My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Moth~I’m glad to hear your liver labs are better this time,any improvement helps us mentally! We need that confirmation. This time my oncologist had waited nine months before I had to scan. So I was so nervous. I hadn’t had bloodwork tumor markers ran as well. I was a wreck. Inside. I tried to keep my shit together. Luckily I had a great tumor draw and scan to match. I know some people don’t rely on their markers. I do heavily. It’s always told my tale. I’m hoping your next check will be even better!
I can’t believe we will basically have to spend spring or longer quarantined. This is going to be around a lot longer than they think. Our population is massive. People stop taking all the paper products. If we spread them out everyone can have some, My friend is down to one roll, she has two girls. She can’t find anything. Been to five stores already. I don’t get it. This is freaking America. Seriously?ugh ugh !0 -
Hi to all.
Mel- I know !!! We are America and cannot have toilet paper !!!!! I think the President should invoke the Defense Production Act for the PPE's and ventilators, BUT also for basic necessities. Toilet paper, house cleaners, etc. And then limit the number you can buy so no hoarding issues. I thank God I don't have my period anymore (chemical menopause for the cancer). I said that to my sister, and she said she does and so does her teenage daughter. Her household is low on TP, but not totally out yet.
My mind won't stop going to the scenario that I (we) may never be able to go out again. Let's say that we successfully flatten the curve and the hospitals are able to handle the influx. We mass produce the ventilators. The numbers drop some. I (we) still have the cancer, and will always be on some treatment to lower the immune system. So even if there is 1 person with COVID that I (we) come in contact with, I (we) are prone to getting the virus and could get very sick or die. I say I and we because all here are in the same boat. The only time I will feel safe from COVID-19 will be when there is a vaccine. And when will that be??!!!
Another day inside for me. Laundry. Balance checkbook--fun, fun.
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Rosie, wonderful news!!
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Candy~The entire thing is mind blowing really. I thought my diagnosis was an “I’d seen everything” moment. Ohhh boy little did I know more was In store. Like we don’t have enough to deal With. I sit and wonder how bad would it be if I did get it? Am I strong enough? It’s really mind bending. Like when you said will we ever be able To go out Again? . How can the gov not know there is no toilet paper??? I mean how can that possibly Be. ? Wipes forget it, anything Clorox related. Forget it. It’s all crap!
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waving hello to Santa! Hope you're well!!
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Mel- I too wonder how bad would it be if I get it. Mild or dead?? They (the "experts") say 1. having cancer makes it worse 2. being immunocompromised (low counts while on Ibrance) 3. Being on meds that can cause issues with lungs (Ibrance and the already potential side effect of pneumonitis) 4. I have autoimmune issues already. Doesn't sound too good. Scary crap.
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Mel, I agree with you. There should be a limit to orders of toilet paper or alcohol or wipes online and on store shelves. Food items have not been too bad. I went when Walmart had its senior/disabled/immune hour. Was there at 730. Not a lot of empty shelves. Only disappointment for me were the greens had already gone rotten in the package. They also did not have queso BUT I was able to get items I can only get there.
I did feel safer because the mall entrances were blocked off and Walmart had arrows up and down the aisles, kind of like one way streets so they would clog up. I checked out at the self scan and then used the sanitizer provided. There were not nearly as many people at that time and even on the bus, there were 3 of us in total, driver at the front, two of us at the back and this is normally a busy bus route. We get on the back and the ride is free since the front is roped off. Only for people with mobility issues. Anytime I get supplies will involve going when they first open to minimize exposure to others.
I do stay on top of current events about the covid, I do follow rules in place and don't dilly dally around stores either. Least I can do is be quick. Delivery is still not an option and pickup would not work as I need to carry it.
To deal with the threat of covid stress, I am still working to think of it like my cancer. My cancer can take me out anytime quickly, I don't have this in my mind all the time. Yes it is at the back of my mind but I don't really think about it. Day by day. Covid for me is the same, it is very scary, I don't doubt it but what am I to do. If I let it creep up to the forefront of my brain, the stress load could lead me to seizures among other unpleasant things. My body has given seizures when stressed out since 2004. Am not epileptic and not from the brain mets. I am treating it the same, I still consciously remind myself to do this, be aware of things but go day by day. If I wake up and feel good, that is a win. Worrying whether I will get it is wasted energy and won't change anything for me. I do worry some for my family but they seem to be OK so far.
It is also easier to say for myself because I have no children or parents to worry about. Hopefully everyone stays home as much as possible and takes care of their mental health find things you enjoy. Visit with people in the driveway, 6ft apart of course. Video chat and hopefully this will settle down and our normal lives can resume. Certainly is an unreal time for all of us.
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I am taking a few days w my parents. My dad may be dying...... but it's hard to know as he has bounced back from being this lethargic more than once in the past. I think he has a UTI and we are trying to deal with it. He is 92. He'd just as soon pass away -- but then again if he feels better in 2 days he might be able to enjoy more months. I am torn. I know a UTI is a common way for an old person to die. I just don't want him stressed/distressed.
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Santabarbarian, I am sorry about your dad. I am glad you are going to be with them to help them out. I hope he bounces back.
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Santabarbarian,
Thinking about you as you and your parents go through this. My mom had similar periods of lethargy and then bouncing back before her passing in 2016, so I know how stressful this can be.
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We had grocery delivery today and I had the guy leave it in the middle of the back yard while I sprayed it down with the alcohol/water solution and let it dry a bit. The rubbing alcohol here has a minty fresh scent, however, so my whole pantry now smells like a giant pack of Wrigley's Spearmint. Then I bleached down all the surfaces anything may have touched and washed hands. Such drama these days!
I did a half hour YouTube 'beginners workout' just to get my heart pumping a bit and clear some of the cobwebs from staring at screens all day. Was really proud I was strong enough on both sides of my pelvis to do it all (it didn't have any jumping, etc) and still not needing painkillers tonight but damn does my body feel heavy!
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Santa~I hope he bounces back soon, I remember that happening with my father when he was in hospice. He wouldn’t be perky. Then we would come in the next day and he would be ok again sitting up waiting. I don’t know if your dad is in hospice, but I remember the decline in him.
I am sorry you’re dealing with this now during all of this crap. I am sending thoughts your way.
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Santa, Sorry your dad is unwell. Will he be seen by a doctor or tested for UTI? That’s very good that you can be with your parents easily, for them and for you.
Thanks to everyone for the congrats on my scan results. It’s nice to have friends like you to share good (or not good) news with. 🌺
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Santa- So sorry to hear you are struggling with your dad's illness during this time. Hugs.
Sondra- Wrigley's Spearmint smelling pantry. Yum.
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Sondra~ do it girl ! Pelvic thrusting and all!! You can do it! Wonderful!
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Thank you everyone. I so appreciate your support!
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So, bear with me. I need to vent. I need to voice my concerns.
So this social distancing/ staying at home is to flatten the curve. So the hospitals don't get overwhelmed with patients all at once and don't have enough ventilators for the ones that need them. Once we see the downslope of the virus and we reopen businesses again, the virus is still out there. Just less. So the ones that get sick can have an ICU bed and a ventilator. But we still have a chance to get the virus. And we still have cancer, on immunosuppressants, etc. We could still get a mild case, or we could still get very ill and die.
I watched a CNN report last night. One CNN reporter (New York Governor's brother) has the virus. He is at home recovering. He is still reporting some via video. He was on the show last night-per video. Another CNN reporter said what I have been feeling- as I think we all have- that he kind of wishes he would get it and get it over with. Cuomo (the ill reporter) said "No you don't wish it. You don't want this". He explained about the fatigue- sleeping 10 hours- , the sweats, the fevers at night that give him nightmares, the headaches.
I thought about how I feel now with the cancer and the treatments. Hot flashes, tin-man body aches, the fatigue. The other day the fatigue hit--it is almost scary how tired I get. Going along and BAM. Every cell in my body fatigued all of a sudden. I have to stop and lie down.
I don't think I can handle the virus WITH this cancer.
So now I am thinking about continuing to stay in, even when the orders are lifted. Until a vaccine is ready for the public. Order groceries online (hopefully will get back to having things in stock), video conferencing volunteer meetings (when can), watching church services online or on TV. I do want to get my hair cut when they reopen. But otherwise becoming a hermit in my home.
I know this plan is not a good thing to do. Isolation is not good for people. But I FEAR the virus. Not the virus alone. But the virus WITH the cancer. It is like not wanting to touch a stove, or shying away from something that will cause pain. Self-preservation.
Thank you all for being here for me.
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Candy~I am afraid to Get The virus as well it's all fears. Between this and cancer how are we supposed to pick our scariest. ? I'd be damned that I've gone more than four years not to loose to a damn virus escaped from China..... it has to slow at some Point, it just has to.
Also great explanation of fatigue That’s how I felt.
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candy678– I hear your “vent” and hope you don’t mind me “adding to it”. Covid-19 is a new virus. People have no immunity yet, hence the reason to flatten the graph so we don’t over run hospitals, as you wrote. But you are right. Flattening the curve doesn’t remove the virus from the environment. The hope is the Covid-19 acts like other viruses and dies off during summer heat and sun gives a break (and time to find a vaccine) before fall/winter when we will likely see another wave just like a seasonal flu. Scary. What I want to know is if people have some immunity to Covid-19 once you’ve had it. It’s a corona virus and not all other corona viruses provide immunity after having it, like a cold or bronchitis. Some reports coming out of China report people (SMALL numbers) getting Covid-19 a 2nd time. Most doctors on tv seem to feel patients will have immunity for up to 2 years. But some doctors are saying no to immunity.
I don’t feel comfortable leaving the house either, Candy. I am hoping Ibrance will extend my time to live with MBC. I don’t want to die from Covid-19. Covid-19 is highly contagious with an R0 way higher than the flu. Scary stuff
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Dodgersgirl~I agree viscous virus for sure My luck it would be a bad case My lung would sink my ship. I think our lives have changed again just like they. CHanged When 911. Yet another new normal to get used to. Gathering will never be the same Because this isn’t going anywhere and it will be back That is already been said. I don’t want it once no less possibly getting it twice ? Good greif
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I have been reading posts but not posting much. Sorry. You guys are all so important and I need to post more so you all know it.
Rosie24–. Congrats on scan results. Celebrating with you. And like you, I wasn’t much of a germaphobe before so wiping down groceries, UPS packages, mail, etc is cumbersome. When I have groceries delivered, I have a bench outside where the bags are left for me. Then I spray them down and let them sit outside for a bit (no refrigerator stuff) UPS boxes sprayed outside, too. Yuck.
Sondra— good luck with a new job. Hope 2nd interview turns out favorable for you.
Tanya-Djamila: I hear you about hand lotion! I dislike using Purel but it’s a necessary evil when hand washing isn’t available. I have hand lotion in every room. Argggg. Drying skin. Slurping up the hand lotion. Hands looking good right now!
BooBoo1- waving back to you. 👋👋👋
Moomala- you wrote about your DH concerned when he is out shopping. Really related to that comment. My DH is so worried that he will bring the virus home to me. It terrifies him. And I hate that he has to be in that position
Micmel— how busy did you find the dispensary? As my bone pain continues to interfere with life, I am wondering if MM is my next thing to test? Having never been around marijuana before, not sure how busy dispensaries are.
Pots— waving to you. 👋👋👋
Mara51506– thanks for the chuckles as I read the stories about chocolate. Understand completely. Always have chocolate on hand. I also enjoy white chocolate instant pudding made with heavy cream. It is so decadent. You can also put it in an ice cube tray and freeze for a nice frozen treat.
Moth- hope your tooth is better soon. Ouch. Happy to read about liver lab results. Hoping those numbers continue to improve.
Santabarbarian- prayers to you and you dad. Hope the UTI is short lived and that his world is brighter. Been thru that with my mom. Hugs to you.
Illimae— hoping each day is better than the last for you. Miss your posts. How big a garden is your hubby planning this year??
I had my monthly MO appointment this week. Got the ok to start next cycle of Ibrance even though my CBC numbers are LOW. My tumor markers are down again this month so that is my good news
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Dodgersgirl~It's easy not to want to post sometimes, we all go through our funks. My dispensary has been doing curbside pickup this week pull up give your name and roll with your product after you pay. They limit the number of people in the building, hand sanitizers everywhere. ATMs are Dirty places. I still can't believe this has come Out of no where. Grrrrrrrr arghhhhh angry
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Mae~ thinking of you and hoping you’re doing well and improving everyday. I agree I miss your witty posts. We adore you friend ..
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This is my DD ten years apart. Time is fleeting I remember her as a little baby can’t believe she is 24, here she is fourteen. My baby is grown up!0 -
Dodgers girl, glad to hear your tumour markers are down. That has to make you feel better. I will keep your idea or frozen chocolate in mind for sure. I still think that once covid is done, or at least dormant, I will probably invest in an extra freezer. Has to be tiny and work on 120volt power. Don't want to get non essential things as my way of doing my part to flatten curve here. I still feel less anxious about covid, my thinking about it like the cancer seems to have transitioned. Having said that, this is a serious disease and I will not go out for anything but essentials. I will only visit grocery for as few trips out as possible and also restaurant. Trying to stick to one trip a week to a store. That was what my prime minister recommended. Deliveries except from Amazon are still a no go. I would rather get up early and go, but like I say, limit number of times a week I go.
I may go out for a walk today but we will see. I know walking by myself in sunshine is good. Other than that wishing everyone the best. Candy, wish I could relieve of some of your stress. My mind works similar in that I think about all possibilities when faced with a stressful situation. I have to consciously remind myself that this is all day by day, can't worry about the future right now. Too stressful. We don't know how long isolation will last. One thing I would recommend to consider, keep up your deliveries if you can get them, but please go outside and get as much natural vit D as possible. No one is being told not to leave the house and exercise, just avoid crowds and unnecessary trips. It is safe to walk outside by yourself. The vit D will boost immunity and the walk outdoors cures some of the stress of being stuck indoors. Wear a mask or scarf over your nose and mouth if that will make you feel safer. Hugs. I will not tell you not to worry, just trying to offer some relief of your constant stress is all. Please keep venting if that helps.
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mara51506– funny you mention freezers: my dad’s dishwasher died. Had to go to a big box store to purchase new one. Sales guy said there was a run on freezers starting in early March. They are sold out. Even parts for repair are out of stock locally. He said the same was true in other big box local stores. That makes sense with people stocking up but wasn’t something I expected to have happened..
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micmel—. Who would have ever thought about curb service dispensaries. What an upside down world we live in.
Photos of your DH are beautiful!!
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Wow, that is crazy. I would also like to stock up. My refrigerator is full. I do buy lots of beans but I also like spinach a lot. Would love to be able to freeze them. Fast food burgers, snack size ones freeze well also and are cheap. I can also put my own more nutritious ingredients with them . Spinach, queso and a few tortilla chips crumbled is delicious.
Once we are through the worst of the virus and more things open back up, perhaps people will relax and stop the panic shopping. Having said that, I have to really stop myself from buying laundry supplies. I have more detergent, fabric softener, vinegar etc etc than I could need. I am actually recognizing that they are the items I am hoarding instead of the TP and alcohol. I will also have to stop being too judgmental about people fearing the stores will all be closed down and doing their own panic shopping.
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micmel, WOW your daughter is an absolute bombshell. Good genes!!!
Everyone, good news. Looks like the antibiotics kicked in... last night my dad came-to, ate a bit, and was up and chatty for an hour or two.... he even called his 90 year old sister and joked with her, imitating their mother's phone voice... Then he had a good sleep, and this morning he was also better/ alert. My dad is a very stubborn man, and as he put it, "I hate to be a quitter." (Even though when he was really weak, we all gave him permission to go, if he needed to... that's how sick he was and how scared we were.) The sweetest thing was my Mom sat by his bed and sang to him for about four hours while he was feverish and disoriented. Sat, held his hand, and sang. SO SWEET!... she is 86 and it was a huge effort!
Anyway, it looks like he is rallying-- and for that I am very grateful. I know at 92, I won't have scads of time with him, but I am glad to have a bit more. Like you, Mel, there's a special connection between us... we tend to mind-read one another and have a very similar sense of humor.
My Dad is perfectly ok with dying (that is very psychologically relieving to me) and has a DNR, etc. Kind of ready to go, due to a body that is more and more frail. He has had thoughts of ending his life at some point, under the law that allows that in CA, and has had concerns about being well enough to make the choice and self administer the meds, and go through the hoops to get the doc to cooperate. I told him, Dad if you want to end it all for the next year or so, you can just go catch Covid if you need an exit. I'll take you to McDonalds and you can lick the doorknob. He laughed and agreed it would be way easier and more efficient than going through the whole medical process that determines you are not depressed, etc. So his sense of humor is intact!
To candy and Dodgersgirl, I think it is VERY RATIONAL to be scared of this virus. It is F-ing scary when healthy 37 year olds get intubated and die. Terrifying. I do have friends, a family of 3 in my town, who all have it. They are self quarantined and for them, a bad exhausting flu luckily but nothing urgent. Their son apparently brought it from NYC on a visit a month or so ago. My cancer friends are being incredibly careful. I am going to be very careful until there is a reliable vaccine. I need to be well to care for my folks.
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Santabarbarian, glad to hear your dad is rallying back. Of course you need to be extra cautious so you can be well for your folks. I definitely think anyone who has cancer, diabetes, or any comorbity needs to be care. That applies to anyone of any age. We can't be reckless about our health, even if we don't have people to look after. It is those thoughtless, careless people that should be boxed upside the head.
There were some idiots playing golf at a closed golf course, closed because they were not following 6ft rule. People can still talk to each other outside, eat together, just stay 6ft apart if you don't live together. Not enough people have the message. Our crucial time of finding out how much our own health care here will be tested is within the next couple of weeks. Seeing if we have done enough hunkering down and if enough people are compliant.
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