Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Big hugs aka! I remember SO well those jitters! Wish I was nearer so I could help with your errands. I find staying busy helps when I am in that limbo-of-waiting!
When I read your words about the 48 hours it reminded me of MY sx. Ppl told me they would be praying hard at the scheduled sx time. As they took me into the OR there was a breeze & papers flew off a table. They all stopped & looked at each other & said there was no way a breeze could enter & they had never seen anything like it.............I Knew it was the Spirit (wind) & just told them it was the power of prayer! It immediately calmed me--I will be praying for you at that time. I hope you will FEEL it! HUGS
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I'm sorry for not replying to individual IOS today. I'm sort of in a tizzy.
We are submitting papers to our mortgage company this week, hoping they will allow a loan modification so we don't lose our home. The lady dh spoke to on the phone said we have about an 80% chance of working it out. If we don't, I'm not sure what we'll do. Our credit is too crappy now to qualify for a new loan on a smaller place (even if we could sell this one--houses all around our depressed little community have had "for sale" signs posted for over a year!) and--if you can believe it--rentals are virtually non-existent here. Dh actually applied for and was offered a second job several months ago, but his boss threatened to fire him if he took it. We NEED the insurance he has now and it's honestly better than anything else offered around here by other employers. (my bill at the cancer center last month was $150,000 before insurance paid!). We have had 3 large plants close their doors here in the last couple of months and unemployment is rampant. We're really out of options. Guys...I cannot believe this, but I'm honestly worried that we will be homeless in the next couple of months.
Please, please, PLEASE: if you're the praying type...Pray for us! If prayers isn't your thing but something else is....I'd appreciate whatever positive energy you could send my way. Dh has been working his butt off--and now his employer has cut out all overtime. They've already closed two locations. I'm scared...and THAT SUCKS!
((((HUGS)))
Diane0 -
Oh Diane!!!! That SUCKS is pretty much the understatement of the year! They say if you don't have your health you have nothing to which I reply, "I'd rather be sick and rich than sick and poor". Sending prayers your way. I can't believe your dh's employer would not want him to have a second job so long as he shows up for work when he's supposed to. Hugs Diane.
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Diane..I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry this is all happening! I offer gentle hugs and kick ass prayers.
Elaine
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Diane: Fierce 24/7 praying has commenced.
Luann: Pain. Family stuff. That is just no da*ned good. No da*ned good at all. (PM me your address, toots. And I will try to put a card in the mail before Easter!)
Lefty: Nerves are 100% understandable. Good for you for trying to keep an even keel, though. I'm trying to adopt the same attitude. Just one thing at a time. No need to panic. If I feel a little anxious, I need to increase my dose of dark chocolate and put on a Queen album ("nothing's gonna stop me nowwwwwww....")
My new IOS: As it turns out, it is not my ovaries that are acting up. (I guess that's kind of an SOI, huh?) Instead, I have a yet-to-be-identified "abdominal mass" and an appointment with a surgeon tomorrow (a surgeon who insisted on talking to me on the phone when I called to make the appointment; apparently, people are a little freaked) to do the ultrasound, sonagram, etc. and possibly (probably?) a biopsy and then... well, then maybe surgery at some point.
lovely. lovely, lovely, lovely.
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Rock, hang in there. My thoughts are with ya through this anxious time. HunkyD
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Good afternoon to all;
I haven't been posting much, but have been reading some. I just haven't been feeling well lately. Nothing exactly wrong, just not right.
I woke up this morning with the worst pain behind my expanders. It felt like someone was kicking me in the ribs and pulling at the muscles from my back. It must have been going on for awhile because I had tears in my eyes when I woke up.
I am not due to go back to my ps for a couple of weeks and don't want to feel like a wisp, but this is not good.
I don't know if it is because it was very cold this morning and due to my lovely night hot flashes had thrown all the cover on the floor that my muscles are acting crazy.
I was under the impression that I would not have feeling around these blobs that are in my chest, but I guess that is only right on the top. Everything else is throbbing today.
I read somewhere back that nerve endings sometimes cause pain, maybe this is what I have, I just know that I am not a happy camper today.
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Diane,
THAT TRULY SUX! I just want you to know that I'm praying for you! I'll continue to pray, til you tell me that it's all ok. Sending HUGS your way!
Rock,
THAT SUX! To have an abdominal mass, is just beyond words! How SCARY!!
I'll be praying for you, too. Please keep us posted on your u/s, and if necessary, your biopsy.
Pinky Lee,
So sorry to hear about your expander/ pain... It SUX!
HUGS,
Harley
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Dang it all ROCK! SO sorry sweetie! That SUX BIG TIME! Dang it all....Please know I'm keeping you ALL in my hearts and prayers and thoughts all the time.
Rock? Do you have your ovaries yet? And how old are you? IF you don't mind my asking, if you do, just ignore the ?s
Will pray hard it's something simply curable with removal, like a ovarian cyst. Some of those are solid filled you know, so don't panic yet.... we're here when you need to B*Tch, Moan and Groan about it dear! So sorry 
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Hi all ~ sorry about the IOS going around...inept family, having to worry about being homeless, having to have more tests for stomach massses!! I'll be keeping you all in my prayers until all of this passes.
Nancy ~ I indeed do still use the phrase "hump day" but I won't do it in email anymore...one of the good Doctors I emailed today was aghast at my wishing him a "Happy Hump Day" ~ apparently he is not a native of the US and didn't know what it meant...very hard to explain to a polish man over email...oops!
No suckage to report on my end...just the usualy aches and pains and mild annoyances from "stupid" people doing stupid things.
Hugs to everyone...
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to clarify, I THOUGHT it was an ovary issue but apparently it is not. Pelvic exam was uneventful and ob/gyn says the problem is north of her usual territory. It's a mass (a hard lump and kind of a hard area) "deep" below my navel. I'm not even clear what organs are there. Strange, non?
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rock,
24/7 prayers back at you---please keep us posted. I know you're numb, but you're not alone.
Love you.
Sue
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rock, I'm not sure what is right there, either, but I hope it turns out to be nothing serious.
Diane, it sounds like the mortgage company wants to work with you. I mean, people are getting foreclosed on right and left and here they have someone who wants to keep paying on their loan. I'm thinking they will definitely want to help you keep paying! Prayers are with you..
Pinky, I am so sorry you're having so much trouble with your expanders. Constant pain sux big time!
I am praying for all the issues here.... your gals are such an inspiration to me.
Much love,
Miss S
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Oh, man.....
Diane, rock, AKA, Pinky, your @#$%&*^+#@ IOS's SUCK! I've been pretty much 24/7 on the prayer front for a while now, so will just amend my list to add you all. That wonderful lady I met recently at work with the mets everywhere died yesterday. She was doing really well & then, suddenly, she wasn't. Sh*t.
Love to everyone,
Kathi
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OMG, I will be sending prayers all around, not much else to say other than THIS ALL SUCKS!!!! I can't believe what all is going on. Is the world caving in around us and we don't know it or something???
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SUX EVERYONE! SO sorry
Minor SUCKAGE here, little IOS compared to your all and for that forgive, but I have to write it out or I'll bust!
The freaking little piece of slugmaterial that came into my life the other night by breaking in and stealing our knives and guns, also broke into a renters garage next door and killed their children's chickens
Just slit the throat! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What kind of animal is this scum of the earth! Then to top off that, we find out it's highly likely he is a member or at least Native American and thus will likely just get a slap on the wrist for all this crap! LONG story, but they have a court system whereby their judges on down are bought and hired, not elected and as such, do what is required to keep their jobs and not raise hairs! OMG! I'm telling you, if this is true, I am so going to be protecting my home with a gun from here on out, b/c I heard it's likely he was held 12 hours and release on personal or low bond! THIS STINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And then I got mad at dh for not being home and dealing with some of it and hung up on him, or he on me, not sure who hung up first! I HATE THIS TOWN!
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OMG! Wish, I am so sorry to hear about the break-in! That sucks big time! I wish you had a security guard protecting you 24/7! People like that guy who broke in are slimeballs!
Rock, I'm still praying for you... I don't know what is there in that spot, either, but I am praying that it is nothing and you are going to be just fine.Kathi
So sorry to hear about the woman who you met from work, who had mets, but is now gone. I hate this FREAKING DISEASE!
Hugs
Harley
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Popping in to mark my place. I wouldnt have a gun personally because I would probably shoot myself and then because I am stage 4 would think that I gave up on life. I think it would be more effective to throw the cat.... claws first
I am sorry that the poor thief could not be allowed to suffer the consequences of his actions, and will continue this behaviour because no one has the BALLS to stand up and say, dont care what colour your skin is, if you know that what you did was wrong, dangerous to others then you should stand trial and take your punishment like any other scum of the earth that would do this.
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We've had these and other guns for over 25 years and never had them out and unlocked till recently. These are considered target pistols, and not hunting guns, but it burns my arse, that I have to live in fear of this rat. If it means I have to take up arms to protect myself in my own home, then by Gosh I will. And I don't mean the target pistols and knives he took, but the hunting guns/rifles and such that he couldn't get to. THANK heavens he didn't, or those cops might be dead
I just hate this...hate living in fear! Ihate it!0 -
wish,
On these boards we often surround people who are going through medical fears--but I vote we surround YOU so that you can feel the sanctuary of your home once again. I understand the fear and the husband gone thing--I go through it myself, and have for twenty years. I try not to be mad at him because he really has no choice, he has to go away. Do you have good, secure locks and deadbolts? Have you considered getting a big dog? We have had big dogs for a while, and when I get that (in my case) irrational home-alone fear I just watch the dogs' behaviour--if they are acting normally, there is no one around! Do protect yourself, with a gun if necessary, because we need you here and love you. Sorry the scum isn't going to get what he deserves, which is a shovel brigade...
Hope you get less fearful every minute until you once again feel safe in your home.
Love,
Sue
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Well, Sue, I appreciate the backing. I did go to the pcp for something to sleep, b/c I've not been able to get my heart rate down since it happened. It's been running about 120+ since and I'm NOT that fearful of a person. I used to work in the gardens till after dark, using the moon and/or yard lights to continue what ever I was doing. I used to come home from work late at night to an empty house and not fear entering my own home. I used to not check for new feet print outside my windows/door when I got up to go pee. Now that's not possible.
I did go to the pcp and get some scripts to help with the anxiety. One he gave me for the pains that wake me in the night was a muscle relaxer and I must say, I am able to sleep in 3-4 hour stints now rather then 1 1/2 -2 hours at a time, so I'm getting more of a restful sleep and hitting that REM now. That is helping, but I'm still finding unless I take this nerve stuff, my heart rate skyrockets. I hate this little scum of the earth did that to me and my neighbors. It's not fair, as this freaking disease attacking so many of my sisters is too! FAIR.....I don't believe anything is in this world anymore...
So...thank you Sue and others...
NOW, I vote too, we get back the need at hand...Supporting our sisters/brothers with Breast Cancer IOS's and leave this trash pile where he belongs..IN THE GUTTER!!
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wish, i don't know if this is a feasible option for you or not. but have you considered/checked into an alarm service. i thought from tv commercials that they are fairly low priced these days and something like that might give you more peace of mind. the last thing you need while fighting cancer is fear of your personal safety in your own home. just a thought. keeping you in my thoughts.
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Hugs Wish--I have been there--it WILL pass, but not until you have spent time getting back to feeling secure. I think some kind of alarm system or dog might be just the catalyst to get you back to living without fear-----hugs to you for a quick return to it.
Don't know is this will help, but the one thing I learned from it is that "they" were always there, but not part of my day to day life til they messed with MY house! (sorta like 9/11 recovery) I realized I just needed to get back to being careful & live the way I had b4 with the knowledge that "they" will get their just rewards sooner or later whether I am involved or not......sorry you are going thru this!
Be well & stay strong
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Holy jamoly, way too much suckage!
Here's my addition - had my regular follow-up today, mentioned the numbness/weird feeling on my face (left side, the skin cancer on my ear that invaded the nerves requiring radiation side) and instead of an, "oh silly, that's normal!" I'm scheduled for a brain MRI tomorrow. Tomorrow! Wasting no time. I am totally freaking out, but trying to remain calm. Sucks.
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cmb,
Wishing you a clean MRI with an "Oh, silly, that's normal" added on.
Prayers,
Sue
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cmb, I am praying!! That is scary!
Wish, I am just so mad about that guy trying to break in and robbing you of your sense of safety and security (and the pet chickens.... grrrr). Sometimes I wonder if anyone gives a thought at all to the consequences of their actions on others.
Love to all,
Miss S
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Gentle hugs and kick ass prayers to all in need tonight. You are all amazing women who deal with so much with extraordinary strength, courage and grace; and its just another day in the life of...
Be well my super hero friends, sweet dreams tonight.
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Hi all...a bix that sux to all those who need it!
wish ~ glad you got some scripts to help you with anxiety! Better living through pharmaceuticals I always say!
I have a minor vent ~ nothing that can be done about it but it's been bothering me all day anyway. I had to get the surgery notes / pathology report from my surgery back in April. To my surprise my pre-mast MRI showed an "unidentified" nodule on my left breast (cancer was on the right) and I had displasia in the left breast as well. Now, I had already decided long ago that if I ever got BC I would have a double mast ~ a friend of mine passed away from it and in our discussions I just decided I would not mess around if it was ever me, I'd just get rid of them. But I find it odd that nothing was ever said to me about this finding on the MRI or the fact that I had abnormal cells on the left side. Since I had a blm it's a no harm no foul situation but still ~ am I wrong in thinking this should have been brought up in my follow up? Huh.....
Anyway...as much as they say Herceptin only has no side effects - I find myself very tired on these infusion days so I think I will do my daily duties and climb in bed early tonight...
Prayers, hugs and best wishes to all....
Bonnie
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EWB,
I love the kick-ass prayers. Just love them. The gentle hugs are nice too. Thanks.
Bonnie,
I'd be asking me somebody why I wasn't told that!!!!
Sue
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