey......love you all.........have a beautiful day, no matter where you are.........hugs.
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Colleeeeeeen!!! There you are!!! So good to see you here! Awesome good women here, as you can see!
Slow, are you SURE those butts aren't the exercise group in San Diego earlier this summer ??
JackBirdie--- I am so glad you are here, you fierce wild woman.
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Ducky, I second that. WE ARE the best thing to come of all of this bc poo
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do you really have knee cancer? I am thinking your knee hurts and so ……. I am curious because I am struggling so bad with my knee, just thought I ask.
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Colleen- because we are in Crazytown (and drove ourselves here to boot) every ache of pain MUST BE CANCER. it's our little fun. We always go to CTown anytime that happens, then Beppy and Tomboy were standing on 1st and Main and a whole bus load of us went by. With nose cancer, fingernail cancer, ear cancer, pretzel cancer...., the list goes on.
So we introduced ourselves and now we aren't alone with our sometimes real, sometimes ridiculous fears. Problem is, without each other, we can't tell the difference
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Tomboy.....love you, always have, always will...........your so kind, and I hope and pray you and your man "grow very old together".............it is very hard......so I never want to see anyone I love go through it, but somehow I made it, and came out stronger in the end..........it was like "he, and God prepared me for this time when I would be alone.............he would watch me do things and at times I would think......"you miserable shit, why aren't you putting these screens in........why aren't 'you making that phone call to bitch.......why don't you take your own damn check to the bank to cash......why do I always have to be the tough one in this family............why can't you say more, do more, stop leaving shit up to me............................
Well I guess he was thinking "girl one day, and not too far off you are going to be doing all this yourself........*I'm not being mean....I'm just showing you what life could be without me..................who knew.............
Through his entire bout with Pancreatic cancer he never said "why me"......when someone would say that to him he would say "Why not me".........
He's one for the books........his father lived to be 103....his mother 96..........but I won't go there........that is another story...........ugh.......pardon my anger.......0 -
Oh Ducky, you made me cry!
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....it's like, the best thing in life is to have a partner that you are completely crazy about! It makes all aspects of your life so much easier and better! But you can't hurt if you don't love. And what kind of life would it be without love? Hugs to all
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Ducky, what a wonderful post about your memories of good times in your house. The house is just a place. The memories are in your heart--and in those of your children and grandchildren. And now, just a little bit, in the hearts of all of us who drop in to C-town.
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Ducky, I second Rain and others
been reading your posts about the shore house and the stories of your family and especially of your husband. His spirit comes right through the screen through you. It's very moving. I imagine he is dancing around in these ethers and holding out his arms to catch whomever he can up till this moment and beyond. and that statement 'why not me'. whew A huge does of medicine right there.
grace trumps everything- even the beast
Love everything about this thread!
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I love everything about this thread too, and yes ducky you brought tears to my eyes. I think of Poppie catching our spirits whenever we dive in...hold those memories dear to your heart.
The name 'ducky' has special meaning for me. I met my husband on the internet. (it is true that you can find the most amazing people on the internet). On our first 'live' date we decided to go for a walk on the beach to see the sunset....as we started our walk we saw a pair of (obviously mated) mallard ducks sitting on the sand side by side facing the sunset. We decided to stop and watch from there, and they stayed together just apparently watching the sunset till sun went down. They because sort of talismans for us. Our special gifts to each other always seem to involved ducks in some form or the other (the first time after I met hubby that I had a big problem that made me cry he went right out and found tissues adorned with yellow duckies for me to sniff into! :-)). So now, I have a pretty nice rubber duckie collection. And I still have that box of tissues!
Love and hugs to you all.
Octogirl
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octogirl
sigh
melt
so sweet
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Octo.........great story..........and feel so fortunate I can speak from my heart to such a loving group of ladies.........your more then friends to me......your family..........we are one..............0
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And to circle back to the TENT in relation to EVERYTHING that is happening on this thread, especially. It's the telling/ the weaving of our stories. A place to be and say everything allows us to draw from the well of experience and share in and in the sharing so much healing happens-
ok that was both 'of my mind' and of what I am experiencing here in these past few days. It will always be crazy Town with our various real or imagined cancers. But WAY MORE THAN THAT it is a place to tell stories big and small.
WOW I'm looking for a tent for Crazy Town!
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Red tent- good idea. But with this group maybe more like a Big Top! Haha.
Wanted to share my lunch with you crazies. Tomatoes just picked. Basil purchased. Enjoying my day.
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Katy, that is so appetizing! I'm hungry now...
This thread is fast moving, will take me a while to catch on, you guys have been busy :
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Yes a fast moving thread ErenTo
and Katy YES to a BIG TOP
You ( katy) enjoying your day and Ducky digesting memories and octo sharing her 'love story' have all so enriched my day
And Tomboy having a partner you are crazy about- well... I hear you on so many levels
Thank you all for being here - even though it's not what we would have chosen, I am so charged to be among people who are seeking to live through the prism of this experience
PS has anyone seen Straight Out of Compton? talk about turning experience in to meaning- whether you like the 'music '/ rap/ beat or not the ORIGINAL stretch for these guys was to voice adversity. I found it powerful
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I am having a little cry. It's silly really, but a wave of sadness just came over me.
I moved away from my home province of 45 years to be with the love of my life six years ago, and I have found it very hard to make friends. I can't work because of my pain condition, (though I do volunteer three days a week for the Cancer Society and Hospice) and it leaves me out of the loop from most women my age.
You all sound like a tight knit group of friends and I can only stand on the outside and admire from a distance.
I know I need to make more effort though it's hard when my energy is almost gone by 3pm. I'm usually fine with my own company and I'm very lucky to have mutual adoration between my husband and I. Funny enough we have been friends for 30 years
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Suzy- it may appear we've been friends forever. But it's been about 5 minutes. Cancer minutes. Crazy town minutes. Those are like dog year minutes.
Point is, you are not on the outside looking in. You are IN. INSIDE THE CIRCLE OF TRUST.
don't ever forget that you bought and paid for a ticket to this show. You are welcomed. You are loved. You are here. That's all there is to it. It's perfectly normal, and imho necessary, to have a cry. On your own schedule. Not anyone else's. It's cathartic and healthy.
Then immediately after you must scan your body and report in with your latest obscure cancer.
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Katy...I am growing basil and it is doing well this year. Trade you some for a bite of that dish?
What Katy said, SuzyBlue.
But speaking of CrazyTown. all day today I've been getting these weird creepy crawly feelings in my legs. I keep looking down expecting to see ants but there aren't any..actually, I was sort of hoping it was ants because they are gross but they are still better than leg cancer. What the heck could it be?
Hugs!
Octogirl.
p.s. glad I shared that love story about hubby. It reminded me that I should feel good about him as I was quite annoyed today that he cleaned the bathroom (yay) but didn't seem to get that emptying the trash is part of that project....Sigh...
ps #2: Sula, you are quiet today but I hope you aren't too shook up (there was a small earthquake up in Sonoma today. No reports of any significant damage or injuries, so presumably Sula is just cooking up a storm, as usual!
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Thanks, Jackbirdie. Paying for a ticket is not nearly as uplifting as being invited to something, but in this case, to this particular show, who would ever dream of inviting some other poor woman in haha!
I think I might have cancer of the corneas as they seem a bit red at the moment......
I appreciate you listening
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well, Suzy, you would have been invited anyway. That sounds like it could be cornea cancer, but maybe Octo will spare a ducky tissue and it will be all better before the "if it's still there in 2 weeks cutoff" to call the MO.
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Welcome to the Big Top Colleen and Suzy, plus all you lurkers, Crazies in all 3 rings,
Ducky I like the pics of the house and the memories most of all which made it a home.
The food porn is making me hungry, but too lazy to get up and get anything. Did have some wonderful eggplant parm this afternoon while out with the gals after church.
Did you say morality or mortality??? These progressive lens are still taking some getting used to. I so want to focus (pun accidental) on living but it has only been 3+ weeks since Mom's death and 1 week since her sisters, so I cannot help but think about my own "morality." What kind of footprint or legacy??
NO scans to day, so nothing obscure to report.
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well I did not plant basil as the dumb back is not gardening friendly
but tomorrow need to buy a boat load for this years pesto batch
back is calm now as got the lovely heating pad on my butt, I am so addicted to that dang thing
will see my PCD this week to confirm and figure out how much the Medicare folks will pay for chiro, dang but I am so hooked on chiro now
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Octo It's a beautiful story- but more than that it is alive in you- i think it's palpable Same with Ducky's account of Poppie
Katy you are a master
SuzyBlue what katy said is so true- I just came here too- and I fumble all over the place but all of these fierce women, including me will catch you
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Katy you are making me laugh! "Then immediately after you must scan your body and report in with your latest obscure cancer" Too funny!!
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Suzy, yeah, there is no substitute for friends of the heart and home, but I have to say that there are some terrific people on these threads, and we're all bonded by the need to find connection, information, meaning, sanity, you name it, in an experience that none of us asked for.
Glad you have your man. I hope you find some other locals--the kind you can actually share a meal with--but in the meantime, come hang out!
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hi everyone,
Checking in here, if there was an earthquake here we didn't feel it. Anyway, the reason I've been so quiet is I cooked a big Indian dinner last night , seven people
And then... When everyone left at 11:00 pm my brand new Bosch dishwasher decided to go mental on me and stopped functioning. See all those dishes??? Well that's only a faction of what was waiting for me . Alan was so good, he dried and I washed and we didn't get to bed til 2 am, maybe that's why I didn't feel anything!
We were still cleaning up this morning ... Sigh. We just finished the renovation on this new house about two weeks before I was diagnosed and there should be no reason for this machine to be so nuts.
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