Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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hi there , i am new to this site and have responded to a couple of the conversations and have no responses. can someone please help me. i am 31 and have been given the option of genetic testing or prophylactic mast. family hystory is strong with my own lumpectomy b9 a year ago and i am now having another biopsy next monday. am i crazy for getting worked up over this? i just need prospective. can anyone relate/
thanks
heather
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Heather, I have also had biopsies one on each breast for precancer ADH, My surgeon suggested the bilat mast because of the family history and the biopsies. You can also check the high risk area on this site and get more opinions there.
Sheila
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thank you so much for the comment and redirection. i am scared of making the wrong decision and with three little ones under the age of 9. .
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Dear Heather,
There is also website dedicated to these sorts of questions and issues of www.facingourrisk.com.
Everyone has a different approach, depending on their age, life, comfort with risk. I, personally, would want to FIRST know that I had the gene (BRCA1 or BRCA2) before I had a prophylactic masectomy.
I do not have children. I do have breast cancer. I have had a lumpectomy and am undergoing chemo. I am waiting for the results of my gene testing. IF I have BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, I probably will not do radiation (because it causes scarring which may restrict my options down the road). I probably WILL have my ovaries removed. I probably will not have a masectomy.
But these are decisions I will make in consultation with my doctors and the gene counselors. It is different for everyone and lots of RIGHT decisions. But yes, it is scary. And you are NOT crazy.
So good for you for trying to find information! And take that information to a doctor who you trust and respects you, and ask some more questions!
Take good care,
Rock
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Hello to everyone. Its the week-end, I can relax and actually grab some computer time. I will be right back, I need to go grab a glass of wine and read about whats been going on with everyone.
My goodness. Its official I had to take notes!
Shirley: I was just thinking about how long we have known each other. I can so understand and relate to some of the things your saying. The gypsy kids made me laugh. The price of gas is ridiculous. Congratulations on your granddaughter graduation from preschool and I so understand not wanting to go. Your description of fixing your hair was so good. Have that probelm everyday now. We will miss you while your gone. OH and all this stuff really sucks!
Harley: I dont know, right after treatment finished was the hardest time for me. It wasnt good and I couldnt comprehend living like that the rest of my life. I just wanted to tell you its GETS BETTER! Im 3 years out now and life is good. Its not the same, but its good.
Kerry: How exciting to finially have your exchange surgery. Im hoping everything is going well. It sucks - why me?
Sam: Its funny cause when Im home from work my husband and I drive each other crazy. He will be on an overnight stay tonight - for the first time in our marriage. Im missing him already. Go figure that! Gotta hate them and gotta love them.
Cristine: Im sorry you wont be spending as much time with your family as you hoped. She was and always will be your big sister and I so understand. It sucks big time. I remember how awful it was when I was first gonna lose my hair. I have 4 rounds of A/C. Cant say anything positive about that. It sucks. But were here to listen to all the suckiness.
Diane: I took notes, but chemo brain is preventing me from remembering what I wanted to say. Something about pizza, chemo, wildbird and a parakeet!
Sue: Im waving at you and saying hello. Cherrie? Hmmmm I love Cherries - supposed to help you sleep. I gave in about 2 years ago. Xanax is my friend.
Rock: I cant help it. When I see you I think of the wrestler! Always thought he was a good looking guy. He Layeth the Smackdown!
Janet and Barbara: Im waving to you and giving you a hearty big "that sucks."
Heather: So sorry. I wasnt ignoring you, but work prevented me from being here at all. Having to go through what your going through really stinks. Another forum to check out is "High Risk Women." Hope you keep coming back.
Time to eat.
Nicki
Nicki
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HOW FUNNY. (I love the fish in the blender, too, btw). But -- just so you'll be able to tell us apart, the (Other) Rock has MUCH more hair on the top than I do. (He's quite the furrball, really.) And his ears are less elfin.
You know what sucks? Not having the *beep* energy to track down the *beep* super (who is anything *beep* but) in some *beep* neighboring building *beep* and club him *beep* in the head for *beep* failing to replace the batteries *beep* in the smoke *beep* detector which *beep* beeped all *beep* night.
I did not fall asleep until 9:30 this morning.
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Sam 408 and Diane,
Yes, cherries are supposed to be a natural source of melatonin, and that is supposed to help us to sleep. I never heard about the onion, and I don't even want to try it... onion breath! Just what I need... I am already alienating myself from everyone I know, because I am so depressed and angry, and no one wants to be around you when you are a downer!!
Nicki, it's good to hear that it gets better.... I had some mild depression after my chemo was finished, but then things seemed to smooth out a bit... But now, it was my one year anniversary of my bc dx on 3/15, and my nipple surgery was just a couple of weeks ago... so I STILL don't understand why I am feeling depressed at this late date! Shouldn't I be able to put my life back together, because at this point, I should be moving on with my life, not stuck in this anger and depression, thinking that this is 'as good as it gets', like that movie with Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson.
My legs are aching from standing(that job), and now my shoulders are also aching. The shoulders are a new development today, and I worry about any new pain... does it ever end?
Harley
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The cherries are even better if they are covered in dark chocolate!! I buy them this way--they are dried and covered in dark chocolate. Doesn't keep me awake at all. Yummy!!
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I was reading the hugs4harley thread and it came to me. I've been avoiding the boards and only pop on and off on occasion. I found the Triple Negative board first, then I moved to this one and now that I've been told I am BRCA 2+ I've been to the FORCE sight. I don't know where I belong. My issues keep popping up and there seems to be no end in sight. June 27 is my total hysterectomy and until I get my final path report, it's pins and needles time...again. The geneticist has told my OB/GYN that she needs to have 2mm cuts done on my ovaries for the lab. She wants to make sure there is no cancer cells anywhere. I find myself attempting to go through life as if all is fine. My kids and parents still don't know about my upcoming surgery and won't until right before it. I went back to work on Wednesday, since being off since the end of January for my TRAM and second diagnosis. I am so dang tired from it all. I just want to crawl into, or underneath, my bed and sleep for a few days.
This crap SUCKS and I want my old, carefree life back...
Linda
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Man - lots of suckiness happening around here. All of it sucks! Now listen to my crap:
Remember how my sinuses were all jacked up and the ear, nose and throat doc put me on an oral steroid and a nasal spray? Well, the latest is I've gone from not being able to smell anything to having the olfactory system of a freaking bloodhound. My latest catch phrase? "What IS that smell?!?"
There's got to be a happy medium. Pity I can't find it...
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Felicia, I found that when I was getting chemo, my sense of smell was extremely heightened! I could smell everything! In the grocery store, I had a horrible time in the aisle with all the cleaners, because of all the scents!
Linda,
Oh, no, girl!! Not another surgery!! You poor thing! I feel so guilty for being so down in the dumps, when you are going through so much!
I know what you mean, though, about not knowing where you belong. I have posted on the CMF thread, when I thought I was getting six months of CMF, but I ended up getting Taxotere and Cytoxan. Every time I think I have it figured out, it changes.
I remember when you posted that you had to have the mast., again, and I thought, that poor girl! How can she keep it together so well, when she has been going through so much!
I'm thinking about you, and praying that your path report from your hysterectomy comes out all clear.A BIG THAT SUCKS TO ALL!!
Hugs,
Harley
P.S. My gripe for today is that I have this achey sore neck, and I am scared, because whenever I get these pains now, I worry...WTH?
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Cherries? Try a cup of cherries and a glass of very cold milk. Puts me right to sleep every time.
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Hi Everyone,
I am back home. Got home at 9pm. Everything went well. No drains. Have a tight tube top and a 1" piece of foam to wear over top of the implants to keep them from floating up. I was only in the O.R. 1 hour and 15 minutes. Have to keep this stuff on until F/U appt on June 17th. Gotta go to bed as feeling kind of yucky now.
Sorry for everyones yuckiness.
Kerry
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Felicia: Bleah on the acute sense of smell. My neighbor started talking about fried e*gs today and I had to cut her off. Just the thought of the smell.... Bleah.
Harley: Aches + fear + worry. Definitely a formula for sucking.
And finally, Linda. I got nothing other than a "that so more than sucks" to offer. I wish you could go to bed. A wonderful bed with comfy pillows and an 800 thread count sheets and a down comforter or some other bed covering of your choice. This sounds very lame, but honestly, I hope you can find some ways to be very kind to yourself. Eso es heavy duty.
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Do you wanna know why I'm not doing the (((( Linda )))) thing? Because when I first started posting, I didn't know what it meant. Since ((((Name))) usually followed really bad news ("I can't stop throwing up"; "I have a raging post-surgery infection", I thought ((((Name)))) meant "This person is falling down a huge vortex of despair" not "Here is a big hug."
I'm thinking of you.
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First, rock--you seem to hit just the note I wish I could hit. I didn't know what the hug thing meant either but once I figured it out, I found myself typing "big hug" after it, just to keep from attracting the attention of the huge vortex of despair. And I'm with you and Harley on the smell thing. At my onc's office they do weekly counts. So that puts me there on day 7, when my wbc tends to be the lowest. I find myself putting my hand over my nose if someone gets on the elevator that is wearing perfume. Then I walk in the door of the office and the smell of coffee nearly knocks me to my knees. My sense of smell is pretty acute anyway, I quit smoking New Year's Eve 1999, and I say that I still smell in color. And, Harley, I'm sorry about the neck pain and the worry...that sucks!
Linda, I so feel for you and am praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts. No one should have to go through what you are going through, and I wish you didn't have to. But I have to say that I think this is the thread you need--and I give you my permission to start right in with your crap before acknowledging my suckiness--are any sistas with me?
I woke early today, I usually do because I get up early during the week. Now my thoughts drive me out of bed, into any kind of light. I met a woman yesterday at the onc's office and we started talking. She was there for Neulasta as well. She was dressed for work, and I asked her if she was working through chemo--typically my day after has been uncomfortable and sedated at best. She said, yes, the first time I didnt, but this time it seems to help me to work. So I asked about the first time, she said it was bc. Now it's in her liver and her lungs. And she asked about my lymph nodes, and I said 2 of 9, and she said 10 of 13. Just very matter of fact. I don't understand how she could be so calm, I feel I would constantly be running screaming from the room but I guess if it is happening to you you have the same choice which is our only choice and that is how you handle it. Then I started to think about my dh who doesn't take care of himself and has heart disease in his family and my youngest son who has been out of drug rehab for a year June 15th (He's doing well)..and my oldest son who is living with a wonderful woman who wants nothing more than to settle down and have his babies and he thinks he's too young to get married (he's 22)...and basically that all drives me up out of the bed to come into the living room and turn on the lights and open the curtains and wait for the sun, and go out with the dogs, and let them love me up, and come here to let it all out, FOR REAL, every once in a while. Sorry to be a downer. I know there is a lot of good going on in my life right now, and you guys are part of that good. I can say things here I can't say anywhere else. It's day #2 after chemo so this is probably related, but I felt so good yesterday it scared me. It's not the steroids crash yet, because I get to taper down since I crash so badly. I'll take a 1/2 dose today and a 1/4 dose tomorrow.
And my dh, youngest son and his girlfriend are going on a mini-vacation on Thursday, just to East Texas to a lake cabin. My wbc will be low, but it's just the four of us, in a car, going somewhere where it's just the four of us. I think it will be okay if I am careful, and I will be. We'll be two hours away from my own doctor if anything happens. But I am taking this laptop, ladies, so you'll be hearing from me!!!
Thanks, so much, for listening to my crap. I REALLY needed it this morning. Somehow just writing it down and knowing someone who cares willl read it, makes it just that tiny bit smaller and easier to deal with.
Love,
Sue
P.S. Big hugs to everyone.
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Thanks, everyone. I think I forgot to post that I did call my sister later and we talked for almost an hour. Actually, I sobbed and she listened. Unfortunately, there weren't any good alternative solutions, so they are all coming this morning. I think she and her husband are coming back in August and they will be renting a car, so we shouldn't have this issue.
Bonnie - SE's suck. But glad you got tx #1 done!
Rock - *Beep*ing supers suck! (That sounds odd...)
Linda - Anything bc related sucks!
Felicia - I'm with Rock on the "smell" issue - had some baaaad and sucky smells this week.
Harley - Depression sucks. Period. The only other thing I can say is, it also gets better.
Sue - I think you just hit on what all of us think about at times. And you feel free to just go right to your suckiness and acknowledge others later if you need to!
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Sue: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU AND YOUR SON!!!!! I have t-shirts that a student made for me (based on a little speech I gave in class about how so many many people have loved ones who are struggling with drug dependency even tho nobody would ever guess that not every person addicted to drugs is on skidrow, and wouldn't it be great if one day, we came out of the closet and wore these t-shirts, maybe on Valentine's Day which say:
"I love someone who is addicted to drugs."
http://www.caebuttons.com/drugs_tee.html
Sue, my stock is pretty low (and the students stopped making them -- not a high sales item tho perhaps if there were enough interest . . . ) but feel free to PM me your size if you're interested and if I have one in your size, I'll get your address and send it to you! (No pressure.)
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......beergirl-
MILK makes me throw up!!! I can't drink it, so what can we substitute for the milk? A glass of wine and a cup of cherries??
Sue,
Thinking of you, as you are going through tx.... chemo sucks!
Thanks Rock and Cristine! I am trying not to fall into the depths of depression, trying to pull myself out somehow, but it is hard sometimes.
A BIG THAT SUCKS TO YA'LL!!
Harley
Oh, and BIG HUGS to all!!!
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Harley, glass of wine works!
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ok... meet you on the drinking thread!!!
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Rock,
I love the T-shirts!! Yes I want one!! I will PM you. Your message was so true, the kids we saw in rehab were mostly from really good homes with both parents there participating and it was an experience we still draw from and will never forget. We have an older son who had left for college almost four years before this ordeal with my youngest, and it turned the three of us left at home into a family like we had never been before, and it's still there a year later. It's good to honor it. The cabin we are staying in is in the town where he went to rehab and he asked me last night if we could go there (I was hoping, but it had to come from him). I want him to get his "pellets" and his reinforcements for doing so well at home for a whole year...and we're taking his new girlfriend who has changed his whole life. I am really, seriously blessed to have this young man in my life and he has been a rock through this cancer ordeal--and has shared his feelings of fear with me as well. Life is really good.
Hope no one's Sunday is too sucky!!
Harley, glad to see you, hope the cherries work!!
Love,
Sue
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My air conditioner just went out again - same as 10 days ago.
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Sue,
Thanks! I think the cherries are working. I seem to be sleeping a little better these days, with less interruptions, and less NIGHT FLASHES, but I am afraid to say this, because now I'll probably have the night from HELL!Harley
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Harley, I am going to go buy some cherries!!!!!!!!!!
Beergirl, this is an awful time for the air to go out, do you have someone to fix it??
Hope everyone has a good evening.
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I left a message at the company we have used for years - every year - maybe they can send someone tomorrow. I think I can't wait to get rid of this house.
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beergirl,
you have my sympathies. No one should have to spend any time in TX in the summer without a/c. My house doesn't have central heat/air (old house) so we have FIVE window units--and I have been sitting right in front of one or the other of them just about since I started chemo....and my dh doesn't even bitch about the bill anymore!!!!
Hotly,
Sue
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Sue - you betcha I join with you in giving Linda carte blanche to bitch and moan about her crap without any acknowlegement first of any other suckage. Linda, you go right ahead, woman!
And Sue, your early Saturday morning musings about the woman you ran into, about your family, about the things that awaken you early. . . was not at all 'a downer'. It was real and I thank you for sharing it with us. I am glad to know you have an East Texas lake cabin to look forward to during these tough days. And special people around you to love you up.
Cristine, I hope your day with your sister ended up being a good one, despite being abbreviated.
Harley - don't keep expecting yourself to be over this already and beating yourself up for not having 'moved on'. I had my last needle the first week of July '07 (yep, comin' up on a year!) and I am still battling anger and depression that began after chemo ended, lifted some and then settled back in after my extensive surgeries ended in Feb.'08. We are far from alone. I have 'drug-resistant' depression and cannot count the different drugs that have been tried. Frankly, I think it's simply normal to be in a funk after being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, having your body mutilated, and in my case, learning you may have condemned your progeny to more of the same plus losing a profession of 20 years due to chemo side effects. Yeah, that'd depress any normal person! We'll have bad days and better days - and eventually the better ones will be more numerous. It's still fresh, hon. We will adjust. I believe it.
Beergirl, what an awful time (nearly the summer solstice) and place (Houston) to have an A/C that is tempermental! When they 'fixed' it 10 days ago did they say it was on its last legs or was this supposed to hold it for a while? How frustrating for you! BTW - I got a pound of fresh local cherries at the farmer's mkt. this morning. I have wine. Does this mean I get to skip my bed-time Ativan?
That would be so cool! I'm going to try it!Rock - hope your *beep*ing super took care of your nuisance. During chemo, one does not need (nor deserve!) extraneous hassles. Hope your energy comes back around soon.
Hey - Traci made it! Yay!!! No armadillo roadkill-bump to pitch over the U-haul. Come back and tell us you got settled in!
{{{hugs}}} No vortex of DOOM for us!
Lisa
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Hey all,
Despite the very sucky beginning to my weekend, it ended up "all good"! DD had a great b-day party, the family arrived and we had 5 adults and 6 children (5 of them age 5 and under) in the house for 24 hours! Wow...But it was great to see everyone.
I don't have anything sucky to report, so I'll just put all my energy into a super-sized "THAT SUCKS" for everyone who needs it!!
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Cris,
Glad that your visit with your family went well. My kind of party, 5 kids under the age of 5. That would be fun. My DD is 8 and the bigger and noiser the birthday party the better. I like to do parties BIG. I have never been anywhere with my sister and her husband in the same house for 24 hours. That sucks, and she is my sister. We will have to change that.
Hope everyone has a great Monday and not too much suckiness
Kerry
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San Diego Lisa, Hope the cherries and wine worked and you got to skip the Ativan.
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