Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Forum: Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy — Discuss prostheses, swimsuits, bras, and other options for women not having reconstruction or waiting for reconstruction.

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 02:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 06:56PM by mt1

Posted on: Jun 13, 2012 02:39PM - edited Jul 2, 2012 06:56PM by mt1

mt1 wrote:

I know many of you wear prosthesis, so I probably wouldn't be able to see or 'know', but. I look for you. I want to see you. I want to form a union, lol. I wish it were even more accepted, acceptable to be flat. To not wear prosthesis, not feel the need to, to opt out of reconstruction-if that is your choice. I do hope that women who see me, flat as can be, see there are options, that reconstruction isn't par for the course. I want to make flat beautiful, sexy, stylish. Normal. And it is normal for me, is becoming normal, but I am talking about society, norms and expectations. Breast cancer is not about 'boob jobs'. Yes, many of us opt for them, want and need them. But it is also about choosing to be flat. 

Geez, would I like to meet up with other flat chested women. I would love to take over a hotel, make noise, laugh, cry, be flat together-to see you. I want to meet other women who, like me, have decided not to reconstruct. I want to be able to see you and high five! I want to experience our society of normal.

I was picking up my vegetables from the CSA and a man could not stop looking at my chest, I wanted to yell, 'Breast Cancer did this!! Get it together, man!' I wish all of us would!

Rant complete.

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Jun 13, 2012 03:00PM Wrongchick wrote:

MT,
Rant away my flat sister! I live on the other side of the country from you, but if your life ever takes you to CA, yes indeedy we could give each other a high five. I'm trying to be ok with giving up my beloved red wine, but we could clink our glasses of lemonade as well.
Do you know the essay about this topic by A. Lorde? I read it decades ago in college, but even then, in the bliss of youth, health, and perky breasts, it made an impression on me. Let me know if you are interested in reading it. I'll try to find a digital copy.
Just so you know, the dude at the CSA probably was the type to stare at your chest no matter what was or was not there. Or maybe his sister/ mother/daughter/aunt/ grandma/niece is fighting BC. I do my best to think spiritually generous thoughts when I catch people staring, but oh me oh my do I want to yell sometimes, too.

Dx 11/11/2011, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 2/9 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jun 13, 2012 03:03PM River_Rat wrote:

MT1, I know just what you're talking about.  I've gotten some new forms but I don't expect that I'll ever wear forms all the time.  I had worn them rarely for several years and very rarely over the last two years.  I found myself feeling very sisterly toward every flat chested woman I saw.  But here's the thing - I didn't know how many of them were flat chested due to cancer or how many were just flat chested because I noticed a lot of flat chested women.  Every time I pick up a magazine or catalog I notice how flat so many of the models appear.

Of course there's the opposite extreme too.  It seems like there are so many big breasted women and especially with warm weather clothing I notice all the cleavage and get a little twinge, a little feeling of "I used to have that."  But I still feel like I made the right choice for me.

I too find the idea of a flat chested get together very appealing. 

Fear is the highest fence. ~Dudley Nichols
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Jun 13, 2012 03:09PM alexandria58 wrote:

MT1

I go flat exclusively.  Never wear a bra - or anything.  Moat people don't seem to notice anything other than I'm thinner than I used to be.  I had a bit of a problem the first few months, but now, it's fine.   I'm not sure where you're located, but I'll get together for a flat fest if it's anywhere near my locale.  

Dx 2/22/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Jun 13, 2012 03:35PM mt1 wrote:

Flat Fest! I love this!

NYC.

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Jun 13, 2012 07:49PM crystalphm wrote:

I want to be invited to the First National Flatfest... :-)

I do think about this, I work with all women mostly, and I glance at chests. The interesting thing is when I was coping with cancer issues and working, I would talk about it, and I was shocked at the women who had breast cancer, there are ALOT of us out there...but of course there are many lumpectomies and probably not near as many of us who choose to be flat.

I am fortunate to have a friend who has sent me photos of flat...and it has helped me feel "ok" because I look like her. If that makes any sense.

One interesting moment, I saw a woman with one breast, and the remaining breast was large. I was working with probably 30 other people and I was the only person who noticed.

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Jun 13, 2012 08:04PM Sian65 wrote:

I had a left mx.  I often don't wear a prosthesis - and never at home/to go around the corner.  Great patterned shirts do the trick.  I figure -  give them an education if they notice! ... and almost always no one does... :)  I sometimes wish I had got a double mx cause then I would never have to wear a prosthesis.

Diagnosis: 9/6/2011, ILC, 11.5cm tumour, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 10/13 nodes, Luminal A ER+/PR+/HER2- Surgery 9/21/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Chemotherapy 10/5/2011 Ellence (epirubicin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/16/2011 Avastin (bevacizumab) Surgery 2/15/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 3/28/2012 Navelbine (vinorelbine), Xeloda (capecitabine) Radiation Therapy 6/26/2012 Whole breast: Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Jun 13, 2012 08:07PM alexandria58 wrote:

OK, so how about first annual flat fest either in NY or NJ (I'm in Trenton, NJ) sometime over the summer or early fall?  

Dx 2/22/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Jun 13, 2012 08:12PM mrsnjband wrote:

I went flat for 3 years & most people didn't notice unless I brought it up. I really didn't care what people thought.  

But I started infections in my arm because my mastectomy scar was burnt to a crisp through the rads.  So last summer I had a bi-lateral diep.  I am truly happy I did it because I am in less pain now than I was before the surgery.

I fully support you & others who go flat. NJ 

Norma June, Bi-lateral MX 2008, Bi-lateral DIEP 2011 Dx 1/10/2008, IBC, <1cm, Stage IIIB, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 1/24/2008 AC Chemotherapy 3/9/2008 Taxol (paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 5/28/2008 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 7/9/2008 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/10/2008 Surgery 8/14/2011 Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Surgery 8/14/2011 Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Surgery 12/11/2011 Reconstruction (left)
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Jun 14, 2012 12:10AM Momine wrote:

I like the idea of a flat fest, lol. We should do it in one of the hotels in Vegas, home of the cleavage. To those who are only half-flat, you are obviously welcome too.

Dx 6/1/2011, ILC, 5cm, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, 7/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 6/19/2011 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 9/12/2011 Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy 1/8/2012 Surgery 3/7/2012 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 3/31/2012 Femara (letrozole)
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Jun 14, 2012 05:58AM barsco1963 wrote:

Love the idea of Flat Fest! However, being Canadian I will likely be there in spirit only as a Half-Flatter. Fortunately I am small breasted and can often get away without wearing a form, but do wear it when wearing tank tops etc. I go without a bra & form whenever I can though.

Be flat - Be happy!

It isn't knowing the worst, the worst is not knowing. Dx 5/30/2011, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 21/29 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 7/24/2011

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