CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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true that, I've also had a good cry to the album Purple Rain by Prince. So much so that my ex broke the album and threw it away!
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Guess i am the type that hides out in my house when feeling crud
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Molly and Poppy - I'm with Rainny - I think it's PTSD. I really experienced it going to my MO appt yesterday. Just going to the Cancer Center, the smell of the soap in the bathroom, the smell in the waiting room, walking past the chemo suites, seeing the bags hanging, the same nurses, etc. It was REALLY difficult being there, and I felt wave after wave of nausea coming back, feeling lightheaded, etc. It makes me wish there were separate offices for those of us through active treatment, but there for follow up visits. Impractical, I know.
The appointment itself was uneventful, though. I need to go for a follow up scan for the lesion they saw on my liver at dx, but which had been stable at that point for a year. The MO reassured me several times - "I'm not worried, we just need to get the follow up." On to the gastro doc today - endoscopy scheduled for 5/2. Does anyone else feel that your life is still consumed with appts, tests, scheduling tests, thinking about the tests?
When I was in Pittsburgh, I went to a survivorship event sponsored by UPMC. It was very informative, and I made nine instant BFFs with the other women at the table, all BC survivors. If you have a chance to go to one, I recommend it. I am very much an introvert, but it was a positive experience and a real help.
Ducky - Lila!! What a doll!!
Sandy - glad to hear Happy is doing so well.
Thinking of our wonderful Beppy today, and sending one bajillion hugs her way.
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Beppy is out of surgery, her son said they were waiting for them to put her in the room to wake up, I am so glad it is done.
Molly, I live in Silverlake , pretty close to the Eagle on the Rock! And,I have an Nespresso espresso maker. That I am addicted to. Ristretto is my fave, and I would love to make you one! Or two! Or three! Or, there are so many coffee cafe's so close to me, two in walking distance, and others we can drive to! I would love it, and I will PM you my number!
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Been stuck in meetings all day so will have to add more later, but just wanted to THANK YOU for the updates Tomboy. My nerves have been on edge all day too. Hope I can join you for coffee soon as well.
Love to all
Octogirl
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Thank you, Tomboy! If you're in touch again with her son, will you let him know we're all thinking of not only Beppy but her whole family?
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Breathing a sigh of relief for mayor slow. Thanks for the update on her. Tomboy, I would be thrilled to have coffee with you. How lovely to have one of the crazies close by!!
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I've been clock watching, thinking of Beppy, too. I'm a couple hours ahead of you CA folks, so it's been a very long day waiting for news. I'm glad to hear the surgery seems to have gone well. I hope they get her in a room soon, so her family can join her.
Pennsy, here in my town the cancer center is in an office building off the hospital, and the atrium has this weird indescribable smell. It's not in the cancer center itself, just the office building common area. I don't know what's wrong with that building. Everyone who's treated there complains that the smell of the atrium makes them sick from association or just generally triggers their anxiety. Every time I go there, I wonder why they can't they make the atrium smell like nothing, like the rest of the building? Let us know when you are having your scan, and we'll be in your pocket for your endoscopy.
Molly, I find too that sometimes you have to be able to say something out loud to someone else to really be able to share that fear of sadness and feel heard. I currently have every other month appointments with my PCPs nurse practitioner to help with that and medication management for my anxiety. I find it a bit more helpful than regular counseling because she understands the medical side of things, where with a coulselor I felt like I was spending a lot of time doing Breast Cancer 101. If there was an oncology counselor here I might feel differently.
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HI everyone.
Just popping in to see how things are going.
I've been choosing my poisons. Somewhat overwhelming.
As Everyone knows. Glad everyone is hanging in and rocking it. This is my pup MO. He usually plays around 12 am. Crazy dog. Lol.
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Though I do not post on this thread...do "lurk" quite often and just want to share that our very own ChiSandy will be performing a benefit concert in Hickory, NC on May 22, at American Honor Alehouse to benefit Healing Touch- a non profit group who gives breast cancer patients 6 visits to their medical spa for facials and/or massages to help them feel as well as possible during treatment.
I am VERY excited to be attending and am hoping to get as many BC.org gals as possible to meet face to face and have time together. We can get a group room rate if we have enough folks so please look at your calendars and let's make a plan. Would just love to meet you all and have time together!
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Tomboy.. Thanks so much for the update on Beppy.!
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Hey everyone. Thank you all for being in my pocket this morning. I thought of y'all.
Tomboy, thanks for the Beppy update.
I wish I could have coffee in CA, too.
Sandy, I love black cats. We once had three of them. We decorate our yard for Halloween with hay bales and pumpkins, and would have all three black cats lounging in the sun on hay bales. It was a pretty sight.
Katy, that Tutti is a pretty kitty. Your yard is gorgeous. I love the blossoms falling. It reminds me of when I was little, and we had huge pear trees in our back yard, and we girls would dance around under them while the blossoms fell.
Poppy, thinking of you.
Ducky, sorry about the pup.
I went in to get the ultrasound this morning. The radiologist told me these places were on my scans in 2013. By these, I mean that there is one on each kidney. The one on the left is a complex cyst. It has actually shrunk a bit. The one on the right is more solid. It has grown a bit. They are both pretty small, though. He said he wanted to have a CT scan done on me. My sister was there, so she piped up and asked if he could have it done today. He went out and got it scheduled for as soon as my insurance company said okay. So, had that done, and he will call me tomorrow. He said depending on what the CT results are, we may be looking at surgery on both kidneys, one after the other side has healed. My sister asked if I would have to postpone my reconstruction surgery next week, and he seemed to ponder that a minute, and asked how long I might take to heal from it. I said about three weeks, I guess. I mean, this thing on the left shrunk, and thing two on the right grew a tiny bit, but is still smaller than thing one on the left. He said he would go after thing one first, since it is bigger, even though thing two may be more concerning. I need to figure out what questions to ask him when he calls me tomorrow. I mean, the one that grew a little, then stayed stable for three years, must've started even smaller at some point before 2013. This is all why I need to schedule me a breakdown sometime in early summer.
My friend did not have good news. She was supposed to have radiation on the lesions in her brain to help with her pain. She has decided to do nothing; no chemo, no radiation. She has been sent home under hospice care. Another friend said she had a good day today, and was able to eat. She is a very nice lady. I used to feel a bit afraid of her, kind of, but she is one of the kindest people I know. Her and her husband both.
I wonder if there are any side effects to the two different contrast dyes, as well as the two huge cups of vile barium stuff I had to drink also. My stomach isn't happy right now.
Everyone, good night, God bless, and see y'all in the morning.
Lisa
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Lisa, it will take a couple days for the barium to pass through your system. I was told to use stool softeners after barium to avoid constipation. If it was me, I would complete reconstruction and then tackle the kidneys issue. You never know how your kidneys will react and I would want the "easy" stuff behind me.
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You know, Molly, I didn't think of it that way. The reconstruction really is the "easy" stuff. I've had that done before, and didn't stay in bed but for a few days. I have no idea what kidney surgery would be like. I didn't know about taking a stool softener after those dyes and that drink, but I will definitely take some right now in a minute. Thanks for the advice.
Lisa
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Just catching up. ((((Molly)))) You could come visit me too, although I know traveling much could be an issue. and cry all you want. but the door, virtual or real, is always open for you.
Beppy, hope you are doing well this morning. Thinking good thoughts for you.
Lisa, so sorry about needing additional testing and bad timing. Yes, the constant whirlwind of tests is really hard. (((hugs)))
At the meeting I am at THREE people who haven't seen me in a while came up to me to compliment me on my 'new hairstyle' and to ask me why I decided to cut it so short. Seriously? I will never comment on someone's appearance again other than to say, 'you look great' or ' you look nice'. I realize this is good news in a way (at the last meeting I attended no one asked me that even though I had a bit of hair: it must have been short enough that they realized I was 'cancer girl'.) Still, made me want to crawl in the rabbit hole. I am not among my peeps here.
I am not usually into retail therapy but the marine lab we toured as part of the meeting had a great gift shop and I cheered myself up with a really comfy blue hoodie with an octopus on the front.
Octogirl
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Hi ladies.....don't know where to begin....glad Beppy has some of this mess behind her....just wish as her adopted Mom, I could be there for her...........I envy all you Ca ladies who live near each other.......
As far as crying.....I am the Queen.....I know it's depression.......I have a great family, fantastic kids, grandkids and great-grandkids , so WTH is wrong.........I will be 81 in 10 days, and should be at least a little happy that God has been a lot kinder to me then he was to my husband.............but 24 years alone is nothing to be thankful for...........no matter how many parties you go to.......how many baseball sporting events for your grandkids........how many special holidays you enjoy together.........when everyone goes home they are either with someone, or they have someone waiting...............for me it's the same empty house that I left earlier in the day/night........................People say get a hobby........volunteer...............take a walk.....go to the gym..............at this point 5 years later no one wants to hear your sob story ....................you look fine on the outside.................but no one knows what goes on, on the inside................
Today I am going to make appointments that I have cacnelled over the past 3/6 months......why.......I just don't give a crap........don't feel like going..........Dermatologist (have had several skin cancers)....Cardiologist (had a heart attack back in 2007)......Pulmonologist {(have Asthma)...Neurologist (had the Global Amnesia event 5 months ago was suppose to follow-up)....Gyn (it's been 2 years)..........Dexa-scan (have ostopenia , thanks Femara)..........Hairdresser (I look like the Sea Hag..LOL)...............not to mention other things in my life that I need to do, but just don't "give a shit to do anymore"
How can you have so much good in your life, yet struggle to find it........sometimes you reach the point where you think........Why bother...........forgetting that I am alive, no matter how lousy I think things are.......................I should at least be grateful for that much............just tired of it all............
Sorry ladies.......not sure what brought that on..........Its a warm sunny day here in Philly, and I should go out for a walk, and thank God for another day.................realizing I am so much better off then so many others..................thanks for listening...love you all...0 -
Sandy...I had a black cat (Maxwell) who was so regal. I had to give him away after 7 years because he turned against me when I started to date my husband. Because my immune system was still compromised, my doc said he could no longer stay with me. I was devastated. I miss him. Thanks for the update on Slow. She will always be in my prayers and thoughts.
Yay for fat necrosis. My ultrasound showed the new lump, but my BS seemed to think it was the old one. When I had the ultrasound the radiologist noted that it was new. I asked the BS to please take it out because feeling lumps makes me nervous. I thought he would take it out in the office, but wants me to go to the OR to have it done and markers will be placed at the other sites as well. I want these dog ears suctioned out on both sides of me and he said he would take care of the necrosis and let the PS do the revision work.
I'm just thankful for the fat necrosis and thank you ladies for being in my pocket yesterday. It meant to much to have your support. Originally I was supposed to go into work late yesterday, but after the ultrasound my husband and I had lunch. I decided just to take the entire day off, it was so beautiful. Even got a few new outfits out of the deal...sweet!!
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Ducky {{{{{hugs}}}}}. I get you. You can have it ALL...and still have disquieting thoughts when you are alone. Everyone feels you are fine and that you should be able to forge forward...It's hard to do. They want you to feel "normal" again, but they don't understand the pain you feel. They just don't get it...but I understand.You think you are the Queen of crying...I am the Princess...so cry, stomp, throw something...but I thank God for my anti-depressant (Lexapro). It keeps me off the ledge. Hoping I am not sound morbid. I love you Ducky...you are a heck of a woman.
Sheri
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(((Ducky))) if you were my mom I would want you to live with my family. Perhaps you prefer your independence. Either way I am sorry you lost your DH so young. I worry about that all the time. I told my kids they better not let their dad become a hermit if I die. I don't plan on ever marrying again. I don't think DH does either.
I'm at the PS waiting for my appointment. I understand about putting things off. That's why my mammogram was 9 months late and only happened because I felt a lump. I am way overdue for my gyn appointment and I need to find a primary care doctor. I get really anxious and depressed so I don't do what I should.
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octogirl, the hoodie sounds perfect. Sheri I am glad you are getting the lumps removed. Still holding you up in prayer, Slow.
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Shorfi.......your not morbid, your honest.............you take a pill for something, it causes SE's, then they give you another pill to help the. SE's of the pill they already gave you tthat caused the SE's your having.............I am just not taking another friggin pill......and to boot your afraid to tell your Dr about how your feeling cause he is sure to say "here take this".......it will help..........I have already torn up a script for Prozac, and another for Xanax............last thing I need is another pill........so I will take the one prescribed by me, and anyone who is tired of this shit..........it's callled
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I asked for a 90 day supply...............LOL................
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I think I need a years supply.
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I just came back from haircut and picking up ginger ael, on the advise of the deli clerk I also got 2 huge chocolate cookies
Seems they will cure my dumb tummy but maybe they have more curative values?,
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I take so many meds and minerals that I dole them out in shot glasses for morning and bedtime. Down the hatch......
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I'm about to literally take a 1mg Ativan. I need to just chillax...just got finished cancelling hair appointment. I'm in no mood to be sitting under a hot dryer. I am going home to binge watch Law and Order - SVU. Just can't get enough of that show. I don't have much of an appetite today for some reason...
Ducky, Slow {{{hugs and prayers}}}, Chi, Tomboy, Sula, Octogirl, Proud, Molly {{{hugs to your dear son}}}, Lucy, Lisa {{{praying for you also}}}, Cubbie, Funthing, Italychik, Rain and a special big hug to my friend Katy
...I wish you all a beautiful weekend, calm nerves, be safe and pain free as possible. Love you all...and the quiet crazies tooSheri
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Ducky - you just simultaneously made my day/solved all CT problems - FUKITOL!! Hugs to you from my corner of PA.
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iris, I hope you feel better. I think those cookies sound like a cure for everything! Sheri, sorry you need to take the ativan. HUGS!! I made it through my PS appointment. I really, really like him. Sooo, he said since my TE side looks so good (!!!!) I can opt for implant instead of flap surgery. As long as I accept the risks that come with using an implant with radiated tissue. He suggested scheduled the prophy umx with TE and then 6-8 weeks later after I am filled we can do the exchange on both sides. I like this plan. I left a message for someone at the surgery office for my BS to call me. I think they must be off early today. Usually they answer the phone. I need to make an appointment with BS. I will also email MO to let him know my 2 week vacation has been successful. Okay, back to the treehouse to hide or maybe I will sit on the swing under the tree.
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hello to all lovely crazies!
I just talked to Mayor Beppy who, amazingly, is already home! The surgery went well and she has pain under control, so they let her have her own comfy home and bed.
She asked me to share some news with you. Though the surgery was considered a success, they did determine that the nodule (and another beastly sneaky one behind it) were determined to be a metastasis of her breast cancer. They got all of it, according to the surgeon, and because she had such recent scans showing only this one location, she us considered NED at this point. More specific path information, such as receptor and HER2 status are going to take about a week. So, for now, no discussion of further treatment is possible, and she is focused on recovery, and planning her and her DH's great cross country adventure.
Because of the warm and loving person that she is, she is very reluctant to bring pain and worry to anyone, and is as much worried about all of you hearing this news as she is for herself at this point. I assured her, as I was assured by Tomboy, that all of us here at bco, and especially here in Crazytown, are fully aware of the risks we take with our hearts when we love someone. In a place like this, we put ourselves out there for our beloved sisters, knowing sometimes we are the only ones who truly understand. And we can get bruised or scraped up a bit in the process. But the love and light we receive in return for this investment in each other is immeasurable. And together we get each other through it all.
Beppy loves you all and loves Crazytown. Please join me in lifting her up to whatever your "grace of choice" is today. Prayers, positive thoughts directed her way, a beam of psychic light. Her intentions are to live with intention. With love. Compassion for others and hopefully she will save some for herself.
We love you Beppy!
💗💞💗🙏🏼🙏🏼
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Slow, so sorry about the findings, but glad those son of a bitches are out. Fingers crossed for a great recovery and little pain, and don't be afraid to share at this site. You won't scare us away!
Hugs and much love today and always.
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