Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Traci I will pray for your sister.
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konakat and dreamwriter, I think a lot of men think the world revolves around them. Anything else, and the world would be threatening ... er, too threatening to them. Has everyone out there seen Ibsen's "A Doll's House" starring Anthony Hopkins and Claire Bloom, or been to a play, or read the play? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069987/ It's worth your time. The denouement will have you blinking your eyes, and maybe grinning. P.S. konakat, for me, it's the cake icing. I have to give up the cake icing... The ultimate comfort taste, a birthday cake made by mom.
lovinmomma,
Now, y'all don't worry that your mommas are up in Heaven diss'ing you. They don't allow moms into Heaven that diss'ed people and didn't repent, turn their souls over to God, and believe upon Jesus Christ. Heaven ain't no "E-Ticket," you get in if you've accepted the invitation and have put to work the events that come from having faith.
Maybe your grandmothers are talking about you, and they are very happy.
People can accept the offer of salvation on their deathbed. I'm told that some people will be standing in Heaven with the smell of smoke still on them. It had to be explained to me that they missed Purgatory by that much. (whoaaaa)
dreamwriter, I'm with PatMom, you will have plenty of people welcoming you into Heaven when you get there.
super13, I thank you. I truly thank you. Wow. I've already got two readers... (smile) I'd better put that list on the disk next to the book document...
PT SUX. Big time. No pain means you haven't been to PT for a while, not "no gain." kmccraw43, I too heard conflicting stuff from health care professionals while I was lying in a hospital bed, and I wasn't in the mood to memorize and compare at the time. I felt like they were hitting me ‘when I was down," and I didn't have the energy to fight them. We just try to learn enough to ferret out the bluffers (they are out there), and yes, even medical professionals can and do make up stuff to seem important or to appear as they really know. Some have been taught by others that didn't know the correct reasons and procedures. Beware the blustery nurse, the ones that talk or move so fast that you aren't sure what they are saying or doing, those are the ones that are faking it.
LisaSDCA, I can relate to not wanting to know. I knew my cancer was coming. Didn't need gene testing, it's on both sides of the family tree. Still, they are right, early detection is what people need to start the fight.
ymb, are you telling us that not one, not one sister-woman stepped up to assist you with the clothing malfunction? That's just not right. They didn't say, "Your slip may be bunched up in there or something?" Oy!
Sister Kristi and Patti lifted up in prayers. Board Posters lifted up in prayers.
I would like to kick cancer like a football. I would tell it to leave the children alone. I would tell it to stop draining people and preying on our fears. I would punch it like Muhammad Ali on his best fighting day. I would tell it to leave the animals alone!!! I would participate in the firing squad contingent to execute cancer.
Beware stress! Autoimmune disease should have its own special clinic! What else can the body do when the mind is overtaxed and pushed to the edge? Beware a bunch of things trying to sweep you up and off your feet and onto your butt with a bang. You do not need all that electronic stuff broadcasting you and others. Prioritize, people, please. You are not meant to do everything, and you are not perfect - and you don't have to be.
-sessna1
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Sessna1 - I love your posts.
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Dear Jane_M, when I hit the "submit" button last time and saw the post, I thought, "Oh, dear, why are my posts usually so long? These ladies are going to shoo me outta here some day for writing too much..." Thank you for your kind words. I needed them.
-sessna1
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Traci-
I hope your sister gets some good news that it is b9.
Hugs to you and all your family.
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that really sux! really hoping it turns out to be nothing.........
Ladies- please don't forget your sons, yes not as likely but they too are at risk.
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Sessna - I love your posts, too! They don't seem long because they are so riveting with a little something for everyone!
Traci - still praying for your sister.
I am going to PT every other day. I am getting more range of motion but at what price - ouch!
Big hugs to all who have sux!
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Sucky day -- gyn annual pap smear. 2 polyps on cervix removed and sent for pathology. BIG ouchie and cramping. Came home, took tylenol 3 and slept all afternoon. I may be up half the night since I had a long sleep. Hugs for all and THAT SUCKS as needed. Nancy
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Oh Nancy, that SUX!! I hope they're B9.
And Traci -- I hope your sister is OK too.
Angel -- still laughing, and told a few people about your clothing malfunction. ;-)
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Can't sleep, too much politics at work, can't we all just get along!!!!!!!! Long story can not get in to it due to privacy issues and school related.
Talked to my sister in Cali she is going Sat for BRCA gene test, praying for negative results. I do not want her to face what I have had to face! She wants to know why I still have my boobs. I told her I was not ready to give up the girls and that I wanted my ovaries out first and if through discussions w/breast surgeon she recommends, then I will have that done over summer vaca.
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You know something? I haven't been sleeping that great for a season, but the last two nights were much better for me. People, if you don't believe in a higher power, try having a peaceful time with yourself during the day and acknowledging what you can't change in the next minute, hour, day, or ever. Stop hugging a cactus, it will just stick you, and it can take care of itself. Are you with me so far? You can't make others (especially adults) do anything. No, you can't. If you leave your sub-conscious to worry about things, it gets harder to concentrate, think, and make decisions. It makes your daily life an extra chore.
I'm being monitored for tumors that may come back, and I'm on Coumadin, but other than that (smile for me, ladies), I'm doing rather well. The things on my mind have been family member and friend things. The point is - I can't live their lives or change them. My worry for them makes no difference except in MY OWN PHYSIOLOGICAL HEALTH.
Worry is not good, ladies. Kick that rat back to the curb and let the street sweeper take it away. Ask yourself - what good has worrying ever done for me or anyone else?
You need peace of mind.
-sessna1
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Oh! Congress sent a message to us, people. Bad behavior among adults is not excusable or tolerated. We really don't know if you are sorry unless you show a contrite heart, and don't go all defensive, saying, 'I'm only human,' as soon as you have said, "I'm sorry." Being human is a given, most of the time...
It is bad to go down in history as being noted as a statesman who blaringly diss'ed the President of the United States. I read that others diss'ed then President Bush when he was speaking, but who else yelled out something on the Senate floor? It's a higher level of disrespect.
A person's character is lacking self control, dignity, respect, courtesty, and restraint when it lashes out at others in public. In private, too, but especially in public. That's showboating your power to do so. I do not approve of that Kanyne West, or Serena Williams, or anyone whose post mouth-malfunction does not express contrition. They are saying, "Yeah, I'm sorry. Get over it. Fuggheddaboutit. What are you lookin' at? I'm not going to change, I'm very important to myself. If I want to forget it now, everyone should forget about it. If you ignore my outbursts, I'll be equally as forgetting about yours."
Do you really want your children to learn that? Most of your grandparents did not, in my opinion. Wow. "Bad behavior America." Even the shoe throwing guy (at former Pres. Bush) fell from favor in his own country. He was wrong. In time, the people there have seen how wrong he was.
When you are really sorry for what you did, you don't defend yourself in and right after the apology. Let it sit. Let people see your silence as just that - controlled silence that you should have shown before.
-sessna1
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Thanks for all of y'alls prayers.
She just got the results. IDC. Grade III. We don't know the stage yet. She said something about a Nottingham (sp?) Scale, which I don't even remember, being an 8.
Deep sigh.
Lisa, she did get the test and was BRCA 1 +. Her first mammo after my dx was clear. This last one.....not so much.
Oh well, her attitude is good. She's saying the same thing I did, X 3. "If my sister can do it, so can I."
Love you girls. So much. I'm so grateful for this site.
Traci
PS: Today is my sister Debbi's birthday. We just got off the phone and she said "Thank God I took 2 Zolofts this morning." She's so funny, and so good at making me laugh through tears. Oh, and I forgot to tell y'all that Debbi's loser husband that I hate...(the whole family hates).....is moving out!!! YIPEE!!! Something to smile about!
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to all!
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Dear Konakat; I called my daughter and told her about the
pantie incident. I could hear her coughing then snickering, then she finally gave up, and was laughing at the top of her lungs. A friend standing next to her, had to take the phone from her, because my daughter couldn't stop laughing, long enough to get a word out. Right after that, I went on-line & saw your reply, and finally realized how funny it was. I laughed so hard, my stomach hurt. Every time I picture the embarrassed look on my neighbor's face, when he pulled the panties off my skirt and handed them to me, I laugh.
Barbe I bet I could make millions, if I could bottle, and sell that static cling as hair spray.
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It's almost as funny as when I thought I could get away with wearing a normal bra instead of a mastectomy bra with my foob. The foob fell out when I was crossing the street at a very busy intersection. ROTFLMAO
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Just a drive-by THAT SUX to you all! I wrote a long post & the computer wiped it out before I could post it. GRRRRRR! Traci & Patti, large, warm, gentle hugs to you both. I'm still battling the fatigue, but at least now, I have a some days where I almost feel normal for a while. Long climb out of the ditch, even with Provigil, but I'd be completely sunk without it.
Love you all.
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Okay ymb, you've exposed yourself, so I will now.
I was in a bank sitting on a stool at a teller (sitting! guess it was the handicapped lane, I don't know, I was just glad to get a live body...) anyway, the lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder when I got up. "Your zipper is undone" she says (I had on a denim skirt, the button was still done up). I was as horrified as she was embarrassed! I wasn't wearing any underwear for some ungodly reason....
I could only imagine her "view" of me as I sat gaping.....
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Sessna1, I just love your posts! Always so heartfelt and inspirational. What a good thing to read before heading off to work. Thank-you!!!
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Traci - BIG (((hugs))), and to your sister, too. I can imagine she is stoic about her dx, and she knows she has the support, the encourgement and example of her sisters.
I asked about the BRCA test because MY sister was ready to get a double prophylactic mastectomy, yesterday, if she tested positive. Obviously your sister chose the closer monitoring, a viable choice.
Kathleen - if you tested negative (and your pathology certainly tends to indicate that) your sisters would be at no greater risk than the general population.
I am thinking of you and your sister, Traci girl. At least Debbi has got something to look forward to, as the dic#head is moving out. You four should hold a 'cleansing' party, complete with ample wine, when he vacates.
Lisa
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Mary22 and kind ladies of the boards, you make my heart sing with such kindness. I am furiously writing that book that I owe y'all. I already have about six chapters almost done.
I have a THAT SUXS, but not before I thank barbe1958 for her outstanding honesty. I'm grinning - I did not LOL. I did not.
She reminds me of an old African American Joke.
For all of her childhood, Annie's mother told her to wear clean underwear always. One day, Annie was crossing the street and was hit by a car. Her mother was called and she rushed to the ER. The doctors said that they were doing all they could, but it didn't look good. Annie's mother said, "Doctor, doctor, is her underwear clean?" The doctor blushed and tried to calm the distraught woman, "Yes ma'am, yes, they are." Annie's mother dropped into a chair and wept as she awaited more news about her baby girl. A technician who had been standing behind the doctor whispered to him, "Doctor, that patient wasn't wearing any underwear..." "Shhhh," replied the doctor, "Her mother never needs to know."
Now, I love men. I love broad, strong, shoulders. I love how noble they are when being heroes for their women and children. I like a wink from an intelligent man. I like how they can appreciate women when their heart is in the right place. I don't care for a man who has to sleep with a zillion women. I don't think anyone should sleep with a zillion people. Your body is special, treat it with some respect.
That said - my Dad is driving me nuts! We are trying to find out what is causing his gastrointestinal problems, and he is doing "stubborn guy-type-guy" on me. First, he wouldn't let me make an appointment with a General Practitioner until two other doctors had weighed in. [He doesn't have a GP. No, he doesn't. Only specialists. I am not making this up.] You know that sometimes you have to wait weeks to see a doctor? He wants to take things one step at a time.
All you chemo patients out there in the house, say, "Whaaaaaat?" Somebody scream. (Okay, I've turned into a hip-hop rapper now...) Put your hands together for me, "All the ladies in the house with a stubborn spouse, he's a good man, he's not a louse, you're trying to advise him about his health, but see, he's being stubborn like a single man watching sports on TV!"
You have to multitask and overlap with your doctors to get all the information in. You need the data to make decisions. I got him a same day appointment, but he is set on doing an errand today, so, I changed the appointment to Wednesday. He said, "It's not that bad..." To hear him tell it he was feeling like dying two months ago, ‘Felt so bad, almost like I was leaving this earth, such a bad feeling,' I quote. If he were my husband, not my Dad, I guess I could have drugged his prune juice or cajoled to get him into the doctor today. I'm so glad and grateful that he is still on the planet at 77. God is showing me through my Dad and brother what a stubborn spouse and children would have done to my concentration. Frazzled, ladies. I would have been frazzled. Once the daughter(s) went personal appearance and boy crazy, they would have frazzled me, too. THAT SUX.
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Lisa - thanks - I will let my sisters know.
Traci - Big hugs for you and your sister.
Sessna - As usual you are right on target. Boy, did it take me a looooong time to learn that I could not change people and worrying about anything I did not have control over was a huge waste of time and energy.
Nancy - any word?
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Hugs, Sessna! Hugs, all!
A friend from work, a nurse, who knows that I'm struggling with cancer related fatigue, asked me yesterday if I were going to do a local 4-mile walk for breast cancer that's coming up. @#$%&*@!!! I couldn't help it. I just laughed. Then I said that I only had the energy to attend one fundraiser and I made sure to pick one that only involved sitting down.
First of all, I really hate the way everyone assumes that you are going to participate in every blasted pink-related breast cancer event or cause for the rest of your life. Then, they assume that you are interested in hearing about every pink bc event that they've read about. Then, there's just the stupidity and insensitivity of it all. I'm too tired to eat sometimes. So, no, I don't have the energy to bug all my friends for pledges and go on a 4-mile walk on one of my precious days off when I am often having to sleep most of the day so I can get through another work week.
Duh....
P.S. I already donated my "pound of flesh" to breast cancer.
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P.S. I already donated my pound of flesh to breast cancer anyway.
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Kathi, I just had to tell someone at work the same thing yesterday! Like DUH. I'm going to WALK??? I just applied for a handicapped license plate! I say it all the time when someone asks, "I already donated my breasts."
Why oh why do they think we care?????????????????????
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OMG. After a being gone all week for class, a visit here was just what I needed! Barbe, I wasn't even there and I pictured the "view"! I couldn't help it, I have a giant TV screen in my head and often visualize things I really shouldn't too quick to stop. OMG. I wish I had someone to share it with!
Traci...hugs sister, I'm so sorry you're family is facing this yet again. All I can say is, you guys are blessed to have each other. I think my cancer brought my sister and I closer than we ever have been...
Sessna...don't you dare apologize and don't you dare edit! I (I dare say we) LOVE your posts!
Lisa...so glad to see you here posting. How are you love?
kmc...I sent you a pm about the recovery thing because I was afraid by the time I got to the last page I'd have forgotten.
I find all the posts about mothers and heaven have hit a bit close to home for me today...short of the long of it; my mother and I don't speak. I had a very much loved, dear Aunt (mothers sister) who passed in November of 2008. This was a woman who took me and my sister in when we had no place else to go, even though she and her husband had five kids of their own and were by no means well financially. I heard not one word from my mother for 5 months - finally, two weeks after I KNOW she was told about my cancer - she called my house. I basically said, fu don't bother. I have since reached out to try and smooth things but I have heard through the family vine that my letter was not received well. It was no judgemental or cruel, but it was truthful. It saddens me that at her age, she just can't get out of her own way long enough to even try and have a better relationship - or, any relationship for that matter. It has occurred to me that the only way we may ever be able to be in the same room together is in the afterlife!
Oh well...let me not monopolize the page
I'm so glad my class is over...it was a great class...but it was grueling. I have a busy fall cleaning scheduled for this weekend so I may not be back until next week...you all have a good weekend if I don't get to check in again...
(((HUGS))))
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Thanks Navy - I sent you a PM back.
I wish I could participate in one of the walks but until this stupid foot ulcer heals I can't walk around the house much less 4 miles!
My PS said my God-given breasts weighed 800 grams (is it grams - well, whatever they measure fills for reconstruction in) each - is that a pound of flesh?
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Navy.
I too don't speak to,nor see, my mother, and don't ever want to, but I love my Aunt (her sister) to bits. I make all efforts to see my Aunt regularly, but will never go see my mother again.
This causes some tensions in my family, as they all think I should bury the hatchet.
I am a very stubborn person, but, believe me, I have massive justification for not wanting to have anything at all to do with my mother, so I am not offering any olive branch at all.
My mother was a prize b**ch to me for years and years. She made my young life a misery, yet the other siblings were untouched by her venom, so its a case of 'what goes around comes around.' I never even told her I have bc.
Isabella.
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I was 5lbs lighter straight after my double mast. I wasn't all that big either !!!!!
Isabella.
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Isabella - its a hell of a way to lose weight, isn't it?
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I think that cancer is definitely one of those trials that you really can't understand unless you go through it yourself. Think back, people.
When's the last time someone said something appropriate and considerate to you when you were going through trouble? I don't think there were many of them. We naturally project ourselves onto the world we live in, and if I don't understand cancer treatment, I'm going to show that in my conversations about it with others. We do know that to "assume" makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me." [ass+u+me = assume]
At the City of Hope, I was in the pharmacy line behind two women talking about cancer. One lady said, 'You can beat cancer if you decide you are going to beat it.' I prayed. Man, er, ladies, I prayed hard - and I said nothing. Hey, it was a private conversation. I know very well, and so do you, that your health history, current illnesses, genetics, environment, etc. have a world to do with beating cancer - it's not just your attitude. You are going to need a fighter's control not to punch inconsiderate people out. [A little humor there.]
There is a small mural at the City of Hope that says something to the effect that "It is not enough to heal the body if in the process we neglect the soul." I'll write it down next time I'm there. I'm not making excuses for the compassion-impaired viewer; I'm just saying that we all project what we understand about the world onto others. We may not be correct about what we "feel" is right.
"Are you gonna participate in the walk for breast cancer?"
"Baby, I'm too busy running from breast cancer by myself every day. If you've got time to talk, I'll tell you about it."
-sessna1
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