Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Ahem. A song about beer that you can tailor to whatever sweet you choose. I heard this on the radio:
In Heaven there is no beer,
and that's why we drink it here.
And when we are gone from here,
all our friends will be drinkin' all the beer.
Hmmm.
In Heaven there is no cake,
But that cannot be, for goodness sake!
If angels aren't allowed to bake
What kind of a paradise would that make?
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zachmomma, Patti, PLEASE do not apologize. I gasped when I read your post. You are living this, and you have the right to your feelings and emotions. This is emotion Level top. No one who loves their mom is ready to let her go back to Heaven. My mother has passed away. It is a pain like no other, because the closest thing you have to a Creator on earth is your mother. You want to go with her ... but you know that's not how it goes. You have to stay here and honor her. She is obviously a woman of faith, and so I believe she has brought you up that way, too.
It is never easy or a time limited process of letting go - that's why we keep our people in our hearts and treasure them while they are here. Darn death. excuse me. @#$% death.
You do have to re-energize and take care of yourself, that's true. You know what, Patti, I did all that I could for my mom before she passed away and I thought I'd never have the strength to do that again. My father is in excellent health, but recently he's had some ailment. I had to do some strength gathering to help him. I did do it. God allowed me to do it, cancer, chemo, and all. The Bible doesn't say that God won't give you more than you can bear - that's what men have interpreted it to say. The Bible says that God will be there to walk with you always. It also says that with God all things are possible.
I try to be lenient with different versions of the Bible, but I favor the King James. "The Message" is too far out there for me. See how changing the words can change the meaning and make people doubt that the Bible is true?
My prayers are with you and yours. I honor all God-fearing moms.
October 1, 2007 - lt. radical mastectomy. Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month, indeed. Your brother should be pinched on the forearm. (IMO)
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Dear Patti; Welcome to the site, I wish you didn't have to join. You have come to the perfect place for the prevailing info on bc. The ladies here are the most wonderful, caring, supportive individuals, you will ever meet. As I read your post, my heart is in my throat & sorrow fills me. I feel sick, emotionally & physically. My mom and I were both dx in 08. Mom passed away. My baby sister passed away in early 09 from bc. The ladies on the site have been my life line. And I know they will be yours, likewise. Don't give up on your faith. You are going to need it more now, then ever before. Please come back to rant, scream, cry or just get info. We understand, and are here for you. I am sending gentle hugs to you and your Mom. (((hugs)))Angel
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Angel and Patti: I am honored to know both of you. You have been through so much my little troubles seem trivial. To go through what you are and still reach out to comfort others humbles me, truly. It puts me in mind of the man who cried because he had no shoes and then met a man who had no feet. Thank you.
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Just a drive-by to send hugs! I have a ton to catch up on here. See you!
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Oh dear ladies- some days everything just sux...please come and vent/rant/ramble on....so good to get it OUT . hugs to all
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs to my sisters in need }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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I have decided to have my "good" but abnormal breast removed (I think). I made an appt to see the surgeon next week. I would like to look into having a DIEP at the same time. My insurance company did not approve Zometa, but they did approve Reclast, so I am scheduled for that in October.
In a way, part of me is kicking myself in the butt for not having pushed for a bilat to begin with. On the other hand, it might be easier recovering from one at a time. Not much I can do about it now.
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hugs
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Hugs Jane.
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Hugs, Jane. You did what you thought was best at the time. May you find peace with this decision. Blessings, Nancy
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((((HUGS))))) for Jane and Patti.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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You've come to the right place Pattie. Big hugs.
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thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. They admitted mom into the hospital on Tuesday and she is now on "comfort measures" only. Her oncologist met with us yesterday and we are on a day to day basis. He is pretty sure that the cancer cells are in her spinal fluid. He has stopped other medications because her liver and kidneys are not functioning correctly so it is just making things more toxic.
The hardest thing is that today is mom's birthday. She is unaware of her surroundings now but we are still going to have a birthday party for her (probably more for us...) with balloons and cupcakes.
Patti
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Oh Pattie - I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom. I know what you are going through - I went through this with my Mom (pancreatic cancer) over 20 years ago. Please know there are so many women praying for you and your Mom.
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Patti, special prayers for you and your family. Nancy
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Dear Patti; I wish I could wrap my arms around you, hold you tight and ease your pain. I am praying for you & your Mom. ((((Hugs))))Angel
Dear Kathleen; I am profoundly touched by your post of Sept. 8th. I am very sorry to learn that your Mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. It's not relevant how long ago your Mom, passed away, it's still horrible.
I believe that grief is not linear. It's not a slow progression forward toward healing, it's a zigzag, a terrible back-and-forth from devastated to okay until finally there are more okay patches and fewer devastated ones. The mind can't handle emotions like grief and terror for any sustained period of time, so it takes some downtime.
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Patti, my heart is with you two. I watched both my parents pass away. I was surprised by the peacefulness in the hospital, compared to what must be horrendous in an accident, if you know what I mean. It seems more humane and controlled. She will be kept out of pain.
Of course you should celebrate her birthday! And it would be for you.
When my daughter and I were in the hospital with my dad, we celebrated 2005 New Years at his bedside....(he was in a coma and died on the 2nd).
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Patti...I'm saying special prayers for you tonight. ((((HUGS)))) I like ymb's analogy. It's been almost 2 years since I lost my Aunt, and 3 since I lost my bestest buddie in the whole world - and I still find a song, a memory, a moment can suddenly take me over and it's like I'm right back there at the end. They both passed with Hospice (one BC, one Liver) and I am so grateful we had the help of the saints who do hospice care there to help them.
Love to all you ladies...I've been following as much as I can at lunch time, the rest of my days are a blur right now - the end of the fiscal year is not time to be in the government!
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Mary22, you sank my heart. I'm sorry. We all want to have hope, a dream, something to get up tomorrow for. I only believe that you either "rage, rage against the dying of the light," as Dylan Thomas wrote, or "go out kicking and screaming." I think that last one is engraved at the bottom of my family crest.
kmccraw423, Kathleen. whoaaa. Okay. Don't hold back, tell me how it really is for diabetics. I didn't know THAT. Thank you. I needed to be educated. Carbs should be like Sundays. Okay. okay. All right, Richard Simmons, diet guru. Oh. Pardon me. It was he who said, "The whiter the bread the quicker you're dead."
Now I have read your later post. I'm sorry. I am a fellow food for comfort person, and I fasted with dad for his colonoscopy two days ago - and 80% of my thoughts were of food I wanted to eat. I know neuropathy from spinal stenosis. You go ahead and rant, friendgirl, I'll hold the microphone steady for you.
Ah! I am serving God by working on a book, kmccraw423. Wait till you read it. I gotta get some more people on their way to Heaven. Too many have been sold a false bill of goods on God. They don't know Him. They don't understand. I had two friends suggest I get a website, but I know that I must finish and publish the book first.
Isabella4-anyone who downs the whole cake is stuffing down anxiety, depression, unresolved problems, or boredom. You learn to eat a small piece of cake slowly - but first, you learn where to buy one small piece of cake. Do not shop big box stores for food if you live alone - don't do it. Locally, our Albertson's and Vons stores sell single slices of cake. You could also go to a restaurant and get one to go.
ymb, Angel - Oh, yeah! I, too, had a fantastic cook for a mom. No reason to eat at other kid's houses - it was not a treat. My mom's table put all the rest to shame. She used the secret ingredient (love) along with care, training (Board of Education food service), and dedication. You can't fool me with "good" food, because I've had better. I have to learn to eat smaller portions as I advance in my summers on the planet. Also, I gotta get out there and walk - exercise. My favorite? White cake with pink icing - like mom made for my birthday. Mom made sweet potato pie like nobody's business, and German chocolate cake.
Jane_M. I have it from my breastfriends mentor that a bilat is very up there on the pain charts. It just depends how much you wanted it - if you had to have it. Bilateral and stretching is adding on more to the pain charts.I think it is best that we don't spend more than 3 seconds on 'should haves.' And I HATED my (single)drain with the single mastectomy with a passion. If I had had two drains under my arm I might have spit on a snail in anger. Sometimes I accidentally pulled upon it -
Sometimes I just didn't like feeling it under my skin like something foreign. Other times I worried (shame on me) that it would be an act of congress to pull it out - when it came time for the surgeon to do so.Measuring the fluid from two drains? Writing it down, calling into the doctor's office to report? Oh, I would have been spider-woman climbing up the walls...
Peace, calm, and blessings for Patti, Mom and family.
KAK, barbe1958, leftyAKAnancy, navygirl --- wait, it's trying to kick me off again... hit the submit key...
It kicked me out! The board kicked me out. I'm so happy that I've learned to compose writings off the boards and then paste them in. Honestly. Electronics.
Beware, ladies, the bathroom scale and the personal computer can be used by the devil to make your life miserable!
so says sessna1
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Patti you are inour thoughts and prayers!!!
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A bit of a moan this very rainy morning -- 3 weeks ago I made an appointment with my ob/gyn DOCTOR (I thought) for annual pelvic and pap smear for Monday coming up. Got reminder phone call that I have appt with the nurse practitioner. I said at age 63 I am not changing to a np, and I have to pay high insurance and an additional co pay and I want to see a DOCTOR. The day is changed to Wednesday and I will see a "real" doctor. Is this too much to ask? Also, was told the np has been doing pap smears for over 30 years.
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Didn't know there has been np's for 30 years.
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Angel - I meant every word of it. You are so sweet.
Navy - And you are so right about sights, sounds and smells bringing back memories as if they happened yesterday. Not long after she died I was meeting my sisters to go somewhere (I forget where). On the way there I thought my siblings cannot plan a trip to the bathroom and I am going to be waiting for them - then I thought, well, at least I can have coffee with Mom. She'll be ready. I frequently dream about my Mom and in them she is alive. Its comforting.
Nancy - good for you! I know why doctors do this - with all the stupid insurance restrictions they have so much less time in a day - for example, my doctor could refer me to 10 specialists and each specialist could order 10 tests each and my PCP would have to write 100 orders! That's extreme but you get my drift. Having said that - I still want to see the doctor!
Sessna - I adore your posts! I can't wait to read your book. I started writing one too but, as with everything else, got side tracked.
Being a diabetic sucks! Oh well, people live with lots worse things - I guess I just need to suck it up and get on with it. It is what it is.
I am off to see the physical therapists as soon as I take a pain pill - you don't want to go to PT without pain meds on board!
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My husband has been so angry lately. It is soooo hard to live with him. Yesterday he tried to make me feel guilty that I missed my grandson's first day of school. I had booked to volunteer for The Bays Red Carpet Gala where $2 of a $10 ticket went directly to Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. Suddenly I find out that the whole family is walking Nathan across the road to kindergarten. He had his aunt, grandpa, both parents (they are splitsville) taking him. I bet he didnt notice I wasnt there. I can take him next year.
He was grumpy when I woke up to "Ive been home for 2 hours". Ok and..... but he grumped about the cat, threatened to return him to Dave. The cat is not social. All of our pet had redeeming qualities but not Bart. But that is no reason to kick him (metaphorically) by yelling at him and poking at him to move away (he hangs around the bathroom so our other cat cant "go". I usually carry her in and tickle his ass with my toes (he hates his bum touched and feet are a double insult). David is more aggressive in doing the same thing.
I am tired of hearing how tired he is. He grumps and complains. Its a wonder that anyone likes him at the end of the day. He is not a sad sack. He is red in the face ANGRY. He says his life sucks. His job sucks. His wife has cancer and that SUCKS in so many ways. He has to do more. And that SUCKS. People dont offer him rides (we both dont drive) and are rude. HMMMMMMM. And in all of this, I am sitting pretty. Somewhat healthy (healthy enough to travel), I dont have to work. I dont have to do home chores (except that they get left to me anyways) and I have help with the laundry.Good grief
It just seems that everything revolves around him, his moods etc. He will make me feel guilty about the trip. After all, we have no money for Christmas because that is when the second half of her tuition is due. Hopefully that means our credit card will have enough space on it for the trip. I can transfer the funds to cover... but I need the card. Or someone I can pay.... and I have two of those type of friends. One of which does not celebrate christmas. Actually he has already accused me of being selfish for wanting to go to florida... but as long as those f**king guitars hang on the wall, I refuse to feel guilty. At least that is what my therapist says.
This is not about money. This is about control of money. He is trying to max the card so I cant put the flight on it. But I will end run huim and go to someone else with the money and request they purchace for me. I cant live with angry for very long. It stresses me out tooooo much.
How do I get the little boy to grow up? This is a spoiled little boy - right?
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Dream - this is probably why I never married. I have no patience (it is getting a little better with age) for this nonsense. It sounds like he needs to see a therapist. Yes, his wife having cancer sucks (for HER). Don't you DARE feel guilty about this upcoming trip - you more than deserve it!
I had my first PT - everyone is nice and I think I will do well there - the best part is I have met my out-of-pocket limit so no co-pay!
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leftyAKAnancy, I will give them 1 point: At least they let you know they were changing the person you were supposed to see before you got there. My dad was scheduled for a colonoscopy consult, and we got a doctor that I could almost vouch waddled off the platter for Peking Duck... Then we found out that the doctor we had actually been referred to see was out of town or something, so the other office had made an appointment with Dr. Quack. !?!!!! So, we made an appointment with the doctor we should have seen in the first place. What a waste of time and money on Donald D., MD!
Asking for a specific professional is not too much to ask for. Not IMO. Oh, and congratulations to that np. Now, get leftyAKAnancy her doctor, thank you.
kmccraw423, it's words like that which will get you a free autographed copy. J
And, don't suck nothing up. There are some things that we have to move beyond or learn to deal with, but don't let NOBODY tell you to suck it up or get over it.
dreamwriter, has hubby always been like this? Why in the world didn't anyone in the family give you a heads up months, if not weeks ago? Where's the family calendar, besides in the kitchen tacked up to a wall? You CAN take him next year. That's right.
Is their a pet psychologist in the house like Dr. Phil for the cats? I mean, hogging the cat box is real animosity.
Do you think he is bummed out because he thinks he might lose you? Maybe part of him says, ‘Wish I was ill so I could stay at home and not do my lousy job.' Which is an awful thing that no one could really mean. Yes, you do have to do more when someone you care about and love isn't doing well. It's called love, compassion, and dedication.
People don't offer him rides? Does he ask? Has his temper alienated anyone who used to offer him a ride? The people are rude - but how has he treated them? Hmmm. Sounds like he needs a reality check on aisle four. What he perceives to be going on versus the Truth.
Some men have "breadwinner's syndrome." In the southern United States, it was expected - heck, probably still is to a degree - that dad eats first. The preacher is served first if it's Sunday dinner, but otherwise, dad is served first. It's a "Hail to the head of the household" thing. Some men learn that females are to serve them, and that they should be catered to - immediately- right after work. Leave them alone to destress when they walk in the door. Get dinner ready. Keep kids quiet. Look nice. Keep house clean. Pick up mess he left this a.m. and last night.
Yay! (That was a cheer for your therapist.) Everyone has something that they value, and you have to learn to have respect for the things those you care about value - unless they are illegal, unlawful, or just not right (like parting your hair in the center). [A little humor on that last one.]
You just hit the nail straight through the board. Stress in the underlying cause of most diseases. You are already an oncology patient, the LAST thing you need is stress triggering off an autoimmune disease, and causing your system to compromise itself and be less able to fend off disease.
Stress/anger isn't helping hubby, either. Okay. Here's a telling question: Ladies, join me. Ahem. "Does hubby have any guy friends that he spends time with?" "Does hubby have a tough male outlet, like watching some sport or participating in some sport?" "How did hubby treat and appreciate his mother and sisters?" "How has hubby behaved in the past when someone in the family took ill?" Could hubby want to lean on you the way he used to and he is taking it out on your relationship by being angry at most things? Is hubby scaring himself that without you, he's made himself un-lovable to most other people, and he's backing himself into a corner?
Male mid-life crisis?
There's another telling thing you said, ‘This is not about money. This is about control of money.' Hubby may be trying to control everything that he can so that he believes he won't get any surprises or something he can't handle (hint hint you being gone on vacation). Yet - there is nothing he can control except his own feelings, responses, and actions (thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous teachings. I went to a meeting with a relative once. I gave him his anniversary cake.)
I don't get that he's a little boy - I think he knows he's a grown man. Something is interfering with his ability to man-up. It could be "fear of the unknown." Thing is, he needs to take more positive cues from you instead of shutting down the castle and pulling in the drawbridge. I don't think he'd treat the dragon any kinder than the cats. Don't wish for life the way it used to be, find a way to live with it positively and productively now. Take responsibility for joy and happiness if you want it.
I forgot. Does he go with you to any doctor's appointments? That's telling, too. Does he - wait - he does resent some female friends, like the ones in Florida.
Did you used to wait on him hand and foot? Was he the only son in his family full of daughters?
I am neither doctor or psychologist. I do not play one on TV. I am merely
sessna1 at your service
Wait a minute ... how come he can't/doesn't car pool with any co-workers?
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David has always been envious of my ability to make friends. If you want friends, do something. Join a group, go online.... something. My opinion is that he has not grown up.... or he has some growing up to do. He was first son of 2 boys. Then his mother passed. After a remarrying, a daughter was born. However, his grandparents did wait hand and foot on the boys. But they also ruled with an iron hand.
This anger has pushed everyone away. I dont want to go on about it. I kinda got it off my chest the first time. But it is an old story repeated often.
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I wanted to let everyone know that Mom went to be with her Lord and Savior yesterday at 7:45pm. She and Jesus had their own birthday party. She still protected me and my brother till the end, she waited until she was alone with my father before she let go. My brother and I had only been gone from the hospital about 15 minutes when Dad called us to let us know. I want to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers. She is no longer suffering and is now celebrating!!
Patti
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Patti - my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry. You are right, she is no longer suffering and is with her Lord and Savior. I know you will miss her.
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