My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mel, we're sending you nothing but good thoughts and virtual hugs!
The Mods
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Tanya, one of the great things about our property is that the ridge line we live on is the last privately owned land here. The mountain area behind us is all a nature conservancy, only open to the public one day per year for hiking. No fences, just a sign post, so animals wander in and out as they please, giving them plenty of room and safety.
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I am so happy to hear about your lovely walk with your daughterTanya and grandkids. Hugging your family must have been wonderful and I am so happy for you. I personally find the no touching thing with family too hard myself, I regularly hug nephews, niece, DB and SIL but they are part of my bubble.
No major plans today, going to hit the burger joint for an early brunch, not having breakfast before walking there and back. Gives me almost an hour of walking which is nice. Beautiful and sunny, I will have the entire afternoon to do indoor work like surveys, laundry and housework.
I am scheming a way to hang up some nice baskets with lids on the wall to store some groceries. I do not have a drill but figure I can put a few bigger nails in the wall with my little hammer, some at the top and some at the bottom. The baskets are woven so the nails should just poke through. I saw it done on youtube with some dollarama baskets. Nails are pretty sturdy as well and if I put the basket hinge up, the door would close making the storage closed. We will see.
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Mel: Your post made me feel so sad. It articulated so much of what we are all feeling. Some days I can put my MBC in a box on the shelf, other days it consumes my every waking moment. I want to plan ahead for great things when the pandemic is over, but how will I be when this dark time is over? Your funk will get better. You'll have better days. Soon you'll find beauty in nature, in full moons and bright sunshine.
I have had several cats in my life, all lived long, full lives. Leila and I had a very special relationship and when she died at age 22 in 2010 I was beyond heartbroken. I still see her in dreams. In one I scooped her up and said "Where have you been? They have had you long enough" The joy I felt was still there when I woke up and found her still gone. But I had held her in my arms and it felt so real.
Cyber hugs
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Elderberry, I can totally understand wondering how to make plans. My older DB talks about my investments growing until I am 65 and taking me through older age. I don't always remind him, but occasionally when I think family is being a little cavalier about my life span, I remind that I don't plan that far ahead and that in all likelihood I will be gone. He knows but SIL must feel like she needs to soften it for me by saying, we are all going to die. That is another topic but I can let that go.
Today was a lovely walk and brunch at the burger place. I find it weird I have more energy before I eat and walk versus after. At least I did not tire out.
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thank you Elderberry. It’s just so hard. As you all know. Living this way is torture someway each day. I want uncertainty to leave this place. Leave my head and heart. And life. What a crappy hand we’ve been dealt.
Mara~ thanks for always being there. You’re a great gal.
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Just read online-- Alex Trebek died. So sad. Another one of us Stage 4 folks.
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18 months with Stage IV pancreatic is a haul - he did way better than most. Apparently he was still taping up until the end of October.
I spent an hour bagging leaves today and am happy that the yard is more picked up, but it was tiring. Tomorrow morning is my first set of appointments at new hospital, and I am a little apprehensive as I don't know the drill yet and I have only had three days of recovery week, with allergies acting up too I think this new arrangement will help eliminate a lot of anxiety about lack of information and working with only one MO, so I am looking forward to embracing the new at least!
What I wouldn't give for a full body massage though - this pandemic crap can't end soon enough!
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SondraF - I started going for weekly massage a while ago. Masks on. I go to a professional registered massage therapist who works in an office with physiotherapists. They have strict covid protocols, deep cleans etc. Now that we're on lockdown again here I think I will have to cancel. I can't really justify it as 'essential'. I can manage without it but I'll miss it
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RIP Alex. My BIL had pancreatic cancer in 2013, we were told no lymph nodes were affected and they did chemo then performed surgery. Sadly, just a couple months after surgery, cancer cells were discovered in fluid in his stomach (acities, I think), he passed less than a year from diagnosis. No cancer is easy but primary pancreatic and brain have such short survival, just sad.
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I am gutted about Alex Trebek, I watched him as a small child on a show called Reach for the Top which was a quiz show for younger teens before he moved on to Jeopardy. He certainly maintained a grueling schedule while undergoing treatment all along while taping Jeopardy. A class act, my thoughts go out to his family and friends. Not sure who they will find for Jeopardy, he will be hard to follow as host.
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Mel, Sorry you are in the dark place. I don’t have any advice but I’m hoping it doesn’t keep its hold for too long.
Moth, I’ve enjoyed some massages lately but don’t have a regular schedule. I started with someone new (closer to home) in June. It turned out she “couldn’t” wear a mask due to asthma. But she “self treats” with a lot of immune boosters like Thieves and essential oils. Hmmm. She is great with extra knowledge about lymphatic drainage shared onher website and helped a lot with a shoulder issue but the mask thing bothers me (even though I didn’t get up and leave).
Mara, DH and I were thinking maybe Ken Jennings was being eased in to replace Alex when the time came. He’s known to the Jeopardy world and I could see him taking on hosting duties. I guess we’ll find out. RIP Alex.
Sondra, Wishing you luck at your new hospital!! I hope it goes smoothly and you feel good about the new place and people.
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Sondra- Wishing you well for tomorrow. Will be expecting a post on how it went.
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I also watched him as a young girl growing up. Always hearing the jeopardy jingle playing as things went on around the house. Sadly, I thought he was doing better since he was Congo to work. This disease is just. Disgusting!
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Hang in there Mel...try not to tip into the black chasm, if you can just find one wee tiny thing or person to lift you just a little? I still think it’s OK to not be OK though...
Mae, your new place on the edge of the woods looks amazing, as are you, with wildlife I’ve never heard of!
Sondra, hope your appointments go well.
Laurie and Candy, you both sound a little more positive despite our challenges.
Mara and Tanya, both so positive, we know this stuff is hard and you just keep going.
Everyone else here too ❤️
Great timing by Cancer Support Scotland who have being checking in by phone once a month or so over the last 7, .....SEVEN months of COVID. When I explained I’d been having a hard time, due to recent disease progression, treatment changes, restrictions and so on, they immediately offered counselling (by phone of course) to give me a chance to talk things through. I have the first of 7 free sessions on Friday and I know they’re very experienced in dealing with folk in our shoes so I’m very grateful to them.
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Sondra, good luck tomorrow at the new hospital. I am looking forward to your update.
Karen, I am so glad that you are going to have some extra couselling sessions. Those can be very good, even if by phone and am sure they will do wonders for you.
As far as being positive, I am just trying to go day to day, some days are better, some worse. Today was a better day, probably look for a better day tomorrow. Weather is still beautiful and sunny for the next few days. Even when it cools down, it will still be sunny. I will walk as well, before breakfast even. Got my best, fastest walk this morning before the "brunch" which was a burger lunch. I am there so often they know me by name.
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Shetlandpony, I did not know you stopped teaching your dance classes, even Zoom style. That is an important parr of your life.
Illimae, I remember when you worked and how the decision to leave your job was difficult. Throughout these past years, you have showed us how to live..cruises with matching outfits, concert weekends with girlfriends, new camper, setting up new residence in the mountains surrounded by nature. You have come a long ways with your cancer and enjoying all aspects of life.
Mel, I remembered the pain when planning your daughter's wedding, but you still made it a memorable experience and you have allowed your daughter to grow with decisions she made. I remember the tragic death of your DS's good friend. And oh my..the bra contest.
Tanya, I remember when you discovered you had a grandchild..that is just pure joy to have another person to love.
Even though, our lives are connected virtually, we still are interested in each other troubles and successes. I would in lonely world without BCO..you guys understand.
As I check on this thread..I see so many new folks. This is just wonderful. Micmel..kudos to you.
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New hospital was a good visit - once I figured out where to go! It was so nice to be able to do bloods and then the MO be able to look at them in a half hour during our appointment (they even go in a pneumatic tube to hematology!). So she was able to release my drugs during the appointment and I only had to wait about 5 minutes at the pharmacy (rather than the usual hour +). The only bobble was the injections as I had to wait almost 2 hours for those, although someone was able to clearly explain the lag and now I know for next time. But it wasn't a big deal to wait and my stress level was so much lower. Everyone was very happy to help point me in the right direction when I looked confused in the hallways and the guy working the desk at the day unit kept me informed about timing. The cookie selection at the tea point was much nicer too.
All of my initial scans and information will also be ordered, the resident RO will have a look, and my case will be presented to tumor board. The MO will also be arranging for a genetics counselor appointment to get BRCA testing done.
So that was it for the month- a 3 hour visit on one day rather than 2.5 hours (at least, not counting MO visit on some months) over 2 or 3 days, and an hour travel time saved round trip. Dealing with/worrying about cancer on one day rather than over the course of a week makes such a difference.
Edit - the injection nurse just called to tell me I forgot to pick up my calcium chewies. I had been prescribed them at the last hospital but Covid stopped that and I gave up asking because I could only get them from one floor, which I couldn't access for X reason etc. I finally took to buying them from an online pharmacy, even though I am entitled to them free.
Switching was a bit of a pain and took some time, but I am glad I did it and so far it seems like my main issues around lack of information and confusion have been addressed.
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Sondra- Sounds like a good visit and I am glad you could change to this new MO/hospital. I am glad you made the switch. Better care and more efficient.
Not much here today. Mammogram and port flush and Lupron tomorrow. My old MO said to keep doing yearly mammogram. New MO said no need. But PCP said to continue. ??? So... I scheduled mammo for same day that I have to get Lupron and port flushed. Will be in hospital anyhow--- Infusion Center for the cancer treatment, Radiology for the mammo.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
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Mae, javalinas and wild mule, how cool! Different wildlife than I'm used to seeing. Very happy for you to have that home and view!
Mel, hugs for you. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue, but I get it.
I was shocked to hear about Alex Trebek. He fought hard with such a terrible cancer and even though it was eventually expected, I was hopeful he still had some more time. Stories like his make me grateful for the time I do have and the life I can still lead.
Just checking in to wave hello to everyone and give virtual hugs to all needing one. Thinking always of you all.
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Nice to see you SandiBeach.
I am not doing to much, going to walk to a restaurant for a snack treat. Round trip is 5 miles which I think is good for me and then when I get home work on surveys, watch soap or other TV and just chill out. Staying off the news channels, I was addicted watching how the election went, and I am not american
Just got back and had not submitted this. Made the trip, had a small pepsi and 4 cinnamon donuts. They were good and chosen since I already had the healthier beans cheese spinach queso and tostitos chips for breakfast. I also chose them for the sugar that would give me the energy for the walk home. Google says it should only take an hour but I think I must have taken longer on the way there and then faster on the way home. I also repeated really peppy songs as well which my body automatically adjusted to. Sweatball by the time I got to the restaurant and home but I don't care really.
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Sandibeach, thank you for the kind words, it’s not always easy but I am determined to live the best and most I can, no knowing what difficulties lie ahead.
Speaking of travel, I got my national parks access pass today, just showed ID and SSDI approval letter, so easy.
Also, we opened a local bank account, here’s the teller window (small town Texas, lol)
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Oh that is the cutest little bank window I have seen in real life. Reminds me of an old western where they would go up to the teller window to rob the bank. That is great.
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Mae,
I’m loving that teller window. Awesome stuff.
I also wanted to ask you if you are ok with me calling you Mae instead of Illimae? I’d like to ask just in case you’d prefer the latter.
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Mae - could you maybe see an armadillo around your new area or is that a different part of Texas? What is the spider situation like? We had all sorts of crazy stuff in Nevada, usually in the garage. Had to be careful.
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Mae is just fine. I’ve used illimae (a shortened combo of my 1st and middle names) elsewhere but only here am I called Mae. I actually find it kinda sweet and endearing.
Mara, I thought so too, I was tempted to say “howdy, this is a hold up” 😆
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Mae~our reporting correspondent in action again. Here on mic Mel and friends! I love it.
Bliss~ ty very much sweet woman. I'm trying
Sandi~hello there sweetheart. You sure do remember a lot which is very sweet.. you have a a good memory! My daughters reception and the bra decorating ! Such memories. Good to see you. We're still here as a family in my little living room! Always welcome. Hope all is well with you.
I thought it sounded like Alex Trebeck had more time , it just sounded that way. What a shame. Another person taken from cancer. I hate cancer.
Hello. BooBoo Mara, Candy,Sondra, Tanya, Rosie. Karen, Elderberry, Lynne 50's,KBL I write,jensgotthis, moth, Shetland,Runor,sunshine, keepsake, and many others. If you're lingering. Just post already. Lol it's an open thread. Hugs to all..
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Hey Mods~thank you for reaching out. It means. A lot.
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Hi, everyone.
Mel, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I have been struggling for a week or so. I somehow think I got a yeast infection (sorry, TMI), and it’s really dragging me down. I’m trying some over-the-counter meds, but if that doesn’t help, I’ll call a doc. I have to say I haven’t been to a GYN in years. I feel bad for my husband. He is the only one who really knows when I struggle. I put on a happy face for everyone else. Am I the only one who does this?
I started my meds this month without knowing my actual numbers. I just finished the second week, and my energy level is pretty low. I’m not sure if it’s from my neutrophils being low or this stupid infection or a combination. I feel so yucky.
Mae, Love the teller window. So cute.
Sondra, glad you had a good hospital visit.
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Sondra, I missed your post up above but I am stoked to hear that your new hospital is going to be more convenient for you and less stress ful and save time. We definitely need to be able to save our time for sure.
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