IM DONE WITH MY TREATMENT - NOW WHAT? INFO...
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Very happy that this is still helping. I don't post here anymore but I wanted to say "thank you" for the kind pm I received.
Health and healing too all...
V
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I'm only able to take in a small amount of this info right now, but will try to read a bit each day.
Almost immediately after my rads were done I moved clear across the country and settled into a house with my mom. This after living for five years in an RV. And after being on my own for 30 years. Obviously major changes. I don't have a doctor yet in my new town. I haven't found a local cancer center. I don't have a support group.
Yes, these things are on my "to do" list, but I feel so unable to cope with it. It's all I can do to unpack boxes and settle into the new house. But I need to have a 3 month followup soon, so must get going.
It's reassuring to hear that so many feel lost and confused and apathetic and depressed. Even though I wouldn't wish those things on anyone. At least I know it's normal. It's hard to lose all the support of my old cancer center and friends there all at once. It makes things feel scarier than I think they would if I knew who I'd be dealing with.
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I don't come here often anymore but needed to "refresh" my mind (copied now to my desktop)...bumping to help...be well and take care.
With love and prayers for ALL...
V
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I'm done with my treatments except for Arimidex and I'm worried that I won't be able to get beyond the fear of recurrence. I'm still struggling with fatigue and it is hard to manage every day life right now along with my job and family responsibilities. I am grateful to all the women on this site that share the bc journey along with me. The information you provide is so helpful.
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I, also, feel the same way about touching my breast. It's harder, darker in color (not inflamed red, but it is red), and has established temporary lines from whatever bra I have worn prior to touching. I have lymphedema of the arm that seems to affect the breast, also. I have my first mammogram since the surgery a year ago and since the radiation that was over six months ago. I cannot imagine what that will feel like, since it is still sensitive in every way. I had an MRI which was not uncomfortable in May, and a PET last week. I don't even know why I need this mammogram, unless it is a new baseline for future annual screening. No one told me this, I am just guessing.
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I've had cancer twice - at 18 I had lymphoma and then at 41 breast cancer. They were unrelated. I just won some kind of terrible karmic lottery. I've been diagnosed with PTSD twice and the first time it took years before I thought I would ever get past all the worry and fear. This time (with the breast cancer) I knew I would hit a rough patch and be able to handle it. I have a therapist. And I have done it all - the support groups, the courses, therapy, the symposiums, volunteer work etc. I am a veteran of the cancer wars. But after I finished 2 years of treatment for breast cancer I crashed and could not get off the couch. Pity party for 1 in full session. I was crushed and felt like I was failing - I had been through this before. I thought I should be tougher this time around. I had read about a weekend retreat in Southern California that is geared towards getting women who have had cancer back into life. I was desperate so despite my cynicism I knew I had to do something to get myself going again. And decided to give it a try. Best thing I have ever done for myself. It absolutely dissipated the cancer cloud I was living under, dissolved the fear, and it has helped me move forward in ways I never imagined. It was active not just sitting around and picking your wounds. But anyone can do it - if you can walk you can do it. And I literally run out of words to describe how effective it was so me - the most cynical and jaded of cancer patients. They keep the cost low ($300) and provide scholarships - their fundamental philosophy is that no one should not be able to come to the weekend because of financial reasons. They will hopefully be offering programs like this across the country soon but right now they are only in Southern California. But if you are in Southern California and stuck then you should absolutely check them out. They are called Healing Odyssey and their website is www.healingodyssey.org. They have a retreat coming up in October. Honestly I would never recommend it unless I believed in it so strongly. And all I can say is that it worked for me and I know for the rest of the women that were on my weekend retreat.
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Thanks for posting this info! I'm doing radiation now, but was diagnosed a year ago so have been through chemo, then surgery and not rads. I have been really depressed in the past month and can't seem to get out of it. I'm isolating myself too. It helps to know that this is normal because I feel afraid and insecure about myself and my body now. I hope to be able to pull myself out of this soon. Thanks for listening!
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Just discovered this thread and so glad for the information. MMM67- I, too, have been experiencing the "pity party for 1 in full session". I finished treatment in June and have just been stuck ever since. I seem to cycle through bouts of depression and anger as I struggle to accept this new normal. It's nice to know that all these feelings are very common.0
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I don't thik after BC there is a normal. It's like you are permenantly on a roller-coaster ride that you can't seem to get off of.
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I hung out with anger for a good year after all the treatment settled down. I was angry with everyone and everything---had good reason for a few things/people, but it was great when I finally got it out of my system. Normal, good, bad---I don't think emotions ought to be labeled that way. Like Popeye, I yam what I yam. the tough part is defining what those emotions really are, and I found a great talk therapist who helped me sort it out. It was such a relief to dump a lot of the baggage---tho some of it still climbs on my shoulders every once in a while---but at least it has a name and I recognize "who" is there and know it'll be gone once I do.
Here's to you all as you find your way thru the tunnel---and finally are convinced that the light at the end is NOT an oncomming train. It will happen, Honest!
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iodine- Thanks for the encouraging words from someone who's been through it. I was beginning to think I was going slightly mad since I seemed to be the only one experiencing the anger issues afterwards- at least on the threads I normally post on. I know my family and friends are having a hard time understanding why I would be so angry now that I'm finished. It helps to know that this can just be one more step in the process.0
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IMO, we get angry when we have the time and brain cells to commit to such an energy sucking emotion---until we finish tx, we have no extra Anything!
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I totally agree with iodine's comments. I finished treatments, with the exception of Arimidex, and anger has been the most difficult emotion for me, along with fear. The anger really took me by surprise. I didn't expect that emotion from myself in this situation. However, I experienced it from the beginning - even prior to treatment. I still struggle with it now that my mind has more time to devote to it, but I also recognize that it's not a productive emotion. I do allow myself to feel it, but then must devise a way to handle it so that I don't become the victim of my emotions. I want to be victorious, not a victim. It's hard to wrap my head around all the emotions that a cancer diagnosis brings and for now it's a daily struggle for me so I completely empathize with everyone dealing with it.
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Rocket- To be victorious, not a victim! What a great way of looking at it!
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A precious info, Vicky..!
I love it, and place it as my favorite topic. TQ.
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In answer to a question, Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder said "www.breastcancer.org offers a lot of information about how to move on after your treatment is over".
I can't find that information anywhere on the site - does anyone know where it is? It's probably staring me in the face but I can't see it
Cheers - Ed
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Bump!!
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This is great information. Thank you for sharing!
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I sympathize with all of you who have gone before me. Your emotions are certainly valid. I finished radiation day before yesterday. I think that I must be an oddity, because I feel like it never happened It is over. I realize that it may not be.. My biggest worries are financial and whether to go on to do a rough 6 month treatment for another condition and stay on disability during treatment, or to continue to look for a job. I think I will start looking into both and let the chips fly as they may. Maybe I think that after losing my job, being dx'd with BC, fracturing an eye socket with needed surgical repair in the last 3 months,I'm just glad that it's over? I was recovering from PTSD from a Rottweiller attack which sent me to the hospital for surgery and was almost over when this happened. Before that there were many many things dating back to forever.. So I feel pretty good now. Although I was a total B%*ch during treatment. So this is probably not the most popular post. I'm probably too dumb or in denial to be upset or maybe I had such a violent reaction during diagnosis and treatment that I got it out of my system. And that Fall is my favorite season and I go psycho with the heat. I think that it also depends on your diagnosis. I am wishing everyone the best. In case there are other oddballs out there.
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I don't know but I burst into tears twice today. Once when getting my haircut at one of those $10 places and my hairdresser asked where I'd been, I said 'You don't want to know' and second when I went to the pharmacy for the TENTH time in 11 days and one of my medications hadn't been authorized and I've been paying $16 a day for a one day supply ( I go daily because I can't afford $400 or so, so I go everyday hoping it will be staightened out by the next day.) I just left without it. I give up. If my insurance doesn't want to authorize it, fine. They must be smarter than my doctor and have a lot more money than I do. Seems I hate waking up these days. I was fine during treatment, but finished radiation a little over a week ago. With no job yet it's depressing being alone all day and and the finances are scary. (Whine)
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This information helped me so much today. It was just what I needed. Thanks!
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Thank you!!!!
Tamoxifen adds a few years to the "DONE" catagory, but your information is still great. It describes alot of mutual feelings. In addition to the changing body, are the aches and pains. It is sometimes very interesting, although painful, to notice that a tug or pull from one place affects something in a totally different place. Then the "bionic" parts that have been acquired, don't always work the way they should, or you THINK they should.
I know one of my biggest fears is the growing separation from the drs. I'm afraid that I'm going to miss an important change and the cancer will return.
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THis thread needs a bump.
Except for a long stint on Tamoxifen, I am done with treatment. But, I'm no way prepared to be a survivor. My surgeon is done with me, I'm getting physically strong, and they just pat me on the butt and send me off to what? Survivorhood, live long and prosper!
I'm just not ready. I'm not doing too good in the emotions department, I have no oncologist right now, but an appointment in September. I'm fighting side effects, that's giving me something to do. May have LE problem.
But I'm supposed to get back to some new normal that I don't even know what it looks like. What is normal now? Where's my place? What am I supposed to do?
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Thanks very much for posting this. I have been looking for this information and hadn't had much luck in finding it.
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Thank you so much for this post!
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Love this so am bumping again
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