CRAZY TOWN WAITING ROOM - TESTS coming up? All Stages Welcome.
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((((Slow)))) Just shows that you were being watched over because you would not have known about the other "beastly" nodule if not for surgery. I am continuing to pray for you and please don't be afraid to share. That is why we are here in CT.
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Beppy, praying for love, light and full recovery from your latest surgery--and that those nodes are as far as it’s gotten. Hoping the post-op biopsy findings lead to as tolerable a treatment plan as possible.
ducky, I consulted the formulary for my Humana Enhanced Part D plan and couldn’t find Fukitol. Damn! (Maybe it’s listed as the biologic “Andthehorseitrodeinon”)?
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Funny, Sandy! Fukitol. That's great ducky. From now on instead of ordering the usual vodka ativan latte I'll have the barista throw in a couple of Fukitol, too.
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Katy (and tomboy): thank you for the update!
Beppy (and Katy and tomboy and everyone): as far as I'm concerned, while hearing bad news from someone I care about does cause pain....there's a caveat. You didn't do this deliberately. You didn't ask for metastases. None of us asked for any of this, thankyouverymuch. It's the not knowing that is anguishing. Please let us know.
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Adding my voice to the others....Beppy, we love you and are at any rate thankful for NED. Wishing you freedom from pain as you heal and hope you'll have a game plan in place soon.
Thanks, Katy, for the update.
Much love (and whatever chemicals seem indicated) to all...
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(((Beppy))). Wow, home already! Praying this surgery and whatever followup treatment comes next will keep you in NED for a long time to come. And I want to hear more about this cross country adventure, of course!
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Beppy, My heart is breaking at this crappy news. I hope you know just how many of us there are who are holding you up for every good bit of energy imaginable. We love you and nothing would want you to keep your sad news from us. Now you rest, let your family wait on you, and focus on that cross-country trip. When you need still more hugs, check in here, we'll be available. Then there's Ducky's new addition to the Crazytown pharmacy: Fuckitol. Love and hugs, Jan
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Slow, I am adding my voice to the chorus...I feel a bit (ok more than a bit) like crying but I've got Bach on the stereo, am safely home from my travels, and am thinking of you, Beppy. I am soooo glad to know you are home in your own comfy bed and that the pain is under control. Sending love,light and healing prayers for continued NED and for sensible, doable treatment plans. and of course, I will be waiting to hear all the reports from your trip since it is my dream to do the same thing very soon.
LOVE YOU!!! (((((((((Beppy)))))))))
and thank you Katy for the update.
Hugs to all of you, crazies
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(( Twinnie )) .. Thinking of you.. all day x
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Oh, Ducky, you are something else. You remind me somewhat of my mother. When you're just sick of it all, you are just sick of it all. At 80 and 95/100ths, you have a right to be as outspoken as you want to be. I agree with Molly, if you were my mother, I would want you living with me.
Katy, I am new here in crazy town, but I care and will pray for Beppy. I am sorry for her diagnosis, but glad they got it all. God bless her.
Molly, about crying your head off, until you get it all out, I understand. I had a time in 2013, after going through every scan known to man, every test, biopsied over and over, biopsied because a scar looked brighter pink than it should, talking to a team of doctors, a couple of times spending nine hour days at the hospital, I was just overwhelmed. I was alone at home, and I broke down and cried for I don't know how long. I cried so hard, I don't know what happened, but suddenly, I started choking and I could not breathe, I could not swallow. I honestly thought I was going to pass out and die. I struggled to get it under control, and finally did. It scared me so bad. Now, when I cry, I have to stop myself and do deep breathing, before I can get to that point. I think it could happen again. So, unfortunately, I have to be a reserved mad person in need of a breakdown.
I finally got up the nerve to call the doctor this afternoon. He told me that the complex cyst on my left kidney did not pick up any of the contrast dye on the CT, so it seems okay, and he will check it again in three months. So, that was good news. The whatever thingy on the right kidney HINTED that it may have picked up a bit of the dye, but he said it is just too small to characterize. So, he wants to check it in three months, too. So, I think that is good news, too. He said we will see then if it needs surgery, but for now, get my reconstruction done, and get healed, and we will see. So, next Friday, it's off to have the right implant exchanged for one with more projection (I guess it pokes out more), the left tram flapped breast lifted a bit to put it more in line with the right one, then a tram flap revision, because that surgery left me with a package. Then, out comes the chemo port. I will be so happy to wear my white t shirts this summer with chests that are even rather than one low and one high. It just looks better when they meet somewhere in the middle. Then, I don't know when, I will have some nipples done. I sometimes feel so vain when I think about all this stuff being done so I like the way I look.
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Lisa......I get exactly what your saying.........crying jags are a way of life sometimes for me.........I have no clue why......I think it is the lonliness.........24 years of living alone can be brutal at times.....I don't care how many kids you have, or grandkids, or great-grandkids...........everyone hs someone.........your the one with no one to go home to....it sucks..........My daughter's mother-and father-in law will be married 60 years this June......they got married 1 month after I did........they can't stand each other......she is a wimp, can't do shit for herself, and he treats her like she's a dummy.......and she takes it......he left her for 2 years many years ago, then came back......her husband is the same age as mine would have been............mine died at 57.......Pancreatic cancer......many ladies know the story already so I won't bore the thread with another post about it.......
This is just not the way I thought my life would end..........again it sucks......how dumb is this.....I stopped going to church because I could not watch all the "gray heads" coming to church with their husbands and at the "peace offering" would have someone to kiss on the cheek.........how stupid is that......and even the hymns would upset me, and the icing on the cake was when they would sing one that they sang at my husband's funeral.......so I stay home........real dumb.......
Sometimes I like being alone.......but a daily diet of it is horrible.....I get excited when the phone rings, and like a nut if it's a robo call, or someone asking bullshit........again dumb..........
So life goes on, and I will be thankful for another day tomorrow and remind myself as I do everyday.........THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THEN ME...........HUGS.0 -
Oh duckyb, I wish you weren't on the opposite coast. I would love to be friends with you in person. Lisa, I am afraid to let go and really cry as well. I have been suppressing the majority of my grief for a long time. Sometimes it takes me getting angry to get me to cry. I think I am afraid that I will never stop.
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Katy, thank you for telling everyone. I knew you could do it! See, crazies, Beppy was worried to tell all crazies about her "bad guys", because she thought WE might get all worried for ourselves getting it again too. And I think that was the loopy anaesthesia leftovers talking, because: OUR FIRST THOUGHTS, and continuing loving big ol' huge beams of light and love, were for our sweet and gifted mayor. Because, well look what she did here, hammering up such a fine place! And inviting us ALL. Sweet dreams and restful peace to all
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Yes, Tomboy, I have to say, I will always be grateful for our Mayor and all she has done for me and for this group. This world needs a whole lot more kindness of the type that comes so naturally to her. Beppy for President! :-)
Beppy, I hope you slept well and are feeling less post-op pain this morning. Keep on top of those drugs and enjoy letting your family take care of you while you heal. Try not to worry. Know you are loved.
Ducky, know you are loved too.
xoxxox to all.
Octogirl
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Hi everyone,
So many things happen while dealing BC. It's such a stressful way to live somehow we are doing it. Some doing it different than others. Having all the positive energy from this forum helps . I know because while in denial you need to know life is happening.
Big hugs to all. I fill a little out of touch. I'm feeling a little defeated and discouraged that I need to take ibrance and faslodex.
I'm not sure but it feels I'm hitting my cancer milestones to quickly. I keep telling myself I'm ok. Denial maybe. Then I'm angry. Anxiety sets in every pain I get every deep breath, I take just so I can feel if I have wheeze.
Then I look at my skin thinking that every bump rash is skin mets. Praying that it doesn't travel to my eyes and take my sight because the love for life is so strong.
I feel like I've let everyone down. I'm no longer a strong warrior that is rocking cancer now cancer is rocking me.
It's calling the shots. Pissing me off. I'm on my way to pick up ibrance and I'm deathly afraid of it. Will it stop cancer from progressing to my vital organs gosh it's just in my nodes on the left and a tiny skin nodule between my breast???? I've exhausted myself and gave up my control. I'm sure the Dr's are right it's necessary but for how long will it work.
But on a better note I found my breast .
To turn back the clock is not a option we best kick ass!!!!
Hugs to all and thank you.😊 all.
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bebby, glad you are home and recovering in your own bed
Gee, think this is the reason to have founded crazy town so many folks to support you when in need
Ducky, stay up know I have lived alone for so many years but times you need to let folks know you need help,
So tummy is better but not ready for greasy food or really much of any food but can report the cookie and ginger ale cure seems to be working, seems there are a lot of,folks with this dumb bug, just jolly
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Proud....glad your feeling more like yourself.....I guess I am so use to being the "helper" I find it difficult to be the "needy one".......but this too shall pass.....
Fun.....I know there is a reason why you have the name you chose.."Funthing"......look back and try to remember why you chose that name........I am 5 years out.....a lot older then probably 80% of the ladies on here......I adopted Beppy......she is my Girlie...............
I think the most important part of moving on is to remember that nothing will ever be the same again........and learning to accept that as fact.......life goes on, and it can be good or bad........when I first got the news that I was "1 of the 2 in the room of 8 that statistics say will get cancer I thought my life was over"........after 5 years do I still wonder when the next shoe will drop......of course I do..........but I knew I had the courage to face it after making the decision to "stop my AI"................it took 4 years of being scared to even miss a pill and panic would set in when I would realize I was down the shore house with 1 more day to stay, and no AI was in the little pill holder..............................yet I pondered "stopping", but thought....you have to be crazy......I didn't order a refill, and one night I opened the bottle, and all the AI's were gone...........and I said "Well I guess this is the day I stop"............am I scared that I did the wrong thing.....your damn right I am..........Did I do the right thing..........Quality.over Quantity of life...........I have no clue.......but I did it........
So that is how we have to live this crazy life with cancer, that we did not ask for, but somehow were picked out of those 8 ladies in the room who were doomed to get it............Was it God's choice, was it something we did, or didn't do......what we ate, our weight, our age, our genes, .........as my husband said when he was asked after getting pancreatic cancer......"do you ever say "why me" about getting cancer"...........his answer was "why not me"............
So Funthing.......live up to that name that you chose........and everyday make a choice to belive that your a winner, and "YOU HAVE CANCER, IT DOES NOT HAVE YOU'...........hugs to everyone, and anyone who is thinking today...........Why Me...............you were just one of the 8.............hugs
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Ducky.. What a wonderful post from a very wise lady.!!
Fun (( Hugs)) .. We all know how you feel.!
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Ducky, you are an inspiration to everyone who knows you! I'm just sorry that some days are way worse than others. Don't know how you go on, after losing a Husband... I am still so lucky to have him.... married in 1957.... And I still think he is just the cutest thing! We are together almost 24/7..... And that's good for both of us....
And giving up your Shore House is just one more thing that hurts your heart.... Your life has been beautiful and full.... Your family all loves you, I know.... but we can't spend all of our time with them....
My older friends.... she's 91, moved into Assisted Living with her DH.... Well they didn't live in the same room, which was a GOOD thing... Ha! But he finally passed away, and she has been on her own.... But she is like a Butterfly! She is happier now, than I can ever remember seeing her.... We were neighbors when I was growing up....
NOW she is on her "committee"... for whatever, plays Bingo, exercises, bosses the other women around, and takes part in their "Happy Hour's" and some of their other activities.... She sounds so HAPPY! And yes, tells them all off when she feels like it.... But it changed her life..... She is the boss in her own world.... Cranky little Italian lady.... and the funnest person to be around.
Ducky, don't be sad.... it's okay to cry.... I'll cry with you, for what we used to be.... just know that we all care about you.... You have always had a special place in my heart.... And what about your Pilot? Give HIM a call, dagnabbit!
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Thank you.😊
Ducky I needed that It's hard not beat ourselves up .
My name I chose was funnything but fun thing sounded more positive. I thought it strange at the time to be so lucky that both my sister I received the cancer bomb 1 year apart she is younger than me . She is doing well
in situ 0 nodes. I found my cancer by falling. I should of come up with a better name. Lol but fun thing is better than its a bummer.
Beeps I hope a quick recovery.
How did everyone sleep after your surgeries. Recliner for me. It was awkward. I have a memory foam bed. I bought one of those pillow things with arm rest. I put that on my bed then proceeded to lie down. Oh what mistake. I was stuck. I had to send in the troops to pick me up. I felt like a baby seal waddling on the beach but not getting anywhere.
Hang in there all who have just had surgeries.
Lucy thanks for the hug. Global hug.
It must be a cool place to live.0 -
Ducky, although my situation isn't quite the same, I understand about the loneliness. I had relatives in town last week and we were doing something almost every night, and it was such a different life having people around all the time. It's quite a shock to go back to "normal" life after that. It wasn't my plan to be still be single at this point in my life, and what little odds there were left of me meeting someone at my age have been wiped out by cancer. I totally get the the thing about going places and seeing couples everywhere. This isn't what we planned. I do have people around at work five days a week, at least. I imagine it must be quite lonely to be both retired and single.
Tomboy, that is so like Beppy to think of everyone around her. But she shouldn't fret about making us worried, because I was worried long before this. That's why I'm in CrazyTown in the first place, after all! I imagine others feel similarly. I am mostly worried about her! I'm hoping for an easy recovery from this surgery and praying her MO will make a great plan for her once all the results are in.
Funthing, I want to hang that quote on the wall - "To turn back the clock is not an option we best kick ass!" I don't feel brave, but I go on because there is no other way but forward. I'm hoping your new drug combo kicks that cancer to the curb!
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Katy - thank you so much for updating. (((Slow))) thinking of you - please heal well and rest well and take care of yourself. We are here for you.
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cubbie, it certainly is dif to be single and retired but actually it is fine to me
I saw a gym pal who is a sweet woman whose husband is stage 4 and nasty to her. I feel so sorry for her and can only offer her friendship. It would be nice to be married but only if in positive relationship
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I've thought about that, too, Iris. It's better to be single than in a destructive relationship. Hopefully those aren't the only two options, though!
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Molly, I wish I had some advice on what I do when I'm at the end of.... well, everything! I'm way deep in the hole.
I've been just sad and barely able to move. I don't want to get out of bed. I've been crying a lot, which must be terrifying my DH because I'm not usually a crier.
Ducky, When I first joined the board, you made me feel welcomed. I treasure your advice, especially since I don't have wise women around me!
Katy, thanks for the update on our mayor. You have such a way with words.
Tomboy, You nailed it with your post! My thoughts are pretty nasty and dark right now because I don't understand why our kind, thoughtful Beppy has to deal with this latest crap.
Beppy, I hope you are having an easy recovery from your surgery. I'm glad you get to spend time with your family. When you are feeling up to visitors, I'm coming over! :-)
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I've been 'lurking' here for a while and so appreciate you ladies. I'm really down right now, one chemo left, then surgery and rads.
Val
I'm just outside Charlotte NC
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Good morning, crazies!
Beppy, hope you are pain free and resting well in your home. And that stretched-out pocket isn't too uncomfortable when you roll over. As you know, you've created this warm and welcoming online home, so please do take advantage of it.
Lisa, so glad you can go ahead with the exchange surgery, and kidneys can just be on watch and wait status.
Iris, glad you're recovering. Stomach bugs are the absolute worst!
Ducky, you know we all love you. It's hard to be alone, even if you do have plenty of social contact. Maybe we'll have to try for a south jersey/philly crazytown meeting one of these days (looking at you, Iris/Sheri/Christine/Pennsylgal).
Funthing, love your "to turn back the clock is not an option...." So true!
Cubbie, likewise your "I don't feel brave, but..." Also true! We just do what we have to.
We are truly blessed with the perfect spring weekend, after a damp and gray winter and spring. Went to a library book sale yesterday, treated DS and myself to pizza, had a meeting of the core group for my CSA (less than two months 'til it starts up again!) and ended the day at a jazz festival in Queens, where my DH was playing in the band of his friend who organizes the festival. Also talked to one of our greenmarket farmers, who has already lost much of his apple, peach, and cherry crop to late spring freezes. His attitude? "Well, I put in some more peas yesterday, and we're going to have to step up the tomatoes and pumpkins." His resilience is rather inspirational.
Love and hugs and a peaceful Sunday to all!
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Valstim, I got distracted and forgot to say welcome! It is such a long process--congratulations on being nearly through chemo. One step at a time....
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Poppy- sending you a hug. Sending you a bucket of them, in fact. It's a renewable resource, and you keep reaching into the bucket whenever you need one. You must not listen to people giving you advice on parenting. They don't know. Teenagers are tough. I was terrible. I think there are many here who have struggled during these years. You will come out the other side. There are reasons we fall into the hole, and sometimes there is no reason and it's a struggle to find even the smallest joy.
In these darkest of times, when neither meds, nor therapy, or a good friend, a good book, journaling exercising, crying, or any other remedy seems to help, just try to hang on and remember the tide will eventually turn. Breathe and try to find your center. Tell yourself you can neither be happy forever or unhappy forever. It will get better. Maybe not like you were before, or how you hoped it would be. But better.
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Val- I wanted also to give you a welcome of your own. One chemo to go! Yay!Treatment is a long hard road. Pull up a chair and hang out with us. Thank you for coming in out if the shadows to say hello. Make sure you always wear a shirt with pockets so we can hop in and offer some reassurance when you need it.
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