My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I’m not really afraid of death, I’m afraid of pain.
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I have my MRI today at 830. Not eating before the test as it takes me a couple of hours to want breakfast, also not fussing with myself too much either, just get the test, wait for the PT pick up which I set for 1030. If I get out early enough, might get a breakfast sandwich while waiting, I will see.
I slept pretty well, usually my body keeps me in light sleeping mode but this time, it did pretty well. Chores and main food can be done when I get home. Still have quite a bit of the mexican rice I made yesterday so will do something with that throughout the day, eating through a lot of beans and lentils. Probably add hashbrowns to some eggs for a potato vibe. Freezer does close on its own, I am gradually whittling down and once finished, will definitely prioritize what goes in. Fridge looks better too. I am glad.
I do hope everyone has a good day and in pockets for everyone who needs me.
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Good luck with your MRI today, @mara51506! Let us know how it goes. 🤗
The Mods
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I’m worried about leaving my kids and my sweet DH….. it breaks my heart to think that I’d be gone and not be there for my kids. I love them more than anything and I’m fighting to be with them. I want to love them for many more years to come,
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Mara In your pocket for MRI today and prayers up for stable.
Mel Hope your mouth is feeling better this week. I agree with you on death and my family. I want to continue to to support and help them navigate through this crazy life for as long as possible. Plus I'm sad for all the things I may miss, marriages, buying their homes, grandkid's etc.
sondra Hope you had a good rest last night after another long tortuous day! When's and where's your trip? I think I missed that post.
@shanagirl You literally just popped in my head as I'm typing…Hope your feeling ok and staying cool in this stinkin humidity! Can't wait until the end of the week or a break in the weather.
Buster has been loving swimming in the river and playing with so many other dogs when we anchor up. He is taking a break this week due to developing a hotspot that popped up last week. It's healing pretty well so hope to get him back out there this weekend. Lesson learned as a new Golden owner our Labs never had any issues. Ordered a great big shammy microfiber dog towel off Amazon to dry him out better.
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Mara - Good, good luck with your MRI! 🤞
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in pockets as needed. Love to all!
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Is anyone else as put off by Marie Osmond's TV ad? She says, "You know what sucks? Getting old!" She then goes on to hawk some supplements.
I'd love to send her a message saying, "Getting old does NOT suck! Dying young sucks! Not growing old because cancer is killing you sucks!" OK, rant over.
I woke up in pain last night. Breastbone hurt so much I couldn't get a breath. Now it's my upper back that hurts. O2 sats are OK, and, of course, I Googled pneumonitis last night. I don't think that's what's going on, but this hurts.
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@sunshine99 You are so right! It's all in the perspective. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I have been praying for you daily and will add this to the list.
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Mara - here for pocket duty. Hope everything goes smoothly!
Sunshine - that’s a disgusting ad. Marie should know better…..
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@cookie54 we are flying home to my parents in Wisconsin, so Ill be about 15 minutes north of Goldens actually. I just want to see my parents and spend the time resting - having someone else cook and clean and fuss about the two of us :) Depending on how I feel we may do some day trips as well, but honestly for this trip just sitting outside in heat and sun with a book or dozing sounds pretty ok :) - Buster sounds like he is having the best doggy time, and I love the idea of a giant dog shammy towel!
@sunshine99 when I had pneumonitis I didnt really have much chest pain just started to have shortness of breath on climbing stairs and feeling like I was about to pass out. This sounds like something else - are you going to contact your MO about it? I really hope its not met growth for you too :/
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sondraf Sounds like a great getaway to just relax and not cook is enough for me too lol!
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AJ. I'm with you. Not afraid of dying but yes afraid of pain. I've had enough already. I'm amazed how much some people suffer. Yuk.
Death and dying fascinates me in a weird way. The whole heaven and hell thing and a ton of other thoughts come to mind.
Sondra, welcome to Wisconsin even if only for vacation.
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@mara51506 Hope your mri went well. I love cod, and codfish cakes, gently friend in olive oil. Haven't had that in years. Yummy.
Sat. I went to humane society looking for Booty. It wasn't her. sigh. Fellow tried me to take another cat and I just couldn't do it. I want my kitty back. She has a collar with our addy and number on it. I can't believe someone wouldn't have notified us if she had died. She never roamed, fixed and fat, so happy to sleep on front chair.
Sunday I noticed it had been a few days since I moved my bowels. I am always constipated due to MS and of course all these drugs with side effect. It turned into a down right painful situation. Off the hospital. Tried enemas (like I haven't), tried suppositories (yet tried to, too) and miralx, sennekot, and I'm missing one. Anyway I had a bowel blockage and it was so excrutiatingly painful, I'd rate it 10. I just cried and moaned in my room alone. I finally found some relief in nonopioid pain relievers given in IV, and compazine. I vomited everything they gave me by mouth and enema was a waste. I'm home today, finally broke the blockage without surgery. I am so very sore in every rib and bone. About 4 hours sleep altogether in 2 nights. But I did find a tidbit that may help someone in future. DO NO USE METAMUCIL frequently for if you have bowel blockage problems. It gums up in hard stools. I was using it everyday to make up for fibre I was missing out on due to diverticulitis diet I was on. Well that's all heeled, so DH, make me a sandwich or get me a Philly Steak sandwich. Oh boy am I asking for trouble.
In your pockets for scans and lifes needs. So darn hard to hear about Shannen's death from breast cancer. And still we carry on.
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Irish, that sounds awful! I hope things keep moving for you.
I will see my MO next Wednesday. I’m getting tired of this.Mobile app is a pain this morning!
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Thank you for the pocket duty. I am hoping not to hear anything until an updated appointment I had to make in August. The MRI was just fine, paratransit was perfect, was able to get something to eat before pickup by paratransit.
I don't take anything to start my bowels after shutting them down as needed. I load up on beans, fibre one cereal, beefless ground and lentils. I do have meals that trigger loose stuff so when that happens, immodium is there and I take it before Herceptin and afternoon appointments as well. I do not have any diet restrictions that I am aware of so there is that, beans and lentils may not work as well for others if they cannot. Digestive enzymes help me a lot too. I was intolerant to peanuts before taking these but after I started, peanuts are no problem which I really appreciate.
Still have have some mexican rice left, those boxes go a long way, still working through fridge, freezer is reasonable, no tape needed. I do have some fish to have as well, cereal seems to be the middle meal and am enjoying it. Also need to keep up on the eggs as well. Might add to the mexican rice.
Going to do laundry in both washers, get it all done faster as I missed doing it yesterday, wanting to do a AC squick mop. Since I am useless to get the microfibre mop head on the vileda, going to attach two to each side, hold with elastics. Works fine and I have extra mop heads from SIL. I wear the sock mops as slippers now and if I see something on the floor, just pick it up or put one on my hand for dusting purposes. The mops won't last forever BUT they are rather useful.
Lastly, I was let go from my nursing program as I am healthy currently and have no need for extra calls or inhome visits but got a call for an in home appointment for services next thursday, should be interesting to hear what is offered.
I am in everyones pocket for scans, SE or anything going on, hoping everyone has a good day, hard to believe how fast the months are going by. Must say, the AC systems put in the apartments for the people who did not have AC really have made the hallway much better, not a problem to wait for paratransit inside if weather is hot.
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Oh Irishlove - that sounds awful. Glad things got moving. Thanks for the warning about Metamucil.
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Irish, I am sorry your kitty went missing, it is heart breaking. Since your info is on her, hopefully a kind soul will find her and call you. Glad she can be identified in your pocket as well as kitty.
Sunshine, in your pocket for MO appointment.
I finally bought a paper shredder, other one was broken by me trying to shred cardboard. Was as sharp as a marble when I tried that, that is for sure. Got virtually the same model as before. I can still recycle flyers but confidential stuff like hospital appointments or disability forms should be shredded, without the treadmill, can store it at end of couch, leaving plenty of space. Not a large one. Getting it on Sunday. Figured if I can swing another 100 washer, I can swing this on payments. Groceries are cheaper now that I shop my pantry and freezer to use stuff up so more freedom in the budget.
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Making up a large meal, found a box of frozen spaghetti by great value, 1.24 each, I put in 2 eggs, some beefless ground with beans and lentils along with beefless ground right on top of the frozen pasta, I highly doubt my ability to finish the meal so may extend into supper. The spaghetti says cook for 3.5 mins but doing 4.5 mins to account for other ingredients. I put all ingredients into the box as well then put on a plate. Will likely season with sour cream seasoning, I realize that I like eggs the most in these concotions.
Edited to add, the meal was filling, with all the creamy, took my digestive enzyme and 1 loperamide. Did add above ingredients with a little steak seasoning, some garlic powder and the sour cream. It has been split into two meals so second meal can have more stuff added like shred cheese or whatever, I know better than to overfill. At dinner, I will see what can be done with the mexican rice and the breakfast mix from this morning. I am also debating reusing the spaghetti package to put my own noodles and eggs and stuff as well, I will see how intact the package is after being soaked in the sink and cleaned out.
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Irish So sorry to hear of your obstruction, just awful! I can't even imagine how much pain you endured. So glad it is better and thanks for sharing about Metamucil! Hope its a restful day and St Francis leads your kitty home to you somehow.
Mara Glad all was smooth with paratransit and MRI visit. In your pocket as always for results. Yes will be interested in what the nursing program offers, glad they are sending someone for a visit.
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@gailmary I’m curious about death too. I’m not at all religious and I think our brain shows us what we want or need to ease the transition, which, if true, is very cool. I hope it’s a reunion with all my beloved dogs, then lights out. The ability to hang around a bit or haunt people would be a bonus but I’m not expecting that.
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Mae, I am curious as well. Not fearful of death itself, just how it may happen. Ideally, I would like my mind to be intact enough for me to send thoughts of family, friends and pets I missed and imagining seeing them again. I don't rule out anyone's belief about what happens after, faith is strong for a lot of people. I like the idea of retaining a ghost form after, like a force ghost from Star Wars and have fun with people in the family or visit and chat with friends or to torture criminals as well until they confessed.
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Irish - Just so, so sorry to read about what you endured and want to send some good vibes and thoughts your way. So glad the problem at least resolved and that you can feel better now. I can't imagine dealing with anything like that. I've read about blockages and vaguely heard about a couple, and it has always sounded like a terrible ordeal to me - looks like it is!
Also want to add my continuing sympathies re Booty. I sure hope you get some answers. Sending a hug too.
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Irish, does that mean you can eat better food now that the blockage is out? Other question, can you eat things with high fiber again to help things pass through, maybe put the high fibre stuff in the blender for a smoothie type of thing? I am glad the blockage was discovered for you.
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Mara, glad your MRI appt went well, and no problems with transport.
Cookie, I'm imagining the smell of wet dog in the summer, which is a smell I love. (Wet dog in the winter, not so much, lol)
Irish, oh my goodness, I'm so hoping you are feeling better. And Booty, please come home!
Sunshine, I hear you about feeling tired of this. It's exhausting. Really hoping your MO appt gives you good options.
I've gone ahead and arranged to have the upstairs of my house, where I do most of my living, repainted. It will require packing up all my books and taking all my artwork off the walls, but I will have help moving/lifting! I'll actually just be directing the helpers, so I can stand around giving instructions and sipping tea like a rich lady, lolol. I'm looking forward to fresh clean blank slate walls that I can start over with.
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Well, today finds us with cooler weather which is really nice, cool enough that I should be able to go for a walk, perhaps this afternoon to avoid fire alarms etc though I do want to get through laundry, only need to throw stuff in dryer, run a quick vacuum, cat box and break down more boxes for Sunday night recycling.
Not sure what I wish to eat, I know it will involve a hashbrown, done in the frypan in the breville and after that is made, will go from there. Other option is take another frozen meal, put an egg and have it with the precooked hashbrown, still have lentils and beans as well, maybe some beefless ground too. With the white milk I have, will make the pasta dry packs I have to keep in the fridge for other meals, I will see about that. I also have plenty of meat pies and fish left over as well.
Not sure if shopping today, if so, no groceries but would go for an extra walk. Also planning to resume regular bus rides as well, no way I should not be able to step down from the bus and it is free, mall walking is good for me.
Hoping everyone has a good day, in pockets for everyone who needs me as well.
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Mara enjoy your bus riding days. You have busy plans before you even walk out the door.
I had my PET scan Tuesday. It was disappointing that the excellent phlebotomist quit. After 7 years I was pretty comfortable with doing it because he never missed a vein etc. apparently the management changed and all patients prep has to be done in 15 minutes. The new people were running around from lobby to room like headless chickens. Of course I had to get 2 sticks and so did the next patient. We took longer than 15 minutes also bc we’re getting PETs so we have to drink and wait 45. We both complained. I dislike management when it clashes with a reality that they unaware of bc they’re so removed.
I got a swim in yesterday. It felt good but today I’m exhausted
@sf-cakes having your area painted sounds amazing. Sipping tea and directing sounds like a film should be made.
@irishlove im happy your blockage is cleared. I never heard that about Metamucil thanks for letting us know. Sorry about booty.
Ladies take care
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hoping booty shows up……
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tanya, how frustrating! This isn't a fast-food service line! You're there for a medical procedure which includes a needle stick! I hope you're not too bruised up and that your PET scan results come back quickly.
Waving hi to all.
Carol
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Tanya, I am also sorry that you had to get stuck twice. In your pocket for no bruises.
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