Chemo in Sept 08
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Genia - I'm hoping that you have an easier round two; I'll be thinkin bout ya Girlfriend! We're all in this together.
XXOO
Donna
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I buzzed my hair off on Sunday, this was day 16 after treatment and it was falling out in handfulls. Today was my first full day in the wig, omg does it itch!!! I have one with the monofiliment cap, so I thought it woulnd't be so darn itchy and hot. Does anybody know of anything to do for the itchys?
I have my second tx Friday, I am dreading it. It's all I can think about, the first round was absolutely horrible. I wish I didn't have to go through this, I wish none of us do.
Angie
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Ango:
What was the worst for you? Maybe we can minimize the side effects for you this time. You will get through it. I had my 2nd TC last Thursday and am feeling better today.
Peeps
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Hey chicks,
I've been AWOL for the past week, sorry. Tx 3 hit me harder than I thought it would. Fatigue abounded with general feelings of crappiness.
My last treatment is this coming Monday! I'm dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time.
I made the mistake of going to look for a real bra today, and I ended up having a meltdown afterwards. NOTHING would fit over these misshapen turtle shells I have on my chest.
I wanted a clue as to what cup size I am, or will be.I've been really good through all of this. Telling myself that I'm 'a work in progress', and that my PS will be able to fix it all in the end. I don't know if it's the menopause or the chemo just getting me down, but I'm having a hard time buying that today. My chest is a freaking train-wreck. Okay, obviously I'm still melting down. *sigh* I want to call my Dr. and beg him to tell me it'll be fine--- and that I *will* look normal once this is all over! Yes, I know I sound like a small child that's fallen out on the floor, but I can't help it.......... and I know it's vain, sorry.
*Big Breath*
Sorry that it's sort of off topic, girls.
I don't know who here has already had surgery and who hasn't. Or even if any of ya'll are going through the expansion process. I guess I'm just tired.On another note-- Good luck to those of ya'll with upcoming tx's! And I appreciate the humor that I've read here. Goodness knows that my sense of it (and the Good Lord!) is the only thing that's kept me from going bonkers through this.
Two PS visit's ago, in a town not so far away-- when I was obviously in a much better frame of mind, I played a joke on my PS that was pretty darned rich-- even if I say so myself.
I bought a human hair goatee, trimmed it up, patched it into my cleavage and arranged everything for display.
I have to say that it looked pretty good. LOL And there I was, everything covered up, waiting for him in the robe when he came in. We talked for a bit and then he said, "Okay! Let's take a look at things!"
To which I said, "Okay, but before you do, just know that I've been having a few strange reactions to my chemo... and I'm not really sure about some of it."
"Hmm, okay, let's see how things are going then..."
Me, as I whip open the front of the robe.. "Does this look normal to you?"
He almost fell off his chair. And yes, I really did do it. LOL My husband just rolls his eyes and says, "Lei, now there is funny...and there is just plain weird! I think you crossed the Doctor/patient line there.
" I am considering wearing Groucho Marx glasses to my last tx, but I haven't made up my mind yet.
And that's my funny for the day-- I figured I owed it to you girls for listening to me whine earlier.
Much love to ya'll!
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Tanzie - that is nothing short of brilliant. I'm still laughing. Sorry to hear about the bra issues - how long til the PS can work his magic? (and is it smart to goad him into practical jokes...hmmm...maybe candy for the next visit) We will get out of this mess and will have great stories to tell once we can put a mountain or two between us.
Burn after Reading is still in theaters - my husband took me to dinner and a movie right after buzzing my head...maybe that's why I related so much to John Malchovich. Cohen movies are always good - and this has a great cast.
I think I'm on for chemo tomorrow so took my first anti nausea med....woohoo....
One of the things I really like about this board is that when I'm in my rough days, some of you aren't and I can imagine the good days again...thank God for the good days.
Ruth
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Angie,
For Wig itchies, I put powder on my head. Try it! Maybe it's just a placebo effect, but it seems to work for me none-the-less!
Also, I just kept the wig on, and somehow got used to it. I think your scalp just becomes numb to it or something. Also, now that it is cooler, it is MUCH better. I find if I am hot, and sweating a little, it is not as comfortable!!!
Yay for cold weather coming!
Springtime
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Good news! The brain tumor is an acoustic neuroma and benign and according to my neurosurgeon "the best type of brain tumor to have"...they will gama knife it after my chemo. I have slept nearly round the clock since getting the news. Thanks for your thoughts and support!
Cravings continue with shrimp and nuts, smells are like when I was pregnant (gee, I dislike perfume!), heartburn is managed with round the clock prilosec and a shot of Maalox just before laying down.
Blue skies...and for those having chemo this week, don't forget to start hydrating now.
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CJH -
Wow GREAT NEWS!!!! Yay!!!
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Whoohoo, cj!! That is so wonderful! {{{{{{{}}}}}}}
Ruth-- lol I go for my final expander fill tomorrow at 3:00. After that he likes to wait at least 4 weeks for things to relax before my exchange surgery. So, I'm looking at getting soft boobies before christmas. And re the melt-down-- I took a good long look at things in the mirror a bit ago. Things aren't as dire as they seemed. I'm chalking my melt-down up to menopause.
And the fact that my hubby left on a business trip this morning. I missed him before he walked out the door. He's been so good through this whole ordeal, and this is the first time he's had to go away since I was dx'd.Much Love!
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CJ....that's great news hun!!!!
Tanzie....you are allowed to have melt downs. It does the body good!!!!
hugsssss hope you are in better spirits now.
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CJH - Party! Congrats! That is the best news!
Tanzie - OMG! That was hilarious! You are too much! And don't worry about the meltdowns...we all need one every now and then. After all, CANCER SUX!
I drove around today with nuffin' on my head...I kept saying to myself, "Nobody knows me and I don't care!" LOL
Good Luck to all having tx this week... and hugs to all!
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Peeps,
Some of the worst side effects were aches, headaches, extreme fatigue, nausea and horrible acne. I could hardly get out of bed for days. I thought it would be easier, all the nurses and doctors said "Everybody breezes through chemo". I don't feel that I breezed through it at all. It was HORRIBLE! I keep telling myself I have to feel bad to get better but it doesn't really help.
BTW, all of your bald pictures look GREAT, BEAUTIFUL, FEMININE. I look like an ugly dude, lol.
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Tanzie, what a fantastic story, I am going to tell everyone it is so funny!
CJ, What a relief, I am so happy for you, having just bc should be a walk in the park now
Springtime, try a cotton liner for your head, it works for me.
Peeps, tell yourself you "feel good" and it won't be so bad, the mind is a very powerful thing. we all know it's no fun on our bad days, but try to focus on the good days and if you still feel bad, come and read the crazy stories on this site!
Your photo look beautiful and it not just you hair, you will slowly get used to the new look, then before you know it, your hair will be back!Take care girls, Singapore Chris
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I have a lot to say and I was going to write one really long post. I've decided to spare you all the torture and break it into 2. That way you can read them, skip them, or pick one.
First - Meltdowns.
I had my 2nd AC today and then went shopping with dh. I got some headcoverings in the mail today and I was telling my husband about my day and showing him my hats. He seemed a little off so I asked him if he had a bad day, or was cranky, or both. He said both. So I asked him if it was something I had done or something I had not done. He said he was tired of hearing about cancer and talking about cancer. He said that he was tired of everything always being about cancer. We had also just talked about going to VA to spend Christmas together as a family since my son can't get leave to come home. I have chemo that Monday and then, the Wednesday after chemo I get my Neulasta shot and a bag of fluids. I told him we could leave after that. He said he didn't want to travel on Christmas Eve. I told him that we either traveled on Christmas Eve, or I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with the kids. Again, I think that gets to him having to arrange everything around my treatments. Since he is on vacation we settled on him driving down the Sunday before Christmas and my daughter and I will drive down on Wednesday. He said that he wasn't really happy with the idea of us driving on Christmas Eve either, but I told him that I didn't care if the 10 hour trip took 12 hours. To me, it would be worth it to be together for Christmas.
Anyway, back to my meltdown. I know this is not all about me and I try not to dwell on it. Believe me, I wish I could forget about it. I know that it's a pain in the ass that he has to do dishes and laundry. I get tired of people asking me how I am all the time. He probably gets tired of everybody asking him how I am. I know this sucks. But, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll try to be more cognizant and talk about it less, but it is what it is. It's times like this when a little part of me wishes I would just die and be done with it, but the much bigger part of me says that in 5 more months, this will be done anyway. Death is permanent. Chemo isn't
Shortly after my husband told me this, my son called. It's easier for me to talk to him than it is to talk to my other kids. I don't know why. So I broke down crying and told him what his dad and said and everything else I've been feeling today. He said that dh is probably just worried and scared and doesn't know what to do. I asked him if his father had told him that and he said that his dad hadn't said anything, but he didn't expect him to. He said I should talk to my dd more and I told him that I didn't want to upset her. Obviously, I don't mind upsetting him (lol). He said that at least she can give me a hug. He can't
I am so glad that I found this site, because I know none of you will ever tell me that you are tired of hearing about cancer.
BTW, this SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS. But it could be WORSE, WORSE, WORSE, WORSE, WORSE.
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My cats have been very lovy since my dx. They follow me around and want to snuggle in bed with me. Come to think of it, my golden retriever has been a little more affectionate, too.
I saw a woman in Wal-Mart today who was obviously going through chemo. She was older and looked very confident in her scarf. I didn't gawk, but it's funny how you notice things like that more than you used to - kind of like all that pink stuff - but that's another thread.
Rickster - I don't know about the Taxotere, but I am on AC and had the same itchy, hive thing. I told my onco and he said he'd never heard of it. I'll have to tell him I'm not such a freak after all. I was going to suggest benadryl, but I think I'll try the Claritin as someone else suggested since it helps with the Neulasta.
The dexamethasone is the same as decadron, which is why I am still awake at 12:45 am and will crash on Thursday. The doctor gave me to Ativan to take but I'm too stubborn to use it.
Julie - after my Neulasta, I had pain in my sternum and upper back. Maybe it'll be different after tomorrow's injection.
What is the book, "Water for Elephants" about?
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Ok - I know I said only two posts tonight - I lied.
Tanzie - I love your sense of humor. I wish I could come up with ideas like that. I have to see BS next month and, with Halloween just around the corner, I'm sure I could find something like that. Do you mind if I copy you? I know she would get a kick out of. She is always saying what a good natured patient I am.
CJH - I am SO, SO happy for you. I have been praying for you.
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Jane - hugs to you and hope you are able to get some sleep soon.
My b/f lives in Quebec 6 months out of the year and 6 months here with me, thanks to the wonderful world of health insurance controlling our lives. I am glad that he is missing my 1st 3 treatments, and wish he would miss them all, but he will be here Nov. 10 and stay till mid-April. He usually gets here mid-October, but he just finished radiation treatments for recurring prostate cancer, so he needed extra time to recover. What a pair we make, eh? LOL
sweet dreams...
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Hi Girls,
My earlier post was meant for ango74, sorry peeps.
Jane M, you poor thing you are having a hard time
. Just when you need the most support you husband goes and lets the side down. If he has been used to you doing everything in the house and not having to worry about things, it must be a big shock for him. I think it is good for us all to take a look at how much we are talking about cancer and ask our families if it's too much, as I know I talk about it all the time. Thank god for this forum as you are right, here, we never get fed up of talking about it.My personal view is that NOW is the time for US! We need all the support we can get and if it is a little hard on the rest of the family, it's pay back time
. I never really thought about there ever being one as we do the things we do for love, but actually all those years of raising the children and being there for our partners gets a chance to balance out. And all that cleaning over the years (without complaining) , well it won't hurt the guys to help out for a while. Maybe later when this is all over they will really appreciate what we usually have to do and will be much more understanding and help out.Like your son said, I am sure your husband loves you very much, but is having a hard time himself and is constantly worried about you. If you know the Venus and Mars thing, we talk to air our feelings and the guys want to fix us, well there is not really much they can do and it must be very frustrating for them. Don't get me wrong, I'm with you and anytime you want to talk, we are here for you!
Take Care Singapore Chris x
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Jane....I'm not even gonna say I have any answers or advice. But I wanted you to know I'm here.......and I'll read/listen as long as you need someone too.
Juli......bless your heart.....that you have to do this by yourself for a while. Is there anyone there for you? I'd be there if I could!!!
Chris.......I think you are the Dear Abby of the board. You have so much wisdom and comfort in your posts. Just wanted you to know that......and how much I appreciate you!
My hubby is doing pretty good at dealing with this. He has been such a support for me......but I think it is getting to him too. He got drunk the other night.........and just CRIED!!!! I suddenly found myself on the other end of this whole thing. Trying to comfort him.......
I know it gets so hard for them to NOT be able to fix us. And they have been raised as boys to NOT cry or show emotions........so one of the things they do is get angry and confused as to what to do. I'm just saying what I think.......this is not gospel or anything else for that matter. Just saying what could be going on in their thick skulls!!! lol
And there ARE days I think.....if I could just jump off a bridge this would all be over! But as you say that is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. HECK then we couldn't look people in the eyes and say.........I'M A SURVIVOR!!!!
And I always think....what if I did that and then the next day they found a CURE for breast cancer........wouldn't THAT be the pits!!! lol
Hugs to you all.......
Genia
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Morning!
Chris- Share away! I've had a lot of fun telling it myself.
And I also want to give a great big 'hear hear!' to what Genia said about you. You've really been great! Thanks! Jane-- I don't mind if you copy one bit! As my husband said, "Hon, anything that makes you laugh right now is alright by me.
" (Apparently I haven't been doing enough laughing lately. 
) Please don't beat hubby up too bad. Mine told me almost the exact same thing a while back. He was sick of *my* cancer. Not a good day for either of us! Still, he loves me, and I didn't really blame him. I'm sick of my cancer too! priz-- I think it was you that mentioned taking your son to get his drivers test? I'm taking mine this week. It's a bitter sweet thing. I don't know how old they have to be where you are, but here in Mississippi you can get your license 6 months after you get your permit. And you can get that when you turn 15!
juli-- I didn't get a chance to mention it before, but I LOVE your ribbon pic. It's cute! I've been getting really creative myself with scarves and hats. Even had a girlfriend say that I was making cancer look 'fun'. I love her, but thought, "Wha?!" She meant well.
Genia-- I am praying that by the time my daughter gets grown there WILL be a cure! Ya know, since I was dx'd I was always a little uncomfortable with the 'survivor' thing. But as I go through this whole process, I'm really beginning to relate!
Much love!
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Genia - Aw, thanks, you are so sweet. I am so lucky to have 4 sons, 3 of which are still living at home (ages 23, 21, & 15). The 23 yr old makes sure I have anything I need, and my mom lives 30 minutes away and goes with me to all my appts and treatments. But, you guys here on this site, are the best support because you know what's it's like to be going through all this bc crap, day in and day out.
Thank you to each and every one of you for being here and offering your words of wisdom and comfort. I love you all!
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Juli.......glad you have people there to help you out.
I'm here.....at the cancer center..... (they have high speed internet here woo hoo) but they haven't started my chemo yet because the pharmacist has a death in the family. So the pharmacy tech has to mix it...........then the Dr. has to come and check it and make sure it's what he ordered.
So I'll be here for a while........and who better to talk to than you guys!!! I've had my benedryl and tylenol.......so I'm getting groggy.
My blood counts are still good.......so I can get it today........thank God.
hugs to all.......
They had to stick me 4 times in my port..........then had to draw blood out of my hand. Fluid is going in......but they couldn't get much blood out of it today....
So this day has been kinda screwy...........hope it's not an omen my chemo will do something silly!!!
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Hi All,
Jane, I also talk and dream about cancer all the time. Last night I dreamed I forgot about my cancer and planned a great trip (France,my favorite) then remembered I had chemo and had to cancel the trip-woke up sooooooo sad. Oh, can you get your shot on Tuesday so you don't have to drive on Christmas Eve? I always get my shot 24 hours after the chemo. Just a thought...
Speaking of Christmas, I need to downsize my plans and expectations this year. No Christmas cards...it will be Santa lite this year.
AC # 3 chemo tomorrow, I am drinking a pint of water an hour, really pumps up the veins so the chemo goes in fast and comes out fast. (I don't have a port) The day before is when I have fleeting thoughts of giving up...so today instead of fighting the thoughts, I took an hour out to really feel and think of what that would look like. Whoa that sucks way more than the cancer.
Weather update, my tomatoes froze lastnight on the patio, oops. Hat season is here!
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Genia,
Ouch! Hang in there, hopefully you can take a little nap.
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cj....I have to pee too often for a nap........lolol
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Jane - right now it IS all about you! Your son is in the Navy (I seem to remember) in Virginia Beach? Everyone has hit the nail on the head; I think that our husbands are totally frustrated because there is nothing they can do to "fix" us. After my first tx, I was feeling so awful that everytime my DH asked me what he could do for me I would say "you got a bullet" (thought that death would be a step up from what I was feeling). The next evening I heard something in the kitchen and it was my DH sitting on the floor just wailing - I felt so awful. He'd been playing the stong man; keeping it all inside until there was no more room and it had to come out. Water for Elephants is a story as told by an old man remembering his time in the circus as a young man. Ditto what Chris said, we are all here for you! Anytime you need to talk (this goes for all of you), you can call me at 828.355.1344; I mean it! Sometimes you really need to hear a voice and that voice needs to be someone who knows what you are going through!
Genia - are you wearing your leopard nightgown with matching bandana - or have you opted for the panty hose? You would surely be the belle of the Chemo Ball! Hope everything goes very smoothly for you today - you've already hit the speed bumps and got that part out of the way! Too bad they can't cath you so that you could sleep through it all. With all this water drinkin, I can't pass a bathroom!
CJ - I like the Santa Lite LOL!!!! I'm there with ya - I've already told my kids that it's going to be a skimpy Christmas - the important thing is that we are all going to be together - that's what Christmas is really about. Your poor tommy-toes; we haven't had a freeze yet, but might next week. I need to get all of my potted herbs (no - not that kind of "herb") into the ground this weekend. Just thought of something - I usually say that it's quite "nipply" outside when it's cold; doesn't apply to me anymore
. Oh well - I'll get over it.Juli - I'm so glad that you have family with you and your mother is nearby; what a blessing.
Tanz & Priz - I just remember all of the added worry for my young drivers (especially my son). We lived in North Idaho - lots of snow! Was a scary time for me, but they pulled through just fine.
Here's a question: How many of your are going through this on your own? If you are - what can we do to help you?
Love Y'all
Donna
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i went ot chemo #2 yesterday. it was just one day after my 72 birthday. this was not the nicest birthday present.. all my sons(3) and daughters-in-laws sent me wishes, flowers and then i receved the newest generation of iPod. that means i can occupy myself for hours learning how to use it and program it-if i can stay awake. so now i have had 2 out of 4. the next one is on election day. today i have to go for my neulasta shot and then a long nap. i did push myself this am and went to my pilates class. it felt soo good to exercise my legs and torso rather than just my right boobless side. i hope i can keep up with it as it leaves me with a good sense of accomplishment and a normal level of muscle tiredness. i normaly do it 2-3x a week but had to drop it last week as my neutrophiles were down to zero and i was like the boy in the bubble-house arrest. but things are picking up now. and yes, it is getting cold in n.h. with a beautiful display of fall foliage. i have to wear my hat all the time, even indoors as it is chilly around here.
from the big bad baldheaded mama here for a great week
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pottergal............Happy Belated Birthday!!! Sorry you had to have your chemo afterwards........that sucks!!!!!
Lucky you getting a new ipod......hugs
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One book that really helped me as well as my husband - Help Me Live - 20 Things People with Cancer Want you to Know by Lori Hope. I bought it because people kept saying "I don't know how to help" - but then ended up reading it myself. It helped me to first understand a bit more of what I was really feeling and then - there is a chapter about support people - that helped me understand better what he is going through. My husband read a lot of the book - it is very antecdotal and gave us a lot of discussion points. Due to work and his son's wedding in Indy he has been on 2 short trips since dx - even though he hated leaving me, it really helped for him to get away and not be constantly surrounded by cancer. As a result, life was much better when he got back. Having cancer is worse than supporting it - but both roles so change the people's life.
Genia - hope you're enjoying a nap now. That is my hubby in the pic - he is doing so fabulous now adjusting to a lopsided, hormonal, chemo wife. I'm leaving for tx 2 in 30 minutes - but no internet there...I was thinking of bringing a cocktail glass to drink my water in...
take care all...Ruth
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Pottergal - Happy, happy, belated Birthday! What color is your new iPod? iTunes has a lot of cool Podcasts that are free! I think that you'll love it. Lots of beautiful color here too! We"ve got lots of "Leaf Peepers" up from Florida. I know what you mean about being the "Bubble Boy"; I was sent home from work because of my low WBC count after my first TX. How many more TXs do you have left? I need to pull out my pilates DVD; it's been a while; maybe it would help with my fatigue.
Wishing you little or no SEs.
Donna
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