Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Happy Thanksgiving to all--no matter how bad it is--there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for--even if it's only that things aren't worse (Cuz they always can be worse) HUGS
Jane---hugs, hon--remember----it's only been a few months. You still are processing & that is very delayed sometimes--give yourself a break & time to adjust---You are settling into tx-now your brain is beginning to really embrace the facts!! Think how you would counsel someone you love, then take you own advise!! It WILL get better, hon--we are all here to attest to that fact, but you just have to walk thru it! (can't go around it!) I think the holidays can just make it all so much more confusing. We are here for you!
At church this morning we sang a song "How can I sing to God"=-==one verse made me think of this thread---"I will sing thru the ache & the pain, Thru the complaining & whining"===how's that for a hymn?????
Everyone be well & stay strong!
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Hugs (((((( jane, ewb, pinky, otter, wish, luann, sue and saint )))))))))))) and ((((( anyone I missed ))))))))). As much as I hate hearing about your IOS, I hpe that this too will pass. In general, holiday time and long dark wintery days are very stressful and a downer. Each day try to find one thing that is pretty, cute, funny, cheerful, comforting - the sun coming up in the morning, a cup of hot coffee or tea, a few moments alone (in a bubble bath), or whatever is good, peaceful, happy. Write it down on a piece of paper or on your calendar. over time you will see that is is not all bad and gloomy.
My son's inlaws ( we call each other the outlaws ) will be in Florida for Christmas and gave me my presents yesterday - a fake fur wrap, pink fuzzy sox, a dish sponge on a handle that you put the soap in the handle AND a donation to the American Cancer Society. It brought tears to my eyes and took me completely by surprise. I had been thinking about gifts for them, but figured I would do it after my surgery next week - would give me incentive to get up and out once I am cleared by the surgeon. They know I do not need or want anything, and this was such a sweet thing and really made my day. That and a wonderful meal shared in their home and pictures taken and not being alone was what I am thankful for. I also got some alone time with my son since I drove him to and from their home. His wife stayed over night to help her mom get ready and cook and then to go shopping today at the crack of dawn. She gets to spend alone time with her mom and I got to spend time alone with my son.
I cannot take away your hurt, pain, misery away, but I can send you a smiley face (with a turban on top) @:-}
and ((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))). Nancy0 -
Hi, everyone. Just a quickie to offer hugs to {{{{{everyone}}}}}. You ladies are the best. I hope all IOS's get better & SOI's increase. This is one of the places I always know I can come to when I need to feel a little love flowing around & among us, even when things SUCK!
Kathi
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Just marking my spot with a WhaSux????
Hugs to all & ty to AKA!
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Sometimes family can be the worst. I took a quick weekend trip with my daughter to visit my brother. He had surgery a month or so ago and is so depressed wanting to be healed faster (we all get it) anyway just wanted to visit him and he lives a good hour away from my other brothers. He calls them all to tell them I will probably be showing up and now everybody expects me to show up at their houses for lunch, dinner, brunch, you name it. I barely had enough energy to make the 6 hours drive let alone try driving another hour to their houses and showing up at their convenience. WTF, aren't I the one with cancer????? Am I not the one going to die of this disease and they want me to do what????? They are all in for a shock. Told my younger brother that I am visiting that I don't plan on leaving his couch tomorrow and if they want to see me then they can find me. If they don't like it then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine! My one SIL actually had the nerve to say to me when I asked her to come home after church to visit instead of going out with friends (nothing special, just dinner they they do most weeks and is no big deal to cancel) that she would think I would want to see her daughters after driving all this way. What about my kids, when do they want to see them. GEEZ!!!!! I will be happy to head home sunday!
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Ahhhh The stress of the Holidays has begun
So sorry, but hon, stick to your guns, explain YOU are traveling the 6 hours, they can do the other couple to come there to see you! And let them know you'll be happy to eat the food they bring with them, or what ever they choose to order out and bring in for you and your bro! Geesh, some just don't get it! My uncle died this after
Was expected, but now my sister told my mom I'd be coming home wiht her sunday for a funeral tuesday. Although she still hasn't called to inform me of these plans! UGH! And monday is my scheduled TV/U/S and then tuesday I'm scheduled to work. So, I just drop everything for her, b/c she tells our mom we'll be putting up her tree and decorating when we get there! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm NOT in the mood for christmas and not even decorating my own house! WTF is right! FAMILY! 0 -
Christmas, schritzmas !!! I agree that all the hoopla is too stressful. I have not done a tree for the past 5 years - call me Scrooge if you want, but just for me is silly. I was thinking of getting the CD or DVD that has a glowing fireplace that shows in the TV screen, but my TV is small and on top of a long table and would look weird. Once my son and his wife have kids, I think it will be lots of fun with the surprise and gifts and all, but for now - nope. I do have several holiday tops and one dressy blouse with gold stripes and poinsettias embroidered on it. Maybe I will change from a wig to a Santa hat to cover my head !!
Don't you just love people who tell you when and where to be and what to do? I dig my heels in and say I am not in the mood, or help me out and explain why I have to do it because YOU said so.
(((Wish))), sorry about your uncle. I had a phone call from 2 friends - one's sister died and the other is doing hospice in her home for her sister. This time of year they say more people die than any other time of the year -- what a happy thought... NOT !!!
Let's get out the smilies and have a good weekend.
Hugs, Nancy 0 -
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on this thread daily and look forward to reading all the posts. Nancy I have to chuckle at your Christmas "attitude" because mine is somewhat similar. In fact my dh and I are staying home alone with the dogs. Our choice and I'm quite looking forward to it. I might even cook a turkey.
Hugs to you all. And hoping you have a suck free day.
S.
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Yes the holiday season has officially begun. I have always been stressed (at least a little) by all the hoopla--but this year seems even more stressful and I really can't figure out why...maybe just because I don't have my endurance back yet. On a lighter note, we did watch "Christmas Vacation" last night which is my favorite Christmas movie. It's so funny, I have watched it so many times I find myself laughing about what is just about to happen--I've got it memorized!! Next up--"It's a Wonderful Life".
Today is our turkey day because my dh is home--the bird is in the oven, and I did a lot of stuff in advance so I feel remarkably unstressed this morning. Turkey, stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes with fesh dill and sour cream, gravy, turnip greens and corn bread (Can you see my southern roots?) Ya'll come!!!!
Love you guys and you are definitely one of the things I am thankful for!!!
Sue
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Happy weekend, folks! Wanted to throw my 2 cents in re: stress.
I'm sane, though pre-cancer I tended to be a little highstrung. Recently, I checked this book out of the library, "The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques." It's kind of boring but I think I'm going to buy a copy. The basic premise is that I've accidentally trained my brain and my body (e.g., my limbic system) to be stressed out. Now I need to re-train it so that it doesn't go to "10" for things that don't really need to be that stressful, e.g., "I shattered a bottle of patchouli oil and now my living room smells like a youth hostel." (That is my IOS, btw.)
Anyway, I offer some choice excerpts:
A feeling (e.g., panic, dread, embarrassment) is just a feeling. It does not mean that something is wrong.
And my favorite one: Breathe. I am finding that one really helpful. I am stopping to take big breaths a lot these days. It's a little tricky with a headcold, but I manage. And it often makes people pause while they are telling me things that stress me out.
I'm with Wish and Lefty. I can get rid of a lot of stress simply by telling people what I need and what I can/cannot or will/will not do. But geesh, Luann. I think if someone had tried to guilt me with "Don't you want to see your nieces?" it would have been hard not to respond, "Nah, not really. Your kids are no big deal."
Good for you for sticking to your guns.
(Chemosabi -- Spot on. As usual! Sue, fedora fedora!)
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Oh the deep Breath! YES! It gets me through/past so much these days. I started using it when I was hypnotized to quit smoking one time and utilize it so often, It's like a first reponse without thought now. Had my 6 month f/u with the new onco this last wed. Ha! Same ol', same ol. I like him better b/c he's more thorough and answers (and understands) my questions, but it's not help in alleviating the fears and anxiety I have. Man, just give me some drugs and do NOT make me see a therapists to get them! I know the problem, just need a way to overcome those panic attacks when I can't reduce them by other methods. Docs...always passing the freaking buck....and that's a laugh, b/c they don't really pass, they charge you to then pass you on, thereby collecting $200 for them selves and the next guy! UGH!
What we need to reduce the costs of health, is to educate docs to do one stop threatment. One doc to treat, bumps, humps, mumps and all!
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Ahh LuAnn-THAT SUX!!!!!! Coming from a large & dysfunctional family I "feel your pain"...B4 both my folks died I lived over 1000 miles from my natal home & whenever my sis visited from Europe we all tried to get there at the same time for at least a few days--she ALWAYS pissed me off by acting like it was HER show & ignoring anything I suggested even tho I repeatedly told her I rarely got home more than she did! Cripes--...but really---family!!!! May be worse than MEN! ..and now 2 of my sisters moved HERE along with dh's mother!!! Where do I go now>>>>??? the movie theatre! LOL
Wish--if nothing else bc has taught me to say to ppl out loud--NO--I finally learned to take care of MY needs & that is not how women our age were raised! We are supposed to be sacrificing & caring for everyone else---if that is so--where are the women in our families who look out for OUR needs??? As for your docs--tell them-do not pass go & do not collect $200!!!
AKA & wish---I say do what feels right! When it comes to holidays I was always over the top----& made the whole family help as I decorated for 3 days after Thanksgiving--why it all had to be done is beyond me now--Now I only do what I feel "needs" to be done. I ask my kids--what do YOU want out---"the caroling bells, the music box" OK--everything else is extra & will NOT bother me if it isn't done! I spent 2 of the last 3 Christmases unable to do much of any of it & maybe that helped put it perspective for me. This is a time for peace, comfort & joy (if I dare go that far!) so do NOT let "SHOULD BE" stress you out! Keep it fun & forget other ppl's expectations! (does your sis want to take you to a funeral or to decorate mom's home????)
Rock--when I went to counseling she taught me to breathe in for 5 counts & breathe out for 5==amazing how it works when I REMEMBER to use it! LOL
Hugs all- I am so thankful for each of you (yup--a "love you guys" moment, but it's that time of year! LOL) Be well & stay strong
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She's the orchestrator of all things. Funny how at 50, and my bro at 58, are just now realizing LIFE will not stop if we say NO to her request!
Being mothers' fav, we've always caved, but those days are limited now 
We do as we please and if it includes her plans, we abide by her direction OTOH, she will drive here and I'll drive the rest of the way so we'll share that responsibility. It's just she lives on the line down from me on the way to the home front. The funeral is the destination, but the home decorating is for mother who at 81, really shouldn't be hauling trees and boxes up from the old michigan basement Hate that I feel this way, but I likely won't even make home for christmas, so it's not MY priority in life at this time Just an old scrooge yet this year And yes, I'm was/am thankful daily for those who have lived this journey, continue to and showed the way to do it in styles I never imagined possible! We are diverse, strange, loving supportive, and sometimes outrageously funny group! We ROCK! Others don't even have a clue!
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Maybe mom doesn't care about the Christmas decorating! Did anyone ask her or does your sister THINK she needs to have it done?? As my folks got older they stopped all the decorating & just plugged in a ceramic light up tree & played Christmas music! IF you guys put up her stuff who takes it all down?? THAT is the part I hate most! OTOH--maybe putting up her stuff will actually feel good; handling the old home stuff.........?
HUGS wish--here is to doing what works best for YOU! (we'll get out the shovels is you need us!)
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...but MY shovel does NOT touch snow--just so you know ahead of time! LOLOL
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LOL @ saint. I do NOT touch a shovel.
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Well CRAP! I thought we were friends here! What gives? NO shovels, or no shovels touching snow! And you are from Wisconsin woman, I know you live in snow at least sometime! UGH! She's near THE BRIDGE, so yes honey, it's snow country!
She loves to have the stuff up and yes, we (or this year, will be dsis since she's going up and I am most likely NOT) will be taking down the majority before she leaves from the week up there I hope!
Shovels be danged, we are going sunday till WEDESDAY NOW! Man! There goes my TV/US (not so bad to cancel) and work! WHATEVER! I'm just not strong enough to even say no
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Wish,
So sorry to read about your uncle. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I think I remember you posting that he was sick, but it still SUCKS!
Oh, and I will volunteer to help out with the shovel, if anyone needs it. I also have a shovel, and I will also need to stipulate that me and my shovel won't touch SNOW! lol When I moved here to NC, my realtor helped us to unpack. When he got to the shovel, he asked "what is this?" We said that this is the place we want to live!! Now we use that shovel to shovel Mulch!! or to help out if someone here needs me to hit someone who is being thick headed!!
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Harley0 -
Thank you, thank you, thank you Traci. You are right ----everything sucks. Talk about fuses, I have NONE. I keep telling people that cancer is "the gift that keeps on giving." I finished chemo almost a year ago and now everyone thinks everything is just fine! What's with that. Granted I should feel lucky but have all these thoughts about how lousy I feel. Aches and pains from the Aromasin, hot flashes, night sweats, leftover neuropathy, crazy fly away hair, etc, etc! I was scared about them taking my port out almost like it was a lucky charm [does that make sense?] My sister [who called me all of 2 times during my diagnosis, surgery and chemo] wants me to come cross country to help take care of my Mother who has Alzheimers. Where was she when I needed her???
Thanks for the oppertunity to vent, I really needed to do that!
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I had my double mastectomy on 9/27/07 and reconstruction exchange in February, 2008. I still have a lot of pain (a burning pain) at the top of my new foobs. I have been on percocets for over one year twice a day now and I am tired of taking these but this nerve pain won't go away. I can't find anything to take it away and I don't want to take out my implants if at all possible. I got myself off oxycontin but I can't stop the Percocets cause the pain in still bad. Does anyone else have this problem. All my doctors say this is not the norm, but it does happen occasionally. They think I have very sensitive nerves which I have always had. Any ideas out there to make my pain better? They also say that the nerve endings may be imbedded in my scar tissue. Again, any ideas to make this better? I tried myofacia ??? release but to no avail. Please Help, I am getting desperate. THIS SUCKS!
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Wow...BIG THAT SUX ((Neeinil & Neeliecar}} The nerve pain, man I've heard of it and was scared of it and so very thankful I didn't have it like that. I have heard of some meds (sorry can't remember what or which) but might have been either anti seizure or antidepressant type that help with nerve pain. Somehow they stop the transmission or deaden or some such thing. Have you seen a pain doctor? That would be my suggestion, as after a year, it surely doesn't seem like they tried much to help it. What about acupuncture? Never tried it, but hey, with that type of constant pain, I'd be trying it
Neeinil,
I totally understand that feeling of 'jinxing' by getting rid of something. I'm hard pressed to rid myself of those hats I lived in last winter {{harley}} You really wouldn't dig out that snow shovel, If I needed you to? I thought we were friends
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Hi everyone. We are slowly turning on the Christmas spirit.... the thing is some of the decorations were already there and all we had to do was plug in the lights. Sigh
but now the real work begins.... we are putting up the small tree out of reach of the grandson.
I saw a christmas card with a cat and a broken ball by the tree 1 down 97 to go hahhah
we have little miniature ornaments for the tree and a single strand of led lights. Hubby decorates the door to the apartment and we are done
I have written over 100 christmas cards and every day I add another few to the list
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Popping in to say hello and shouting out a big that sucks to everyone who needs to hear it. My IOS is that I have been nursing a cold for almost a week now. Don't feel like shopping, putting up decorations, or making cookies. Wish is was January 1st already!
Nicki
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Hi, Hugs, and THAT SUCKS for those who need it. Marking my spot till later.
Nancy
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It does suck. Bleh.
I managed to pick up a cold, so no Christmas shopping for me this weekend. Thanksgiving was fine, except for the part where I took myself off to bed while the family was still around...hadn't served dessert or coffee yet. Don't really know what happened, just that I had to take myself off.
Does anybody have low blood pressure? I've taken mine several times over the past three days, 90 over 57 was the highest. I'm keeping myself well-hydrated and don't pass up the salt. My BP is usually more like 110/70. My husband uses the same monitor - he has high BP and is on meds. His was within normal range, so it's probably not the monitor. Ugh. Will have to call the doctor tomorrow.
I had my vitamin D level re-checked last week and it is still low-normal (23), so I'm back on the 50K IU weekly.
Wish- dildo cam vs. funeral. Hmmm. tough choice. Seriously, sorry about your uncle. Expected or not, it can't be easy.
There is certainly something about family. I don't think it matters how old we get, the same time-worn roles continue. Maybe it has something to do with confronting mortality? Those family members that won't 'give in' and try to make you feel guilty for doing only what you are able to do...passive aggressive in the extreme. Does it make them feel better that they can force the issue? Who knows.
I'm watching "The Empire Strikes Back" on TV right now. I say to my husband - man Harrison Ford looks so young (and hot, but we won't go there). He says, yeah, 28 years ago we were young, too (19 & 21, the hot part is very debatable). Damn. I guess that means we got old.
Pam
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Hi!
Wow! I love this thread!!
A big ' that sucks' to everyone!
I wish i had found this thread when i was having chemo and my mother kept on telling me that I was losing my hair because i was wearing my hat too much!
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I also have a cold, but it seems to be getting better, at least, I hope so. This is the first cold that I have had, since finishing chemo over a year ago. I should be very grateful, and I guess I am, but I still bitch.
Dream,
WOW! Over 100 Christmas cards!! I know that every year, I send MORE cards, but strangely, I seem to be getting LESS cards as time goes by. Every year, though, just when I think I'm finished sending cards, I get one from someone who I didn't expect, and then I have to run out and send another card. I NEVER seem to be finished with the cards! and to think, sending Christmas cards used to be one of my favorite things about the holiday.
Harley
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Oh Penny
Mothers are sometimes so funny, NOT! Mine made a comment a few months ago about my hair, that didn't surprise me, but....was a mothers comment. We only see one another each month or 2 or 3, depending....she says to my brother and I at lunch, 'Well, You know a lot of women pay good money to get those curls you have now!' I laughed, said, 'Mom? You don't think i paid good money for this hair?" Chemo hair....curls I've never had before, so yes, I paid well! LOL{{Pam}} so sorry you have a cold! I have to say, other than the aches, pains and vaginal termoil going on, I've been rather healthy cold wise since chemo. Till this weekend. Was sneezing, snotty, runny (where you bend over and run for a tissue
, stuffer ears. Today it seems to be completely gone! I am shocked. Took NOThing for it! Whoohooo! Hope you find the same come morning! Hm.....there is no choice on the cam vs funeral now! Dsis decided to head up without me, i'll leave tomorrow after my vaggiecam. So, I'll be doing both now! And to beat all, we're getting more snow with 5-9 here tonight/tomorrow and as much or more up north! 2 hours through winter storm warnings tomorrow, sounds just loverly
Egads! At least it won't be freezing rains, could be worse I suppose. I'm wondering if with all our snow, someone might cancel earlier tomorrow and I can get in there first thing? Have to call in the morning and see!0 -
Hey, All! Wah-Sux??
Oh, Rock, you crack me up with the "my living room now smells like a youth hostel"!! LOL
Neeinil, a small dose of Effexor works well on a number of the SE's you described (aches & pains, hot flashes, night sweats, poor sleep). I can personally attest to its effectiveness. Ask your doc.
Neeliecar, when you say you got myofascial release, was it from a PT? (I'm a PT) And did this person actually perform real massage on your breasts or just do some gentle touching/holding/positioning stuff? If it was the latter, it's not the kind of treatment you need. I'd go to a PT who actually knows how to massage adhesions & scar tissue. I've had awful adhesions with my surgery & I've really dug in & softened up my breast a lot -- with the result that I have hardly any pain now. PM me if you want to get into this in more detail.
All right, ladies, I was too tired & traumatized from having suddenly to plunk down $20K last week to give you the details. But now that I've recovered a little, here goes. My car died last Saturday after 10 years of faithful service & equally faithful maintenance on my part. It was, naturally, freakin' freezing out the day it happened & I was nowhere near home. Plus the sun was going down, so the temperature dropped from freakin' freezing to instant-frostbite as this was all happening. I think you Canadians are trying to send all your cold air to New England. Anyway, I had just gotten in my car & started for home when a dash light I'd never seen before came on. I pulled over so I could look it up in my owner's manual, and of course it was one of those, "Do not continue to drive; contact your dealer immediately" kind of lights. So, as I'm reading about this, steam/smoke/unidentified white vapor starts coming out from under the hood, so I turn off the car & thank god, the vapor stops. I call for a tow, which I'm told will actually be there in under a half hour. Good thing because I had lost my gloves & I had icicles on my nose. The tow driver arrives & feels so sorry for me, he buys me a coffee on the way to my dealership so my lips will stop turning blue. I get to the dealership & the service department, & they feel so bad, they lend me a car to use indefinitely until they figure out what's going on. Then, two days later, I find out that basically, everything decided to break all at once - a cylindar cracked, the head gasket blew, there's radiator fluid all over everything, it's a big fat mess. I guess the car decided that 130k miles were enough. So, it's too expensive & not worth it to fix. So I get online that night & look up the dealer & read up on their cars on Consumer Reports. And the next day I bought a new car from them & drove it home.
You can't say I'm not doing my part to stimulate the economy!
So now, I have the Perfect Excuse for not doing any Christmas shopping this year, which is that I HAVE NO MONEY. But I will be happy to take everyone for a ride in the new car.
Kathi
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