My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
I have only held onto one childhood friend, two tops. Even before cancer I was a home body, but it sure felt good to have the option to just do anything I wanted with time. Now I wince. When I hear someone say “in ten years I want to be here....." my immediate thought was ten years oh gosh. I just don't know about that for me.
I sit alone a lot. Even though DH is here, he's incredibly busy in his office with his work. Not much break for him. Then he cooks cleans up and is wiped out. Then we watch sometimes. Everybody loves Raymond. We laugh. Always. Choose a comedy, it helps our mood. I know he gets sad too. Breaks my heart. I would never want to hurt him. I know he worries. I wish there were no such thing as cancer. I know we all do. I don't think there is someone alive , that doesn't know someone who either had, or has cancer. It's like constant anymore. Not just older people either, young vibrant women. Like our Parry. We never knew what happened to her. She vanished, like scwilly, Now moomala. Just vanish. I hate cancer.
0 -
Hey living room I’m plopping down.
Mel your daughter has blossomed since the wedding. I see your smile in her smile.
I can’t go back to see who posted the puppies in bday hats cake pic for Mara so precious.
KBl that “rash” irritation sounds awful. My DH keeps the wipes in bathroom. I use them sometimes but I think I’d be susceptible to that too so thanks for the warning.
Candy I concur about the co workers collide b4 MBC and Covid. Sometimes I call old friends. If it’s awkward for them I hang up quickly. One of my former coworkers who has stayed in touch checking in every few months was diagnosed with BC last year and yesterday she called me and said it is now stage 4 moved into her bones. She’s only had a CAT scan bc she went to ER for pain. It saddened me so.
Vanishing friends from this board is soul crushing. But yet I still check in often. You guys are the ones in my life that understand that every routine appt is potential disaster, emotional hold your breath roller coaster 🎢. Every pill drug store pickup is a reminder of what I’m trying to forget. Cancer.
Moon cat update. Someone from across the pond that has a beautiful garden- said she lets her cat out at night so I started doing the same. Pretty much Moon has hit the streets and checks in once a day for a petting water and he’s whining at the door. Even yesterday in tropical storm he wanted out. Ffreedom is precious.
Tanya
0 -
Yes, Micmel..agree. I hate the vanishing act, too. Just poof and someone you have been following for years goes MIA. For example, Frisky, .just disappeared. I made my DH promise to write..but not sure even if he has my PW, if he knows what to do. I would have to leave instructions.
I have hard days ahead of me. My sister (and bestie) has Stage IV uterine carcinosarcoma, my brother has stage IV prostate, my other brother has prostate ca hx and now Squamous cell ca to tonsils and lymphs. No genetic links so far. My mom died of Stage IV lung and my dad died of Stage IV melanoma. WTF.
But to see us, we appear happy and I think we really are..the gift of life is not taken for granted in this family.
0 -
Candy, I often feel similar that people I don't see in person are closer to me than people who were in my life regularly. Sadly, I have gotten used to this for myself. I was sad about it but for me (only for me) I told myself I had to stop being sad because I got to the point of questioning why I was still here. Also I realized that being sad would not help me fix my attitude. I take advantage of talking to people virtually here and on facebook, talk to neighbours when I go out and of course older DB and family as well. I have my phone friend shirley as well, we never meet in person, we just talk on the phone. I just try to fill my days with the little things that make me happy and my walking. I hope it eases up for you.
0 -
Sandi~that's like jaw droppingly unreal. I have no words. I am deeply sorry to hear all of that about the people in your life. Speechless let's just say. How are you keeping it together? Wow I'm terribly sorry.
Edited to say:Good point Mae!!
0 -
Sandibeach, that’s an incredible amount of cancer, if not genetic, could it be something in the environment where you all grew up or lived?
Getting ready to head back to the cabin, I’ll update on meeting the secondary MO later.
0 -
Wow, Sandibeach. I agree with Mae. That's an extraordinary amount of cancer in one family. I thought my father's family had a lot -- my paternal grandmother and I think three paternal aunts had various kinds of cancer, my father had prostate cancer, and my brother passed away from cancer. But no genetic ties from what we can tell.
It's great that you all appreciate life, though. Great attitude in your family.
0 -
Oh my gosh Sandibeach, I am so sorry to hear about all the cancer you are all dealing with at the same time. My thoughts and prayers are going out to all of you. Too much to have to deal with at the same time.
0 -
I too wonder about Moomala. And Frisky. And even though Mel gives us updates about Philly, I miss seeing her posts.
I have wondered about myself. No one to post for me. I will try to keep you all informed when I go downhill.
0 -
Thank you all for the kind words. I really appreciate it. Feeling a little better, and I'm sure tomorrow will be even better.
Sandi, I'm sorry about what you're dealing with in your family. It gives me a perspective, someone always deals with far more than I do.
I remember a user when I first came here, EV11. She disappeared like that. She was.dealing with the same kind of thing I was with mets to her stomach. You never know what happens.
0 -
This is why I like to pop into this thread. So many caring people..remembering scans, congratulating on birthdays, cyber hugs when there is sadness, celebrating good news. Plus sharing personal lives. Just incredibly kind.
Mae..I have thought of that environmental explanation, too..maybe damaging our body's natural ability to kill random mutated cells.
0 -
Sandi, I do think as our knowledge of how our cells divide and how that is influenced by our genetic code, we will discover many more treatment/preventative options for the future.
My husband's family does not have cancer but they do have an immunologic problem that is just now being linked together. My husband was involved in an NIH study in the 1970's because he was raised in WA within 50 miles of the fallout from nuclear testing. It was speculated there were carcinogens that fell in the fields & got into the groundwater. The cows in the area apparently ate the grass & drank the water. They were milked & the children drank the milk that had a high level of carcinogens. Consequently, there is a statistically significant increase in thyroid cancer in those now adults. My husband did not suffer from that but there is a high rate of MS, parkinson's disease, benign brain tumors, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, etc in his family. There is speculation these also might be related.
Our generation might be the ultimate petri dish for many of these illnesses.
0 -
Belated "Happy Birthday" Mara....
0 -
Sandi~ sending a huge hug.....so sweet.
Welcome Bootsie~to our second home. Nice to see you in the living room.
Jhl~I find cancer so frustrating because it’s takes so many. Cell division has to be apart of it. Damn genetics. Not like it’s our choice . Grrrrrr .
0 -
Morning all.
Grocery curbside pick up in a bit. Otherwise not much going on today.
Our Governor said yesterday that with our Covid numbers we may have to have another Statewide shut down. And even Federal may have to do a shut down. I got to thinking. Back in March with that shut down I was going to church, volunteering, grocery shopping in person, etc. When things shut down it was a learning curve. Learning to get groceries another way-- online shopping and curbside pick up (Wow no going into stores and picking out my groceries). Quitting church services. Then learning to watch live streaming online when they opened back up couple months later (I have not been to in-person church since before March). Stopping volunteering activities. Hunkering down. Staying home.
Now I was thinking, if we shut down, how will that affect me now. Not too much. Grocery online with curbside pick up will still be as it is "essential". Church can be TV evangelists. Doctors and lab will still be open for my blood draws, shots, scans. Otherwise I hunker down already. LOL. So my life won't change much if any. BTW I do have a hair cut appt for Monday and then I will be good for another 3 months (February). So... bring it on. Shut down stuff and maybe the numbers will lessen.
0 -
So, we meet the new MO yesterday. The Texas Oncology office was an older building, clean but small waiting area and dimly lit. Chairs were blocked for distancing, so 10 people were a crowd. He only sees new patients on Thursday and didn’t get call back until we had been standing in the waiting room for 2 hours. I was annoyed but doing my best to keep an open mind, this is not MDA and not Houston. The nurse was surprisingly sharp and friendly, she really had it together. Then the doc came in, he was slightly hunched over, wore gently worn loafers, corduroy pants, a plaid shirt and red cardigan. He was the sweetest grandpa/mr. rogers and I forgave the long wait immediately. At the end of the appointment, he showed us around the building and infusion room, then said “I want you to have my cell phone number, you call me if you need anything or have questions”, Roy was all smiles and that sealed the deal. I think I love that little sweet man now. I don’t know if he’s different because he’s originally from Spain or if he’s just got a small town doctor personality but he gives off the nicest good vibes.
0 -
Mae- So glad you are happy with your new MO.
I started with a rural doc. It is nice to have a small office. I learned the office staff-- 1 was getting married and I looked at her wedding pics on her phone. I knew everyone's name. They knew me. Cozy, if you can say that about a cancer clinic. Now, I go to a large cancer center. I don't know them, they don't know me. I am a number, another cancer patient booked for that day. But.... I feel they have the knowledge to care for me. They have clinical trials. They have a tumor board--I never had that before. I do miss the old gang though.
Hopefully you can have the best of both worlds. This doc for closer to your new home, but access to the larger center for what the local doc cannot offer.
0 -
I guess I have the best of both worlds because I got a large regional cancer agency which is a branch of the provincial agency ... going there essentially 1-2x weekly since February means tons of people know me by name or at least by sight. I'm apparently the only one icing so I'm the crazy lady wheeling in cooler lol. But they also have clinical trials and a tumor board and most of the doctors are either lecturers or researchers or both at our med schools so it feels like I'm in really good hands.
So there's my gratitude thought for the day
0 -
I also want to ditto that I don't like it when people just disappear. Can't we all take a pledge that if we participate in this board we will make arrangements? Either leave the login and password with a friend or relative to update on our behalf, or leave a home phone number with Micmel or another boardie so she could call? (btw, a number of the BC subforum folks have my phone number so that's a possible way to get a hold of me if necessary); or add Micmel's email to our lists of people to be notified upon death? Traveltext wrote a piece recently (he linked somewhere on the board but I forget what thread) about how hard it is when we lose 'virtual' friends and how we too need closure and an opportunity to grieve.
So anyway, I'm pledging to do so.0 -
I agree. We need to grieve them. That’s exactly how I felt. And feel about it. We care. I’d be willing to pledge! I wouldn’t ever want to just disappear, I value these relationships here and they help me in my days. It’s not fair to just leave. I’m sure most times it’s not intentional but it still sucks. You see someone daily and then crickets. It worries you.
0 -
My husband knows that I come here often. He's agreed to let people here know if something happens to me. I have my list of "Favorite Topics" and I'll make sure he knows how to log on to this site.
0 -
All, DH has already been instructed to notify a few threads but this one in particular in the event of my death or incapacitation. Also, Micmel has my off line name, I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate to google me if I dropped out for a lengthy period and of course I wouldn’t mind. We get roll called because we all care 🙂
0 -
Writing my instructions for DH today. Been on BCO for a long time since 1st dx..changed names since then. Can't even remember what that name was..
0 -
♥️ I will also make sure DH knows. He knows this is the thread we made, so he knows it’s my second home. I talk about you ladies.
Mae~thanks for knowing role call=caring.
0 -
Here’s a close up of today’s visitors, looks like 6 adults and 2 youngsters.
0 -
When the time comes, I will have DB post if sommething happens to me.
Decided to get a BIG grocery delivery from instacart since I have enough earned from my survey sites. Poor fellow was stuck texting me so many times to get permission to switch but I appreciated that fact so I could make some adjustments. Did not feel like shopping myself so I splurged on it.
Feeling pretty good today, just filling out my surveys and such and watching TV as well.
0 -
Mae- What are those?
Just walked on treadmill-- 1/2 mile in 20minutes. I know it is not Mara. Mara-- I admire you. But, at least, I got up and walked some. I go in spurts. Some weeks I walk 3 or 4 times a week. Other weeks I do not touch the machine. This week, walked 3 times, 20minutes each.
0 -
Candy, they’re Javelina.
0 -
Wow. Kind of looks like a pig.
0 -
Candy, you go girl. I do not walk fast even if I do walk far sometimes. I go at a steady pace, people usually pass me on the sidewalk. Steady is the way for me. 1/2 mile in 20 minutes is more than plenty and you should be happy with yourself. I did not walk today due to bad weather. Sat around, did a little laundry, surveys, ordered grocery delivery and listened to the wee dog upstairs barking because he misses his owner. If it starts bugging me, I will just put some earbuds in and watch something, I have not seen the Mandalorian this week yet.
0
