My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Moth~I know losing it again seems worse somehow. I went through it and it was hard, I'm so very sorry to know you're going through all this. But I am glad your numbers went down with piqray. I've been seeing more and more information about this. Hope it does the trick.
Pots~ Ty for the encouraging pep talk! I needed it! I always enjoy seeing you. Tell Suzi to get her rear end here. I miss her! Hugs to you sweet woman. I would love to garden with you today. Hope it's nice weather It's been so rainy. Everyday loads of clouds and rain. Yuck!
Runor~ people are acting that way here. you dont realize how many people there are until you try to avoid them all. It's virtually impossible. People need to get a grip. I watch where I go for sure. But I'm Not creeping around to be near anyone GeeZe. Did you stink eye her back? I would have. Love seeing you my sweet friend Ty about my DD. She and I have come AAlong long long way. Best thing= her moving out....0 -
This is how I feel staying in. Another day trying to figure out what the heck to do!!!0 -
moth- I can hear the sadness in your post. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I lost my hair once, when I used the A/C chemo when we didn't know of the Stage 4. It was traumatic. I dread the time it will happen again. And I know it will happen again someday. I am still on first line treatment, but I know that cannot last forever. This cancer is so hard. Why do we have to add the virus fears to it. All too much.
Another day inside. The beginning of another week inside. I try. I walk on treadmill. I open windows when the weather allows. I call friends/family on the phone. But the isolation due to the virus, and the yucky aches and fatigue, and the concerns about the cancer, is a lot to deal with.
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ok, going to share a joke my DD told me yesterday
During the quarantine time, what kind of jokes should be told?
Inside jokes
Har har har
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very true!!! Very true !
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Moth~I'm Posting this for you. I know how you're feeling. I didn't have a drop of hair on my head. My sweet DD by my side. This was my mastectomy and liver surgery stint in the hospital. A week. Terrible, this was my second time losing itas well. Here we didn't know I was stage four. It's like a bad dream. Now my hair is halfway down my Back. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you. Hugs my friend. reminds me of Mae posting uncle fester. I have to remind myself this is where I came from. So it doesn't leave my Mind. Like someone said. Cancer is just plain evil. 0 -
Moth, I empathize about losing your hair again. It hurts the first time and every time we lose something to this disease. I lost mine twice, chemo then whole brain radiation. It never has grown back on top. I trim it down to almost nothing and just slap wigs on my head. They are pretty and make look normal to myself. Except they are much lighter than my hair which is brown to almost black. I usually choose blond colours with brown roots. It makes the permanent loss of hair easier. Again, I am sorry this is hurting so much. Never easy.
Mel, I am starting to run out of things I want to do. Going through pictures in frames that my family does not seem to want and I don't look at. I am thinking of taking them out of the frames, giving away the frames which take up precious space and storing the pictures in smaller containers. My apartment is too small to hang on to this stuff. I am really trying to minimize clutter. Once the pandemic is over I want to get someone in to build proper storage with doors to hide the foods etc with a small freezer in the living room. I have been heartless with clothes. I usually only wear the same few things so getting rid of a lot of clothing and limiting myself to 5 drawers of clothes. Once the pandemic is over I will donate them to goodwill. I am not a fancy dresser by any stretch, usually leggings and a tshirt, even in the winter. I also have jeggings as well, denim leggings. I have a small waist and large hips and muscular thighs so pants are a nightmare. Have not worn pants with button and zipper for many years. Guess that is what I will work on for a while.
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Moth,
This one’s for you! We are in this together! This is my second time losing my
hair....but that’s ok....it goes back! Happy Sunday!
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Precious women! Strong beautiful and precious. Nice to see a face with a name Laurie. Since we almost met! Hugs my friend
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thx everyone for the photos & the encouragement & sympathy. It just hits me everyone once in while how in stage 1 I was all "ok, let's just the through this, you get to the other side" and the other side was a 'she lived happily ever after'. And now each thing is 'ok get through this, get to the other side" and .... I just can't quite wrap my head around what the other side might be. Maybe I'll die bald. I mean really - who cares.
I did buy myself a silly bunny hat and i'm almost bummed I don't have appointments this week. I will keep wearing it through April. Heck I might wear it all year. I actually literally ordered it because Judi Dench had one & mine is sort of like this but mine is a bunny but you can do the ears too. You can see it even if you don't have/use twitter....
https://twitter.com/finty_williams/status/12402490...0 -
Strong. Amazing. Women.
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Moth, that is a great hat and I am sure you will look really good on you.
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so kind of veering off..... but living room peeps advise me.
Can a stage 4 cancer pt with a very unclear prognosis buy and hang a poster that has artwork she really likes but also says "and she lived happily ever after"It's giving me pause...
also giving me pause is that it seems to be from a kind of shady company advertising on instagram and I'm wondering if I'd even ever get it but I'm willing to risk the scam. I love the artwork. but 'happily ever after'? My dd & I couldn't decide?
what say you?
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Well, doing a lot of purging of unused items to make more space. Furniture has been moved around as well. Food has been gone through to itemize what I have. I need to stop buying queso. I have many jars of it, same with beans. Went through stuff being stored under my bed. Got rid of a lot of photo frames and transferred photos to a pretty box. I am not hanging too many pictures, just the ones that I look at from the couch. Don't have any behind me as I do not see the wall behind my head. rearranging things too.
It is nice to keep busy on things that make me feel good like organizing and paring down things in the apartment. Just have to stop buying duplicates of things I already have and my space will feel bigger. My bedroom closet is full of empty boxes, going to break those down this week to. Might as well improve my home while in isolation. Perhaps this will stop me from buying so much stuff. I bought pudding that I forgot about from amazon. At the time it was sold out then it came today.
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moth- The shady company part-- I don't know. Don't want to get scammed. The "happily ever after" part-- I would not feel comfortable with that, FOR ME. I know some of the ladies on these Threads have a good outlook on MBC, for instance the Thread about Living With MBC (I cannot remember the name of the Thread). They talk about how MBC has not slowed them down and how they are living life. I just don't feel that way. I feel it has taken so much from me. Job, money, health, etc. I think of a lyric in a song I like that goes, " I see the future I picture slowly fade away". So for me, I would not want that artwork because of the quote. Can you remove quote? Cut out or hide somehow?
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Yes you can buy it. Shoot for whatever you can right now. If that will spark some joy, I vote get it. Check company reviews first before purchase of course, that should tell you if they are shady or not.
If you cannot get that one, search for another through google with the same expression. I do hope you get the first one.
I am sparked by Star Wars. I get my joy watching movies over and over, listening to the music and all that. That is and was what got me through the early stages of both the chemo phase and then the brain met phase.
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Moth, if you like the picture, but the words give you a stab of sadness at the same time, then I would say that overall it does not bring you joy, and you should hold out for something that you love without reservation.
Hair is a very personal thing. I have lost mine completely once, 2/3 or 3/4 another time, as well as having times when it has been thin and times when it has been normal. What helps me is to have options ready so I have choices and maybe even can take some pleasure in that aspect of my wardrobe. So I have a cute pixie wig, a long wavy wig, beanies, caps, bandanas, Toppik for filling in, and a good hairdresser. (Unfortunately we can’t go out to the hairdresser right now.)
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I can deal with staying home, but I hate that I have to feel afraid that DH has to go buy food. I should have planned ahead better. The number of cases is rising fast now, so if he can get most of the list, we will not go out for another month. And I hate that I have to be all paranoid and discard or wash all the packaging. I want to feel safe in my own home at least. Maybe this should have gone on the steam room for anger thread. But it is about fear and anxiety more than anger.
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Shetland, you can be angry here too. I think you echo what a lot of us feel during the pandemic. My version of anxiety really was purchasing so many cans of beans and queso as if I would never get them again. I did the same for laundry supplies. I have enough to eat that all I should need is cereal and milk. I even have a lot of frozen greens. Do whatever you need to with the packaging that makes you feel better.
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Moth~If you’re not feeling it and it gives you pause. There is a reason, I’d look For something similar Without the phrasing. You’d know if you wanted it. Now if it’s nagging a week from Now, then rethink it again. I guess in a manner of speaking it’s all in your hands. If you’ve lived a life you have loved Maybe it’s true. If you haven’t then maybe you should get artwork without monumental phrases. It’s your hearts choice for sure
Shetland ~you let your little heart out with whatever is on your mind... I’m annoyed as well. Who wants to sit in their houses knowing there is this sickness out there that is killing thousands of people. Our Mother Earth is sick.... she’s letting us know. Or someone was very careless in lab somewhere. We may never know. How do we even know anything? We’ve never been through this before, they don’t know! Plain and simple. It’s spreading like wild fire. Unreal my state has 8220 cases when I went to bed. Woke up. Now it’s 10300! How is that even possible. I’ve never seen a test. Heard of someone tested or even knew of facility to go to if you’re even sick. This entire thing is nuts!
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Thanks Mel. I look so old. I see the wrinkles and think to myself, “Wow. What happened?” I try to avoid the mirror, but mostly I know this is just another day in the life of a MBC patient. I am not unique, we really are all in this together. I am always so encouraged by the kindness and empathy I feel when coming here to your living room.
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Moth - can you get the picture but in some way perhaps cover up the words? Or are they kinda scrawled over the top of the rest of the pretty bit of the picture?
Mara - we will be starting purging/packing later this week. I looovveee purging - its such a great mental release. Like you can physically feel lighter.
Gorgeous day here today - I went out for a really long walk (almost an hour and a half) at 930 this morning and... I don't think Im going to walk during the day again for a while. It was exhausting trying to stay away from people and all the either groups of cyclists on hot rod bikes or the goddamn RUNNERS breathing all over the place, it was just not enjoyable. And by about 11 am out came the folks who were clearly riding somewhere to have a picnic or whatever. We are lucky to have outdoor space, so I will enjoy the nice weather in my backyard and walk at night or do my exercise video during the day.
The Prime Minister has been hospitalized tonight so things could get very real here this week.
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Laurie, you really don't look old at all. Nothing wrong with your picture. Even though you avoid the mirror (which there is no reason to), I think you just look like someone who is a genuinely nice person and would be fun to be around.
I don't like to look in the mirror until I have hair on either by the way. I can take or leave makeup but not my hair. I also cannot stand looking at myself in pictures. Must be a body dysmorphic type thing. To me, I always think I look awful. I think sometimes, we are our own worst critic and others really don't see the things we don't like about ourselves.
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Mel, you and your daughter are beautiful too.
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Sondra, hoping the best for your prime minister and his recovery. Enjoy the purge. I took out three trashbags of stuff and still am not through all of it but it feels better. I gave some functional storage where there was none, created a pantry for extra food on the wall behind my kitchen. Got rid of a lot of towels I no longer use. Put tea towels and bathroom towels and wash cloths in separate bins, also in living room. Moved all laundry supplies to linen closet.
Going to shove the stuff still sitting on my bed under the bed until tomorrow. I know when I am getting too tired and no need to push too hard. Have not got rid of all clothes I want to, but some I have. They are not fit to donate. My cats will wonder where their cat tree is but I am able to put my folding chair in that corner which I use for my chair workouts.
If my pantry empties and leaves bare shelves, that is so much the better as I do not need to keep adding to the pantry. Yes canned beans last a long time, but I don't eat as many cans as I have. Good thing I love them so much. I also have more pudding than ever so need to work my way through those, not just the chocolate bars.
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BooBoo~You’re part of the family here in this living room you and your inner and outer beauty. The support you lend is amazing You’re a wonderful friend,person, sister! I agree with Mara. I wanted to hang out with you... 😃🌹
Mara~Thank you darlin I hate that picture. The worst picture in the world. But I wanted Moth to see we are all vulnerable during our way... to share my experience and let her see that I truly do understand her feelings. My DD however is beautiful. Thank You!
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Sondra~ people Have no clue what to do. I don’t really see a ton of social distancing going on and it bothers mE. Here I am sitting in my house trying to stay germ free and people are sitting outside like nothing is going on. It’s annoying and disrespectful. I’ll end up getting it because of someone else’s ignorance ? Not cool...
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Moth, No matter how long "ever after" winds up being, I'd say being happy is still a good wish. Though I also like the idea of covering it.
Well, it seems my Dad rallied for me to come and that was a short rally. No fever but he's tuning out. We called hospice and I am pleased to report there are NOW liquid doses of morphine, ativan, haldol and a couple of other meds for specific issues like excessive saliva in the house.
I need to vent because I am FURIOUS at my parents' GP. They have made it clear to all of us for years that they wanted DNR, no extra measures, palliative only and physician-assisted suicide if desired. Their GP *does not believe in assisted suicide*-- despite a state law allowing it, but managed to NEVER TELL THEM this. I saw my Mom on the Nest camera asking him to make sure it was available to my dad some weeks ago and he was evasive. When I asked, he said "I will not do this." I think it's due to religious views. My parents were so clear about this even my KIDS knew that was their wish for the end, if they wanted it.
Now we have the morphine so I guess they consider it moot if you are in hospice. Nobody here to see how much we give. Yet I am still pissed at the doctor. I feel like this is a betrayal of their trust and I am contemplating a letter of complaint to the state authorities.
But for today, my dad is comfy and has only asked for morphine once. He forgot the word, and then finally arrived at "I want some....uhhh.... dope." Mostly he's just snoozing. Once when I tipped water to his lips he said "I think you are trying to take me in the wrong direction.... I want to exit." So I am very very glad to have these words from his mouth. Sad but ok. It has been very sweet and cozy being with him in these last days.
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Mel, people in my city are not out on the street at all. A photographer took pictures from different areas of the city which would normally be quite active, but it is like a ghost town. That is eerie but great to know that most people are taking this seriously. Does not mean there are not rulebreakers. Now that so many stores closed, there have been many break ins. I am sure police will take care of it though.
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thx for the feedback about the art. Technically I think it could be trimmed but with our city under lockdown that would mean custom framing etc & I just wanted to get something standard size, hang, enjoy. It IS giving me pause. I think I will pass. I have started looking at other art sites & realized I should just expand my horizons way more beyond an instagram ad served up to me...
BC is Canada's little success story. We *seem* to be flattening the curve. Our hospitalizations are looking good. Ontario & Quebec are looking worrisome tho
I think it will be months and months before things improve and it won't be like before
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