Fall 2015 Rads
Comments
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Pamela: thank you for checking in with such a good description of what you're going through--I've chickened out about pictures. My sympathies about the irritation! not to mention the change in breast size/texture. One side, its normal squishy swaying self, the other like Silly Putty in January, and maybe a cup size smaller.
Though at that, I'm pretty firmly in the "got off easy. Really easy" category. No skin breaks, wore my own bras through most of the treatment, seams and all.
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Pamela...I'm kinda like you. A little darker black in the armpit. You're right, the radiated breast does get warm. Being a self-proclaimed Geek, I bought a non-touch surface IR thermometer. My first week, my rad boob was 1-2 degrees F warmer. Week 2 was 2-3 degrees. Week 3-6, it peaked to 6-7 degrees higher. I equate heat to damage, so I used a cooling towel on it everyday after rads. It really helped. They say don't use ice cause it may damage the already fragile skin. Look for "Polar Pad" on Amazon. I also swore by my CVS AfterSun aloe with Lidocaine that was recommended by my rad tech . My tech suggested putting it in the refrigerator.
27/28....Ringing the bell tomorrow.
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Thanks, Keys-Plez. My husband uses those when he works in the yard so we have them! I was looking for something not too cold. The ice packs I have from the biopsies are covered with a sort of cloth and don't feel icy cold to the touch. Congrats on tomorrow!!!!
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Thanks for the video and photo!
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i started today. 1 down! I hated even second of it. I hate it more than I hate chemo. Total head trip in that room by yourself with the sound of the zap.
In more positive news...I only have 33 treatments not 35.
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Tresjolie: numbers updated, and that room sure as bleep is LONELY. You're absolutely right there. I can't address the physical side effects of chemo, not having had it, but I'd appreciate input from ladies (and the occasional gentleman) who's undergone both: which is worse, psychologically, once you've actually started undergoing treatment?
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yay tresjoli! It's kind of nice when you have fewer than you thought, huh? Remember, Hester the proton canon is your friend...she wants to help you! Even if she does do a number on our hides...
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I finished #20 out of 30 today. As promised, pictures every 5. As you can see, one was looking in the mirror and reversed
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Thanks, Kbeee. Still looking pretty good! How are you feeling?
I meditated all through the chemo and radiation treatments, and didn't really have the fear, loathing, or aversion so many people experience. (It helped that I didn't have nausea or diarrhea from chemo.) Basically, as soon as I got into the chair or onto the table, I started meditating and concentrating on my breathing, and didn't stop until I was up and out. I also smiled all the way through every radiation treatment because research shows that facial expression, even if deliberate, influences mood. So I can't really answer which is worse, because they were both okay for me.
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Great job on video Keys-Plez! I have never seen what happens because my face is stuck down in a hole
Yeah, it kind of is a freak show. I will be face up for the last four. But at least now I can make sense of the sounds. 0 -
Horsegirl.. My face isn't in a hole, but it's turned to the side buried in my opposite armpit. I couldn't see much. I never realized how high up I was and didn't know I was being shot from underneath the table...thru the table! I just took the video today. It was an eye opener for me too. But in a good way. Doesn't it feel better to know a little more?
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queenmomcat,
Is that a common side effect of radiation? that you will end up with the radiated boob a size smaller than the other one? My RO didn't say anything about that amount of shrinkage!
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Pamela....Love You and Bless you for making my day! Your googly eyes description was perfect and especially since I'd had a stressful day--really helped me to put everything into perspective. Which is: this is a hell of a experience that we are going though. All of us. Each of us. And it can be so intimidating, and doubt-raising, and LONELY. (apologies as I step on my soapbox)
This is Breast Cancer. A focus on our breasts, part of our sexual organs. There is so much pink, and also so much seriousness, but really, there is a basic need to feel okay....like we are okay despite this diagnosis. I guess what I mean by "okay" is, If we are stage I or IV, I think there is still a need to feel like ourself-our own personality, humanity, fragility, and entity.
Anyhow, when I imagine telling that google-eyes story to the friends who know that I have cancer, most of them would chuckle. Some with big guffaws and snickers. But I imagine many of them would have a look in their eyes--that sad look-wondering if it was appropriate to laugh with me. But here, on this board---well it's so freeing. And sorry this is just a long-winded way to saying thanks! I get it!
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I spoke to my MO this morning and go some answers about why we take rads and chemo. The next conversation will be what are the stats onrecurrence with and without rads for me. And if I chose not to take rads and did have a local recurrence would the treatment and prognosis mirror this time around? He did tell me that if I take rads this time and there. Is a local recurrence they will take the breast off. I suspect I would get chemo again too. Lots to think about
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Pamela that looks painful. It's very helpful for me to see and hear what you all experience. Keys-plz, thank you for sharing your video!
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Keys Plez, that video is really cool!!!!! I knew they shot me from behind to get the axilllary nodes, but I never knew there was another part of the machine that stuck out! Really cool to see.
Ksusan, I am tired from working crazy hours, not sleeping well, and trying to keep up with kids' activities. My skin is uncomfortable but not horrible. I just wish I could sleep better! I too try to go in with a smile each day. I count to distract myself. Nevertheless, when they take my BP weekly, it is often around 156/96...way high. I took it at work last night.....120/72. Apparently I do not do as good a job at relaxing while thereas I think.
On the subject of sore throats, I only made mention of mine to my RO when he asked about weight loss and I noted my throat was a little sore so I was not eating the best. He told me then it was because it was in the radiation field. I had not known that. I am getting supraclavicular nodes though, so that's why throat/neck get some. I also think that radiation can make any reflux worse and that can contribute to sore throat
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so having experienced both chemo and now rads...I find chemo physically draining, and rads emotionally draining. Chemo is on the 9th floor, the penthouse overlooking the city. Someone hands you a warm blanket, there's a TV by your side...your friends can come sit with you and hold your hand. Someone comes by with ginger ale and a sandwich, and you make friends with the other patients in your time slot. Afterwards though, you feel like shit.
Rads to me is the polar opposite. Phooey. Completely isolating head trip. But physically you feel ok afterwards (at least for now) Getting off the train for #2.
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I received my Oncotype score (17!) - no chemo so I start Rads on Monday! Yea to getting this bloody show on the road.
I've been so scared of having to have chemo that I've not really thought too much about radiation. Now that it's Monday - eek. What should I know? Any prep other than moisturizing as much as I can between now and Monday? How fast will the fatigue set in? I've got a busy work schedule for the next few weeks... (I'm doing 3 week plus two). Do most people just continue to work no problem?
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Sweetmamaj - I'm glad I made you smile! You've got to keep you sense of humor through this or you'll go crazy. My husband and I keep finding things to laugh at as we go through this.
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Wildflower: sorry! didn't mean to panic you like that. In fairness to rads side effects, I was already down maybe half a cup size already as a result of two lumpectomies. Rads just finished the size change. (Seeing the plastic surgeon in a couple of weeks. Gonna sit firmly on his head about reducing the OTHER side, if only to make bra shopping easier.)
Capippy: hoping others will chime in as well, but I (admittedly on the 'got off easy' end of the spectrum) did just the Aquaphor regime, in a somewhat desultory fashion, prior to rads. A handful of us did feel an initial uptick in SEs in the first 2-3 days, but the fatigue didn't land until week three for me. I'd suggest doing something nice/engrossing for yourself this weekend.though a wide range of things that could be--anything from a massage or facial to setting in (spring) bulbs in your garden to 'borrowing' grandchildren for the weekend to re-seating a toilet.
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This is how I feel about rads right now Even though it really has nothing to do with cancer, the chorus resonates. Sore throat, check. Itchy, plugged ear, check. Disinterested RO, check. Actually I love the man. Mostly because he has the mellowness of an ultrarunner. I think rads are so hard because we have lost the rage and fear that got us through chemo. At least I have. The warrior spirit is tired, the war shave is growing in. Its battle fatigue. Yup. I have no rage left right now. Just fear. Which is funny, because my sister's husband is a minister, and he was talking to me right after chemo about how I will have to take time to grieve what I've lost. I was just to agro and hopped up at the time to listen. Huh. Wonder if that's what this is? Sometimes, when I haven't had enough sleep in 6 months, I like to psychoanalyze myself. So anyway..
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Queenmomcat and Keys-Plz, Is today the day?? I hope congratulations are in order and the bells were ringing loud!!!
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screen name: ankledolphin. why many ask....
stupid tatoo i got senior year of college is a dolphin on my right ankle and later that night out drinking someone asked me what i got, and all i was able to say was ankledolphin....
so it kinda stuck!
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Keys-Plez, THANK YOU for posting that video! And thanks to others for posting pics. I have my rads consultation next week and presumably will start getting zapped a few weeks after that. All, along I've been more nervous about rads than chemo. I expect that my experience will be like that of tresjolis, chemo emotionally easy and physically hard, and rads the reverse (oversimplifying, of course). The video doesn't exactly allay my anxiety about the rads, but at least it demystifies the experience. It reminds me a lot of MRIs, which are lonely and loud.
On another note, I went to my high school daughter's back-to-school night last night. Was afraid to say hi to acquaintances, for fear they wouldn't recognize me. Most people didn't know about the cancer and certainly hadn't seen me with no hair. I was never comfortable with a wig so was faced with wearing a cap or venturing out with my wispy white fuzz. As much as I like to think it's long enough to be a bold "do," it's really not. Plus, there's the no eyelashes/eyebrows thing. I've occasionally bumped into people over the past 5 months who haven't recognized me, so I don't think I'm crazy for worrying about that. And, I'm an introvert, so kind of want to be invisible but make quiet connections at the same time, anyway. Kind of hit a bunch of vulnerabilities at once. Yuck.0 -
Sweetmamaj...I'll be ringing the bell this afternoon around 4:30. #28 and will be done.
capippy.... How many are you doing? I worked all the way through rads. I never missed a day. I scheduled my rads for after work so I could go home afterwards and cool off and soothe my boob. On 2 occasions they rescheduled me for a morning slot (because of machine maintenance). I went to work afterwards. I did not like it at all. They frown upon removing your clothing at work. ;o)
Tresjoli..It is a head game. Especially the first week. It's the unknown and hearing all the frightening stories that your "friend" put in your head. Things like what happened to so-n-so, from somewhere else, that had rads, got pregnant and delivered a litter of kittens. WTF? You know who the "friend" I'm talking about. After the first week, mentally it gets easier. It becomes routine and you spend more time talking about what you did over the weekend than your procedure.
If it helps I made a video of one of my sessions. The way I was positioned I couldn't see anything. My head was turned and my face was buried in my armpit (on the good side) for the entire procedure. I edited to cut out the longer wait periods. The original video/session was 12 minutes. Once I saw my video, it helped me understand what was going on and the sounds the machine was making. Good Luck ya'll. And Happy Rads.
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thanks for the video, so interesting. I disrobe before I get on the table, a bit unnerving since the room is freezing. Today they gave me heated towels. There's been 3-4 techs each time with much lining up to start and I put my arms up over my head. I also count to get thru and there's music.
I'm down 4 out of 33, my boob is red already and I'm tired. Rads so far is not as hard as chemo. Chemo was 18 of TCHP with herceptin till April every 3 weeks. The SEs were tough from hairloss, eye issues, major body pain and more and others have it worse. I agree that due to the actual sessions in which friends and family come with and provide comfort it felt less vulnerable than radiation. I wish my chemo place had TVs and gave out drinks.
Congratulations to those who finished!
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I just want to say how much I love all of you. No one IRL has any clue what I am talking about or going through. But all of you dear ladies, you get me. And that makes it better.
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Keys, Congrats on finishing! I am down to single digits now. 9 left. My color changes daily now. I an thankful for the weekend off.
Rads has been easier physically than chemo for sure, but I would agree that for me it has been mentally more challenging. I had to rearrange my whole work schedule to meet their schedule, the drag of going right smack in the middle of the day every day, and the unknown of what's to come. When you're finished chemo, you're so excited to be "done" but with starting rads 2 weeks later, there's really no "done" and no time to celebrate. I think with chemo, after the first round my side effects were predictable, so I could plan. With rads, you have no idea if/when you will peel, blister, wet peel, etc...or just remain pink and skate through. It makes it very hard to plan anything, and I think that drives me crazy! That also is why I have been posting pictures...so people who come after me have a little more idea of what comes when. None of my friends who went through it could remember when different effects started; they just remembered how they felt/looked at the end and how long it took to heal.
Right now it changes by the day. I am much more colorful today than I was yesterday.
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KBeee...I'm not done yet. I'm sitting here counting the minutes. I can leave work in 52 minutes. I can't believe how anxious I am....or is it excitement? Or is it just because it's Friday?
Either way....49 minutes till I leave.
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Rang the bell today. (cheers tiredly) Fifteen regular treatments and three boosts--4.125 cGy for the regular ones and 900 for the boosts. Not that much difference in total cGys--275 vs. 300--but the boosts were over a smaller area..
Still no superpowers. Cant even use the irradiated area as a flashlight. Hmph.
But a bottle of champagne's chilling, for what I consider a proper celebration.
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