My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
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Oh, Mara, glad you are ok and that you posted again after the crying spell. Back on the horse, as they say. Anyone could have tripped on that sidewalk space. Glad you are ok and give yourself some time for the soreness to wear off, then get back to walking. I know you enjoy it. Keep doing what you enjoy.
My church had a "Dinner and a Movie" night last night. I went. It was fun. Good food---pork burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, cole slaw, and lots of good desserts. A nice time away from my house. Tomorrow is my MO appointment. I know my latest scan results--they were on the patient portal-- but I will meet with MO and discuss the results. I thank God I am "stable" for now and can continue the pretty easy treatment of Ibrance/Letrozole/Lupron/Xgeva combo.
Thinking of all my virtual friends--- Mae, Moomala, Rabbit, Sondra, BevJen, Mel, Grannax, Karen, Nicole, Philly, Pat. And anyone else I forgot to mention. The starting of another week---scans, treatments, doc visits. I pray for you all.
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Thank you Candy. My knees seem to be only scraped and do not feel like any soft tissue injury. They are not overly painful except for the scrapes of course. It was the fainting after the fall while I was sitting there that scared me. Good neighbours and my DB and SIL took care of me. I will work to strengthen the right leg as it is weaker due to me preferring to use my dominant left leg to ascend stairs. I will rest for today and decided on delivery for some groceries tonight.
I am glad to hear you had a good night out last night. That always feels so good to get out. So glad you enjoyed yourself and that you are stable now with decent treatment.
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Mae, I saw your post, and you have been on my mind. I hope you are resting comfortably and that your medical team has begun a treatment plan for the clot. It seems like you just can’t catch a break lately. Hopefully, you will be back on your feet soon, your body will begin to heal, and you can return to your normal, exciting, active life.
Hugs and prayers from, lynne
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Aww Mara... falling over, light headedness and crying is just part of the deal now I think! You could avoid it by not doing anything or going anywhere...but who the hell wants that? Far better to be the person sitting in the street greetin ( Scots for crying) with skint knees ( Scots for scraped) than the one who never leaves the hoose (house)! Good on you Missus!
Candy, with you and hopefully stable is your only news on your MO visit.
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Thanks Karen. I agree with you, not going to let that stop me. I could just as easily trip in my apartment as there is a half step up from my living room to kitchen. Never tripped yet and no reason for me to assume the same thing will happen. DB and SIL want me to rest but I will see if sore tomorrow. On the plus side I really only have skint knees to show for it. The faint was still concerning to me and willl tell MO about it. I also am glad it was not truly balance related as more to do with the forward momentum caused by tripping over side walk which was not super even. Going to keep strong as if I don't do it, I will stand more chance of falling over.
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Lynne~Always good to see you here. I also, am very concerned about Mae.... she’s been through the ringer but ended up having the best dinner of us all. You’re such a thoughtful Person. I always love seeing you here. Sending you love
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Dear Mara,
I'm glad that you are feeling better now after your cry. I have done the exact same thing (minus the fainting). A few weeks ago, I was walking with my daughter back from a coffee shop and I tripped and lost my balance. After I recovered from that, I did the same thing again in a few blocks. So it happens to all of us. I think I was a little bit tired plus, as you said, I didn't pick my feet up all the way and so I was getting caught on imperfections in the sidewalk.
You go, girl. You are an inspiration to all of us.
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True Dat! BevJen. Mara~ you really are a force to be reckoned with. I also have done things like that many times. Last year a good friend died of stage four intestinal cancer and I was walking up to the church, and I fell on the sidewalk face down and into my sons legs. Face plant. It was certainly me not picking my Feet up enough. I always seem to find myself hurried. Like if I don’t get this thing done I may never get it done. I end t down hard on my face and it was painful, my glasses broke my fall really and saved my teeth and eyes. I didn’t go into the service because I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself. I was bleeding from the nose and the mouth. It would not have been fair to my friends family. It’s wasnt about me. I am a clutz. Always was! Just so glad you’re ok.
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Oh Mel, that's terrible that you could not go to the funeral and I am glad that you did not damage your teeth and eyes. I was definitely not injured like you were. I just need to walk more carefully and although they say look ahead when you walk, I will continue to look down to see where the cracks are to avoid a fall. I am not normally klutzy, but cracks in the sidewalk are my kryptonite. I was more frightened of not being able to get myself up and then passing out after phoning SIL. No serious damage to me, just a couple of skinned knees. I treated myself to popcorn and chocolate.
I am glad that you are ok too. I will definitely be more careful but not stop walking outside and keep strengthening my right leg.
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Mel, Thank you for the kind words. I think of you often and read this thread sometimes. I don’t post much or even visit threads often these days. Sometimes it is goodto get a bit of distance from cancer. I have had some ups and downs this past year but am doing well. I just returned from Hawaii yesterday. It was a whole lot warmer there.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Mara, years ago I fainted on my way my car after a co-worker’s funeral. Someone led me back inside and put a cold wash cloth on my neck, etc. I was embarrassed and they were very kind to me. Why are we humans embarrassed for having things happen that can happen to anyone?
Candy, thats’s great that you got to go to the dinner and movie night. Isn’t it nice to do something *normal* rather than cancer stuff? A couple weeks ago I was invited to a girls’ night out and I was so excited. I had to try and put away that feeling of being an alien as I sat there with my non-alcoholic drink and these laughing women. I need to get out more.
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Thank you 50’s, I appreciate you checking in and wishing me well.
Mara, oh dear, that fall sounds scary, sorry you had to go though all that.
I’ve been on a heparin drip for 24 hours, it took the neurosurgeon and hematologists some time to agree on whether I should be on blood thinners or not. If the CT I just had looks good, then I’ll likely be out tomorrow to start a month of daily shots, then a pill after that. Hopefully, I’m done with all these set backs and can begin to get back to my old self.
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Yes, enough of setbacks. Crossing my fingers that you can get out of that hospital tomorrow!
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I fainted on a packed airplane, walking back to my seat after using the bathroom. Thank God it was after!
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Mae, I am hoping you get out tomorrow and without setbacks.
Thank you everyone for your stories. It makes me feel better.
I am not overly sore from the fall so going to get back on the horse today. It is beautiful and sunny and can't stay in all day.
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Morning all.
Mae- Hope you get back to your own home soon. Our own beds and familiar environment is the best.
Mara- Enjoy your sunny day today. Raining here.
I just needed to log in this morning to hear from you all. I had strong words in a phone conversation with my sister last night. Not going into all of it, but I just feel no one in my family understands what I am going thru. I was talking about my MO visit today, that I know the scan results but that the MO would discuss it and I would touch base with her. My family (not just this particular sister) acts like I am discussing a hangnail or that I am being a hypochondriac. Of course, I will go to the appointment alone, like always. Not nervous about today. Scans are "stable" again this time. I don't want my family boohooing over my cancer, but they could act a little concerned or act like they care.
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Candy,
Glad that you can find some support here. I'm with you -- sometimes people who are closest to us just don't seem to get it at all. Or they are purposely in such a fog that they don't want to get it, I think. Hope the MO visit goes well, and congrats on a good scan. Like you, I check my results before the MO appointment -- I find that I read the report maybe more carefully than she does sometimes.
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Family members are reasonably scared for their own lives, they don't know when their own shoes are going to drop, so it's typical to completely disassociate from the most unpleasant aspects of reality, it's what keeps them and all of us from going totally insane....except for us the constant checkups and tests, plus the aches and pains of progression don’t allow much disassociation. We tend to stay focused on the disease and worried about what's going to happen next...while they can forget about it and of course would prefer to not be reminded..
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Well, I jumped in the deep end of my fear of falling and went for an outdoor walk. Not a long distance, only about 15 or 20 mins. It may have looked strange to other people because I was almost marching instead of big strides, but I don't give a crap what other people think. I figure if I march most of the time, it will remind me to pick up my feet. I should do that with both feet as well since cracks and shuffling feet do not mix. Not sure how much this will affect my speed when it comes to getting to places, but don't really care. I am also practicing the marching around the house. I may also attach a small weight to my right foot to also remind me to lift it. These steps should be helpful as I am not anxious of a repeat performance of yesterday.
My SIL wanted me to rest today but I am not overly sore from yesterday. That was lucky for me. I am going to conquer my fear of falling as the fear is what will make me fall. Also going to stay close to home when walking over the next couple of days. Also will practice getting up from the floor more in case I do fall but going to wait a few days for that. I cannot stay in the house all the time and I can just as easily fall. I may also set up obstacle courses in the house to teach myself to be more coordinated. We will see.
I hope everybody is doing well, I will be in anybody's pocket who needs me, Mae hope you're out of hospital soon and getting to eat more. I am just going to keep walking around the block after meals for now.
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Candy~ sending you a hug my friend. Most people already live in the river of denial. They can’t face reality. So they avoid real issues and conversations. My son. Still thinks I’m not sick. I don’t look sick, so to him. I’m not. But even when I was bald and in full IV chemo he still didn’t seem to think anything would happen to me. It’s like he refuses to see it. A lot of people choose that path, it’s less painful!
Mae ~ you know I’m pulling for you to go home! But only If you’re ready. I want that clot to Hit the road forever. Thinking of you.
Waving to BevJen!
Mara~have a nice walk Sunny here also!
Shetland~I am thrilled to see you here. Honored actually. I’ve seen you here since I’ve first started. That means so much to me.Lynne~ Same with you.... you’ve always been a constant. I am sending good thoughts about your ups and downs, I also think of you often. You’re another OG. I adore you!
Santa~Hello there.... good to see you as well..
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Mara-Glad you are out walking again. Funny you should mention about the marching. Someone just told me that once we get older or weaker we should pretend we are marching so that we aren't just dragging our legs. I'm trying to do that a bit myself because I notice my legs tend to drag a bit. I walk much slower even when I think I am walking fast!
Mae-Hope you are home soon.
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Frisky, I agree with you. A cancer diagnosis has a way of bumping you out of the club where you were like everyone you knew and into a club you never wanted to be part of. The club of "Guess What, You're Going To Die. It's a pretty shitty club, the annual fee is pretty steep and the clubhouse is kind of ugly. It's hard for those around us to know what to do for us. I don't know what to do for myself most of the time!
Mae, I drop in to read hoping for good news. Sounds like you're steady and holding but still not back to where you were. Hoping with all my might you get there sooner rather than later.
Mara, I went out for a walk yesterday, risking my neck on our glare ice driveway. But the road was clear. As I walked (uphill) it became painfully obvious that I have packed on around 30 pounds in the last year, and NOT in love with myself right now and need to get out for way more walks. As I read about you wiping out on those heaved sidewalks (like any paved surface can withstand the extremes of Canadian weather, puhleeeze) I kept thinking of that song, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down" and now it's stuck in my head! I hope you are okay and good to get back in the saddle.
Hi to Micmel and everyone else who floats in and out of hte living room in a day.0 -
Runor, I am OK. Woke up slightly sore but determined. Adopted a marching style of walk that helps make sure both legs are lifting up and not shuffling. Been around the block a couple of times and feel pretty good. I am also doing a slight march at home to stay in the habit. It looks slightly weird to me but seems to work. Not willing to fall because of pavement cracks. Also not going to stay in the house when it is sunny outside. The funny thing was that the sidewalk itself did not have ice, I just did not life my right foot enough over the crack so it sent me flying forward. That is how I have fallen in any season over the past few years.
I can also sympathize about the hills. I don't like them either. Most of the places I go, it is usually mostly flat. When I walked the 8 km on Friday, there are a series of steep hills and valleys. I definitely took a few seconds to gather my breath and trudged up as fast as I could. My treadmill does not incline, it is a tiny one that folds up. I use it when I want to go fast but have to hang on for dear life. I will say, when on my way home and came up and down the hills again, my legs felt like lead. After sitting around a while at home, I felt really good though. Just going to keep practicing my march. When it snows, won't be so much of an issue, but when sidewalks bare, then I want to be in the habit of the marching type steps.
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Hello all
Mara just to chime in on the falling I took a tumble last year. Tripped on the sidewalk.
chicagoan after my fall I consciously lift my feet 🦶 like I’m marching. I envision A band behind me.Mae good to hear you’ll be home with an arsenal of injections. I had to have those blood thinner injections after surgery. The nurse told me to put a circle ⭕️ bandaid On each spot so I would t restick. Sometimes DH did them it was easier to bear when he did it. Glad to hear you’re in the mend.
Candy I have insensitive family too. Never call to check in. It’s as if they’re waiting for me to call and let them know I’m dead. It feels as if they think I’m making it all up.
Frisky you’re right they are scared for their lives and disassociation is probably helpful for them.
BevJen more like in a London fog. I call them and ask about their maladies and they talk about themselves and then finally they ask the dreaded question. How are you? I explain stable and medication and then I want to jump in the fog too.
Runor since my dx I’ve gained weight and struggle to muster the energy to exercise. I gave up sugar for a month and no miracles lol.
Santa fainting on an airplane must’ve been scary.
Shetland funeral fainting must be a thing bc Mel fainted on her way to one. Maybe the anxiety or emotions combined.
50’s Hawaiian vacation sounds wonderful. What islands did you visit?
Karenfizedbo thanks for the Scotland version of skint knees. Definitely better to get out of the house for fresh air sun and change of scenery.
Tanya
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Thanks again to all you wonderful, brave, strong women.
I guess I get angry that I don't have the luxury of living in denial--MO visits, scans, pills, shots, dealing with the side effects of the meds every day. And I think "Come on, grow up and face things" when talking to my family members. What really threw me for a loop, without airing too many family issues, is that another sister (B) had a doc appointment today also. The sister I was talking to on the phone (A) was voicing her concerns about the other sister's (B) appt. Then I had to remind sister A that I have MBC and this is pretty dang serious. And, of course, the sister with the doc appt goes to her appts with her husband, and I go alone.
BevJen- I too like reading my scans BEFORE the appt. Then I have time to formulate my questions. And YES I read EVERY word of the report and ask about EVERYTHING. And YES the MO sometimes seems like she skims the report and some of the specifics get missed by her. When I bring up a specific question, she re looks at the report and says "I didn't see that". I know she does not actually read the scans, just reads the rad report---one time she told me that she doesn't read x-rays and that she rely on the rad to read the scans.
Mara- Good for you on going for another walk. Marching---I can picture you, love it. You gotta do what you gotta do.
At the onc office today, there was a basket at the check out desk of painted rocks. We could take 1. I chose one that is painted blue and yellow and says "U Are Not Alone". I needed that today. It is sitting on my computer desk at home.
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Oh and Mara- I bought a LARGE chocolate shake on the way home. Dang, I think I deserve it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Candy, you are not alone because we are here. We may not be there in person but we are here for you and care about you. Your sister who is more worried about the other sister than you will find eventually it will be too late to show caring. I have a younger brother who never cared when I got cancer and did a lot of emotionally and verbally abusive things. I finally decided I had to cut him out and it has been over a year since I have seen or directly spoken to him. I did yell at him from this site when he tried to get info on me from this site, have not heard anything since. Sometimes getting a person out of your life, even if just for a bit can add some peace to life.
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always said. One thing cancer did bring me The ability to cut out all toxic assholes from my life. Ba bye! Don’t have the energy to deal with it. Life is too short. I don’t have a relationship with my second oldest brother. He’s a narcissist and is all about himself. He doesn’t even care that I have cancer. When the call came about my dad being dying. He said he didn’t care to. Be involved. Choices can it be un made once someone is gone! I call cancer the cure for toxic assholes in your life. It’s the only good thing it’s taught me.
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Mel, I totally agree. Although it is sad that it happened, my mother passing away also enabled me to make that decision about the younger brother. If she were around, she would have wanted me to try making peace with him. Now I could decide what was best for me (and him as well) to remove the toxicity. I wish his family the best but don't want to see or talk to them. The exception would be his biological son as I have never had conflict. Left the door open and if he wants to see me, I would be happy to see him. If he chooses not to, I can totally understand that as well. Not too worried. Have gotten used to mostly being on my own and doing my own thing. I also have my phone friend service who I talk to for upwards of an hour per day as we really hit it off. It was set up as a checkin status call to make sure I am OK but she asked if we could be friends. We are actually very similar in attitudes and in all, she is really good to talk to. When I go out, inevitably I wind having someone to talk to as well. Works well. I also must not forget DB and SIL who jumped in the van to help me when I fell after calling and then fainted.
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Runor..you're only stage two and no sign of relapse...you might want to concentrate on making those changes to your lifestyle that you've been wanting to make for a while. DH will probably follow your lead and help in your endeavors...I'm commenting on something you posted somewhere else. Life it's too short....cancer or no cancer.
I'm going through major changes myself, starting with my huge apartment that's been way too big for me since I now live alone. I'm giving away everything to friends and charities that is not essential and I don't absolutely adore, and will downsize to a one bedroom. This will allow me to be totally liquid. I will be able to finally place all my assets in a trust fund while just renting. I thought I was going to dread giving my belongings away, instead I'm finding it liberating...who knew?
Good news! After 8 weeks suspension of my chemotherapy, a sonogram shows no new growths in the liver or digestive system. I've started doing acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine to bring up my devastated hemoglobin levels and overall fatigue. I'm starting to think and feel like my old self again....I doubt I'm going back to chemotherapy any time soon....but still unsure on what to do next...
Like Mara, I might be able to take long walks soon....
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