Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Harley your husband was going to donate you his nipples? I didn't know you could get donated nipples. What in this world do you mean you gonna get them reattached? Where've they been all this time??
In your vagina? I did hear women get their nipples stored in their vaginas I'm not making this up.
I just want to know where you've been keeping your nipples.
Plus I can't find Medium on the tv anywhere so does anyone know where Medium is?
I like her. I want to be Alison DuBois. Oh, I believe she is an actual person so too late for me. There's other stuff but I'm going to bed cause I can't find Medium anywhere so I'll talk later. Nite girls.
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What a weekend! Holy cow...I'm glad it's over. The insurance guy came for my car today. It had to be towed for repairs. I guess if you drive a car for too long, after sugar has been poured in your tank, it can eventually cause damage. Immediately though, it does not because, gas doesn't dissolve sugar and the sugar can not get through the fule screan and then, the fuel filter...isn't anyone else bored out of their minds yet besides me??
I asked the over talkvative insurance guy "do I really need to know all of this? All I want to know is how much is it going to cost me and when will it be done?????" (There's that short fuse of mine shining though my hotflash...).
You know what else girls, that guy was pretty attractive to me and normally I would have flirted a little but instead, I wrapped my sweats jacket around my sweat pants and told him "sorry 'bout my appearance, feeling a little sick". I wonder if I will ever now that the "whatever" guy is coming over and think to see what I look like before they knock on the door??? I hope that comes back.'
How's Deb? Sorry I'm not all caught up. That sucks!
Gotta get up early and the Ambiem is kickin' in.
Hey I almost forgot....here's an excellent bitch! My sister's husband has been trying to take advantage of her sexually while she's on Ambiem. It will be amazing if they stay married and his death isn't the result of a accidental drug over dose or gunshot wound through the heart from me! I hate that sum'bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nighty nite girls. Sleep with a baseball bat!
Hugs, Traci
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OK. Two things.
So, Harley has lost her nipples... and they might be where??? In her what??? I can't even think about that.
And then there's our poor Viv. Instead of telling Viv she should go to the Path Dept. (or the Admin. Offices) and camp out and wait for her report, I have a better idea. How many of us are bald right now? You, know, the concentration camp look (apologies to anybody I've offended if I appear insensitive in using that analogy). I still have hair at the moment, but in another day or two it will be gone gone gone and I'll look like my uncle Earl on steroids. Because I am. (On steroids, I mean.)
So here's what we do. All of us who have no hair--and especially if we have no eyebrows or eyelashes either--will go up there to where Viv is, and we will take off our wigs, hats, scarves, whatever. We'll stash our covers, and we'll march bare-headed, looking like zombies from the SciFi Channel, right into that Admin Office. And we will sit down and wait there, in a very public place, until they run and fetch Viv her path report just to get us to leave.
HannaB, will you bring the donuts? This will go so much better if we have donuts.
otter
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omg, harley can't find her nipples, traci has lost her marbles and otter is advocating a baldie sit-in. i love it. if only we all were close to each other we'd make a hell of a formidable bunch. they'd find a cure for this bitch just to make the crazies go away.
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cmb35, I have a friend who has Raynaud's Syndrome. When it's acting up she wears gloves.
Shirley
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I know where Harley's nipples are, but I'll let her tell you her secret. I've never heard of putting nipples on other parts of the anatomy besides where the nipples belong...on the boobs!
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You guys are killing me! LOL I think they store nipples in your groin area. It cracked me up thinking of otter imaging them in the vagina. It would be convenient, you know. Your man could pleasure your nipples and your kitty all at once.
None of that pesky traveling around. He can just plant himself there. TMI? Okay, I'll stop before I get banned from the boards. Oh, would I be a sad gal then!But before I stop (hee!), Harley, if your husband donated his nipples to you, then he'd be playing with his own nipples when you made love. Is that considered self love? If you touched them, would he get aroused? Okay, now I'm just getting silly.
I'm not bald anymore. I've got about four big inches now. Somehow I have NO freakin' bangs. Four inches everywhere else and two inches where it counts. I'm willing to join the bald sit in. My eye lashes never grew all the way back in, so I'm sure I look scary enough to get some action out of someone.
You girls sure know how to make me giggle!!
Miss S
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You guys have NO idea how bad I needed a laugh tonight.....and once again you all deliver
No bitching tonight...I'm too tired. MAybe that's my bitch.....tired, tired, tired.......Deb C
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ummm ........ i have so had it with my parents cat (whom i watch for 6 months out of every year) ..... that i medicated the stupid little sucker with some left over xanax tonight!
...... my bitch?????? why the hell didn't i think of this till now?? he is finally passed out on my couch instead of driving us crazy all night for the last 2 months ........ "chemo brain" is getting on my last nerve!!!!!! lol!
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Oh, my - I love you guys. I needed some uplifting giggles here.
I have to get up at 4 AM to catch a flight. It's nearly 11pm and I have yet to begin to pack. I need to at least straighten up my desk and the kitchen because the person coming in to look after the Pug man is a friend. But the kitchen is a mess because I bribed her (the friend) with home made, organic food to last three days. Not to mention I prepared my Pug boy's feasts (he's RAW fed).
Maybe I'll just get up at 3 and do it all then.
Yah, suuure.
But I'm just a wee bit achy from my first foray into dragon boating yesterday. But, damn, it was FUN. We need FUN these days - don't get much o'dat shit.
Think I shall pour just a wee bit of cognac and see what I can throw into a carry-on while some sleep meds kick in.
See y'all!
Lisa
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Once again, you all have brought a smile to my face. So much crazy stuff goes on in our life everyday. It feels so good to talk about it and it feels better to laugh with all of you.
Sugar in the gas tank? Thats just mean spirited. Just shaking my head at that one.
$900.00 for a furbabys kidney stones? Hmmm thats a whole lot of money. Seems lately vets have increased their charges. Sometimes I think its more expensive to walk in there than my own doctors office.
Neese: You found us! This is a great thread. Probably the best on the boards. You can get things off your chest and laugh at the same time. Hows the itchy man doing?
Shel: Now let me see. You gave your moms cat xanax? Hope all of you slept well last night.
My bitch today is that Im so bloated with water retention its ridiculous. My ankles look like Im an old lady. Face looks like Im on Decadro all puffy. Nothing fits me.
Nicki
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Deb, Otter has as excellent idea! Even if we can only be with you in spirit, can you take other warm bodies with you (several)? A group of people waiting together usually proves to be something office people like to clear out ASAP. It is just too distracting to the people working(?) there and alarms others coming in with similar(?) problems.
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Traci - Taking advantage of drugged wife? That's a Dr Phil episode if I ever heard one! Has the man not heard of Lorena Bobbet?
Harley - I hate when people lie. And, um, well, um, RE-attached?
Otter et al - The nipple possibilities certainly made me sit up and take notice - my goodness is all I can say to that!
Bald sit-in - I love it. It really does make them squirm. (And being completely truthful, as it would have made me squirm pre-bc.)
Jerseymaria - I can't remember what you said, and if I scroll back I'll lose my post, but whatever it was, that sucks!
Lisa - hope you made your flight, and you're really making me feel inadequate - my child doesn't always get a homecooked meal! LOL
Nicki - being bloated sucks, feel better!
Beergirl - love the name!
What's good about this thread is that the stories, while horrifying, are so funny, that they make me forget what I was pissed about!
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gsg, ya I think it's time to see the doc. The pain started in the shoulder blade but seems to be migrating to my shoulder. Yes, it wakes me up at night, at least 5 or 6 times a night. I know this is minor compared to what a lot of people are going through but it's my bitch of the week.
Viv, I think I live pretty close to you. Let me know if you need help getting that report. I have a history of getting ahold of reports asap.
Love coming here, always puts a smile on my face. Thanks ladies.
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Hi ya'll,
You are all just TOO FUNNY!
Nicki -- being bloated sucks big time!! Hope you feel better soon!
Deb, I am so sorry that you are feeling so tired! Hope you feel better.
Shirley, I WILL tell everyone my funny story about my nipple... See ya on Wednesday!! I'm hoping I'll have that MRI...finally!!
MissShapen is right... they put it on my leg, in the groin area.... YICK! It is SO disgusting! Oh, and my surgeon pointed out to me at my last appt. that if I used my dh's nipples, they would be HAIRY! Now, his chest isn't TOO hairy, but still.... EEK!! That is the other thing about this nipple business... I don't think I will ever feel aroused when my dh touches my nipples! Ok....TMI, I know!
When I had my bi-lateral mast., my ps took the nipple from my 'good' breast, and transformed it into this HUGE mole, and attached it to my leg/groin area. It has been there SINCE May 2, 2007!!! While I was waiting in pre-op, I told the anesthetist and the nurse that I needed to talk to my surgeon. I was still awake and just sitting there, trying to stay focused, 'cause I had something to say... I'm guessing that my surgeon came in, thinking I had a question about my surgery. I said "We don't need the ps, because I decided that I'm going to use my dh's nipples!" I heard the roar of laughter, and then, BAM! I was out, like a light!
Now my surgeon tells me that I'm 'special', because I had the BEST question, before my surgery!! He told me that NOBODY will ever forget me!!
So, this nipple will have been on my leg for OVER a year!, and it is really getting on my nerves!!
Whenever I need a laugh, I think about that conversation in pre-op, about my nipple!
Hope everyone has a great day!
Harley
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OMG, this is terrible I know, and I'm sorry, because I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face from laughing because:
"So, this nipple will have been on my leg for OVER a year!, and it is really getting on my nerves!!"
is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever read on this site.
I wasn't sure it was possible to top someone's story of their hotel catching on fire during a business trip, when she, "grabbed her laptop and her boobs and had to evacuate at 2am", but the nipple on your leg definitely trumps evacuated boobs.
I'm sorry, that is just not right on so many levels.
And as far as the hairy nipple? I can't even go there right now or I'll wet my pants.
Harley honey, there is another thread on here about how people always tell us to "be positive!" (perky face!) I think you should just whip out your leg nipple if anyone tells you to be positive, and say, "suck on this!"
Just sayin'
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Hanna,
Love the path visit idea. I wish we all lived closer it would be easier for us. . .
I come here every morning and start laughing then by the time I done reading my bitch is forgotten or just not that bad any more.
I didn't know you could use someone's Else's nipples how do they do that?????????? Hairy nipples with no feeling ?????? Who thought that one up..........
My bitch today is I finally have started ex. and got myself up to 6 miles a week now the joint pain in my ankle (thanks arimidex) is back with a vengeance. Sh** just can't win...
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Ogawd, you girls make me laugh. Reading all your tales makes me realize how little I have to bitch about.........BUT, why not bitch anyway? LOL Vent the old spleen.
My DH has been pretty wonderful about doing things and waiting on me. HOWEVER, I have to say that watching him mop the bathroom floor without moving the chair, the wastebaskets or the two hampers had me biting my tongue. Hey, at least the middle of the floor got cleaned!
God forbid I criticize, right?Has anyone noticed how their blood pressure shoots up at the onc's office visits? Gee, I wonder why............the ba$tard$.
Tina
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carlin- well, it's like this... I don't know even IF they COULD use someone else's nipples, 'cause my surgeon told me that "the nipple would die", if it was put on my new breasts, if I used my dh's nipple... It was something we discussed, and laughed about, before my bi-lateral mast., and my dh said that he would donate his nipple for me, because he loves me so much!
Anyway, I am not sure whether I will have the same 'sensations' I had BEFORE bc! I have heard that I probably won't.
cmb35-
Glad I could make you laugh!! It IS really funny, and annoying at the same time! I DID see that thread, about being positive, maybe I should visit that thread, and give them a laugh today!!
Have a great day!
Harley
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Well my little bitch for the day is I met my new dermatologist. I grew up in San Diego and was raised in the SUN. I've had lots of skin cancer over the years. So, today I had to bite the bullet and go. I had 1/2 dozen spots burned off my hands. Ouch. A needle in my face. Ouch. The spot by my nose/eye she cut out was a cyst. So that was good. BUT, in four weeks I have to go back to have FIVE moles biopsied on my back which "appear to be pre-melanoma." Yippee. If they are, they have to be widely and deeply excised. Yippee. She's also going to do a full body check when I go
back. Melanoma runs in my family. Yippee. I'm so happy, I could ... spit. I'm so tired now. I had a full blown panic attack in the office. Complete with choking, sweats, heart palps and ultimately head between the knees. Oh, also, we have to monitor the big ass skin cancer scar on my chest (looks like a bullet shot) cause that's the one that had whole breast radiation to it.Okay, I'm back to, I hate cancer!
You guys crack me up. I'm laughing so hard, my face barely hurts anymore!
Bren
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OMG! Im laughing so hard at the hairy nipples! Hahahahaha thats really funny!
This is my bitch. Im er/pr negative. Her2 positive. Failed herceptin after 12 rounds cause of heart problems. Well let me tell you I lost 7 pounds in the last 2 days thanks to Lasix and peeing my heart out for the last 2 days. See my PCP Monday. Oh joy, lets look at other things besides breast cancer.
Bren: You win the prize for the day from me. No way I could tolerate all that stuff being removed in one visit.
Harley: I decided against mipples. My PS keeps wanting me to reconsider. The fatter I get the worst my reconstruction looks. See him at the end of the month. Husband will kill me if I spend more money on hospital stuff.
Everyone else - dont ya sometimes feel life just sucks? I do - but then something good might happen - it really MIGHT!
PS: It wasnt a typo error. I meant to type Mipples.
Italian word of the day - Stugotz!
Nicki
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Nicki,
Glad I could make you laugh!! Every time I need a chuckle, I just think about all this 'nipple' business, and it makes me laugh!
Mipple, indeed! Well, you can always change your mind, later, if you want... and, you won't have to put up with your nipple sitting there, on your leg/groin area, mocking you, whenever you put your clothes on or take them off... it is saying "NANANANA.... I'm stuck to your leg, PERMANENTLY!"
Harley
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OK....here is my bitch of the day....it is SLUSHING outside! Big, wet half-snow, half-raindrops. I need some sunshine and warmer weather more than I can say.
Plus I have a headache, which of course has me convinced I have mets to the brain.
OK, I'm a grouch and I need sleep....And it's not going to happen any time soon. After work I go pick up both kids, feed them dinner and then drive back to town for a band concert. Do you think I can pull my hat brim low and sleep through a middle school band concert?
Deb C
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Deb,
so sorry you are feeling yucky today!!!
{HUGS}Harley... the one with the nipple on her leg!!
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Oh you all are cracking me up! I needed a laugh and reading about the nipples in mysterious places and someone loosing there nipple and who would get aroused by touching DH's nipple on Wifes chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember someone on one of these sites whose PS told them to go to the paint store and pick out a color of nipples!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll try to contain myself.........as a few girls on this site will probably attest to the fact that I have a mouth and a habit of putting my foot in it!!
Nicki........Itchy man........Scratch and pick away........oohhhhh, I've agreed to one more visit next Monday and that is it.............they have a replacement for me but didn't tell her about the "mystery" illness......guess that is my Bitch for the day..........................How dare they not reveal such things............
Another Bitch..........gotta read back a bit and see who's got the best one!!
Neesie
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Deb.........take care of yourself.............Slushing outside, eh? Sure wish you could come back to MI this summer..............Maybe, if I wish really hard....Hope treatment is going 'okay'..............good luck with the nap during the concert!!
Hugs,
Neesie
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Haven't posted here in a awhile - but believe me that DOESN'T mean I didn't have anything to bitch about. lol
DH called me at work today and said he had difficulty breathing. I told him to call the onc and I rushed home. Got him to the onc, his counts were normal, so now they pushed up his CAT scan because he's not sure what could be causing it!!! He goes Thursday. I think its just a s/e, with a side of anxiety. At least I HOPE thats all it is!!
Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Valerie
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I love this place
After having a crappy start to the week it sure makes me laugh.
OMG.........the nipple sure takes the cake Harley.
Hanna......you are too funny, I could feel the vibes from here!
Otter...and all...thanks for the "bald sit in".....I love it....that would have demanded some attention.
After rattling alot of peoples teeth and yanking their chains and demanding answers on Monday morning, guess what?? My phone rang non stop......everyone jumping to attention and my path report magically appeared within a few short hours!!! My surgeon interrupted his surgical schedule to call the house as well to discuss it and this morning was spent at the doctors reviewing it as well and checking me over. So, ya, getting a little CRAZY produced some action.....finally!!!!
Then I came home and stepped in DOG PEE!!!!
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Hey girls,
Did I ever tell you I like one-liner jokes? Well, I do and I heard a funny one today: Why are divorces so expensive????? Because they are worth it!!!!!
I thought that was soooooo funny.Not near as funny as Harley and the nip deal....hey Harley, does you dh have a dbro? I need some nips!!
Nikki-You said something interesting "the fatter you get the worse your reconstruction is" that may be my problem!!! Right after I finished chemo, I shred that steroid weight but then, weight started coming back and I am now bigger than I have ever been. It's mainly in my stomach of course. Ironically, my body looks frightenly like the fat smiley you posted. My stomach has a role over my shorts like that guy. It sucks. I think you may have just given me a little motivation to get my ass off the sofa and on the treadmill. If that will make my foobs look better, that would be freaking AWESOME!!
Tina...very funny 'bout biting your lip at your husbands cleaning!!! Man, I can relate to that. It's hard living with an adult that does not agree with your definition of clean.
Shel, you and your mom's cat and xanax had me LMAO! Maybe I'll give my cat a xanax for the trip to Dallas!!!! How long did your cat sleep? How much does she weigh and what was the dosage???
My bitch today only, it looks like the sugar in the tank incident is going to cost just under $500 and I prolly won't get my car 'til Wed or Thurs. .... wait, is today Tuesday?
Deb, slush??? It was actually pretty cool here today in FL. Tomorrow northern counties are gonna be in the 30's! What the heck is going on. I packed all my winter clothes away three weeks ago!
Hugs girls, Thanks for the constant 'that sucks' and 'smiles' through out my work day.
Traci
P.S. I read in the Wall Street Journal about a housewife that was getting $40k a week on a popular blog so I thought I'd try one. All of the obvious ones were taken: cancer sucks, etc. But, I found one that wasn't taken!: CancerCanKissMyAss.com!! It needs work cuz I don't know what I'm doing yet but if one day I can get BMW to advertise on a spot blog where everyone - not just us bc girls- can bitch about cancer.....that would be sweet!!
I'll let you guys know when it's put together better. If you let me copy your funny post, I'll pay you a fee!! oops....I don't think I can say that on here. Can I?
Edited to add....Crazy what did the say????0 -
Crazy.....what did they say????
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