I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I have a question. I had a mastectomy. I only have one breast and can nothave reconstructive surgery. I want to wear lingerie, but I don't feel comfortable without my prosthetic. I have searched for lingerie that has pockets but I can't find any. Any suggestions.?
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Do you sew? I found it pretty easy to sew pockets I several of my bras, even my very skimpy, see through ones.
The TLC catalog has Adhesive strips for $24 that you use with your regular prosthetic
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Thanks for your topic, I have been considering this since I am now on my second round of chemo, and at 43, I thought I only had Replens and KY as my options, which is just ridiculous. Was the Thermiva treatment painful and did you do 3 visits over 3 months or longer - what was the downtime recovery like? Thanks in advance for your response, I, too at ERPR + and Her2 Neg.
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flomom14- the prior posts on using a silicone based lube are bang on
works way better than KY/Replens0 -
it's been several months since my last Thermiva treatment. Sex has gotten better over this time period. It was three treat spaced one month apart. No pain, no down time. I personally waited a day or two after the treatments before engaging in sex. I am extremely happy I had the procedure. I was worried after the first month when I didn't feel much different. After the second treatment I had a small, but promising improvement. A month after the third treatment I was back to normal and very pleased!
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Hi Suz-Q, wow this is exciting! Are you still satisfied with your treatment! Did you suffer with extreme vaginal atrothy! Any other support would be greatly appreciated!
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Hi. I have breast cancer diagnosed 2 years ago. Went through chemo, then mastectomy and some radiation. So as everyone knows you loose your sex drive. My BF took very good care of me. Now I guess he thinks I won't get it back IDK. Anyway, he is a truck driver he used to come home on the weekends. Now he may be gone a month before coming home. And does not always take my calls or return my text or calls. I have feeling he can't live with a non sexually relationship. I get that I understand, and I thought the same until I came across this site. I have learned how to try and get my mojo back. But, now the problem is sense he won't talk to me I can't tell him what I have found out and I'm not alone in this. Sometimes I think he thinks it is just me not wanting to have sex.
I want my man back. I'm 61 yrs old I don't want to start over. #1 I'm afraid to start over I already have a man that is accepting of my body changes.
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Miz1956, good luck, hope you guys can talk it out, work it out. As long as you are willing to put the work into you, you can have a fun, rewarding sex life. Wishing you the best
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well I learned freq lubes as possible is the first key followed by frequency.
I finally rewired my brain so I am very happy about the rewiring,
And I found out I can fit into old lingerie due to chemo weight loss.
New problem is I am about to get total hystrectomy in 5 days which means no sex for about 6 wks. To make it worse, my DHs knees are very very tender at this moment.
Just in case, I am applying lubes again before I go to sleep tonight.
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This is such a stupid question, but I'm just going to lay it on the line.
After a bath, my lady bits feel miserable, Uncomfortable. Itchy. Slightly burning. Just..not right. At first I wondered if it had something to do with my laundry detergent or bath soap, but none of these things have ever given me any problems in my life. Suddenly it occurs to me, is this the vaginal dryness I keep hearing about? IS this the latest gift of breast cancer? I do notice that when I cough, I dribble. I cough a lot thanks to my radiated lung. I wonder if the wet environment in my underwear is causing irritation. I always dribbled a little, but since starting tamoxifen that has gotten a lot worse.
Is this dry vagina? Or is this a soap / detergent sensitivity? Is this irritation from a change in vaginal ph level? I have been applying a little Monistat cream (for yeast infections) since I have nothing else here to help and so far it does seem to help. Maybe because it's slightly greasy? I am not liking this at all!
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You can do topical estrogen to help the dry vagina. I am on a .5mg dose 2x a week but it really isn't doing much so far. My doctor wanted to start with the lowest dose. I am not sure if she will increase it.
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runer, - try using a very gentle soap when bathing, - I use Cetaphil. I switched to that when regular bath soaps started to burn that area. I addition, I double rinse my laundry. Also, if you can, try coconut oil. My gyn suggested Aquaphor applied right at the opening to sooth if the coconut oil wasnt helping enough.
Yes, the joys of BC...
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runor - can you try showering instead? Could be the water is drying you out. Also don't use soap on the inside, only on the outside area. And, call your gynecologist's office to ask for their advice. They may want to see you if you are developing vaginal atrophy. There are remedies for that, including topical estrogen which is now approved for breast cancer patients.
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runor - no stupid questions here! Have you had chemo or are you on any homonal therapies (tamoxifen, etc.)? If so, then yes that is most likely what is causing your vaginal dryness. Talk with you dr. My MO and GYN both are good with using a vaginal estrogen cream - I use 1 mg twice a week. It has helped so much! And also, they suggested to use no soap at all ( I haven't been able to do that - but use Dove fore sensitive skin), use silicone lubricant. The coconut oil is the best lubricant though - just remember you have to use NON-LATEX condoms if using those - can't use latex with coconut oil. Other things can cause dryness and stinging also, so a check up just to make sure you don't have an infection of some type wouldn't be a bad idea either. I just reread your post and saw the itchy part - I would definitely get checked for a yeast infection. I had two of those during chemo. Miserable!
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Thanks all for your replies. I guess it's time to get to the drugstore and stock up on a few basic supplies, like cocoanut oil. I have really backed off soaping that area, which in itself is upsetting since I used to be one of those lather and scrub types. I also have some estrogen cream here, Premarin, which REALLY worked for the rare problem in my Life Before Breast Cancer, but I have not seen anything saying that Premarin is approved for BC patients, although other brands might be. Will have to talk to my Onc about that. Thank you!
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Nope. Can't do premarin. It must be topical.
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runor,
My mom had ovarian cancer. After emergency hyst, she was prescribed Premarin. Coincidentally she wad DXd w breast cancer subsequently.
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Darned it. Total hyst made me like a Sahara desert. I even started feeling stings around labia. Cannot take any type of estrogen cream regardless of forms. I guess I should make daily ritual of waterbased moisturizers.
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Runor - my BSO, MO, and my GYN all were in agreement for me to use Premarin cream. I use 1 mg twice a week. They do not believe that enough of the estrogen gets into your blood stream to cause an issue. The key is to use it regularly. Once the tissues are estrogenized, then less will be absorbed. It has done wonders for me.
Castigame - try the silicone lubricants. I find they work much better than the waterbased. My favorite is KY True Feel. But coconut oil is the very best.
Wish we didn't have to think about all of this!
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Hi, could i please get some of you ladies opinions on what is going through my head? I was 26 when i was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was married with one child at the time. I had a double mastectomy and my life got turned upside down. My husband, who is now my ex turned out to be a very horrible person. After i had my boobs cut off he would tell me things like "he would never be attracted to me ever again." He would call me nicknames like "Scar" or tell me i looked like Marilyn Manson to him. It was horrific. I decided at 26 years old to leave him and take my daughter with me. I never looked back leaving him. But to this day those things he said to me still hurt so much. I've had reconstructive surgery and i met my new husband at the end of my reconstruction. I was terrified to let him see me topless. I didn't have any nipples yet, just great big scars from arm pit to arm pit. When we had sex, i would leave a shirt on or only let him strip me down to my bra. It took a long time before i trusted him enough to show him. We have now been married for 2.5 years. He has been supportive of my breast cancer and tells me he loves me because i was so strong. Being a single mom, going through all this alone was unbelievable, but i did it. But here is my issue. Those things my ex would say to me are still in my head. Every time my new husband touches my breasts i wonder if he's just doing that to make me feel better or if he actually likes them. I wonder if he imagines one of his ex girlfriends while being with me just so he can get turned on. Every time we watch a show and a beautiful woman has her shirt off, i feel completely sick to my stomach. I freeze, i can't breathe. All i think is that is what my husband wants, not these scarred up round balls i have. It hurts so much. When i see he has looked at porn or scantily dressed women on his phone it destroys me. I hit rock bottom again and feel like i'm not even a woman. His response is that he's just like every other guy and he likes to look at other women. But it hurts me so much. It's going to ruin our relationship and he just doesn't see that. Has anyone else felt these emotions? I feel like i'm all alone. None of my friends have any idea what it's like to go through something like this. Am i overreacting? He wasn't there when i went through the really tough stuff like seeing my breastless for the first time, and seeing how much emotion comes along with living after breast cancer. I just feel so alone, so hurt and so jealous i guess of every other girl who has nipples, sensation in their breasts and look good naked. I mean, my husband isn't looking up women with double mastectomies to get turned on. So it really makes me feel that this isn't what he likes. Every time i bring it up it turns into a huge fight and his view is that i'm being controlling. But he just doesn't get it. Am i really the only one that feels like this?
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Merchie,
First of all, you were very courageous to leave your ex. Please remember if anyone does no want to be w you 110%, do not hold him back. It is not good for your soul. As it is, your ex damaged your soul somewhat which is totally understandable. You cannot and should not afford any more trauma.
I dread when and if my DH would not feel the same about me. I feel your pain. I love my DH but the moment he says or acts something similar, I will be going to opposite direction w/o single ounce of hesitation.
About seeing women on TV and daily life. I have similar issue. I will have boob envy for the rest of my life (47 yrs and no recon by choice). I had teenage boobs before BC and I mourn the loss every day. I am sure my DH looks at other women in daily life but he does not get caught by me. Well actually, even before BC dx, I told him do not get caught.
Please forgive me for saying this and I am a prissy prude. I would like to find out why my DH looks at porn so casually if I were you. Do not confront him or tell him how you feel and hurt. Breathe deep and think about how you can find out whether or not there is a real issue on his part. After you can find about his real perspective, you would know where you stand. Please be strong and tactful.
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merchie-
I think there are multiple things going on and overlapping here. First, if you keep thinking you're some horrible scarred up mess, nothing anyone says is going to change that! I think we can both agree your ex was a d#!khead who deserved to be let go. But you will never believe someone else telling you you're beautiful if you don't believe it yourself.
As far as the porn, that often is a problem and makes many women feel inadequate, not just breast cancer survivors. Maybe that's about guys and their lack of control and not about us. I don't know.
Have you thought about counseling either for yourself to get your ex out of your head, or as a couple
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Merchie: It think you need to look into some therapy. Your issue is outside the scope of a public forum. I hope you can come to the point where you realize your husband loves you and is attracted to you, imperfections and all.
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merchie, i agree with the above poster, you should address your self-image issues in therapy before it destroys your relationship. your new husband is obviously a loving person and he desires you just as you are. don't let the ugly words of another man come between you and him! pornography is a normal and healthy aspect of human sexuality and you should not feel threatened by it.
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Merchie,
I feel for you. I had very small boobs, geez almost flat chested. All my life between jokes of being flat as board, yadda yadda, I was never comfortable with my body. I figured at first glance a new boyfriend would flee after seeing my padded bra come off. lol. I never felt adequate in that department. We have this picture of what we think men like. They look at porn, (so do women), they look at big chested women, big assed women and all that. Nature. it's hard to not feel that we are not being compared. That they wished we looked more like this or more like that.
Eons later I'm diagnosed with bc. I could not even get bigger boobs out of the deal! No fat for DIEP, skin too tight to do tissue expanders, so got implants that maybe make me a rounded A+ lol.
My point is, the ex ass, is an ex for a reason. This guy loves you. Try not to base his looking at porn that it means he's looking for perfection. Porn isn't real. You're real.
Talk to a therapist, someone who can help you to squash those negative words the ex left on you. Speaking from experience, it can make a world of difference.
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Going back to runor's question. One suggestion I didn't see mentioned (I read through quickly) is to put moisturizer on your girly parts BEFORE you get in the tub. I love a bubble bath. I use Lush bubble bars because the suds are gentle and it's the only product I've found that leaves a tub full of bubbles even after a long soak. I apply moisturizer before I get in. I use Mary Kay Extra Emollient Moisturizer, externally not internally. It had the consistency of Vaseline so it's water resistant. Coconut oil may also work, inside and out. I also sip a healthy beverage, and make sure to pee when I get out
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I just wanted to come here and tell you guys that things in the sex area have gotten better. I still don't have much of a drive, but I am subscribing to the use it or lose it theory and doing it anyway. For the first time recently, I was able to skip the lube! Yeah. I have been using topical estrogen for a few months now.
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Hi Ladies! Just had hysterectomy with oophorectomy & salpingectomy 2 weeks ago. My mojo was just coming back after stopping tamoxifen. Had maybe 2-3 weeks of sex drive. Obviously sexy time is a no-no for at least 4 more weeks but worried to death about atrophy. I had my hysterectomy in NOLA during my stage 2 DIEP surgery. I asked the OB/GYN in NOLA about Estrace and Premarin-both were a no for me due to blood clot risk. He said none of the hormone creams were technically given the ok by the FDA for use in women with history of breast cancer. He recommended Intrarosa instead. I looked it up and the Prescribing Information has way less information listed under Breast cancer compared to the other hormone creams on the market and nothing about blood clot risk. He said it was still kind of new to the market. Wondering if anyone has tried Intrarosa yet?
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THanks for the tip, Tarhee.
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merchie, I think what you are feeling is normal. You have a bad ex who knocked you down so you are more apt to notice such stuff and worry. I do know some couples do look at porno and members of the opposite sex on the street and are fine. I've had it explained to me that porn can enhance the relationship by teaching techniques. I guess it depends on the guy or gal. Hard to tell. As said it would benefit you to see a therapist and if suggested a marriage counselor. Good luck.
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