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All TopicsForum: Sex & Relationship Matters → Topic: I WANT MY MOJO BACK!


Forum: Sex & Relationship Matters —

A safe place to talk candidly about how your romantic relationships and/or your sex life has changed following your diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Oct 17, 2004 12:45PM - edited Feb 9, 2016 12:04PM by Moderators

Mena wrote:

Hey girls,

You know, this loss of libido thing is just unnacceptable. I was in the chat room earlier today and mentioned it and man, you should've heard how many of us are experiencing this problem. I promised the ladies I'd post my rant, so here it comes (or....doesn't ).

If bc were a man's disease, not only would there be a cure for bc by now, but certainly there'd be a plethora of non-hormonal therapies available for whatever the female version is of "erectile dysfuntion". I don't think I'm exaggerating. I'll make the damn commercials myself (no pride here lol).

Prior to the news of my recurrence/mets (August) my husband and I had a phenomenal sex life. I absofreakinlutely loved making love to my husband. (Btw, I'm 43; and as part of tx for mets, I was chemically oopherized with Zoladex and take Femara daily).

I still enjoy loving my love. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I do. Even physically I still like it. It's just not rockin' my world, as they say, like it used to. I miss that. And I refuse to accept this as acceptable. It is not. If the genders were reversed, this would be the first &%$#* problem they'd address! Well, ok, the second.

I know the clinical reasons for the low libido, but there's got to be something out there for us that's not contraindicated with treatment. Here's what I've tried so far: a Zen approach; a "go w/the flow" attitude; a "get started and it'll all just kick in" mindset; a "try not to think about it at all" focus; et al.

I'm interested in hearing what the rest of you have to say about this matter, and I know it is an intimate one. But we're all sisters and I do hope some of you will share your experiences and whatever help you've found for missing mojo.

Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless.


****************************Addition from February 4, 2016***********************************

Hi All,

We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.

Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!

Member suggestions for helping the libido:

Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix

Romantic music

Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site

A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)

Sexual photos

Massage and massage oils

Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images

Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing

Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex

Practice masturbation on a regular basis

Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars

Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:

Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)

Vitamin E suppositories

Almond oil

Replens long-lasting moisturizer

Luvena vaginal moisturizer

Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio

Cocoa butter

Olive oil

Gynatrof gel

DHEA vaginal suppositories

Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.

Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:

Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)

Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)

K-Y warming Jelly

K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)

K-Y Liquibeads

K-Y UltraGel (paraben-free)

Astroglide, X (silicone-based)

Platinum Wet (silicone-based)

Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)

Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)

Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:

Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina

Member suggestion for sex toys:

Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)

Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles

Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments

(MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)

Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts

Testosterone patch or gel

ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)

ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)

Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)

Other member suggestions:

Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles

Pelvic physical therapy

Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax

Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes

MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.

Easier if she "goes first".

Regular activity is important.

Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.

Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.

Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com

Dx 8/8/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Posts 3931 - 3938 (3,938 total)

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Jun 12, 2018 09:55PM Micmel wrote:

everywhere I go Runor makes me laugh. You're just a joy to be around my friend. I have to chime in here. Because I used to be very active with my husband....it was And is a priority and to me a scary challenge. To me I feel I look like a recycled mannequin, that can't even raise her leg high enough off the bed without needing a shelf for support. I'm sure the cobwebs would need tending to and once it starts who knows what will happen next. We could spin the sex or scream wheel???? What will it be!!?? Spine pain? S letter shaping of cramping body parts? Sand paper vagina effects? Searing pain in the back of my pelvis, that I want to cry out.?

Uneven breasts and only one has a nipple outta get him going for sure!!. The way things in the sack surely have to just plain be planned and patient. I know it's important, but for me it was a mix between, feeling irritated during, and confusion of what I was feeling because of elasticity changes and I am now menopausal. Most woman couldn't care less if they see a penis again. I want to make my DH happy he deserves it. I love him more thanwords could express. So as long as it doesn't grow teeth and bite him, I'll do my best to satisfy. You Runor are truly preciously funny. Hugs my friend ~M~

Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy
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Jun 13, 2018 08:07AM smwusaf wrote:

You've heard the saying that size doesn't matter? well, I just realized it really does....... And not the way men think it does :)

Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 11/13/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 1/4/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 2/20/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 13, 2018 12:39PM Lamp wrote:

Ladies I do appreciate all your comments that I relate to....I do have pain on entry, and there is a tight ring up in the vagina! What is that tight ring? Muscle? Would massage help to loosen that tight ring? Yes, these are Effects, that I am still dealing with! Cheers to You all!

Dx 10/15/2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2013 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 13, 2018 01:53PM Lula73 wrote:

Lamp-that tight ring is likely atrophy from lack of estrogen. The tissues inside our vagina need the estrogen to stay supple. When they don’t get it they dry up, become tight, and become very thin making injury a likelihood.Dilators, Mona Lisa Touch, and the different suppositories/creams mentioned here can help with this.

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/14/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/3/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 1/3/2018 Femara (letrozole)
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Jun 13, 2018 05:45PM runor wrote:

OH lord, it's not just problems with the vag , but all our lady bits, like our bladder system, also need estrogen to keep them in working order. It is really hard to get into the mood when you know that there is at least a 50% chance that this sexual encounter is going to give you a bladder infection. For some reason the number of bladder infections I've had since starting tamox have really increased. I keep a big bottle of antibiotics here and at the first sign of that bad pain ... I gulp a pill and overdose on vitamin C, which acidifies the urine and is hostile to germs. For me catching it at the first sign can stave off a much longer, much worse situation. But it's like you're trying to concentrate on enjoying yourself, is it going to hurt? Do we have enough lube? Wait, that's not lube, that's his foot fungus cream. Oh well, I guess my hoohoo won't grow any mushrooms. Oh this isn't going so bad, a little weird feeling... yeah that's okay. Wait. Stop. I think I might be peeing. Am I peeing? I can't tell. I'm not peeing? Oh thank god, that would be gross, carry on. Like, there is just no good way to go about this.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 7/5/2017 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jun 13, 2018 05:53PM - edited Jun 13, 2018 05:54PM by Lula73

L. M. A. O.!!!!! 🤣😂🤣

And the sad part is, it's so true. 😭☹️

I take Uricalm with Mannose-D and a certain pro-biotic. Can't remember which one...thank you letrozole for the memory issue! I'll post it when I get home.

At least with the memory issues these drugs bring us, we will likely forget peeing!!!!!🤣😂

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/14/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/3/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 1/3/2018 Femara (letrozole)
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Jun 13, 2018 06:30PM KatyK wrote:

Not sure if this was mentioned but if you are on an anti-depressant you will likely have sexual side effects. I was taking Prozac and while my libido was still there, it was a lot of work to have an orgasm (sometimes I gave up) and they were not as intense. I went off the Prozac a month or so ago and I am enjoying sex more! The best lubricant for us is oral sex - gets my husband in the mood and really is the best lubricant. We call my DH my “personal lubricant “. We were told that he will have limited exposure to Ibrance but it’s a risk he is willing to take! That’s my man! Also helps us to do a fun activity together, travel, and enjoy some wine! The intimacy and endorphins from sex are so important. Hope this was not too graphic or personal but hey we gotta tell like it is during this difficult journey!

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Jun 14, 2018 08:02PM FaithsMama wrote:

kk; I am over the moon happy for you!! I am so glad DH is in the know, understanding and supportive!

Runor: pain free boinking is awesome! May we all accomplish that goal soon!! :D

Lula; Uricalm has been my friend too!

As4me: I discovered this thing, don’t recall what they are called. I will find out and report it later. But it’s a package of 3 sizes of inserted things that go into your vagina and you wear it for like 15 minutes. While you wash dishes or fold laundry or whatever. The idea is that your kegal muscles are getting a workout, holding it in place. It strengthens the vaginal muscles and wall. The 3 different sizes allow you to graduate to the next size once you get some strength and resilience back. Until you are able to hold all three sizes in comfortably. Then you should be good to go, that plus Lube and pain free boinking here you come😂

My dr also approved Premarin for me. He says it’d be safe because it would take a decade or more of constant daily use to increase cancer recurrence risk. I am very stoked about this news! Hoping the two together, the kegal workout helpers and Premarin will get me to pain free boinking sooner rather than later. But I am single. So there is that obstacle. I like a challenge though. So all is good :)

Happy day for me. No chemo. No radiation. Kegal workout routine in place. Now onward for a boinking partner. 😂

Dx 3/30/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Dx 3/30/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 5/18/2018 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap

Page 132 of 132 (3,938 results)