January 2017 Surgery Group
Comments
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Hi Shoregirl glad your exchange is behind you! Hope the pain eases off soon. Oh it feels so good to know the squishies will be softer than the Turtle Shells!
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advice please: so i told maybe 3 people plus my family about the whole breast cancer thing. i didn't mention it to anyone in france. so last night i went out with one of my best friends, and he says, 'well, you seem fine. i have a friend with breast cancer and it went crazy in all her lymph nodes and she had to have chemo, but she is a real fighter and went to a major cancer center and she is doing better now. but i have this other friend with colon cancer and he went to a small local hospital and ended up dying.' there was no 'oh my god, how awful for you, how are you doing now. is there anything i can do to help?'. like zero. wtf? its not that i want a pity party, but SOME kind of acknowledgement would be nice. i think he thinks i was just home in CA having a grand old time. do i: a.) just let it slide, and know that my new zen mentality includes forgiveness. and how can anyone really understand someone else's trials. OR b.) bring it up again and reinforce that the reason i was gone for 5 months was to get treatment which was neither fun nor free. my gut says let it go and move on. its my journey not his. but my immature self wants some kind of validation from him. i know you girls are worried about more important things like finishing rads and having more surgeries, and healing skin issues, but id love a moment of how you deal with people who minimize your experience - has that happened to anyone?
xoxo
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Yes!! Annoyingboob! I have told very few people as well. As a matter of fact my parents and most of my family do not know. Just a few close friends and some of the people I volunteer with. My DD always seems to forget I'm busy kicking cancer's ass. Its lIke no big deal you have radiation and new medication. Oh yeah and I have some lymphedema and cording from doing to much to soon. I had said to a sweet friend that sometimes I felt guilty because my cancer wasn't as bad as another friend's (she was herr+) that sweet friend stopped me in sentence and said cancer is cancer! That my diagnosis was just as worrisome as anyone else. Not to cut my self short! I almost wish I had made my diagnosis public so my small victories could be celebrated! I think you have every right to feel the way you do! I got your back! #canceris cancer #ptsdisreal #we are sister's here
MUCH LOVE TO YOU!
Teresa
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Lovely, fun A-boob... If it was just a "friend" making the comment, my advice would be to let it go, but as it was one of your best friends, the next time it comes it (as it seems to unfortunately whether you like it or not), I would just let him know that hearing stories about people that had cancer and died is not helpful or empowering to someone living with it. Also comparing people's journeys really isn't fair, maybe his other friend doesn't mind discussing the trials that you have chosen to go through silently. Also, that it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life and will worry about every little twinge or pain that the cancer has returned. You have been forever changed. Maybe someone else will bring up the Big C in is company and you can share your journey and he'll be enlightened.
I'm at the point, 10 months into my journey that more people are finding out about my diagnosis. I am out and about in larger groups more with Kid's sporting events and although I always wear a hat, I hate the wigs and now that I have hair, I go without the wigs, but as my hair was halfway down my back (at its shortest, never above my shoulders), it's a bit obvious that something has changed. I am honest about it when asked, so little by little my "condition" (as it was referred to yesterday) is being disseminated among our community. That part I hate. I don't want to be "the lady that had BC" I just want to be "me".
I think people get nervous and flustered when they find out or deal with someone that has been "sick". They just lose their shit (I mean sensibilities), and become stone cold idiots and tend to just vomit out of their mouths without thinking. My policy now is to say what I feel at the time... for those that care, they will learn something and may treat the next person they meet in our situation with a little tact and compassion.
Most importantly, WE know what WE have been through. Not even our caregivers and loved ones, understand the sleepless nights, worrying about how to care for our families when we should be taking care of ourselves, the dread for the next test, the toll chemo and radiation took on our bodies, both seen and unseen, the countless doctor's appointments, blood tests, body scans, the surgeries, the missed holidays, birthdays, etc. The fact that our diagnosis date will forever be embedded in our brains and all the rest that comes with it.
WE will never minimize what you have been through. Or the strength you had to fight through it.
Love all you Ladies for the strength and courage you have all shown to help others on a similar journey through one of our live's great trials. Thank you all!
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thank you friends. I'm a few days out from his comments and I'm pretty much over it. I was trying to have it both ways - keep it a secret AND demand sympathy. How can he understand anything I've been through if I just casually mention it after the fact? I think different friends have different purposes, and his purpose is clearly not to let me wallow, but to kick me out of the cabana and back into the real world. I appreciate him for not enabling me to use the C card. Beachbaby is so right - no one can understand this journey. Nor do I want anyone to have to. Rise above, head held high, with new confidence and inner strength.
I hope everyone is hanging in there - good luck Dcbc with your upcoming exchange!!!
Cowboy, how is skin healing? Have you started the big T yet?
Varga, I still don't know how you juggle everything you do!! Awe inspiring!!
Proud of you beachbaby for walking tall given your 'condition'. There certainly are awkward encounters, but at the end of the day, everyone wishes you health, they just don't know how to express it.
So may continued health and healing rain down upon everyone in the most torrential downpour, and may you open yourself to accept it and blossom anew.
Happy May!!
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pour toi, A-Boob...lol
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PugsMama - love it! Believe it or not as few people who know about my BC I have heard most of these! One friend on particular has said most of them!
Beachbabyk - last night I read your post and loved every word of it as well. It is exactly how I feel! I responded with a heartfelt post and poof it was gone...WTH! I had taken half a pain pill because my radiation spot is sooooo itchy it drives me crazy. I didn't expect to itch. It just started Saturday evening after 15 treatments with 4 left....I CAN DO THIS! So when the post disappeared I had no cognitive abilities left! Lol
Very rainy day in the mountains I might nap before I do the grandkid school pickup.
Have a beautiful day!♡♡♡♡
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Wow this convo must be happening among all of us recently... I was just telling my husband that I had a moment of pique over a similar experience, A-Boob! One of my friends was diagnosed within a month of me, but unfortunately has a more aggressive cancer with node involvement... a mutual friend basically said "well, she is REALLY sick"... she meant well, and of course, I am beyond grateful that I have a "sleepy little" cancer instead of a raging one... but it certainly is insensitive, isn't it?
Love the graphic, Pugsmama! Glad you are feeling less sore about the exchange, but agree with beachbabyk that when it comes up again, you should be perfectly honest about your reaction to the first conversation... with forgiveness, of course, and a dose of humor to make to go down nice and easy... a close friend will understand!
Anxiety levels rising as Friday approaches... but had a good meet with the PS this morning, and encouraged him to take as much fat as humanly possible when he does the lipo for the FG...
XOXO to all! Going to my Zen place now...
Susan
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pugsmama- agree, great graphic of cancer platitudes. May I never utter those to anyone no matter how brain dead I might be at the time! And forgive me if ever, ever in the past I ignorantly did so.
dcbd - so excited for your upcoming exchange! My PS visit was today - late July will be my exchange time and I am pulling for you to have a smooth & easy procedure and you have all peaceful days until then.
I just entered the land of 'overfill' and despite feeling kinda, no REALLY high and tight, it hasn't been painful. Just chucking at the thought of what I will look like at the pool with the kids next week - balloon boobs as high as my shoulders 😂. Does anyone know if they act like floats?
Oh varga- I do hope something helps your rads irritation! Give your skin lots of air. Such an insult but a necessary one. You really do amaze us with all you do, especially being mostly undercover with diagnosis and treatment.
Oh beachbaby - with warmer weather I'm sure wigs are not as good a your own shorter hair but I see how it must feel so different than your usual long hair. Trend setter for the soccer moms? You definitely paid your dues and I agree with responding how you're feeling at the time, it's our real, every day, can't step away from it, persist through it and win, life, dadgumit!
And dear annoyingb - you have been such a source of encouragement and humor for all of us! I'm sorry about your friend experience and I'm glad you have had some time to let it dissipate. If there was just a sign over us that instantaneously explained what we are going through so we didn't have to - that took care of the reactions from ppl.... my dream world again.
Love to all you ladies.❤️ Without you and our convos experience would have been so very, very different
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welp,my phone was stolen yesterday. not a big deal bc i changed all my passwords, but now some creeper has all my post op boob pics to rifle through!! ugh.
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Oh no annoyingboob! So sorry about the phone, but I must admit I got a good laugh out of the thought of the thief looking at your pics! That's why I didn't take any pictures of mine with my phone - all our pictures (mine, my kids, husband and even my mother in law because we pay for her phone) go up to the same cloud account and I always somehow wind up with everyone else's pictures on my photo stream. Didn't want to shock the kids when they browsed through the pictures lol. I hope you get a new phone soon and that it's nicer than your old one. Dcbc, I just realized you're from Washington DC (duh). My husband and I were just there for a few days for one of his conferences. Had a great time touring around looking at all the monuments! Good luck with your exchange surgery on Friday!
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DOC MAMA!!! How long are you here?! I WANNA SEE YOU! I work near the monuments... 9th and E NW.... I'll DM you my phone number, if you have time for a coffee or sandwich, hit me up!
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I have not checked in for awhile and I've been really missing you girls! It's good to hear some of us are to final implant and FG already. I like to know what to expect. I'll get my TEs in June, not really looking forward to having those in me but at least I'll have some boobs. Just cruising right now.......living life and waiting for all chemo to be out of my system. We are going to Outer Banks North Carolina with all of my husbands family soon. I will try to have fun but I'm not allowed to use hot tub, I doubt I'll want to put a bathing suit on, I can't drink like I used to to........ I guess I'll read and shop lol!! Life is good. It really is. Love you all !
3Bears
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There this thing goes again. It's not until after I post that I see maybe 10 more of your posts that were not visible to me before.
I'm sorry to hear about the insensitivities of some of our friends. My own step mother says things from time to time about someone's horrible outcome. ??? I don't need to hear that.
While I'm super looking forward to growing hair, that also is a concern of mine. At some point I'll stop wearing the wig. Then people will be like " I like your haircut. Why did you get it cut so short ?!?" I don't think anyone will actually say that but I've never had hair above my shoulders either and to go to a pixie cut will be odd. But Docmama rocks it so I know I can too!!
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yes Aboob .. people can be so rude and insensitive at times. Don't exactly know what to do about it! But yes , you have every right to be annoyed by this! As Vargadoll pointed our, cancer is cancer and we can be grateful we are handed a lighter load than some. I consider it a gift, but also have suffered severe anxiety over all that we have gone through and I am very empathetic to those who have been places I cannot even imagine. Ie: the chemo train! My sister from here are amazing and strong every single one of you. cancer devastates mind , body and soul! There is no part of this journey that has not been scary and weighty! I am still not completely cancer brain free. I always worry about every little thing now. I think it may be ptsd , and I know in time and through meditation it will get better! "Keep on keeping on ,"! That is all we can do . My prayers are always with everyone reaching and overcoming the many hurdles of this trial in our lives. 💗❌
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hi 3bears ,
Wow sounds like fun going to the Outerbanks of NC . You deserve a good break . Hope you are feeling well and ready to enjoy life a little. Reading and shopping sound relaxing as well . Love and hugs to you
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Hello ladies!
So much is going on!
Annoyingboob -dang! I hope who ever snatched your phone tripped over their own feet and got hurt! Dear Karma, don't miss this one! I didn't take any pictures of the girls before surgery. I wish now I had.
3bears - enjoy your trip to the outer banks. I'm in NC but on the other side lol I'm in the mountains.
Dcbc -sending good vibes your way! Healing thoughts and easy exchange wishes for you!
DocMama -you are so beautiful! I am so happy to see you enjoying life!
Elem- you have such a kind spirit. You always have positive things to say ♡
Tonight when I got to radiation I noticed a car with balloons tied to it in the radiation parking area (there is spots marked for rad patients only right up front ) when I got around the corner next to the car I saw a few people standing and sitting there and I realized it was someones friends and family waiting on them to come out. There was a bubble machine blowing bubbles, Celebration was playing and there was a big sign that had THANK YOU JESUS on her windshield. It was the most precious celebration right there in the parking garage. The family had been waiting 2 hours! The sweet young receptionist cued the family when the women was on her way out. It was her last day of radiation. If I could do this for each and everyone of you for your last treatment or surgery I WOULD!
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Elem you are so right about the cancer journey. We are forever changed not only physically but psychologically as well no matter what stage we are when diagnosed or treatment required Only those that have traveled this road can fully understand. I don't know what I would have done without BC.org and you ladies.
DCBC good luck with your exchange and FG on Friday. Tomorrow is a week since my revision and FG. I am feeling very good. The donor sites and area above my implants is very sore but only taking occas Tylenol during the day. Still take oxycodone at night more to help me sleep than for pain. Have still been a little tired I think from the anesthesia. Today was my first day without a nap since surgery! The compression garment is hot but it does feel more comfortable with it on. My boobs feel so much softer since FG. I actually mowed grass today on riding mower and could feel my boobs bounce a little. (I hope that doesn't hurt anything) It was a nice surprise,before they were just tight and firm. I sure hope the fat stays.
Please let us know how it goes. I am hoping it will much easier than your first surgery.
3Bears we live on the NC coast not far from the outer banks and we frequently go boating at Cape Lookout. I hope you have a wonderful time and can celebrate being cancer free though you still have recon ahead of you. The weather has been wonderful and water temp is a lovely 76 degrees Enjoy!
Much love to you all!😘
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good luck tomorrow dcbc!!!! The bar is open and ready for you!!! I love the pic you posted - the perfect spot to curl up and recover!!
I had a revelation. That cough I've been struggling with for weeks now? I thought it was radiation pneumonitis, but now I think it's just allergies, lol. Time to turn off my brain and tell it 'you are ok. You made it through. You can relax now.' That is, until the first follow up mammogram in November..... congrats to all of us on how far we have come. It's MAY!!!! New boobs are going in and you ladies will be back on track in no time!! We got this - home stretch!
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Hello ladies!
So much is going on!
Annoyingboob -dang! I hope who ever snatched your phone tripped over their own feet and got hurt! Dear Karma, don't miss this one! I didn't take any pictures of the girls before surgery. I wish now I had.
3bears - enjoy your trip to the outer banks. I'm in NC but on the other side lol I'm in the mountains.
Dcbc -sending good vibes your way! Healing thoughts and easy exchange wishes for you!
DocMama -you are so beautiful! I am so happy to see you enjoying life!
Elem- you have such a kind spirit. You always have positive things to say ♡
Tonight when I got to radiation I noticed a car with balloons tied to it in the radiation parking area (there is spots marked for rad patients only right up front ) when I got around the corner next to the car I saw a few people standing and sitting there and I realized it was someones friends and family waiting on them to come out. There was a bubble machine blowing bubbles, Celebration was playing and there was a big sign that had THANK YOU JESUS on her windshield. It was the most precious celebration right there in the parking garage. The family had been waiting 2 hours! The sweet young receptionist cued the family when the women was on het way out. It was her last day of radiation. If I could do this for each and everyone of you for your last treatment or surgery I WOULD!
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OMG I love the imagery of the friends and family celebrating some dear woman's journey... thank you Vargadoll, for sharing that!! Made me smile!
Alli, thanks for the update! Helps to know what to expect, and to hear that one week out you are feeling ok. God, I don't look forward to the sleeplessness.... I've finally started sleeping more comfortably!
Annoyingboob, love ya, sistah... did you ever think you would be happy to have allergies?!
XO, love to all.... next time I write, I'll have my perma-foobs! Still nervous, but ready!
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I had my post op exam Tuesday. Found out I was in so much pain because the PS used staples at the tail end of my "dog ears", he had to chase the scar all the way to just beneath my shoulder blades! I go back Monday for the staple removal, will see the PS, I saw the PA on Tuesday. She said I am healing nicely, and I am very happy with the results so far. I ate pineapple for 2 weeks prior to surgery and after, it is supposed to minimize bruising and speed healing. She also told me I could wear my regular bra (not underwire) instead of the compression bra. It is hard to find clothes that hide that ugly thing!! And she said I only have to wear the bra one more week, so after next Tuesday, if I want to wear a cute halter top or spaghetti straps, I can go braless!! Yee haw!! Of course I will wear a bra most of the time anyway and while sleeping. And the best news, my PS offers Botox at a reduced rate for his BC patients, $10 per unit. I have never had it, but I am treating myself to 50 units, mainly in my horizontal forehead lines, and a little in my crows feet.
Last night I soaked some gauze in Castor oil and Frankinsense and tucked it in my compression bra, then put one of those heat packs filled with rice you put in the microwave on my chest. Today, much less pain!!! Yay!!
Yes, I checked for myself, Vinny charges $400 per side, with a 6 month wait. I think I will let my PS do the tats, and if I am not happy with them, get on the list for Vinny.
Good luck DCBC, you are next right?? Pugsmama, enjoy your cruise!!! And please everyone, don't be nervous about the exchange based on my experience. We have gotten through the heavy demolition, so even though I had some more pain than I anticipated, it was still much less traumatic than the BMX!!!!! Be excited!! I am happy and grateful to have it behind me, and I really turned the corner by using the Castor oil!!
Hugs, Shoregirl
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I'm DONE! Last day of radiation!
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Vargadoll! Congrats! It feels great, doesn't it?! You are lucky that you had those parking spaces...My hospital didn't have that :-(
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beachbabyk - I'm so glad to be done! It's scary because. ..NOW WHAT??? The parking spaces where nice! They had several to so one was always available
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Congrats Vargadoll!
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Yay Vargadoll! It flew by, didn't it? Congratulations! Shoregirl, so glad you're healing well. I hope your pain continues to subside. I'll have to try the pineapple too when it's my turn.
DCBC, good luck tomorrow! I'll say a prayer for you tonight!
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I'm smiling ear to ear with all the updates!! Shoregirl, I hope you feel better once those staples come out! Varga, look at you, hotty!! Congrats on your grand finale - I would totally have a parking lot party for you!! Take it slow bc the rad effects linger a few weeks after and continue to lube up that skin! Dcbc I'm super excited for you, and hope your anxiety is replaced with joy at your final reveal. I'm filled with love for all you girls and immensely proud of our journey together! It's not over til the last girl crosses the finish line, but it's inspiring to see some view the light at the end of the tunnel. Follow the light ladies!!!
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