Starting/declining hormone therapy Nov, Dec, Jan 2018
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Very sweet, GH. Warm, grateful thoughts to all of you. (I’m sitting on a plane waiting to take off to visit two of my kids in SF. Bonus with traveling on Turkey Day besides relatively inexpensive flights? They’re doing all the cooking! WOOT WOOT!!)
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my thanks as well for the lovely supportive ladies!
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So very well said GreenHarbor! I agree 100%! Much love to you all my friends.
"Happy Thanksgiving to you all!! Whether you post often, or you've just posted once, this has been a thread full of love and support. Don't tell the other threads, but this one has become my favorite. I'm 15 months out from my lumpectomy, and 13 months out from finishing rads. I feel like my equilibrium has sloooowly returned. You have each had a small part in that. I'm lucky to have had support from family and friends, but the support from women going through the same thing has meant more than you know. Whether you're celebrating with a large family, or a small group of friends, or just ordering Chinese food and watching a movie, I hope your day is filled with wonderful things. A special shout out to edj3: let us know how your Turkey Trot works out! Sending much love and gratitude to each of you...."
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How is everyone doing post-Holiday? Too many pieces of pie and helpings of stuffing?? Pants a bit tighter?? LOL, I feel the pain too.
I hope everyone had a great time though, made wonderful memories, and partook of some tasty food. Edj3, how did the Trot go? Can't wait to hear.
Varga, any changes? Still waiting for the appt? Sure hope no new urgent symptoms have appeared.
In other news, my PET Scan is done. Had it this morning. Now I wait. Fingers crossed the news is clear on Monday or Tuesday. I'll keep everyone posted when I hear. It's strange to think "Oh I hope all of this (my new symptoms since June) is JUST my new Multiple Sclerosis or somehow related to my Thyroid Cancer". Who ever thought I'd ever utter that wish? But utter it I did.
As to my holiday, I had a very special, VERY thankful Thanksgiving, spent just with my Ari girl. For the first time in days she did some of her favorite things, a clear sign she was responding positively to the meds the Vet put her on. She came and snuggled with me in bed, TWICE on Thanksgiving and that's all I could have hoped for. After speaking to her Vet today it seems this is normal for kitties with Lymphoma to experience and it's quite possible that she may be this way for a week or a month or maybe two. I'll take it, one day at a time, as long as she continues to still have joy and love each day.
I could end things there, but I really want to share this story with y'all. Maybe it will bring some joy or something that's needed to your day/night/week.
Things had been touch and go since her diagnosis last week. I was feeding her every 2 hours, hoping she would gain a bit of weight back, timing meds to keep her comfy, loving on her, spoiling her, taking picts and videos, and just enjoying every moment I could with her. From Friday through Wednesday night, I truly thought she could or would go at any minute.
In fact at 2 AM on Tuesday morning I truly believe she died while she slept. I had reached over to pet her and check on her when I turned over in bed, I panicked when I couldn't feel her breathing. My heart caught in my throat and tears began falling. For what seemed like minutes, surely it was only 30-45 seconds, I searched for any small sign of life. I was horrified that she felt "floppy", was not moving, not breathing, and try as I may, I couldn't feel a heart beat.
Life stopped for me and I stood once more at that great chasm every pet lover knows, seeing deep loss and grief looking back at me. I remember picking her up, hoping to cuddle her little self one last time and give her my last love as she crossed the Rainbow Bridge. My heart was pouring out all the things I wanted her to know as tears streamed down my face. As I picked her up though, something shifted, changed, and she "woke" up. She was "not with it" at all for the next 20 minutes or so. I've come to describe it as her body was alive but her personality and little kitty self was just not there yet or too confused or too "x y z". She sat there on the corner of my bed, unmoving save for breathing. No ear tilts. No scanning the room. Nothing. Just labored breathing and I again felt she wouldn't make it through the night. While she stayed still, I stayed there on the floor, being near to her, talking to her, reliving memories, telling her how much I loved her, and that if she needed to, she could go, we (Me and Gypsy) would be ok.
Still the Ari "statue" remained unmoving, except for her little chest taking breaths. I offered her what comfort I could, what comfort she would allow. Eventually, she shook her head and in my mind's eye, I envision her shaking off whatever confusion had clouded her, and she padded off into the kitchen. And because that's where she stayed for the night and I couldn't fathom leaving her alone in that state, I gathered up my comforter and pillows from the bedroom and piled them up on the kitchen floor. There, Gypsy and I kept her company, keeping watch for the next hoursin the only way we could, with our presence. She made it clear she didn't want to be pet and as that took out holding her, I was at a loss for how to comfort her in what could be the last chapter of her amazing little life. I didn't know what else I could do so I picked up Doctor Sleep, the most recent of my library loans, and read to her. Every few sentences of so was out loud to "pet" her with my voice, reminding her she wasn't alone in any of this, that just like always, we would do this as a family.
Some time later, I turned off the lights, all save the one in the closet, and tried to sleep a bit. The closet light allowed me to easily check the rise and fall of her little breaths from where I lay nearby on the kitchen floor. I can't say I got much sleep but it was a small price to pay in order to assure that if Ari did pass, she'd do it feeling the love and hopefully comforting presence of her adopted family; one Spoonie human and a rescued "I'm always hungry" Dog.
We made it through the night, and though Tuesday was another rough day, she turned a corner Wednesday and I feel like the luckiest FurMama in the world.
And that my friends, is why I was so very very very THANKFUL this Thanksgiving. My Ari is here and doing better than she has in the past weeks. She's gaining weight back, low-energy stalking "her" birds, following me from room to room, "helping" me change the sheets, occasionally supervising me making her special meals, and every once in awhile purring and allowing me, a mere peasant, to brush her and bask in her Queenly beauty. The Vet can't explain what happened Tuesday morning, but frankly whatever the rational reasoning may be, she is here with me and doing splendidly, all things considered. It's a huge win in my book. I'll take it.
Sending lots of love and healing to everyone that's made this thread the wonder that it is. Ya'll are special people in my book. May today and tomorrow and the weeks to come find ways to bring joy and moments that stop you in your tracks, reminding you of the special thing this journey called life can be.
***These are all from this week. Ari letting Gypsy steal her bed. Gypsy giving Ari a kiss after Ari "helped" me change the sheets. Making a pawprint. Letting Ari enjoy the first real snow of the year. Her "supervising" me on the island as I make her dinner. A night of "crazy hair". Just moments that I love and I am thankful for. ***
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Oh Spoonie, what a wonderfully lovely thing that she's doing well right this second. Your whole post is wreathed with the love you feel for her. Warms my heart and I esp love the photo of your dog flipping convention and taking her bed--in my house, the cats always kicked out the large dog.
I had my re-excision done last Thursday but don't have my path report back yet. I'd hoped it would be here on Wednesday but now I won't get it until Monday. The tiny scared voice in my head wonders if my derm read it and is holding it until after the holiday because it's not good news. The realistic optimist in me thinks that's nonsense.
We did our Turkey Trot yesterday morning in the most wretched weather: 47 and rain. I love watching my son with his kids and his wife. He was determined this would be a fun family event and it truly was--and they felt a real sense of accomplishment in their 1k runs.
As for the adults, my son ended up with a wicked side cramp which is a real shame as he was on track for first in his age group--he aimed for 5:50 minutes per mile and ended up at 6:26 per mile, good enough for 4th place in his age group. My DIL, whom I love with my entire heart, came in 12th in her age group running 8:08 minute miles (she's fast but is in a fast age group right now). I ended up 6th in my age group and my husband was 29th in his. This was a huge 5K, benefiting the Conejos Valley YMCA in Thousand Oaks. Last night, we all put on our race tee shirts for a photo:
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edj you rock!!!
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edj - love the picture and am totally in awe with your running - you are one amazing lady. Good luck for the report.
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I called today to see about my path report, only I didn't realize my dermatologist and his RN aren't in the office on Mondays. I'd hoped to take the final path report to my MO appointment this afternoon but that's not happening. So frustrating.
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We are waiting together, my friend. I had my pet scan , my first ever, on Friday morning. Waiting is just the worst isn't it? I hope someone will be calling you in bright and early in the morning tomorrow. Keep distracted as best as you can. I'm "lucky" in that I have tons to do in prep for surgery on Wed.
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I'm oddly comforted knowing you know this frustration. Here's hoping we both get good news ASAP.
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Edj3 - Glad to commiserate with you about the frustration of waiting! I'm sooooo tired of it. Never gets easier.
Any chance there is someone you can talk to at medical records for your Derm and have them send/push the Path report to your MO? Or vice versa, could you give your MO's RN a call and see if they can access it via their care links or such? Sometimes Ive had luck doing this when I have an appt that can be impacted by test results.
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Spoonie, you made me cry with your post about Ari’s difficult night. You’ve got talent, girl!
Wishing you and edj3 good luck with your tests! My cat scan is coming up on the 11. Definitely know how you guys feel.
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Spoonie, I am thinking of you as you head into another surgery.
edj3, I am hoping you have some good news from you path report. The family picture you posted is awesome!
Take care everyone.
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*LOTS OF 4 LETTER WORDS AHEAD*
So I really want to throw everything from this year into a giant garbage can and set it all on fucking fire!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
My bad luck continues.
Pet scan results are in. Spoke with my Oncologist earlier and had a message from my Surgeon. Looks like I have more testing ahead of me after Thyroid surgery to figure out if I either have lung Mets or lung cancer!!! FML!
I have diffuse ground glass opacities and intense uptake in both lungs seen in the upper lobes and lingua. Compared to my prior chest CT in July this is greatly changed. It was only seen minimally in my left lung near radiation areas at that time, none seen at that timer in Right lung. Now its extensive and linear. The report states that malignancy cannot be excluded.
ALSO there is an abnormal number/cluster of mediastinal lymph nodes seen between my lungs which also have moderate uptake which on my report says malignancy cannot be excluded.
ALSO there is a significant focal uptake seen in my thyroid, especially in the right side. Which of course is to be expected since we know there's already cancer there. BUT it also shows moderate uptake in lymph nodes surrounding the thyroid. Again malignancy cannot be excluded.
FUCK. 😭😭😭😭
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
I'm glad that surgery is tomorrow morning. Hopefully after the pathology is back they'll be able to rule out breast cancer in my thyroid and then we can move on to all of this new stuff from the Pet Scan.
I can't believe I am looking at either a THIRD cancer in under 2 years or METS. FML.
I just wish once in awhile I could catch a break. How much can one person deal with? Seems like I'm constantly figuring out the answer to that question.
Please send me spoons you guys and positive vibes and good luck and whatever else you think might help. I'll take whatever I can because obviously I can't create any of my own luck.
Have I said how much this fucking sucks? Okay I'm going to go cry myself to sleep. I'll post more when I can.
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Spoonie77,
I'm so sorry that you're going through ALL of that. A lot of people would have crumbled before but you’reon the floor pulling Ari through. I am sending you all the love I can and hope you get answers as soon as possible.
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Spoonie77 what another awful gut punch. Cancer Sucks! So sorry for the new test results but glad you got the test now instead of later. Praying for a successful surgery and then onto the next fight.
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I am in tears for you, literally, and my cat's wondering why I'm crying at my keyboard. You can have all my spoons, my love.
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Well, that sucks, Spoonie...... I am sending love, support and spoons. I feel so powerless reading this as I sit on my couch. You have many “next steps” ahead of you. Just take them one at a time, or even a half a step at a time. We are all with you and behind you.
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Spoonie—sending all of my spoons.
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Thanks everyone for the heartfelt words and spoons and positive thoughts. Y'all are just wonderfully awesome. I'm so thankful for the support here. I'd be lost without you ladies. Wish i knew y'all in real life. ❤
I barely slept last night. I want this day over and answers to start come screaming in. My mom and dad will be here in about 2 hours to take me up to the hospital and then surgery is in the early afternoon. Hopefully I'll be home without complications tonight.
Edj3 -> You're in my thoughts, hon. So hoping you hear some positive news today. Hugs.
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Spoonie77 I am SO VERY SORRY that you have to go through all this. I am reading through this thread, remembering again your amazing spirit. You are wise and warm and hilarious and smart and articulate. Thanks for sharing and for trusting us all. I send you the warmest love and support as you go through these next challenges.
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Spoonie- Damn, I am so sorry to read this. Definitely not enough F-words to cover how crappy this is. I am sending you all of my spoons and strength. We are all here for you and lifting up good thoughts for your surgery.
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So sorry Spoonie. There aren’t enough curse words to describe what you are dealing with. We all feel for you and praying for some relief.
My sister’s BC came back 3 times. How much can one person take.
Keep the faith as much as you can.
Diane
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I'm so sorry to hear this, Spoonie. Enough is enough! I hope everything went as smoothly as possible with the surgery today. Sending good thoughts your way as you wait for answers.
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Spoonie - sweetie I cannot tell you how sorry I am. What a horrible horrible time you are having. You have always been so damn brave and taken so much in stride. You really don't have to be brave cry scream swear whatever helps we are all with you. I have a gallon pail full of spoons for you and as many hugs as you need. Sorry we can't all be with you in person but I am thinking of you and sending you all the positive vibes I can. Hope surgery was easy on you.
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I am SO sorry, that blows chunks as my kids would say! I am hoping and praying your surgery goes well and that you find strength and peace to deal with all of this. I am just so sorry you have had so much dumped on you and you have had to fight to be taken seriously and have the tests you need. Hoping that things will turn around for you quickly! Hugs my friend!
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My heart goes out to you Spoonie, wishing you grace to take you through all your trails and tribulations. We all in this family and feel your distress, 2020 will surely be better.
Susan
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hoping Spoonie is doing ok!
Had my pelvic ultrasound and now need another endometrial biopsy! Ugh! I feel like I am playing whack a mole, one thing settles and two more pop up! See the urologist about a complicated kidneycyst next week!
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praying for Spoonie!
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Thanks everyone. I came home the day of surgery on Wednesday. It's rough going. I'm in a lot of pain and I barely have a voice but I'm alive and hanging out with my mom while she supervises my recovery. LOL.
The surgeon told my mom that they had a lot of problems getting my thyroid out because apparently it was very enlarged which for some reason didn't show up on the ultrasounds.
Anyway surgery took a lot longer than they planned and I now have a new battle scar.
Now to recover, wait for pathology results, begin taking antibiotics to cross off infection as a reason behind the disturbing lung issues seen in my pet scan.
Thanks again everyone for your kindness and your thoughts and love. Means so much to me. You guys are awesome.
Me pre surgery....
"Things are getting real, I've been signed!" Lol.
Me 36 hrs later...the swelling...yikes!
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