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Oct 19, 2020 07:08PM
Hi everyone! I was reading through this thread and recognize some of you from other boards. I wanted to join in here because I also have two kiddos who are living this with me and it's so reassuring to know I am not the only one.
I'm still a bit new to this whole MBC thing - just found out in August and started Xeloda in early September. So far so good. With this year being as crazy as it is, I have been doing a lot of thinking and self-care. through that I have discovered that one of my biggest fears/problems is the fact that my kids may not have me for some of their milestones. I had always taken for granted the fact that I would just be here - there would be a "next phase" of life - like rediscovering my husband now that the kids are older (18 y/o boy & 15y/o girl) but now I just want to make it to my daughters graduation. I had always planned on seeing them off to college, weddings, grandbabies, new houses, careers etc.. but now I just want to make it out of 2020. That's a bit dramatic I know but that's how it feels. My peer mentor described it as being handed a bomb with no timer on it but you know it's going to blow at some point. And the idea of my kids watching me be sick and decline is heartbreaking.
I am very proud of my son - he was supposed to graduate in 2020 but COVID took that away from him, he is planning on starting college (online) for the Winter quarter and is just a nice guy. The one I struggle with is my daughter. Don't get me wrong, she is an amazing person as well but with her being in the "teen angst" and also dealing with 2020 and all it's glory - she is really not that nice to me. We can't talk serious topics as she gets so passionate about them and starts talking to me like I'm an idiot. She's artistic and a bit quirky (which I love) but that also puts her in this really opinionated and abrasive place where she (like all teens) thinks she knows it all. I tell her I love her everyday - she won't say it back to me. I hope she doesn't regret that later, I would hate to think that she would feel bad for just being her age.
Anyways - sorry this is so long, it's just that the struggle with MBC and leaving my kids early in life has really been weighing on me lately.
Glad you gals are here - it's nice to know there are people that get it.
7/2/2019, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC)
7/25/2019 AC + T (Taxol)
8/2020, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, Grade 3, 1/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (IHC)
Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement